


Names

by TGP



Series: Names [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Boys Being Boys, Crazula, Family Feels, It should be spelled Li, Jet doesn't do feelings well, Jet is a dick, Jetko, M/M, Ozai is an asshole, Some people deserve to die, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Violence, Violent Kissing, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-10
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-20 07:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 45
Words: 89,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/210251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TGP/pseuds/TGP
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His name is Li. At least, that’s what the villagers call him and when they die in a Fire Nation attack, he carries that name with him to the Freedom Fighters and a war that will test every fiber of his being.</p><p>Where Zuko ends and Li begins is a muddled thing indeed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When I Was A Young Boy

He wasn’t sure why but he really hated water. Well, not water in general, but the ocean definitely. Something about that much water and that much power really intimidated him. He stared over it, as uneasy as when anyone asked about the burn mark over his eye. It wasn’t like he had an answer for that.

Not to say he had many answers about much, really.

“Li, you lazy boy!” Meimi called from the cart. “The day’s getting away from us!”

“Coming!” Li climbed down from the rocky overlook and hurried to the cart to climb up next to her. Meimi muttered something about youngsters and their daydreaming but Li ignored it. Most of what she mumbled wasn’t worth listening to, he’d learned.

The ride into town was boring but Li had gotten used to that. Every week, he and Meili loaded up the cart with whatever weavings and pottery she’d finished or things that hadn’t sold last week. Li’d tried his hand at pottery but his clumsiness finally ruled it out as an occupation. He wasn’t much better at being a shop keep, but at least he didn’t screw up _counting_ all that often. Actually, he was still trying to figure out what he was _good_ at, rather than just _passable_. The search continued.

Wheeling through Market Square was a nightmare, as usual. Li hopped down and led the ostrichhorse by hand to keep the dumb thing from spooking. People bumped into and past him but it wasn’t as bad as midday. Things were still quiet in pre-dawn while everyone got set up. They found their spot and Li helped Meimi get down while she complained about her old bones.

Most of the heavy lifting was his job of course, being a strapping lad of young age. They weren’t quite sure how old he was, but Meimi finally settled on somewhere around fifteen by her reckoning. Why didn’t he know? Well… Had to do with that not having much in the way of answers thing.

“Which ones out front?” Li asked as he lugged differently sized pots and water jugs off the cart.

“Oh, mix ‘em up, boy,” Meimi muttered back as she peered down the street towards the only other weaver that brought wares here. She’d assured Li that her rugs and things were of superior quality but he couldn’t really tell the difference. “Just put that blue mat right in the middle. Make ‘em double take.”

Li grunted assent and got down the small foot mat before he placed anything. Then he arranged it as best he could. He’d gotten used to Meimi’s particular sense of aesthetics in the last two years he’d been staying with her. She wasn’t exactly kind but she did have consistency on her side.

“Oh, tie up that damn hair proper,” Meimi grumbled and Li kind of ignored it. One of her favorite past times was to huff at his hair, despite the fact that anytime he mentioned cutting it she would give him the cold shoulder for the rest of the day. It had been short when he came here but he hadn’t bothered with it since except to tug it into a quick tail once it was long enough. But Meimi had certain notions on being presentable. Had they lived in a palace, he might understand that. Still, when she shuffled over and dragged on one arm, Li let her fuss until she was happy with his topknot and the hair she let fall in an apparently artful manner over his scar. Then he got back to arranging her damn pots.

The morning went smoothly enough. After Li had rearranged the pots _twice_ to meet Meimi’s specifications, got the rugs hung on their holders, and swept out the immediate area ( “Tidiness, Li. That is what brings them back!”,) the two of them settled into the rather sedate flow of customers. Meimi did most of the talking and Li daydreamed about great battles and furious foes between hauling pots or rugs to carts. Sometimes, he daydreamed about being a prince in a sprawling palace but those weren’t as pleasant as he’d have liked. They always included a cruel, smirking girl trying to usurp his place. Li pretty much hated her.

“You ever think of leaving?”

Li blinked out of his current daydream (he’d been flying on a huge dragon over the sea) and gave the old woman a confused glance. “Everyone thinks about leaving at some point.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Meimi mused as she messed with her pipe. “You got something out there to find, though.”

“I’m fine here.” Li sat down beside the rickety chair she wouldn’t let him repair.

Meimi fixed a shrewd look on him. “Are you? Seems to me there’s more reason for you to be in this world than just to cater to an old relic’s wishes. Get some ambition, boy! There’s a whole world out there.”

“Are you kicking me out?” Li wasn’t quite sure why the idea made him feel like his ribs were being shoved into his lungs. It was a feeling that shouldn’t have been familiar but somehow was. But Meimi just snorted and quickly debased him of the idea.

“And lose a free errand boy? There’s no jester in the world as funny as you, Li.”

Li felt the pressure in his chest lessen. It wasn’t that he’d never thought of leaving Meimi’s home and the village behind, going out to find his fortune… or at least some clue to who he was. Coming of age type stuff. But that didn’t mean he wanted to leave _now_. How would he support himself? He still hadn’t figured out a trade he was at least good enough in to market. And… Well. Meimi was old. She might not have that many years left in her, especially with the way the world was. All the Fire Nation raids…

Meimi babbled to an old man who kept giving the blue mat sideways glances. Li got up, dusting off his pants as he looked over the thriving market. It wasn’t exactly boring. It was… well. Somehow, Li thought maybe he was meant for something more than this. Like once he’d had something more, but it was lost to him now. Maybe someday he would go find that something... just not today.

There were a group of kids hanging around one stall of food. It looked like they were haggling, or at least the oldest one was. He seemed about Li’s age, maybe a little older, and had a strange air about him that drew Li’s eye. The guy was scruffy and dressed with a few pieces of light armor and odd, hooked weapons that people kept giving shifty looks to. Li touched his belt and felt bereft, as if he expected something to be there. A weapon - he didn’t know. One short companion glanced his way. His lip curled (at least Li thought it was a boy. His gender was a bit vague,) so Li bristled. _And did not look away_. No way was he letting some kid scare him off. He watched until the kid lost interest and the group of them went on.

“Ruffians,” Meimi muttered near by. “Don’t you mind that kind, Li, they’re drifters and they mean trouble.”

“Right.” But Li continued to watch them move through market street. It was obvious that their camaraderie was strong and he… well. Maybe he missed being around other kids. He wondered if he had friends back from where he came from but something told him he didn’t. Vague notions of loneliness. Something…

It was while he wondered about this that a sudden wave of heat shot down the center of the street. A wave of _fire_. And then all Hell broke loose. Li jerked around and grabbed Meimi, shoving her under the cart without a thought. People screamed all around him and fire roared and ate away at carts and goods. Li ignored Meimi coughing from a plume of smoke sent their way. His wide eyes were instead locked on the spectacle further down the street.

Those kids… Those kids were fighting Fire Nation soldiers! Li was frozen still, watching as the oldest boy wielded his hook swords with true mastery that was _beautiful_ to watch. And Li knew the names for what the boy was doing, the movements of his body, the precise parries and throws of the swords, the defensive positions, angled dodging… Li knew this. He knew fighting. And he knew he’d been good at it. At least passably so.

Li was moving before he even realized it. He picked up the first thing he came upon and then swung at the closest soldier’s head as hard as he could. The dull _thunk_ that wood plank made against flesh should have disgusted him, as well as the way the soldier just _crumpled_ , but Li was already moving to his next target. The plank was too bulky so he dropped it and went after the next one with his bare hands. He didn’t know why but he knew the way firebenders fought and every move they made betrayed their strategies. Li dodged and spun around fire blasts, got up close and personal to put them _down._

He’d never felt so alive.

Li didn’t know when he got them but he realized there was a short sword in each hand and… It felt so _right_. The weight was off, they weren’t just the same nor had been made for his particular balance and body type, but he was supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be fighting as if nothing else mattered. Cutting through his enemies as if they were nothing. _This_ was what he’d been searching for. His purpose. Something he was good at, _suited for._

The last firebender fell under his blade. Li panted for breath in the smoke filled air and lifted his eyes. The boy from before stared back at him and then smirked around a bit of wheat between his teeth. But the euphoria of the fight quickly drained out of Li. All around him, the market was burning. The village…

 _Meimi._

Li dropped the swords and went off at a dead run. He pushed past a few crying, confused people, leapt over bodies and dodged around debris…

The cart was burning. _Meimi’s cart was burning._

Li screamed her name as he dug through debris and half burned weavings. And when he finally knocked the last of the debris away and found her… She’d been gone a while. Li fell to his knees as a sudden weakness struck through him. He touched her hand, staring at her still face. She wasn’t burned and she didn’t seem to have suffered. Her aged features were calm and serene.

He didn’t know just how long he sat there staring at her. Then a hand settled on his shoulder and he looked up at the boy with the hook swords.

“Come on,” the boy said solemnly. There was understanding in his dark eyes. “There’s nothing left here.”

And there wasn’t. Not really. Li looked back at Meimi. He slowly got to his feet and wiped his face on his sleeve. The boy and his friends helped him bury the villagers along with the few singed survivers. It took a very long time and by the time they finished, Li felt only numbness and anger inside. He would punish the ones that did this.

He would destroy the Fire Nation.


	2. I Was Honest

“I swear, you are the most- I just- YOU!”

“Yeah, not listening, Li. Better things to do. Like planning the next raid.”

Smellerbee calmly continued to sharpen her knife. Over the last year, she’d gotten used to these arguments. So had everyone else. They happened a lot. If they didn’t work so well together in battle, she was pretty sure Jet and Li would have killed each other months ago. As it was, they only tended to maim each other on a regular basis.

“Oh. _Ha._ Planning?” Li shot back viciously. “ _Planning._ Like how useful the plan was with that last patrol?!”

“You’re blowing this out of proportion!” Jet snarled and the wheat in his hand snapped.

“The Duke won’t have use of his hand for another month, if not more!” Livid was not a good way to describe Li. He was more… enraged beyond all reason. Smellerbee wasn’t surprised. He always got this way when someone was hurt. And Jet was as well. She didn’t think anyone else understood that this was the only way _either_ of them managed to get over it.

So, when the yelling degenerated into snarling and roughhousing, Smellerbee didn’t get worried. She just gathered up her knives and sharpener and calmly found another spot to work. The boys could batter themselves senseless for all she cared.

They did batter each other, in the end. Beat the snot right out of themselves. Afterward, neither would admit to losing and it didn’t really matter if either of them had won. The stinging scrapes and sore bruises helped mollify their senses of guilt.

Well, it helped _Li’s_ guilt, aynway. Li wasn’t entirely sure Jet knew what guilt was. He still didn’t know the guy very well. Much as Jet pretended to be everyone’s friend and open to all, he had managed to isolate himself from everyone, even Smellerbee and Longshot, who had followed him longest. Li wondered if he would ever know him.

After the destruction of his village, Li had followed the Freedom Fighters and ended up becoming a rather valuable member. His knowledge of Fire Nation tactics was a little scary sometimes but they’d made good use of it. Their raids were more successful - fewer injuries. That made _everyone_ happier. But there were things that kept certain people - Smellerbee - watchful, even after everyone else had simply forgot them. The way his language would jump into something way higher than a commoner’s drawl. The way he understood the slight shifts in a firebender’s body before certain types of attacks. The way he seemed to just know things out of the blue with no explanation... So Smellerbee watched him. For the most part. When he and Jet got it into their heads to be macho, it wasn’t hard to ignore both of them.

Soon, they were back to planning attacks and tracking Fire Nation movements in their territory. Lately, the Fire Nation was encroaching, worming their way deeper into the forest. Jet didn’t care for that. Neither did Li. They needed to win a decisive battle, really make a name for themselves. _Something._ Soon, it wouldn’t matter how good the Freedom Fighters were; they’d be overwhelmed.

“Got a camp on the North side,” the Duke reported after his patrol. His hand had healed well from a botched explosion but he was still mostly on short patrol routes and camp duties. He’d been antsy all week so Jet finally let him out on something more important.

“How many?” Jet asked, looking up from sharpening one hook sword. He listened diligently through the Duke’s whole report, then sent the kid off to find Pipsqueak and the others. Lifting a hand, Jet tossed the sharpening stone lazily and Li caught it from the other side of the room with a chagrined look.

“He’s not coming along,” Li said firmly and Jet just grinned. Li was always trying to tell him what to do. Jet kind of liked that. If only because he got to fight it. He couldn’t let Li think he’d win this kind of argument, after all. That’d be too much.

“I’ll take that bet,” Jet replied flippantly as he got up, folding his arms behind his head. “How much are you willing to wager?”

Li’s face twisted. “I’m not playing, Jet. His hand still isn’t strong enough. Something could happen and then he’ll be _dead_.”

“Lots of things happen. He’ll be fine.”

Jet counted in his head only to three before Li burst and really let him have it. The guy’s temper was pretty much the funniest thing on the planet, even when Jet was the target. Maybe _because_ of it. There was something great about being the only person who could drive Li to this. Not that the guy wasn’t impatient as hell, but Li had a serious attitude problem. So Jet took it as his solemn duty to keep Li from getting depressed by pissing the hell out of him.

The Duke did, indeed, end up coming along. And nothing catastrophic happened except that Pipsqueak got a bloody nose when he _fell over his own feet_. Li might have been miffed if it weren’t for the fact that he instead felt a great sense of relief.

A week later, the Duke’s hand was well on its way to full strength and things settled into their relative norm. There were weapons to tend to, food to gather, supplies to ration out, and planning for the next battle.

Jet and Li spent hours in Jet’s room, eyes glued to the map they’d stolen some few months ago. It was covered in scribbles - changing lines of territory, camps marked and then crossed out, villages circled at the hint of Firenation occupation. They were losing territory. Something big needed to go down.

“Wipe them out in one swoop,” Jet muttered under his breath but Li caught it, gold eyes jerking up to his face.

“What?”

“We could wipe them out. _All of them_.”

Li didn’t like the feral gleam that entered Jet’s eyes. Sometimes, Jet really scared him, rather than just unnerved him. He tended to unnerve him pretty much all the time.

“What do you mean?” he asked cautiously, brows furrowing as he watched Jet’s face turn with the burning hatred he let fester inside of him. He stabbed a finder down on the map, almost ripping through the marking of a confirmed occupied village.

“If we blew the dam, we could get _every last one of them._ ”

Li felt like he’d been hit. He looked back down at the map and felt very cold. There were still villagers in that town, but... His mind reeled. They were supposed to be _protecting_ their people, not…

“Jet, there are-”

“Everything requires sacrifice,” Jet retorted before he could finish. His voice had gone savage and sharp as a knife.

Li looked at him. It was times like these when he knew for a fact how little he really knew about Jet. Or maybe just about the angry, hateful thing curled up inside of him.

“This isn’t right,” Li managed softly but Jet didn’t really hear him.

So he found a different front to talk about, distracting Jet from the disastrous dam idea as well as he could. They talked into the night, far later than Li generally stayed up. He liked getting to his room while there was still some light because moving between the trees of their high up home was still so very awkward for him and he’d fallen more than a few times with thankfully no serious injuries. Night time with the swaths of darkness and a few flickering torches didn’t help.

Li got up, rolling his shoulders to relieve some of the tightness in his muscles, and started for the door. He blinked with surprise at the great darkness and frowned, wondering just how the hell he was going to manage this without breaking his neck. And his room was even higher than Jet’s.

A snicker distracted him. He looked back and scowled at Jet’s smirking face. “ _What._ ”

“You’d think a year up here would make getting to bed easy as pie,” the bastard said so cheerfully that Li really wanted to hit him.

“Only someone idiotic enough to build houses _off the ground_ would say something like that,” he bit back.

Jet just grinned and some of the tension filed out of Li’s body. He preferred this version of Jet to the angry thing he caught glimpses of. It was annoying of course, but not... dark. Li really hated the dark.

“Just stay here tonight. If you break your neck, you’ll ruin all my fun.” Jet got up with a catlike roll of his body and dragged out a few blankets and the lopsided things that passed for pillows. One of the kids had made them and she was too proud of herself for anyone to say anything about the shape.

Li hesitated, half out the doorway. He looked at the pallets Jet was getting set up, mind already made, and there was something there. Something... strange. Li touched his chest, wondering what the strange tightness and odd giddiness there meant. Something weird, he was sure. It was safer to sleep here than risk losing his footing in the dark. The torches didn’t light things well out there and the shifting of the flames often gave shadows the uncomfortable effect of movement.

After longer than he should have thought about it, Li agreed. He settled on his pallet and carefully undid the frogs of his robe, folding it carefully on the floor and setting his shoes beside it... He loosened the tie of his under tunic but didn’t remove it. Instead, he glanced over to Jet and went still.

Seeing Jet without his armor was strange enough but Jet didn’t stop there. He’d dragged off his tunic and the long shirt under it, dropping the lot into a pile next to his own pallet. The only time Jet showed this much skin was if he’d been injured and someone was tending to him. It struck Li like a falling tree and he felt his face heat. He looked away quickly and fiddled with the blankets.

Li supposed he must have been rather modest before if this affected him so much. He heard more shuffling and snuck a look over again, only to give pause once more. Jet had dragged off his shoes and was carefully unwrapping the cloth from his lower legs. Li found his eyes glued to the sight. Under the wrappings, Jet’s legs were slim and firm with muscle but his ankles seemed oddly delicate in a way Li wouldn’t have expected. He didn’t even know why he was noticing _now_.

Gritting his teeth, Li stubbornly slid into the blankets and turned his back on the other boy. He listened as Jet got up and walked over to snuff out the lantern and then got into his own bed. This was just a momentary flash of interest. It didn’t mean anything and there was no point to trying to figure it out.

Li let that thought soothe him into an uneasy sleep.


	3. And I Had More Self Control

The next morning brought news of a new camp to attack. A new battle to fight. So the Freedom Fighters got on the move and headed out to dispatch of the Fire Nation bastards that dared settle in their territory. Li kept pace on the ground with Jet in the trees. He’d never gotten used to arboreal travel but he was a fast enough runner to keep up. The others moved behind them. As they got close, Jet realized there was someone else around. A few of them. He dropped to the ground and paused the rest of the Freedom Fighters as he knelt down to examine some tracks.

“Three at least,” Smellerbee muttered, looking over his shoulder.

“Small feet. Kids like us, probably,” Jet replied with a smirk. Kids like them, in the forest, could mean more members. It made Li frown. More members meant more people to worry over.

“Sure it’s not a few scouts?” the Duke asked curiously but Jet shook his head.

“Nah, they’re keeping to a kind of path, walking pretty close together. Scouts don’t do that. But good thinking.”

The Duke grinned. Li scowled. Smellerbee rolled her eyes and they went on.

Turns out, it was three kids who were dumb enough to barge right into the camp Jet and his Freedom Fighters had come to clear out. Li slapped his forehead and Smellerbee wondered for a moment if everyone who _wasn’t_ a Freedom Fighter was an idiot. But, then again, most of the Freedom Fighters were too. Maybe everyone who wasn’t _her_ was an idiot. She glanced to Longshot, who was readying his bow, and then to Jet. Their fearless leader waited a good few seconds before he signaled them silently up to the trees. They watched the first strikes and these kids were kind of _really_ dumb. Panicking, no real leader, pathetic. As the bigger guy’s shirt caught fire from a blast they barely escaped (luck, she was sure,) the girl did something, and water - _she was a waterbender!_ Smellerbee immediately jerked her gaze to Jet and watched as something dark passed over his eyes. Something that made her shiver.

When Jet signaled, the Freedom Fighters jerked into action. Smellerbee let the fight wash over her, dropping into a place where instinct ruled and her body knew to move faster than she could think to. She was good at this; Jet had groomed her fighting skills since he found her. After she dropped a guy, Smellerbee looked out over the field. Everyone was doing well, even that idiot Li. His dual swords sang through the air. Smellerbee didn’t really like watching Li fight. His style was eerie. So her eyes slid off to the strange kids, who are... well, _strange_. The waterbender did her thing and the short bald kid... was he _airbending?!_ Smellerbee didn’t have time to wonder as another soldier came her way.

The fight was over before anyone knew it. The soldiers fled in the face of their might. Smellerbee took a moment to enjoy that, smirking, before she and the others headed over to greet the idiots. Jet put on his charming prince face to her dismay. Still, she looked up for the roll call next to Li, eyeing the three strange kids to try and figure out what was what. The bald kid was wearing some really weird clothes...

As it turned out, they were weird because he was the _Avatar._ Smellerbee didn’t really know what to think of that. She’d heard of the Avatar, of course, but this was a bit much. The kid looked younger than her. Wasn’t he supposed to be a hundred years old?

“Avatar...?” Li mumbled beside her. She glanced up and noticed an odd look on his face. Something like familiarity. Had he remembered? But Li just shook his head. “Come on, lets see if there’s anything worth keeping. Jet’s _flirting._ ”

Smellerbee looked and then scowled with disgust. Thankfully there was stuff to go through so she didn’t have to watch. Jet could handle his own with some useless _girl_. There was blasting jelly and jelly candy, a nice bunch of staves... People underestimated the value of a good staff as building material but they were pretty great for maintaining tree fortresses. She got Pipsqueak’s help taking them back to home base with the rest of the supplies and did her best not to gag as Jet continued to flirt with the water tribe girl that wasn’t even all that pretty, damn it.

Smellerbee made sure to stick by Li because even if he was a creepy amnesiac, at least he kept his mind on the important stuff.

Jet didn’t exactly trust these new kids, but he knew an opportunity when he saw it and he knew how to manipulate them into doing whatever he wanted. The Avatar and the water tribe girl could both water bend and that got his mind working. As long as he could keep that boy, Sokka, distracted...

Sokka seemed a little more cynical, if not smarter, and that cynicism made him predictable. Except that he was also a thinker and imaginative, which did the opposite. And that made Sokka dangerous. Jet chewed his wheat as he watched the new kids wander between his own crew. He could use them. All he had to do was woo them into doing what he wanted, when he wanted. It would be easy, of course. They all seemed a little naive (Sokka less so but even he could be bought, so to speak) so it wouldn’t be too hard to mold them into good little soldiers.

Jet had absolutely no interest in someone who _couldn't_ be molded.

“Stop it.”

Jet looked up, glancing back to someone who routinely refused to be molded. Li stared right back at him, mouth set in a hard line.

“You’re scheming,” Li said because he was fucking telepathic like that. But Jet didn’t really mind. He just grinned.

“Yeah, maybe,” he murmured as he looked back down at the newcomers. The Avatar seemed to be winning people over pretty easy. “Don’t get in my way.”

Li made a quiet, choked kind of noise. He always did it when he wanted to say something but didn’t know how. Finally, Li just muttered out, “I don’t like this. Don’t meddle with the Avatar, Jet. It’s going to end badly.”

“You think _everything_ is going to end badly.”

“It usually _does._ ”

Jet sighed dramatically and plucked the wheat from his mouth to examine the chewed end. “You know what your problem is, Li? You don’t see the big picture.”

“There _is_ no big picture,” Li replied without missing a beat, deadpan and almost glaring now. “There’s just you and the scheming and the _really_ bad ideas.”

“See, that’s why you’re not the leader.” Jet got up from his perch and walked over to someone he still couldn’t quite call a friend but had never seen as an enemy. “You just don’t get it. _Any_ victory against the Fire Nation is a good one in my book.”

Li pursed his lips a moment, brows furrowed. It screwed up his face when he scowled, pulling at scar tissue and narrowing his bad eye further. Jet didn’t know how well Li saw with that eye, but it wasn’t good. He could tell just by watching the way Li fought and how often he missed attacks from certain angles. He didn’t think Li heard well on that side either, with how the fire had mangled his ear, but Li had adapted to that pretty well.

“Don’t make the mistake of going against me for real,” Jet warned him. Then he carefully watched any and every change that Li’s face underwent. He was good at reading Li, mostly because Li was utter shit at hiding anything. He watched the warring feelings of anger, guilt, and even some stubborn righteousness.

“Don’t push me to,” Li said finally and he actually meant it. Jet quickly reevaluated Li in his mind with a few more points towards possible betrayal and a lot more to tenacity and sheer guts.

When Li turned to leave, Jet didn’t stop him. He had plans to make and if Li was getting tempted to stop him, Jet wasn’t going to give him the chance to. He had to move fast or this opportunity would pass right by him...

Li tended to walk along the ground, safely out of the trees, when he wanted to brood. And he had plenty to brood on right now. The Avatar and his friends unnerved Li deeply. Every time he looked at Aang, something went tight and cold in him, as if someone was trying to take control of him from the inside. There was something very important about the Avatar, a personal kind of importance.

“Oh!”

Li jerked, swords drawn as he whipped around into stance. He barely managed to pull his attack when he recognized the water tribe girl. She was startled, hand at her waterskin, but when he stood down she did the same.

“Don’t sneak up on people,” Li mumbled without any real heat as he sheathed his swords. Katara straightened, giving him an odd look over.

“You’re kind of jumpy,” she noticed. “Is everyone around here like that?”

“Just the smart ones.” You never knew what might happen. Hot nights were the only ones he didn’t sleep fully clothed. Li dug in the dirt awkwardly with one foot, sneaking a glance over at Katara. She was doing the same, fiddling with her hands.

“So,” Li started even though he had no idea what the hell he meant to say. Katara glanced at him and then she paused. He didn’t know why so when she started coming at him, he took a step back with a weary look.

“Wait,” she said and he stopped as she came in close and reached for his face. Li flinched back but that didn’t stop her from brushing his hair back from the left side of his face. Her eyes colored with sympathy. “What happened…?”

Li’s throat tightened. He didn’t like people looking at the scarring. It always made him feel so very ashamed and her gentle kindness didn’t help those feelings at all. He hated feeling so weak.

“I don’t know,” he said finally as he shifted away from her hand. His dark hair fell back into place, obscuring most of the useless eye. He barely saw anything but colors with it, not even real shapes. “There was an accident when I was younger. I don’t remember anything before that.”

“I’m sorry.” And she really meant it, too, but her pity just made the shame grow inside him.

“It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt.”

She tried to smile and it was pretty pathetic. His own attempt was worse. Then she went back to her friends and Li found himself touching the scarred skin under his eye as he found other things to brood about.


	4. If I Was Tempted

Turned out, Jet’s charm worked on Avatars as well as girls. All he had to do was smile and lay out a few choice words and the two of them worked right into the palm of his hand. He even managed to get Sokka out of the way when the kid started to rebel. Jet didn’t do rebellions. At least not against _him._

Which made him wonder about whether or not Li needed to be taken out as well. Not killed but certainly kept out of Jet’s way. The guy was getting cold feet about doing all that was necessary to win this war. Maybe it was just the Avatar getting to him. Jet didn’t think much of Aang but hey, maybe Li had been hiding a spiritual side. That was much better than the alternative, that Li might be turning on him for his own sake.

Jet really, really hated that idea.

But there was something else to think about. He got the Freedom Fighters on their various jobs and though he wondered where the hell Pipsqueak and Smellerbee were. For that matter, where was _Li?_ If there was anyone who might throw a wrench into all this, it was Li. But the guy had been gone most of the day. Jet grit his teeth. He wasn’t going to worry about Li. No way could Li screw up his greatest victory to come. So Jet worked on getting things ready without knowing that screwing up everything was exactly what Li had in mind.

Li didn’t know what to think about Jet at that moment. He’d always been ruthless but this was the first time Li genuinely wondered about the existence of his conscience. This plan was insane and wrong and no matter how much he thought of Jet as his friend, Li couldn’t let it happen. He couldn’t sit there and watch Jet become the monster inside of him.

So, Li had followed Pipsqueak and Smellerbee. He was careful, too far behind to be heard but tracking them carefully. Smellerbee’s ears were too good for him to follow more closely, no matter how good at sneaking around he was. He had a healthy amount of respect in her abilities, as did he Pipsqueak’s. It was this Sokka kid that he wondered about.

When he realized just what spot they were headed to, Li left caution to the wind and took off. Jet preferred a certain spot for their nastiest work. It was far enough from the hideout that none of the littler kids would stumble across it, a deep cave so well hidden it was hard to find from the outside. But it was a perfect place for interrogations and more hideous work. Usually, only Jet and the dark thing in him used it.

Li ran faster.

Until the tracks went weird. He stopped, panting for breath as he looked over them. Hadn’t there been traps- He looked up and there in the trap cages were Smellerbee and Pipsqueak. Sokka was nowhere to be found.

“ _Li!_ ” Smellerbee snarled out, waving her hand through the bars. “Hey, get us down!”

“Not yet. You’re just going to do what Jet says and I can’t let you!”

Li took off after the remaining set of footprints with Smellerbee yelling behind him. He didn’t really care if she thought he was a traitor. If anything, he was trying to _save_ Jet.

Ten minutes of running and Li noticed the tracks weren’t heading for camp or the dam. They were heading for the town…? He grit his teeth. Damn, what was Sokka thinking?!

Of course, once he got there, he realized that Sokka was _brilliant_. No doubt, Jet was keeping Aang and Katara occupied, no help that way, and Sokka was only one guy. But if he failed, at least no one would die! _Brilliant!_ Li watched the line of villagers hurriedly getting out of town before he got close and grabbed Sokka’s arm. Sokka nearly attacked him but Li caught his other hand.

“No, stop!” Li said hurriedly. “Come on, we might be able to stop Jet together if we get there in time-“

“And why should I trust _you?!_ You’re one of his insane croneys!” Sokka shot back as he jerked out of Li’s hold. “You let things get this bad!”

“I know. I _know_ that, but right now isn’t the time. We might be able to save the dam if we get there _now_.”

Sokka gave him a mulish look but took off a second later back towards the hideout, Li on his tail. They got there just in time to hear Jet give the answer whistle and then the blasting jelly was ignited. Li cursed under his breath but Sokka just watched as if he’d known there was no way to stop it.

Li stared at the devastation his inattendance had caused. If he had just spoken up faster, if he’d fought his impulses to follow Jet no matter what…

“This was a victory, Katara. Remember that. The Fire Nation is gone and this valley will be safe.”

Li looked towards Jet, staring at him with horror. Jet had gone well and truly _nuts_. And he’d _let_ him.

“It will be safe without you,” Sokka ground out as he came forward. Li was too stunned and nauseated to do the same. As Sokka explained what he’d done, Li knew what he had to do. The dark thing had taken Jet prisoner, taking away whatever conscience Jet had once had and turning him into a monster. Li had let it happen. The Freedom Fighters had let it happen. But not anymore. Li wasn’t going to leave Jet to destroy everything they’d worked for. He wasn’t going to leave _Jet_.

Sokka led the other two away on their bison but Li remained. He stepped out of cover and walked over to Jet, watching the rage and insanity wash over the other boy’s face. Then Li jerked his arm and backhanded Jet as hard as he could.

“I’m going to tell the others what really happened today,” Li snarled out as Jet stared at him with wide eyes that understood _nothing_ of what was so wrong about today. The dark thing wouldn’t let Jet understand. “I’m going to tell them about the mass _murder_ you made them help you commit and just how many _innocent people_ would have been hurt if that boy hadn’t been fast enough and smart enough to save them.”

“You don’t understand-“ Jet started and Li hit him again, bloodying his nose.

“Shut up.” Li could barely contain just how angry and sick inside he felt. His hands were shaking and he felt like he might throw up any second now. “You don’t get to defend yourself. Not this time. You don’t get to twist the truth until it suits whatever horrible idea you’ve got in your head. I _told_ you this would end badly. I told you to leave the Avatar alone…”

“I will _kill_ you for betraying me like this,” Jet snapped.

Li let out a helpless laugh. “Jet, I didn’t have to betray you. You already betrayed _yourself._ ”

He left Jet there as he gathered the Freedom Fighters, sending someone to fetch down Smellerbee and Pipsqueak. Then he told them what had really gone on and what they’d almost done. Some of them didn’t really understand what was wrong, too young for grays in their black and white worlds. But Li took his time and in the end, all was quiet as the real horror settled upon them. There was no honor in what they had participated in. Li sent them off to bed and then went back towards Jet, knowing he wouldn’t find rest.

A hand on his shoulder stopped him. Li looked back at Longshot as the archer squeezed his shoulder. Then Li sagged a bit and raked a hand back through his hair.

“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. Longshot merely nodded and they headed off together to free Jet from the slowly melting ice.

Jet said nothing the whole time and neither Li nor Longshot felt any need to fill the silence. They just carefully chipped away ice with a few lanterns to speed the melting. Smellerbee came half way in and offered her help as well. Once it was over, Jet stayed quiet as Li checked over his skin for any signs of frostbite or other wounds to tend to.

“You should go rest,” Li said as he got up and Smellerbee helped Jet to his feet. Jet snorted and then looked up. He was still angry and the dark thing showed so plainly in his gaze.

Li expected the first in his gut. He even expected it when Jet knocked his feet out from under him and threw him onto the ground. What he didn’t expect was that it stopped there. Jet gave him a hard look, then turned on his heel and stalked away. Longshot helped him up but Li’d barely gotten to his feet before Smellerbee punched his shoulder none too gently.

“That’s for leaving me in a hanging cage all day,” she grumbled but there wasn’t much heat. She went after Jet as Li rubbed his stinging arm. Longshot patted his other shoulder and even though he said nothing, Li still felt a bit better.

The Freedom Fighters were not the same after that. Within the first week, half of the kids disappeared with their few personal effects. Jet didn’t talk about it. He wasn’t willing to face the deserters. His plans didn’t change and even though they were attacking enemy camps with half their forces, he kept with the exact same tactics. Only with Smellerbee, Longshot, and Li taking up more of the work did they succeed without serious injuries. But there were a _lot_ of injuries.

Jet didn’t really wake up to reality until the day Pipsqueak and the Duke left. They said their goodbyes, took their things, and simply walked away in broad daylight, right in front of him. Jet stared after them and something broke. He started yelling, terrifying the few others that remained. The Duke looked back but neither he nor Pipsqueak stopped. When they were out of eyeshot, Jet took off after them, drawing his hook swords, but Smellerbee tackled him from behind. It was a sorry show of how out of his mind he was that she managed to subdue him so quickly.

The last of them left that night. Smellerbee, Longshot, and Li remained, watching Jet as he silently stared into the fire and crumbled into pieces right before their eyes.


	5. I Would Run

The news, bits and scrapes brought by merchants, wasn’t all that great but Li listened anyway when they ventured into towns. He liked keeping track of the political climate and he understood most of it, even though he didn’t quite know why. When he heard that the Fire Nation navy was on the move, tracking the whereabouts of the newly discovered Avatar, he wasn’t surprised. He even felt a nagging familiarity with the name of the man pursuing Aang. Thinking about Commander Zhao left a bad taste in his mouth and Li could almost see the man’s face in his mind, though it was hazy and he didn’t know if maybe he was just making something up to satisfy himself. He wondered if maybe the man had something to do with his lost memories…

While he liked keeping up with the news and hoped the Avatar and his friends were all right on their journey northward, Li had more important things to think about. Like getting the rice he’d filched back to their camp outside of town.

Li was uncomfortably good at stealing. It hadn’t mattered before, when they stole what they needed from the Fire Nation patrols they’d attacked, but this was an Earth Kingdom village and these were Earth Kingdom supplies. There was no pride in appropriating them, no thrill of conquest. It was just stealing and Li hated it every time, but they could only forage so much from the forest during the dry season.

The air was hot enough to drain the water right out of a man. Most of the time, Li and the others stayed in their tree perches during the hottest parts of the day and moved during the night, but there was only so much one could do in town after nightfall. They didn’t have anywhere specific to go, but the journey seemed good for Jet so Li was leery of staying put anywhere for to long. Therefore, he’d snuck on into town while the others rested.

At least Jet was _talking_ now, five days after the dissolution of the Freedom Fighters. He still called them that, even down to four members. When he was asleep, Smellerbee had wondered aloud if that was just his way of clinging to them. If they were the Freedom Fighters, they were united behind him and he hadn’t been left alone. Li didn’t really understand the sentiment but he accepted her wisdom all the same. She knew him better, maybe.

After the rest of them left, it had been Longshot’s idea to just go. There was nothing left for them except memories and the memories themselves were weighty enough to crush them. So they’d picked a direction and just started walking, pushing Jet along until he started to move on his own. Slowly, he’d started tracking prey and foraging for berries and nuts like the rest of them. Survival was an easy thing to focus on and the three others were relieved to see Jet doing so.

Li could almost sense the arrow aimed at his chest and the sharp blades held at the ready when he got back to their camp. He whistled the all clear and drew off his pack, feeling the danger lessen. Smellerbee dropped down from one of the trees to look over what he’d gotten, nodding her acceptance. She’s taken it upon herself to keep up with their supplied and was happy enough when Li also produced a new waterskin, already filled. Water was getting scarcer by the day and the rains wouldn’t be back for another few months.

“Is he…?” Li started and then paused, wondering why it should matter.

“Sleeping,” Smellerbee answered anyway as she tucked the rice back into his pack. Li was the biggest of them in sheer weight and while he might need to drop the pack if they ended up needing to fight, he tended to handle the biggest load for practicality. Li didn’t mind this. He knew Smellerbee and Longshot were better suited as scouts and needed to keep light and Jet… Well. They did their best not to burden Jet much.

“I checked one of the local maps while I was in town,” Li said as he followed Smellerbee to their inner camp. Longshot was likely already back. “The riverbed we’ve been following should continue out through a few farms but we’re headed straight for the Si Wong Desert. If we hadn’t turned southward, we wouldn’t be in this mess-“

Smellerbee turned a glare on him and Li went silent. She curled her lip then started walking again. “The only thing ahead of us was the Serpent’s Pass and I for one don’t feel like _dying._ ”

He supposed he could agree with her. But the Desert and the dry lands south of it worried him greatly. They were already having trouble finding enough water as it was. He didn’t want to think of how bad it might get later. Still, he had some time to prepare so he would do everything he could to ready them for the journey.

Jet woke a few hours before nightfall and they started moving again. The pace they set was harsh and unforgiving. There was little time to forage and they didn’t stop to eat until well after the sun had risen once more. As heat bore down on them more harshly, Longshot finally halted and refused to go further, signaling the end of their day. The made camp and settled to sleep through the day. The trees were getting scarcer, but they made do and the next time Li went into a village, he came out with an old tent that wasn’t nice enough for him to feel too overly guilty about. It meant another few pounds of weight, but he didn’t complain. He didn’t dare.

Jet was talking again. He didn’t say much and sometimes it didn’t make any sense, but the three remaining Freedom Fighters were grateful for it anyway. Sometimes while Longshot cooked the rice over as small a fire as they could manage, Jet would start telling them a story of some glorious and heroic event but he often stopped in the middle of it, as if realizing he had no place in such a tale. Smellerbee gave him quiet, measuring looks but even she didn’t comment on his aborted stories.

“Where are we going?” Jet asked quietly one afternoon. Li waited but neither Smellerbee nor Longshot were awake. He glanced over to one of the other limbs and Jet was staring right at him. Jet hadn’t actually spoken _to_ him yet.

“South,” he answered, shifting to sit up on his own tree limb. He’d only fallen out once in the last week.

“To?”

Li shrugged his shoulder. “Just South. Smellerbee picked it.”

“Oh.”

Jet looked at the ground a little beyond their banked fire and seemed to fall into thought. So Li settled back against the tree trunk and folded his arms, letting his eyes fall shut. He’d sat for only a handful of seconds before he heard the shift of cloth and then his branch shuddered as a weight landed on it. Li got to his knee and had a hand on one sword hilt even before his eyes snapped open. But… it was just Jet.

Not that Jet had ever been _just Jet._

Jet waited until Li let go of the hilt, then started for him. Li wasn’t sure why but he shifted to sit again, back against the trunk, and wished a little that there was somewhere else he could be. Jet ended up kneeling between his legs, one hand reaching out to brace himself on the trunk. The other grabbed hold of the front of Li’s robe tight but didn’t jerk him around. Instead, Jet’s eyes bore into him and kept him rooted into place.

“Did it go according to your plan?” Jet whispered harshly and for a moment, his eyes looked alive again, but they made Li cold to his core.

“I don’t have a plan,” Li admitted wearily. “You were always the schemer.”

Jet’s lips quirked into a parody of his old, sarcastic look. He curled his fingers tighter into the cloth, pulling it uncomfortably tight around Li’s torso. But Li didn’t back down. He hadn’t done wrong and he knew it.

At least he thought he did.

“So it’s all my fault, huh?”

Li hesitated only a moment. He knew the truth but was it all right to say it? Was it all right _not_ to?

“Yes,” he agreed finally, uneasy. “It’s your fault, Jet.”

Jet said nothing and didn’t move an inch for a few moments. He stared hard, daring Li to crumble, but Li couldn’t do that. Not then, when he hadn’t know how important it could be, and certainly not now, when it mattered the most. Slowly, Jet leaned in until they were so close that Li could feel the heat of Jet’s breath against his face.

“If I’m such a monster,” Jet whispered with deadly calm, “why didn’t you just kill me?”

Li swallowed around a thick lump in his throat that formed at the very idea of Jet dying. He didn’t even want to imagine that, and certainly not by his own hand.

“Because you can be saved,” he found himself saying without even the least idea of how to accomplish it.

Jet searched his eyes, his own fierce despite the blankness of his expression. “You want to save me?

Li mutely nodded, not trusting his voice.

“You think you can _change_ me?” Jet’s voice had dropped even lower, barely audible at all, but Li heard the dark thing growling behind it.

“No,” he managed softly. “But you can.”

“And if I don’t want to change?”

Li didn’t know what would happen if Jet continued on the way he had. But he knew what he _should_ do. “Then I’ll keep innocent people out of your way.”

Jet snorted, a bitter and broken sound, and finally pulled out of Li’s space. He sat down farther on the branch, legs hanging limply as he rested his elbows on his knees. Li stayed where he was. It felt as if any movement would break the moment and things would get really, really bad. This was a mood Li didn’t know how to deal with.

“You really think I’m a monster,” Jet mused. He didn’t quite sound angry but his voice was… odd. Unfamiliar.

Then again, Jet found all of this unfamiliar. He’d gotten so used to his little soldiers doing whatever he wanted of them, without question. Even Li, to an extent, had done what he wanted. But now there were only four of them and everything he’d come to count on about himself, everything he’d relied on about life in general, was up in smoke. Jet felt just as alone as he had the day his family died.

“I think there’s a monster inside you,” Li said finally, quite and cautious. “I think it’s been there a long time.”

Jet gave another snort but he didn’t really find it funny. He still felt he’d been right, that he’d done what had to be done to win. The Fire Nation was ruthless and to battle them, he had to be ruthless… But now he wasn’t so sure. Or, rather, he was but maybe that was the problem.

“…Jet?”

He glanced over, meeting Li’s eyes finally. Li opened his mouth to say something but paused, biting it back with a soft, choked sound that had become very familiar to Jet in the last year. Then Li looked away, folding his arms over his chest uncomfortably.

“Smellerbee’s got us heading for the Desert,” Li mumbled finally. “There’s not much water and there aren’t a whole lot of villages on the way-“

“Lets stop at one.” Li blinked and looked towards him but Jet just grinned. “Maybe someone needs a few fighters.”

For a moment, Li looked as if he might protest but he just nodded. “Okay. I’ll tell the others when they wake up.”

Neither Smellerbee nor Longshot seemed to mind the idea.


	6. Then When I Got Older

Jet did not like “ground rules”. He hadn’t had rules since his parents and even then, they’d been rather few in number. He could remember his mother didn’t like him bringing mud into the house and his father had been rather adamant that Jet keep up with his daily sword training before chores. The hook swords had been his before Jet took them, half trained and still hurting himself a good amount of the time when he didn’t quite get a move right. There was little Jet remembered so clearly as watching his father move through the careful steps of a training routine with the hook swords moving liquidly in his hands. He didn’t even remember his mother’s embrace with as much clarity.

The rules Smellerbee and Li had decided on felt restrictive and embarrassing. But Longshot had given his nod of approval and Jet had always tended to go along with what Longshot bothered to give an opinion. In a way, Longshot was a quiet conscience to him. Not, of course, that Longshot could ever really _control_ him. No one could. Not even Smellerbee and Li and their “ground rules”.

Ground Rule #1: No one was allowed to steal. Jet understood it offhand but he hadn’t realized how often he stole until he couldn’t. It felt like a waste, not using the skill he’d cultivated, and one belligerent _jerk_ deserved it when he brushed Jet aside and chose to hire someone bigger for the day’s job.

The village was in just the right place that drifters were common, as were day laborers. Few had any long-term work and the pay wasn’t great. The dry season was sucking away most of the supplies so things grew lean between merchant visits.

Jet had chosen the village simply for the size and drifter content. They were faceless there and the only time they got second looks was when Li’s hair shifted to revealed his burned eye. Jet supposed the facelessness should have felt freeing, but it didn’t. Everything about the village was stifling. He hated working at the market, dragging around supplies for the shop keeps and repairing stalls. He hated the one attempt at working the inn and his fingers had been blistered for two days after from scrubbing the damned floor.

He was _bored_. Jet hadn’t realized just how exciting his life was until it wasn’t anymore. Even talking to the others was boring. Smellerbee mumbled about her job at inn (she was apprenticing under the cook who thought highly of her knife skills but kept calling her “Little Missy” when he figured out she was female. It was the only steady work of the four of them.) Li complained about his sore shoulders and that he’d need to get a tool set of his own if he was going to continue repairing roofs and market stalls for the rest of his life.

Jet said nothing because if he did, he would scream it out full of obscenities. This life was so boring. He hated it. He hated how he knew what to expect day to day. He hated sleeping on the ground where he was vulnerable. He hated that Smellerbee, Li, and Longshot seemed to be adapting so easily, despite the grumbling.

Jet hated the village. But he had chosen to stop there and try. He had to try. Prove himself. _Something_. He didn’t even know what the hell he was trying to do anymore.

There was no purpose in his existence there. Jet got up in the morning and went with Li and Longshot to see who needed a pair of steady hands. It was usually small stuff but it was work at least, sometimes a few days of it. They made enough money to survive, even if it wasn’t much.

 _Jet hated this life._

He missed working towards something better. He missed the excitement of the hunt, of the kill, of _victory_. When he laid down to sleep before, it had been with the immense satisfaction of knowing he was making a difference and there would be another chance the next day.

The hammer slipped in Jet’s grip and scraped his hand as it came down. He hissed with pain, shaking his injured hand in an attempt to shake off the burning feeling of injured flesh. A minute later, he’d done it again and this time he cursed colorfully enough that one of the other workers farther down the roof cackled. The sound made something crack inside of him.

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t live this kind of life. Jet left the site immediately despite the threat of no pay. He couldn't _be there_ anymore. He was suffocating!

Longshot came back to their room first and paused in the doorway as Jet continued to pack their things back up. Jet pretended to ignore him but he could feel those dark eyes boring into him. Finally, he threw down the tend he’d been refolding and whipped around.

“ _What?!_ What is it now?” he snarled out, hands flung out. Longshot just looked at him as his lips thinned. It was a look Jet got rarely and one he absolutely hated. “Oh, don’t you start with me. I am _not_ in the mood for it right now.”

Longshot didn’t start, but he did give a soft little sigh as he moved in and began helping Jet pack. His movements were slow and careful, filling their packs to make sure the contents didn’t shift when they moved about.

“We can’t stay here forever,” Jet muttered, roughly shoving a beaten up bento box full of jerky into his pack. “You know that.”

The archer glanced at him, then returned to his task without a twitch in his expression. It felt like a glancing blow. Jet pursed his lips and tried not to notice the silent rebuke. He _knew_ he’d been set to stay there a few months at least, not less than three weeks.

“Don’t be like that.” Jet reached out and grabbed Longshot’s shoulder. “We’re _wasted_ here-”

A harsh sharpness reached Longshot’s eyes as they narrowed. His mouth was a thin, white line and when he carefully drew off Jet’s hand, it was with the impression of brushing dirt off his clothes. Jet reared up immediately.

“ _I’m wasted here!_ ” he yelled back. Then he kicked one of the bedrolls with a curse. There wasn’t much satisfaction in nudging it six inches. “I can’t- _I can’t do this!_ I’m _suffocating!_ There’s no _point_ here! It’s just working and buying rice and working more and complaining!”

Longshot sighed softly. He sat down on the edge of Jet’s unmade bed and folded his legs carefully under him as Jet found a few other things to kick with noises of frustration.

“I want to _fight_ again! I want to _live!_ ” Jet snarled as he slammed one fist into the wall. There was a flash of pain but he didn’t care. “I want there to be a point to my life. I want to make the world _better-_ ”

Thin, calloused hands took Jet’s in them. Jet couldn’t look at him as Longshot carefully examined his fist, thumb brushing over his raw rubbed knuckles with another little sigh. At once, Jet felt as if something had broken inside him.

“I just need _something_ to live for,” Jet murmured softly, shamed by his own weakness.

Longshot stilled for a few moments. Then he let go of Jet’s hand and reached up to pat the top of his head, mussing up the already out of control mess. Relief hit Jet like a speeding ostrichhorse. He sagged and Longshot caught him in a loose, one-armed hug that Jet’s pride let him accept.

Later on, when Smellerbee and Li got back to the room, they showed relief of their own that they were going to move on. After fighting for their lives and journeying for their souls, stopping here to lead a normal life had been just as stifling for them as Jet.

They left the next afternoon with as much in supplies as they could afford and carry. It felt so liberating to get out and moving again, every moment of survival reliant on their skills and willingness to live. Time didn’t seem to matter as much when they were busy living.

That was why when news made it to them that the Northern Water Tribe had been attacked and the Avatar had successfully defended it, they were caught by surprise. They’d been visiting a village to sell some finds and pick up water when they heard the merchants talking. It seemed the attack had been going well and there were many Water Tribe casualties, but then things turned. No one was quite sure how it had all gone down but there was news that the Avatar was traveling back through the Earth Kingdom with the Fire Nation right on his tail, even with the supposed death of Admiral Zhao.

It seemed the Fire Nation princess had been sent to capture the Avatar now.

Li went white when he heard that. Bile rose up in his throat and he jerked back from the market stall. Jet gave him a confused look but Li stumbled back a few more steps, then turned and _ran_. He didn’t know what he was running from but the name ‘Azula’ sent a flood of emotions through him that he didn’t have even the first idea of how to deal with.

He made it to the edge of town and then threw up at the side of an old wheelbarrow someone had abandoned. His stomach emptied completely and then tried to rid him of more. Li looked at his shaking hands. He didn’t understand the rush of fear and bitter anger at the princess’s name but it had left him somehow battered inside. He could see her far more clearly than he ever saw Commander- _Admiral_ Zhao in his mind’s eye, even though he didn’t know how he knew her face. Her mocking eyes seemed so real, as was the intense urge to knock her _down_. He shivered at the strong desire to see her broken to pieces before his feet.

Longshot got to him first, kneeing at his side with a hand against his back but Li couldn’t stop shaking. He heard Jet and Smellerbee say something above him but his heart was beating so fast he couldn’t really understand the words. Longshot waved them back and stayed while Li tried to get a hold of himself again.

The princess was important to his lost past, Li realized. There was no other way to explain his reactions. And if she was important, he needed to face her. He needed _answers._

Li washed his mouth out with the waterskin Longshot handed over to him. He was still shaking as the archer helped him up, face pale as milk, but he needed to know more. Both Smellerbee and Jet watched him closely but they didn’t interfere as he spoke with the travelers, finding out the last place they’d heard the Avatar heading for. He didn’t even have to explain once they’d left town.

“So, we’re going to track down Aang?” Jet murmured conversationally, arms crossed behind his back. “I was wondering what that kid was up to…”

“As long as you don’t flirt with that girl,” muttered Smellerbee with a curl of her lip.

Jet just gave a short laugh and glanced toward’s Li, who only looked pensive and worried. The smirk dropped from Jet’s face. It hadn’t been pleasant to see the way Li had reacted. He didn’t want to see Li’s hands shake like that again anytime soon. But maybe this was what they had to do.

Besides, the Fire Nation princess’s head was quite the trophy.


	7. I Began To Lie To Get Exactly What I Wanted

Trying to track the Avatar was the worst idea ever. When they finally got to whatever village he’d been spotted in, he and his friends were gone, along with the Fire Nation procession going after them. But Jet had his target now and he would not leave it be. Each time they found their village, they were a little closer. A few days behind, then a day, then a few hours…

Then they came across the strangest set of tracks. Jet knelt by them, looking at the tread. It didn’t look like any wagon he’d seen or any kind of Earth Kingdom machine.

“That thing must be _huge_ ,” Smellerbee murmured. The tracks had dug into the dirt as deep as the length of her hands.

“Or just heavy,” Li said. His mouth was set into hard line. “The Fire Nation is known for their iron works. It could be some big, iron vehicle.”

If anyone would know, it would be Li and his uncanny knowledge of the Fire Nation. Jet nodded, agreeing, then got up to his feet again. They followed the tracks as fast as they could manage, sleeping little with the fear that they would lose the small window of opportunity.

Running into a short Earthbender was a surprise. One moment they were running along the trail and then suddenly they were on the ground when the dirt randomly decided to burst under their feet. Smellerbee was the first to go down, thrown forward as the ground jutted under her feet into a roll that saved her from a few scrapes. Longshot toppled a second later but managed to stay up on his feet after a stumble, drawing his bow. Jet rebounded off the lifting earth and flipped a few feet to land perfectly on his feet while Li ended up unceremoniously on his ass.

“Hey, we’re not enemies!” Jet had the presence of mind to shout out. The earth settled and then from behind one of the bushes came a short kid in green. Jet relaxed a tick. “Hey there, don’t be afraid. We’re not going to hurt you.”

The kid snorted and then grinned. “The day I gotta worry about a couple ‘a rough necks like you is the day I give up _dirt._ ”

“Is that a girl?” Li asked in a bewildered tone and Jet rolled his eyes because of _course_ it was a girl. He’d have expected Li to tell with this kind of girl after hanging out with Smellerbee so long. Some girls were just… well. That way.

“So,” Jet said, giving the others a chance to regroup while he approached the girl. “What are you doing this far from a town? Doesn’t seem safe to be on your own, earthbending aside.”

“I was traveling with a couple people but they were _lame_ ,” the girl muttered with a backward glance. “I don’t _need_ them.”

“Of course not. I mean, you took down the four of us like it was nothing,” Jet smoozed and the girl grinned again, pleased with the praise despite looking rather tired.

But Smellerbee was looking at something else. Smellerbee was looking at the kid’s _eyes._ And noticing how she wasn’t really looking at anyone. She started to say something but held back. Just because it seemed the girl was blind didn’t mean she wasn’t dangerous. That earthbending had been placed spot on to get them. Blind or not, this kid could probably do a number on them and none of them had much experience fighting earthbenders. Better to keep quiet, lest the boys decide to be idiots as usual.

The girl introduced herself as Toph and apparently, she’d been trouncing around with Aang and the gang. But they’d had a fight, one even the prideful Toph was willing to admit had been stupid. The gang had been pushed without sleep by the pursuit of enemies in a metal machine that moved way too fast.

“We should get moving,” Li said, tense and tired himself. “We’re already losing time.”

“Well go on, no one’s stopping you,” Toph grumbled but she was happier after Longshot mutely handed over some jerky to tear into and a waterskin. Smellerbee noted that he was careful to get it directly to the girls’ hands instead of expecting her to see it. It warmed her that he’d noticed the same thing she did.

“It would be easier to track them down with your help,” Jet murmured, putting on his best suave-guy expression that had Smellerbee rolling her eyes. “You know these kids better than we do so you’d know where they’re going and what they might do.”

Toph thought about that as she chewed a bit of jerky. She looked a little suspicious but after a little while decided, “Oh, why not…Fine. But you’re following _me_ , Hook-boy. Not the other way around.”

Jet snorted. “Of course. You’re our guide, after all.”

The set out soon, despite all of them being so tired. However, it wasn’t long before they found a river covered with the remains of some kind of fur. Jet frowned, looking over the obvious trail one way and a less obvious one the other. He thought of splitting up the group to look both ways, but…

“At least one of them is alone,” Li said softly, kneeling beside him with a tuft of white fur in his hands. “Probably Sokka, knowing his honor streak. Maybe Aang. He does like protecting people…”

Jet nodded grimly but behind him, there was a little wondering, “Wait, you guys know Sokka and the others? You didn’t mention that.”

“We had a run in with them a few months ago,” Smellerbee explained as she folded her arms over her chest a bit defensively. “It didn’t go _well_ but… We learned some stuff…”

Toph shifted her head, tilting her ear more in Smellerbee’s direction. Then she reached over and placed her hand on the other girl’s chest. “Sounds like it went badly for you.”

Smellerbee pursed her lips. “We _learned,_ okay?”

It took a moment but Toph removed her hand and seemed satisfied, whatever that meant. None of the Freedom Fighters were really sure what she could do, after the last tow figured out she was blind, too, but had no problem following along with them, tracking their movements. Jet supposed her hearing was just that good.

Jet looked back at the obvious trail. “…Lets follow this one. It was probably a diversion and someone’s alone.”

He caught from the corner of his eye a look of worry on Toph’s face but she hid it quickly. They headed off at a fast pace, following the trail as it led out of the forest and into a more barren countryside. The only town they found seemed abandoned but they could already hear the sounds of battle within it.

Blue fire erupted up from the middle of town.

“What the hell is that?!” Jet yelled out even as they ran towards it. But the usual fount of Fire Nation knowledge had no idea.

“I’ve never see that before, why are you asking me?!”

“Because you _always_ know!”

“Well I don’t this time!”

“Why don’t you two _pansies_ stop picking at each other and just _run?!_ ” Toph interjected as she zipped past them with some crazy earthbending trick under her feet. The two boys gave each other grim glances and then put their oxygen to better use to run _faster._

When they found their target, it turned out to be Aang, half trapped under debris with an armored fire nation girl strolling towards him and fire all around. There was no time to think. Toph viciously stomped the ground and earth jutted up to break up the debris pinning Aang down as Jet attacked the girl. She snarled at her lost kill but fought gamely. _Too_ gamely. She managed to push him back too easily but Jet just grinned. This was a firebender on a whole different level… and where the hell was Li?!

He caught a flash of Li’s brown and black robe- _Li wasn’t moving._ He stood stock still in the door way of the burning house they were fighting in, his visible eye wide and almost unseeing as he stared with a face white as a scroll. The same look he’d gotten when he heard the name _Azula_. Sick and horrified and angry and bitter and _afraid._

Li recognized this girl. Down to his bones he recognized her. There could be no other. This girl…

A strangled scream erupted from Li’s throat before he darted forward, swords drawn to both hands. He got past Jet and attacked Azula on his own. She was surprised only a moment by her new opponent before she began to easily weave out of his strikes even as he pushed her through another doorway and back out into the open. Jet spared a glance towards Aang, who Toph was helping to get up. He seemed to be battered and bruised but not injured. Aang stared at him as if he was seeing a ghost but Jet didn’t have time to stay. Not when Li had apparently gone berserk and lost his damn mind!

Li didn’t know what was driving him. He just knew he needed to fight, needed to _beat her._ This girl, _Princess Azula, daughter of Firelord Ozai and Lady Ursa, granddaughter to Fire Lord Azulon,_ why did he know this?! He knew her tactics, mostly, but it was obvious she’d gotten better since whatever event made her know them. She was dancing circles around his sword strikes, blowing him back with gusts of blue fire he barely blocked or dodged. He knew, grimly, that she was going to defeat him and he didn’t doubt she would kill him.

 _But that just made him angrier._

A blast caught him square in the chest and even through his blocking crossed swords, it had the force to knock him off his feet. Li hit the ground a few feet back and groaned but rolled onto his knees. He jerked his head up, expecting Azula to already be there for the final blow, but Jet had taken his place and… _Katara!_ The waterbender was seamlessly aiding him, or maybe it was the other way around? They worked surprisingly well together. He could see Sokka and Smellerbee coming round, working to keep the firebender cornered and in a better position for the others to maul her and Longshot was stationed up on one of the buildings, firing to keep her on her toes when she seemed to be getting too ahead of herself. Even then, Azula was holding her own and holding it _well_. This wasn’t just a firebender. This was a _master._

The tides began to turn as the battered Aang got back into the fight along with Toph. It would have been unfair but Li couldn’t help thinking that nothing was unfair when it came to Princess Azula.

A hand grabbed Li’s and jerked him up. He jolted with surprise but the fat old man just gave him a nod and then started for the fray. Li didn’t have any idea who he was but he was not about to let some guy who thought he was a tank get hurt. He jolted past, shoving the old man a bit in his wake.

“Stay back, Gramps, she’s dangerous!” he called after him and then joined in again.

It was only with their combined strength that they were able to corner the princess. She backed up slowly, hands relaxed and ready for another move until her foot brushed the wall behind her. She glanced over them as they blocked every escape route, then suddenly straightened and lifted her hands.

“I’m done. I know when I’m beaten. You got me. A princess surrenders with honor,” she said arrogantly with a twist of her lips but then she paused and looked straight for Li. She blinked once. “… _You?_ ”


	8. When I Wanted It

Li stared at the Fire Nation princess, fighting the rising nausea that his intense hatred for her fostered. She knew him. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she knew him, and _well_.

Azula smirked. “Well _this_ is a surprise. Went native, did you? I wondered if you were really dead like they said!”

“What…?” Li murmured as the others looked at him. There were implications in that statement. Went native… from _what?!_

The moment of distraction was all Azula needed to make her move. She jerked into bending, sending a jet of fire towards Li. He didn’t have time to dodge it.

He didn’t have to.

The old man was suddenly there, grabbing the back of Li’s robe and jerking him out of the way only to take the blast himself. It knocked the old man back with a groan of pain as the others retaliated. The combined bending caused an explosion and when the smoke cleared, Azula was gone. But Li didn’t care. He’d scrambled over to the old man, tearing at his burned clothes to find the wound. It was bad, _really_ bad!

Jet knelt on the old man’s other side. He hissed faintly as he caught the wound before Li started pulling off his robe to tear into bandages.

“Jeez, Li, who is this guy?”

“I don’t _know_ ,” Li snarled back, too stressed to watch his tone. “I don’t know _anything!_ Don’t you get that already?!”

He started tearing the bottom of his robe with his teeth, creating uneven strips. There weren’t any herbs to use as a healing poultice here, not with how dry the land was, and he was out from the last time he’d gotten hurt-

Katara grabbed his hands. “I can’t help-”

“I don’t need your help!” Li snapped back but that just made her look more determined.

“But _he_ does!” she growled, throwing a hand out to wave at the injured Good Samaritan. Li swallowed back a lump of rage and panic from his throat. He looked at the man, watching his uneven, pained breathing. Then he nodded.

“Do it. Whatever you can.”

Jet moved, giving Katara room on the old man’s other side. Li didn’t move from his spot. He watched the water healing carefully, eyes flickering between her hands and the old man’s face. He stayed unconscious the whole time.

In the end, Katara wasn’t able to heal him completely but she did take the worst off. He’d survive and the wound was already on its way to healing completely. Together, she and Li got the rest of it wrapped and tended to.

That’s when it got uncomfortable. Aang and Sokka had remained close, standing near Katara and obviously protecting her flank while she concentrated on helping the old man. The Freedom Fighters were on Li’s side and Jet had a hand resting lazily on the edge of one hook sword. Ready and waiting. The only one of them that seemed to not think a fight would break out was Toph, who’d positioned herself near the old man’s head.

Without healing the old man to occupy them, the two groups eyed each other warily.

“You’re pretty far from home,” Sokka started, club in hand. “Where’s the rest of the group?”

A shadow phased over Jet’s face. Smellerbee answered for him. “Split off after you guys left. We started traveling. We heard you guys were nearby-”

“Lie,” Toph said without seemingly to care much, her arms folded behind her head. Once she’d realized the old guy wasn’t going to die, she seemed to relax pretty much to normal. As if whatever squabble everyone else was getting into didn’t matter to her. But that didn’t mean she was going to let them lie.

Smellerbee pursed her lips as Aang, Katara, and Sokka looked at her expectantly. “The gang _did_ break up. But… we’re after the princess.”

“Helping you guys was just a bonus,” Jet said with a shrug of his shoulder. He was trying to act natural but facing the fact that the Freedom Fighters really had disassembled shook him deeply.

“That sounds more like you,” Sokka muttered, rolling his eyes. “As long as you’re not hurting innocent people-”

“She’s not innocent.”

The words were quiet but everyone’s eyes shifted over to Li, who just stared at the old man’s sleeping face. “That girl. She’s not innocent. She’s a monster.”

“You’ve met her before?” Aang asked wearily, trying to understand but Li shook his head.

“I don’t remember. But I know her… somehow.”

“She knew you, too,” the Avatar pointed out and then yawned widely. That seemed to break most of the mood. Katara got up and stepped back from the injured man as the Freedom Fighters started to stand down themselves.

“We’ll take care of him,” Li said quietly without looking at them. “Go on. You’re exhausted and you have better things to do than stay here.”

“How do we know you’re not going to start another terror campaign?” Sokka asked without releasing his club.

Jet snorted with disgust that might have been self-directed but it was Smellerbee who gave Sokka a hard look and replied, “We don’t do that anymore. We’ve changed.”

“And we’re not willing to let that happen again,” Li echoed.

Longshot gave a nod of agreement but the Avatar and his friends were looking to Jet, who’d not answered himself. The hook-sword wielder was quiet at first, but then his eyes lifted to regard the others. Jet had always been very, very good at lying; he knew he could trick them all if he wanted, probably even Toph and her uncanny ability. But he didn’t feel like bothering.

“Just Fire Nation soldiers,” he said gruffly. “That’s who we fight.”

That shouldn’t have been enough but after another few moments of silence, Aang nodded his agreement. Katara, on the other hand, rounded the old man and came right to Jet. She grabbed hold of the front of his tunic and jerked him in close.

“One step,” she growled and even with sleep deprivation rimming her eyes, she was dangerous. “Just one step out of line and I will freeze every drop of water in your body.”

Jet scowled but gave a terse nod. “I won’t.”

Not that his idea of “out of line” was anything like hers.

Aang and his friends left quietly after while Jet and the Freedom Fighters created a makeshift stretcher for the old man and got him out of the burning town to a defensible camp.

Li absolutely refused to leave the guy. He stayed knelt beside the stretcher, staring down at the old man’s face while the others amused themselves by the fire. Now that he’d had time to study the old man’s face, there was something familiar about it, too. Not in the way Azula was and not even the way Commander/Admiral Zhao might have been. This was different. There was no overwhelming emotion connected to this man, but Li did know him. Somehow.

“You okay?”

Li nodded but his eyes didn’t leave the old man as Jet settled down beside him, leaning back on his arms. Jet stared at the old man wearily.

“So,” Jet murmured. “What’s the deal with the old man, anyway?”

“I know him.” Li sighed a little and raked a hand back through his hair. “His face, I mean. I don’t know who he is but he might know me.”

Jet shifted his gaze to Li’s face, his own solemn. “Who you were, you mean.”

“Yeah.”

“What if you don’t like the person you were?”

That was the exact thought that had been pounding through Li’s head ever since he saw the old man. He shifted, drawing his knees up to his chest.

“Then I don’t have to _be_ that person,” he whispered.

Jet smiled. It wasn’t quite usual, the small quirk of lips without anything manic behind it. He clasped Li’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “That’s right. Who cares about the past? You’re Li no matter what. So don’t go deciding to suddenly be someone else, no matter what this guy has to say.”

“Who says you get to decide that?” Li muttered, glancing over at the other boy.

“Because I’m the leader.”

Li snorted and looked back at the old man, feeling a little better about things. He still got nauseas when he thought about Azula, but even that was better. Jet, messed up as he was, was still there for him and that counted for something.

Jet peered at the man and rubbed his chin a bit. “I hope he’s not related to you.”

“Huh?”

“Well, he’s kind of ugly, isn’t he?”

Li rolled his eyes. “He’s old. Old people are like that, Jet. Stop being stupid.”

“Yeah, but I’d like to think you won’t be ugly when you’re old,” Jet continued as he settled back against his arms. “I mean, you’re not ugly _now_.”

Even through his unease and the strangeness of the day, Li managed to be shocked by that statement. He looked away, fighting the heat that wanted to rise to his cheeks.

“Not _that_ ugly, anyway,” Jet amended after a moment.

“Oh shut _up_.”


	9. And I Wanted It

It was in the early morning with the rising sun that the old man woke, the name ‘Lu Ten’ on his lips. Li didn’t know who that was but he felt a great relief as the old man’s gold eyes opened and settled on him.

“You were unconscious. Princess Azula did this to you. It was a surprise attack,” Li found himself saying. The old man glanced at him as he carefully got up, a hand on his bound wound.

“Somehow, that is not so surprising,” the old man murmured as he rubbed over the wound, almost seeming to expect it to have hurt more.

Behind him, Li heard the others take note of the old man’s consciousness, but they didn’t interfere or even bother leaving their bedrolls. They trusted Li to handle things. He wouldn’t put it past them to listen, though.

“Who _are_ you?” Li asked, unable to contain it as his hands tightened into fists on his knees. “And why did you save me? Do you know me?”

The old man looked at him, surprised and then sympathetic. “You don’t remember?”

“There was an accident. I don’t know anything from three years ago,” Li replied quietly but there was something in the old man’s face… As if he knew why.

With a soft sigh and a shake of his head, the old man settled himself. “My name is Iroh. I am your uncle.”

Li didn’t know why it wasn’t more of a shock that he had living family. He dropped his gaze, brows furrowing as he tried to decide what he felt about that. But even more than that, how to deal with the fact that this man knew the answers he’d sought.

“Who am I?” His voice was weak but his resolve had never been stronger. Li looked Iroh in the eye, both terrified of and yearning for the answers he held. Iroh met his gaze without faltering.

“You are whoever you have decided to be and I do not know who that man is,” Iroh replied gently, hands folded in his lap. “But if it is your past identity you seek, then I will tell you that much. You were once my angry and conflicted nephew and your name was Zuko.”

Zuko… The name felt both strange and completely fitting. But the sound of it… Li frowned. “That… that doesn’t sound like an Earth Kingdom name…”

Iroh gave him a sympathetic look. “I suppose it is natural to think you’re Earth Kingdom kin after awakening here with no memories, but this is not your birthplace.”

Li swallowed thickly. He wasn’t Earth Kingdom. That… He hadn’t really expected not to be. Iroh watched his reactions and seemed to realize something.

“Did your bending not make this clear?”

“Bending?” Li furrowed his brows. “I’m not a bender. Am I? Was I supposed to be bending? Is it water?”

For a few moments, Iroh seemed almost _hurt_. But it settled and he drew in a slow, deep breath. “Before I go on, please inform me of what you have been up to these past three years.”

Li didn’t want to let his questions lie. He was a bender? _How could he not know that?!_ Since he wasn’t an earthbender for certain, it had to be water! But… Neither he nor Iroh had the coloring for it. There weren’t any airbenders except Aang, but the only other possibility-

Iroh’s hands settled on his shoulders and jolted him from his reverie. “Do not allow your mind to be unsettled and rule you! There is time to unravel your past and your own self slowly and carefully. Do not rush in your self-discovery.”

Li closed his eyes a moment, drawing in a shaky breath as he fought down questions and thoughts and implications. Slowly, he began to tell Iroh of what he remembered. He stumbled over Meimi’s name but told her story as well as he could before getting to his time with the Freedom Fighters. There were things he wasn’t proud of but somehow Iroh’s earnest face and his non-judging gaze let him go on through the run in with the Avatar and their later journey through the Earth Kingdom.

“It seems you have done quite a lot,” Iroh murmured. Li gave a weak nod. “It warms my heart that you have been trying to better yourself and become a greater man for it. That was all I ever hoped for.”

Li nodded again, dropping his gaze. He was so very tired, but he needed to know. “Iroh… I… Where was I born?”

The old man’s expression grew sympathetic. “I do not think you will be pleased with the answer I have for you.”

And Li knew what that meant. His hands tightened on his knees. He knew what Iroh was going to say.

“Don’t say it,” he whispered, voice tight and weak and ashamed. “Just don’t.”

Iroh didn’t touch him, nor did he say the words aloud. That was the only reason Li could handle it.

He was from the Fire Nation. Li didn’t know how he could have missed it. He had the coloring for it; there was the burn on his face, which must have been from a firebender; he knew so much about how the Fire Nation thought and fought…

And he had betrayed Jet, even if it was for his own good. How could he _not_ be Fire Nation?

Li got up to his feet, stumbling a few steps. Iroh tried to say something but Li turned and started to walk away. He didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to listen. Li left the camp and stumbled through the dry brush like an untrained child. He felt unwieldy, like his body wasn’t really his anymore.

 _The body of a Fire Nation soldier._

No. It was more than that. The body of a _Firebender._

Li walked until he found a dry and cracked riverbed. Then he sat down at the edge of it and pulled his knees to his chest. He didn’t know what to do, what to _think_ , so he just stared past the other bank and into the horizon.

Jet was going to kill him. He could almost feel the slice across his throat. There was no way Jet would suffer a Firebender to live. Jet was going to kill him.

This was all just… just too much, and… and… “ _Aaaahhhhhggggg!_ ”

Li clenched his fingers in his hair, mussing up his top knot completely. His dark hair fell freely and offered at least some cover from the outside world. It wasn’t much of a comfort. Li tightened his fingers, enough that his scalp stung and threatened to rip right open.

He didn’t want this. Why had he asked?! Why had he gone looking into his past?! _He didn’t want this!_ It was a mistake. Just a terrible, awful mistake- _Iroh had mistaken him for someone else!_ He wasn’t Zuko. He wasn’t a firebender. He was Li, Earth Kingdom rebel, _Freedom Fighter of Jet’s._ Zuko was some other person he bore a resemblance to. That was it. That was it…

Short fingers began tugging his own out of his hair. Li jolted and jerked back, ending up flat on his back and staring up at Smellerbee. She tensed at the sudden movements, but didn’t attack or try to help him up.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” she said stonily.

And that just made the strangest laugh burble up from Li’s chest.

“Are you happy?!” he shouted at her, laughing. “This is what you wanted, right?! You were always suspicious of me- _you knew!_ ”

“I’m not happy,” Smellerbee murmured, her voice soft as she frowned.

Li scrambled up to his feet. “It’s everything you thought, isn’t it? I’m your enemy! You should have killed me when you first found me, isn’t that right?!”

“Stop it, Li.”

“Stop it? Stop being the enemy? _A little too late for that!_ ” He laughed again and he knew if he stopped laughing, he was going to cry and even now he’d be damned if he ever cried. Li threw his hands wide. “Well? Go on then! Slit my throat, it’s right here. Go on and kill the Fire Nation spy. I know you want to. You always wanted me to leave and now-”

Smellerbee slapped him as hard as she could. Li stumbled with the force of it, nearly falling. His cheek stung with white-hot pain, but he stopped laughing. His face fell expressionless. Pain had always been one of his best focuses.

“Stop freaking out,” Smellerbee growled. Then she kicked his legs out from under him and stood over him, glaring down. One small foot planted itself on his chest. “I’m not stupid, Li. Your eye color _only_ comes from the Fire Nation. We don’t have it here. I figured you out a while ago.”

Li shivered and didn’t look at her, but he didn’t try to sit up either.

Smellerbee let out a disgusted noise. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Yeah, your past isn’t what you were hoping for. So _what?_ None of us have a good origin story. Just deal with it. The important part is what you decide to do with that knowledge. So stop moping and freaking out and just get it through your head. You’re a firebender, Li. Figure out what you want to do with that power.”

She with drew after that, starting back towards camp only to pause again.

“I didn’t want you to leave,” she murmured quietly. “Even after what happened, I… You grew on me, okay? So figure yourself out.”

Li sat up and watched her walk away without another glance back. He looked down at his hands, flexing his fingers.

Maybe she was right. Maybe he could still do something with this power he hadn’t known he had.

He had already betrayed his country of origin, right? Maybe that was just the kind of person he was.


	10. Now I’m Having Trouble

**_Then._ **

Longshot had always taken some things for granted. The Fire Nation would always be there to fight and the Freedom Fighters would always be there to guide his arrows to their intended targets. It made things simple, even if life wasn’t really simple at all.

Sometimes, he dreamed of things from before, when he helped his father lovingly craft those same arrows or sat with his mother by the stove, eating freshly baked goodies still warm and gooey. His sister and her husband had visited often and near the end, she’d always kept her hand securely on her belly over the niece or nephew Longshot had never been able to meet. He didn’t like these dreams because they always ended the same way: an earth shattering flame.

Fire frightened him. No matter that he’d been fighting benders for years now and kept a candle in his little arboreal room, the heat of the flame and stench of smoke still brought him back to worse times. The candle was still new, unused, and sitting on the window sill. Longshot hoped it would be knocked right out and fall to the ground, but he was not childish enough to push it himself. He could stare at it, stand close enough that just leaning would brush the wax stick and knock it off balance, but he didn’t touch it and it didn’t move.

Except when Smellerbee thumped down onto the short landing and rushed in, all agitation and anger and fear. At first, Longshot thought it was an attack but then her smaller form slammed into his and her arm knocked the candle, though regrettably inward so it hit the ground and rolled to a corner. But he would worry about that later. Longshot let his arms slid around Smellerbee as her fingers curled tight in his shirt. He didn’t have to ask what was wrong.

“His eyes are _gold_ ,” Smellerbee said, her voice somehow bordering both a whisper and a scream. “ _Gold_.”

He didn’t understand, but it only took a moment to figure out who she was talking about. All of them had rather dark eyes except their newest recruit, Li. The guy had been with them for four months now and while he was still awkward, most of the Freedom Fighters liked him. Or at least liked how he was with Jet. He kept Jet occupied, which was good for everyone. Jet had been getting… strange.

Smellerbee drew up her head, staring at him. Her face was pale and her eyes wide. “Who in the world has gold eyes, Longshot?!”

Again, it took only a moment. And then Longshot felt his core tighten painfully. Blue eyes only showed up in the Water Tribes. There were occasional green eyes in the Earth Nation. There was only one Airbender and his eyes were a normal black. But gold was only found in one place-

Li had gold eyes and pale, pale skin and oh so straight hair the color of pitch. He fought with a sword style they’d not often seen, and only in battle. He had foundless hunches.

“What do we do?” She was conflicted, he could see it. And he didn’t have any idea how to comfort her. He wasn’t sure how to comfort himself.

Longshot let go of her and moved to his candle barren window, staring out through the maze of walkways and landings. His eyes stopped on a higher up room, small and inconspicuous. Li’s room. Li who could be nothing but Fire Nation.

“What if he really does remember? What if he’s playing us, getting in good with the boss-” She stopped herself before continuing and when he looked back, her eyes were wider with a strange sort of understanding. “And even if he doesn’t now, what if he remembers later?”

Longshot didn’t have an answer. He stared right back at her. But he knew he couldn’t make a move until he was sure. _Completely_ sure. He liked Li, for all the guy’s awkwardness. Li was hardworking, stubborn, and completely gullible. It was hard to imagine him being capable of beguiling anyone about anything. And it wasn’t as if he’d made any effort to hide his looks.

Smellerbee hugged her arms across her chest, understanding his unspoken line of thought. “Proof. We need proof.”

He nodded agreement and then opened his arms to her again, which she gladly took advantage of. They had been close ever since Jet had found her and added her to the group. Not that this was any proper time to explore just how close they might get to be, but it was nice to hold her.

“We’ll watch him,” she decided finally and he agreed. “If he turns on us… we know what to do. And if he doesn’t, all the better.”

He didn’t know how this might turn out, but he really, really hoped he never had to kill Li.

 **_Now._ **

Jet had waited until both Li and Smellerbee left the camp but Longshot had known he was just as awake as they were. And now Jet knew what they had known for almost a year.

It didn’t surprise him when Jet got up from his bedroll and turned on the old man. But he was a little shocked that the hookswords didn’t go with him. Jet advanced on Iroh with the coldest look on his face, hands fisted at his sides. He stopped within reach of the man but Iroh just sat there, calm and quiet.

“Take it back,” Jet growled out softly.

Iroh met his gaze and kept it. “I cannot.”

Longshot flickered his gaze between the two, hands itching to take up his bow. It felt as if a fight would break out at any second but he didn’t know who he would be defending. Jet was his leader but the old man was injured…

“Take it back!” Jet yelled out, unconsciously widening his stance, readying to fight. Longshot curled his fingers around his bow. “You dirty liar, take it back!!”

Iroh sighed softly, hands folded in his lap. “I apologize for unsettling you but I cannot take the truth back. Zuko deserves to know his true self-”

“HIS NAME IS LI!”

Iroh fell quiet, watching as Jet shook with barely contained rage. Jet’s eyes didn’t even look human anymore. A moment of silence, then Jet grabbed the old man by the front o his robe and jerked him up onto his knees, glaring at him with more hate than he’d shown anyone, even after mentions of the Rhinos.

“His name is _Li,_ ” Jet repeated, bitter and hateful and angry. “His name is Li and he’s from a tiny port town and he lived with his granny and he acts like a lord even though he’s just some punk from no where and-”

Iroh’s hand settling on Jet’s shoulder surprised him into silence. The sheer audacity of a firebender touching him so kindly…

“And he is your friend,” Iroh murmured gently.

Jet said nothing. He stared, brittle and fragile, and Longshot had the terrible fear that he would break into a million pieces.

“He’s my friend,” Jet echoed hollowly. His fingers loosened and Iroh got to his feet, careful of his wound. He gave Jet a sympathetic look, somehow understanding the turmoil in a way he shouldn’t have been able to.

“I think, perhaps, your true fear is that this might somehow change him,” Iroh said softly as he smiled. “But your fears are unfounded. Even without his memories, my nephew is much the same man as he was before. Whether he remembers himself or not, he will always _be_ Zuko. The name he chooses to call himself has no bearing on that.”

Jet grit his teeth and looked away. “It matters.”

To that, Iroh could only sigh. He glanced to Longshot, but there was no help there. Longshot was similarly unsure of how to proceed. The only reason he and Smellerbee had not made a move was that they had not been forced to. Now, though…

“Are you going to take him back with you?” Jet asked softly, hardly above a whisper.

Iroh shook his head once. “No doubt, Azula has sent news to the Fire Nation of his defection and my own. Returning home now would mean the death of both of us as traitors of the state. The safest place for my nephew is here where he can relearn his skills in relative anonymity."

“Relearn- _no_. No, you’re not going to firebend _here_ -” Jet started but Iroh gave him a sharp look.

“It is amazing he has not accidentally bended yet,” he said, serious as death. “Without proper training, accidents will occur. Make no mistake, young man, he _is_ capable of firebending and if something were to push him into pulling at that power without the knowledge of how to control, he could kill himself and the rest of you in the process.”

Jet took an involuntary step back. His heart pounded in his chest, blood rushing through his ears so loudly he could barely hear a thing. He didn’t want to see Li firebending. It would make everything so real.

“That won’t happen.”

Some steps behind Jet stood Li. He looked resolved, though not a bit happy about it. His hands were fisted at his sides and his gaze weary, but he’d made a decision. As Smellerbee found her way to Longshot’s side and felt out for his hand, Longshot knew it was the right one.

“Teach me,” Li said as his eyes left Jet to regard the old man. “Teach me how to firebend.”


	11. Differentiating Between What I Want And What I Need

Jet took some slight enjoyment out of the fact that Li royally sucked at firebending. He sat in a tree and watched as Iroh tried very patiently to teach Li the basic forms and Li fumbled through them. None of the grace he’d developed as a swordsman seemed to have rolled over into the art of bending.

Not that Li had managed to actually produce a flame yet. That gave Jet hope that this was all just some huge misunderstanding. This guy _Zuko_ had obviously firebent, so if Li _was_ Zuko…

Which he wasn’t.

Drawing the twig he’d been idly chewing on out of his mouth, Jet shifted to rest against the tree trunk as he continued watching the show. It was easy to see how frustrated Li was getting and Iroh had the patience of a god, but even he was getting fed up with their lack of progress.

“ _Passion_ , young Li, that is the true source of firebending. Desire and-“

“ _I know!_ ” Li snapped back, throwing his hands up angrily before shifting back into the first stance and trying again to go through the movements. “I know, I know, I know! Stop repeating yourself!”

“Then you must _listen_ ,” Iroh continued, calm but strained. “If you try to draw from your anger, your bending will only suffer for it-”

“ _What bending?!_ Do you see any bending? Because I don’t!”

Iroh sighed heavily. He seemed somehow familiar with this kind of frustrated anger. “Perhaps we should stop for today.”

“Perhaps we should stop _all of it_ ,” Li shot back, but Iroh had already turned and begun back to the campsite. Li watched him go, still vibrating with anger, but the flush that came to his face was embarrassment touched with guilt. He kicked at one of the rocks littering the ground with a quiet grumble, then looked at a tree for a few moments, then the sky, then anything, it seemed, except for the direction Iroh had disappeared in.

It would have been funny if it was any less pathetic. Jet continued to watch but he wasn’t sure why. He’d seen Li grumpy and unapproachable before, even witnessed (and maybe caused him to be) hopping mad and irrationally perturbed. This was different.

Li seemed _disappointed._

Jet knew Li wasn’t nearly as skeptical of his supposed heritage, but the fact that he was having so much trouble with basic firebending bothered him on a deeper level. As if he expected to do better somehow.

After a little while, Li started going through the basic motions again, controlling his breathing the way Iroh had taught him (had made him practice for _two days_ , crazy firebenders,) and generally trying to force himself to learn. The moves were jerky and awkward without anything approaching flow. Jet didn’t blame him for getting angry. Li _really_ sucked at this.

“ _Damn it!_ ” Li snarled finally as he fumbled another move. He kicked another rock, then drew his swords instead. Jet blinked a moment and then he realized what was going on. Li started through one of his sword exercises, sliding from one part to the next without hesitation. He finished the exercise and moved to the next, a faster and more challenging set, then worked through another after that.

Doing something he knew he was good at. Jet could understand. Not that he ever had to reassure himself that he was good at things. Jet knew that just fine. But Li struggled fairly often.

Jet glanced to the sky. They had plenty of time before the evening meal, so he jumped down to the ground and dodged the whirling sword strike aimed for his gut with a well-timed jerk. Li pulled back a second later with another flush of embarrassment.

“What do you want?” he grumbled out and Jet could see the way he was trying to reel himself back.

“You could just quit.” Jet was completely serious, even if his tone was uncaring.

Li stared at him. It wasn’t just surprise there, something more like horror at the very idea of giving up. “I can do it.”

“Right. You’re doing so _well,_ ” Jet shot back with an amused snort.

“I can!” Li argued. “I just need to practice. I’ll get it. I’ll figure it out-”

“In how long? A hundred years? You’re not the Avatar, Li. Stubbornness won’t get you _everywhere-_ ”

Jet had his hook sword up to block Li’s attack before he’d realized either had moved. Good. He was hoping it wouldn’t take Li too long to just give in and take out his frustration on something. Something being Jet, who needed an outlet too.

The fights between them were always fast and dangerous and _real,_ but to Jet, they always felt like something more. Li could keep up with his agile movements and met him blow for blow, short sword to hook sword at every turn. It felt like a dance with how easily they could read each others’ movements. Jet’s muscles burned with exertion as the fight continued on but he could only grin in response.

Li twisted into a low swipe of one sword and Jet leaped over it, only to block the second strike and throw himself back. The swordsman jerked after him and forced Jet back until he had to run up one of the trees and flip over Li to get some breathing room. But Li was right there, pushing him. The edge of death seemed so close and Jet felt like he could walk along it forever.

He got a solid blow to the head with the handle of one sword and Li was dazed a moment, just long enough for Jet to swipe his legs out from under him. He followed through with what would have been a killing blow, but Li rolled out of the way and smoothly onto his feet.

Li grinned back when Jet caught sight of his face again. His dark hair had been knocked free of his topknot and followed each movement like pitch colored water. It twisted about as Li did, swords singing through the air for Jet to dodge under, block, or leap over. Battle suited Li. _Swordsmanship_ suited Li. He didn’t need firebending. His skills were potent enough as it was…

And Jet couldn’t imagine fire would ever be a weapon he could bare to see harnessed.

He blocked a strike heading for his side only to knock Li hard in the chest with his shoulder. Li grunted, stumbling back, and Jet continued to drive him on, laughing with the joy of just how freeing it was to fight like this. When it didn’t mean the defeat of the Earth Kingdom if he happened to perish.

Then Li tripped over a well rooted rock.

Jet pulled his strike as sheer terror ripped through him, knowing it wasn’t enough, _he was going to kill Li_ \- but one short sword jerked up to block even as Li stumbled off balance and went down into the reason why they’d made camp there in the first place: a fresh water stream.

Jet panted, staring as Li coughed and sputtered in the water. He jerked his gaze to his hook swords, then back again, as if he couldn’t believe Li’s dumb luck. He could have killed him right then and there.

He said nothing as Li fished his swords out of the water and awkwardly sheathed them so he could wade back to shore. He looked like a drowned rat, dark hair clinging to his cheeks and shoulders as his clothing held tight to his limbs. His expression was disgusted.

“You did that on _purpose!_ ” Li snarled out and for a panicked moment, Jet thought he meant tried to kill him.

“You… You _idiot_ ,” Jet ground back after Li got his waterlogged ass back to ground. “Pay attention to your surroundings! Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed? What if I’d been a Firebender?!”

For his part, it only took Jet half a second to realize what he’d just said. Li stared at him, panting with exertion, then slowly looked away. Silence stretched between them before Li started undoing the frogs of his soaked robe and untied the sash from his waist. He let the heavy cloth slide off his body and then found a tree branch to hang it from to dry, then unbuckled his sword belt to lay it on the grass gently.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Jet found himself saying even though he kind of had.

“Yes you did,” Li muttered as he unbuckled his wristbands without looking at him. “But I get it. It doesn’t matter.”

Jet wished he could leave it that way. It would have made things so much easier. But he couldn’t stand the way Li’s back looked, his shoulders hunched and body tense as a wire.

With a quiet curse, Jet made his way closer, hesitated only a moment before setting a hand on Li’s shoulder. The other boy went still, fingers hovering over the tie for his sodden undertunic.

“I did,” Jet admitted quietly. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Li looked down, brows bunched up over his eyes. “This is important to me.”

“I know-“

“No you _don’t._ ” Li jerked his head up and glared at Jet with his jaw clenched. “You don’t get it. You _have_ a past. You have memories, even if they aren’t _nice_ ones. You can name your parents and tell people what they looked like and you know your favorite meal as a kid and how your family celebrated _birthdays._ You can point to a map and tell people where you were born.”

Jet just stared back at him, unsure of what to say to that. It was true.

“This is my chance to get that,” Li continued more quietly. “And I’m going to take it. If you have a problem with that, lay it out _now_.”

Li’s cheeks were rouged with passion and his eyes were lit with an inner fire Jet hadn’t seen in a while. He was bedraggled, wet, and hopelessly defiant –

Jet blamed that for the way his hands seized Li’s face so he could capture the other boy’s lips with his own.


	12. To Make Me Happy

Smellerbee wasn’t surprised when Jet came trailing into camp looking roughed up but the blood smeared at the corner of his mouth was a little odd. He and Li didn’t tend to bloody each other up much, and whatever punch had caused the bloody lip hadn’t been pulled at all by the way his jaw was already bruising. She lifted her brows under her headband but said nothing as Jet walked past her to sit down next to the fire and brood.

On the other side of the fire, Iroh was brewing some kind of tea in a beaten up old teapot, apparently fine with the world. But then again, the old firebender tended to be that way when Li wasn’t around to train. And that just made Smellerbee wonder where Li was. She glanced off into the direction of the makeshift training field the firebenders had chosen, but didn’t see any skinny brats coming their way. Then again, if Jet looked like _this_ …

Smellerbee got up and folded her arms behind her head as she casually started towards the training spot. She knew Longshot would notice where she was heading but Jet was too busy pouting like the hero of some romantic drama. Smellerbee hadn’t actually seen any romantic dramas, but she’d heard things about them. Enough that she never wanted to see one.

As she expected, Li was sitting on the bank of the stream pouting. But he was down all the way to his unders, which gave her pause, and didn’t seem to have had the shit beaten out of him after all. Smellerbee lifted a brow. Hm. Well, that was interesting. Li didn’t even notice her until she plopped down beside him and then he jumped like a startled mooselion.

“Don’t _do_ that- _stop looking at me while I’m naked!_ ”

Li shoved his hands into his lap, drawing up his knees in some attempt to hide himself. His eyes jerked to his under tunic and pants, hanging beside his robe, but there was no reaching them without exposing himself further.

Smellerbee snorted. “You’re not _naked._ ”

“As good as!”

“ _Hah_.” She leaned back on her hands and looked at the stream as Li continued to blush and freak out. “So you went for a swim in your clothes?”

Li grumbled something to himself as he hugged his knees to his chest and glared. “…I fell in.”

“Let me guess: he tripped you.”

“ _I fell._ ”

Smellerbee snickered. Well, she supposed she could believe that. But Jet pushing him in was a funnier mental image. She watched as Li bristled again only to start relaxing like he always did with her. Like he just didn’t have the energy to maintain the bluster. He was brooding just as surely as Jet was.

“So what happened?” Smellerbee prompted and… Li went beet red. Now _that_ was interesting. Embarrassment, definitely, but also something else… Smellerbee grinned and shoved him playfully in the side. “Don’t tell me Jet dunked you just to rip your clothes off and-”

“ _NO!_ ”

It was the half hysterical tone that caught her off guard. She stared, the mirth draining from her face as she realized just how freaked the hell out Li really was. He hugged his knees to his chest, staring ahead, still blushing like mad but somehow overall paler than ever. Smellerbee blinked a little.

“Hey, you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said too quickly. “Just fine. Never been more _fine_.”

“Uh. Okay.”

“Fine.”

“Right.”

Li set his head on his knees and hugged them tighter. After that, Smellerbee was pretty sure Jet deserved to have his jaw bruised. She didn’t touch Li, of course, but she did stay sitting next to him until his clothing was at least dry enough not to cling to his skin. She looked away as he dressed and then walked with him back to camp for the evening meal like a good little bodyguard.

How Iroh managed to make soup and tea taste so good with what little they’d had none of them could understand, but even Li got seconds. There was nothing left over. Smellerbee watched him during dinner, a little worried at the way his eyes didn’t leave his bowl and he stayed as far from Jet as he could manage. Which meant sitting right next to Iroh, since Jet could barely stand to even look at the man.

Smellerbee understood it, of course. She’d been fighting the Fire Nation for nearly as long as she could remember. She’d only been seven when Jet found her, having been alone for a year and gone half wild in the silence. But she knew Iroh was a good man, birthplace not withstanding. She knew he would hurt none of them. And most of all, she knew Li needed him.

After dinner, Iroh got up, careful of his wound, and led Li back out to the training field. But instead of starting another set of exercises, he sat the both of them down in the center and put a cup of new tea in front of Li.

“I think, perhaps, we must venture into your mind and discover what is blocking your abilities,” Iroh murmured, watching his nephew with a gentle gaze. “I was lucky to find this herb. It will help you find yourself. Drink the tea and then close your eyes. I will guide you. Remember that you are not alone. If you grow lost, I will lead you to the open once more.”

Li didn’t really understand, but he was desperate to think of something other than how warm Jet’s lips had been and how he’d almost responded before he realized what was going on and- Li shook his head vigorously and grabbed the tea. It was cool enough to gulp down and he’d downed the whole thing in one go when he set the cup down again. Iroh gave him a surprised glance, but that was the last thing Li saw before the world began to fade around him.

When he opened his eyes – when had he shut them? – he was on a ship. The whole vessel swayed from one side to the other in a way that was oddly soothing under his feet. He adjusted unconsciously to keep his balance and stared out over the ocean surrounding the ship. The water was choppy and gray, sloshing dangerously against the sides and spraying out over the deck. The angry ocean chilled him to the bone, drawing up the fear from his heart faster than he’d have liked to admit.

He was already soaked in the seconds it took to find a door to the safety of inside and make his way there. The ship seemed familiar, in a way. Like an old friend, maybe. He ran his fingers over the metal walls and rivets, glanced into this room or another. The place was empty but he was looking for something… He wasn’t sure what, but he knew it was there.

“What do you see, Li?”

Iroh’s voice was distant and quiet under the sounds of the water and some kind of boiler deeper in the ship. Li could feel himself automatically responding, telling Iroh about the ship, but he ignored that as he continued on. Searching. It was _here_ …

He found a room that gave him pause. It was more decorated than the others. A huge drapery of the Fire Nation symbol hung on one wall and other things. Even a set of dual swords that made Li ache to use them. They looked perfect, balanced and the right length just for him… But he didn’t touch them just yet. His eyes swept over the bed, which was finer than the bunks he’d seen, and other personal items. The room seemed so very familiar to him, even the bath of red light from the lantern.

“ _What_ are you doing in here?” snarled a familiar voice from the doorway. Li tensed and jerked around, hands to the hilts of his swords, but they were gone.

At the door was a boy of maybe thirteen. His dark hair had been shorn short, except for a single ponytail at the top of his head. He glared mutinously in his fine, firenation armor, his face pulled with disgust and rage. And one of his eyes, the left one, was squinted from the burn scarring that spread from it over his _left_ ear. Li sucked in a swift breath.

“Who are you?” the boy snarled out, sliding easily into a firebending stance Li recognized. “An assassin here to take my life?!”

“I.. I’m…”

He could hear Iroh’s voice, urging him to face this apparition. Face it head on, don’t run away from the truth… But Li wanted to just as surely as he wanted to run from this boy.

“It’s no matter. I will defeat you before you can lay a hand on me!”

Li barely dodged as a blast of fire shot towards him. It sheared one side as he darted towards the dual swords on the wall. Drawing them, he blocked another strike as the boy came at him, determined to draw this into closer quarters. Most firebenders hated that-

Flames singed his hair as Li jerked his head to dodge a fiery fist. He dodged the boy’s strikes as well as he could and in the back of his mind, he knew the kid wasn’t nearly as refined as the soldiers he’d been used to or Iroh, who took firebending to an entirely new level, but he still found himself on the defensive.

The kid drove him out of the bedchamber and into the hall. It limited both of them, far more used to open space for their arts. Li continued to block as well as he could, the swords warm in his hands and still so very _perfect._ Had he not been so terrified, he might have been able to enjoy them.

As they rounding a corner, Li found himself with his back to the door outside, but it was the only place to go. The storm had magnified, tossing the ship as if it were nothing in the crashing waves. Water splashed over the deck and threatened to freeze right there in the cold air. Li backed up, swords at the ready, as the boy followed him out resolutely. They continued to fight, blades weaving with flames as the boy tried valiantly to land a good blow and Li tried to figure out just what was going on.

At last, he stumbled, slipped on half frozen water, and the boy had him. Li pressed back against the low wall, one sword knocked feet away and the other clung desperately with both hands. The boy glared.

“Did you really think it would be so easy, assassin?” he sneered out. “Who sent you?”

Li swallowed thickly. “No one, I-”

“So you hatched the plan on your own? _Stupid._ Who are you?”

“I’m... I…”

“No matter.” The boy drew back one fist, dead serious. “I have no qualms about ending your pathetic life. It’s not like you’re even _real._ ”

Li barely even felt the blast that hit him square in the chest and knocked him over the side. He fell, down, down, down into the cold water. Air burst from his lungs and he fought the swell of water to swim towards light, hands outstretched before him. But the light faded… and so did he.


	13. So Instead Of Thinking, I Just Act

Li woke with a jolt and feeling sore as if the blast of fire really had hit him. He was laying on the ground, staring up as Iroh held his shoulders, and began to cough. Immediately, Iroh rolled Li onto his side as he coughed for breath, expelling the water that had tried to choke him fully. It splashed over the packed earth, darkening it with every painful cough. Iron remained silent, rubbing his back until the coughing subsided and Li lay in a wretched state with his soaked clothing and hair sticking to his body.

Water had flicked off him in drops with every movement, dampening spots in Iroh’s thin robe and bandages. The old man didn’t seem to mind but Li still tried to get apologies through his sore throat.

“No,” Iroh murmured quietly. “Your apologies are not needed.”

He helped Li sit up, then rolled easily to his feet and dragged Li up with him. The boy stumbled, unsteady after such a harrowing experience. He was still shaking at the way the water had infiltrated every bit of his body through the useless cover his clothing had provided, cold and salty and _angry_. It made him relive the half formed nightmares he’d had when he first woke in Meimi’s village.

“Your apologies are not needed because they are _useless_.”

Li jerked his head up, staring at Iroh through long ropes of soaked black hair. “What?”

“What good are apologies from someone who doesn’t have the slightest idea who they are?” Iroh continued and his face was set into an unfamiliarly cold expression. Even his eyes were cold, colored with disdain. “You have a name you refuse to claim, a past you’re too cowardly to face-”

“I’m not a coward,” Li whispered, his eyes widening as Iroh tore him down.

“-a power you cannot accept. You, _Li_ , are a foolish coward-”

“Not a coward,” Li repeated, just a little louder.

“-and I wash my hands of you,” the old man finished. “There is no point to trying to train someone as terrified of himself as you are. I’m tired of your lack of talent and your complaining. Find another teacher for I am _finished_ trying to train the disrespectful coward out of you.”

Iroh turned and began to walk away from him. Li’s heart pounded in his chest and blood rushed his ears, deafening him to the sound of Iroh’s footsteps. Disrespectful? Disrespect… The word struck him far harder than ‘coward’ ever had. Disrespect…

- _the plan was crazy! They were going to kill innocent people and for what?! He had to stop this. He had to make them realize what they were doing was wrong! He couldn’t let his people do this, no matter how old and wise the generals were-_

Pain struck through his skull. Li grabbed his head in both hands with a cry, fingers tight in his long hair as he stumbled back. Smooth metal stopped his track and he slid down it, knees drawn up as he huddled on the floor. The pain was too much, sharp and sore at the same time, throbbing inside and out. But the metal was cool against his back, the icy air sinking into his wet skin. The shivering came on as the pain faded and Li looked up from his hands.

He was on the ship again and he could hear footsteps on the deck above and knew they were too small for anything but the boy with the same scar. Slowly, Li got up from the floor and made his way up to meet him. This was what he was meant to do, he was sure of it. _He was not a coward._

But when Li made it to the top deck, the person waiting there wasn’t the boy. A hand reached out, the back covered in an armored guard that slid up his arm, and grabbed hold of the front of Li’s robe. Li stumbled as he was jerked up against the firm body.

“Really?” Jet asked, his lips pulled into a smirk as his eyes glittered in the red light flickering behind Li. “Why don’t we prove that theory of yours.”

“What?” was all Li got out before his lips were crushed against Jet’s. He shuddered, hands curling in Jet’s own shirt as the other boy shoved him against cold metal and speared his tongue into Li’s mouth.

Like before.

Like Li _wanted_ him to.

Li’s eyes snapped open and he bit down on that tongue before twisting his head and breaking the liplock. He heard Jet curse lightly but only shoved him back to get out onto the deck. Li’s legs were unsteady under him as he stumbled out, but then they were swept out from under him by a black and red booted foot. Li hit the ground and rolled just in time to miss the fire blast aimed where his head had been. He barely got to his feet before he had to dodge another as the scarred boy scowled and advanced on him.

Jet began to walk out onto the deck, watching the boy attack Li calmly even as he drew his hook swords.

“Come on, Li,” Jet called out, almost sounding playful. “We’ll defeat him together. After all, he doesn’t matter to you, right?”

With a jerk, Jet attacked the boy. They seemed evenly patched, the boy dodging the hook swords and the frequent kicks Jet sent his way. There were no trees for Jet to work with, after all, so he used his body to it’s fullest potential. The boy was good, though. He dodged around Jet the way Li did, more agile than most firebenders bothered with. Shots of flame were well aimed and burned past Jet with bare inches or clearance.

Li felt paralyzed. At once, he understood just what this was. This boy was Zuko. This boy was Li. The past he had not explored, had rejected in his heart if not in word. This boy had a name and a home and a family.

- _Why was this happening? It should have been the General! He’d been ready to fight the General! Prove his honor, prove the man’s ignorance! Why was… Father! Father, don’t do this! Don’t hurt me, Father! I didn’t know! I DIDN’T KNOW!-_

Li sank to his knees, gripping his aching head as he gasped with pain. He could see them, flashes of red and gold and a long pathway to his own destruction. A hand burning brightly. _Pain._

“Li!”

He managed to lift his head through the crushing agony and then stared. Jet had the boy on his knees, hands caught by one of Jet’s and head lifted as a knife pressed to his throat.

“We’ll kill him together,” Jet said, grinning viciously. “Then it’ll be over. We’ll go back to the way it was, just us Freedom Fighters. No more of this. It’ll be over, Li.”

Li’s eyes flicked from Jet’s to the boy’s glowing gold. The boy wasn’t scared. He stared back as if he’d known this would happen. He’d known he would lose. And angry as it made him, he knew there was nothing he could do.

Slowly, Li fought his way to his feet. He stumbled forward, growing closer to the two of them. Jet’s smile widened and then he held out the small knife. It felt cold in Li’s hand when he took it. He looked at the boy, watching the way his eyes changed with angry determination.

“I am the real one,” the boy growled out.

Li lifted the knife, firmed his grip, and then slashed.

Instead of blood, the boy’s ponytail fell to the deck. But then long, water slicked hair fell down around the boy’s shoulders and over his back. Li blinked and instantly, he was looking at himself, right down to the robe he’d stubbornly kept in repair. It was Li that kneeled before him, held tight in Jet’s grip.

He looked at his hands and armor was clad up his arms and down his body. Slowly, hands shaking, he touched the helmet over his face and ripped it off. The helmet made a dull clunk as it hit the deck, but he ignored it, touching his face. His hair was gone – no, shaved smooth except for the long tail cinched at the top.

Jet looked at the man in his hold, then back to Li. Anger washed over his face.

“So this is your choice?” he growled out. Li swallowed thickly.

“I won’t run,” he said softly but he meant it with every fiber of his being.

Jet looked away, disgusted, then let go of the double and stalked off the deck. The boy rose, looking over his clothing before picking at a bit of long hair with a scowl. He still looked young, even mocked up into a version of Li, but less angry.

“I don’t hate this,” Zuko dressed like Li muttered, running his fingers along one of the guards at his wrist. He lifted his eyes, giving Li a baleful look. “ _You’re_ going to freeze though.”

Li blinked and looked down at himself. He was down to only the thin sleep pants he wore on nights when the air was hot enough to choke a man. But he didn’t feel cold now. His eyes caught on the burned scar across his chest and he brushed his fingers over it. Another set, smaller and thinner than his own, joined them. Zuko was close, but he seemed as mystified by the mark as Li did.

- _How dare he betray me!? How dare he! I’m not on a fool’s errand, this is my chance! Have to keep fighting, have to WIN! If he kills me now, I’ll never have my honor back. If he kills- HURTS! Can’t breath, it hurts- no, NO! Swim, have to swim, have to reach the surface, NO! I can’t die here!-_

“This isn’t mine, you know,” Zuko said, looking back up at Li as he jerked out of more painful memories he just didn’t understand. “I didn’t have this before.”

Li swallowed. “I know. This is the cause, isn’t it? What started everything.”

“Yes.” Zuko nodded a little and rested his hand flat over the worst of the old burns resting atop Li’s heart. “Do you remember yet?”

“Not really.” Li spread his own hand over Zuko’s, feeling the heat of him through skin. A firebender’s heat. Zuko’s eyes burned with the fire that should have scared Li.

The problem was that it _didn’t_. Li had never feared fire. He’d feared the way it felt so natural to him.

“Do you accept me?” Zuko asked, his voice quieter even though the question was far more important.

Li looked at their hands. The same hands. _His_ hands. He nodded once and Zuko took a step forward to disappear into him.


	14. Before I Have A Chance

Li was firebending. And not just getting a flame going, but doing it with a fair amount of skill. He was definitely a beginner, but Iroh guided his movements carefully to refine them and bring Li’s level up as quickly as he could.

The sight of small bursts of flame chilled Jet to the core. He watched the practice from his usual perch, swallowing back bile. It wasn’t just the firebending that bothered him. It was _Li _firebending. His friend Li, who had knocked sense into him and followed him for the last year like a lost pup. His friend Li the firebender.__

When Li had gotten up the other morning, groggy and still somewhat drugged from whatever Iroh had given him, he’d seemed more calm somehow. Like he’d made peace with himself. And that afternoon, he’d slipped through the first beginner movements with only a little clumsiness and the flames bade him. Jet wasn’t sure if he was angrier at Iroh for causing it or Li for letting it happen.

But now he couldn’t just ignore this. Li was a firebender, just like the enemy Jet had been fighting all his life. He felt confused and lost because he didn’t hate Li for it. He didn’t hate Li at all. But he should have.

Longshot leaned up against the trunk a few feet under Jet. His arms were folded and his eyes stayed rested on the firebenders intently. But then he lifted his head and looked straight up to meet Jet’s gaze. There was a question there, and also a reassurance.

Jet almost looked away with the embarrassment of _wanting_ that reassurance. Instead, he held that gaze until Longshot looked back to the training session.

That evening, Iroh volunteered to help forage for food while Longshot and Smellerbee headed off to hunt down some kind of meat. That left Jet and Li stoking the fire and keeping watch over their meager supplies. They were going to have to stop into a town soon for rice and other essentials.

The two of them sat on either side of the fire. Li poked it with a stick idly, not afraid in the least of getting singed with a popping cinder. But then again, Jet guessed he wouldn’t either if he were a firebender. His eyes flickered up to go over Li’s face.

It was definitely still Li’s face, just… more at ease. Like he’d figured something out. Like-

“Did you remember?” Jet blurted out and he wasn’t sure why this scared him so badly.

Li looked up with surprise. “Um. Not really.”

“But the fire-”

“Jet, the firebending was already part of me. I just accepted it.”

“ _How can you just accept being a firebender?!_ ”

The camp went quiet. Jet hadn’t meant for things to go this way and Li just stared at him. Then Li sighed softly and looked back at the fire.

“I don’t want to fight with you,” he said quietly. “It isn’t easy to accept this. I’ve been fighting the Fire Nation since I can remember. It’s _all_ I remember. But not training this power is _dangerous_. I could hurt someone, maybe an innocent person or even one of you. Swallowing my pride and disgust is nothing compared to knowing I won’t suddenly lose control and burn down an entire village.”

Jet sat back a bit and looked up at the sky. Li’s words were logical but Jet still hated seeing the fire. Seeing that Li was part of the enemy he’d sworn to wipe out completely.

“At least you’re as disgusted by it as I am,” Jet muttered to himself but Li still looked at him, brows furrowed. Bothered.

“Jet,” Li said, voice tight and gaze unsure. “Why did you kiss me? If you hate what I am so much, why did you kiss me?”

That… had not been what Jet expected to come out of Li’s mouth at all. Ever. You didn’t just talk about mistakes like that!

“I didn’t mean to-” Jet found himself stunned silent by the faint shift in Li’s eyes. As if something was dimming. “It just happened.”

“Oh.” Li turned back to the fire and poked at it a bit more, drawing the flames higher without much effort. “All right then.”

Somehow, Jet was pretty sure he’d just made a mistake. Not that he knew how to correct it or what it was, but it felt like something had just broken between them.

“Li-” he started, not even knowing what he was going to say.

“The scar was covered, wasn’t it? By my hair.”

“What?” Jet murmured as confusion settled in. “Well, yeah, but-”

“And my hair was down. I know I’m not pretty but I probably looked like a girl just then.”

“Li-”

“I know it’s been a while since you even flirted with some girl so I guess I understand-”

“That’s not why I did it!”

Li went quiet, staring resolutely at the fire as if nothing was wrong, but Jet knew how to read his bunched brows. Li had always been so very easy to read.

“It’s not why,” Jet repeated with more resolve. “There’s no way I’d mistake you for a girl.”

Li snorted but he still didn’t look happy. At least he looked at Jet though, searching his face. “Then why did you do it?”

Jet raked a hand back through his hair and tried to curb down the sudden nervousness driving through him as he thought back to that day. Why _had_ he done it? It wasn’t like he’d always carried a secret longing for men or even for Li. It was just… In that moment, when he’d realized Li was alive, he hadn’t killed him, and had for a second loved the grouchy look on his face…

“I wanted to,” he said finally.

Surprisingly, Li just gave a short nod and turned back to the fire. Things grew quiet between them again but it was a more comfortable silence. Not brooding so much as contemplating.

“Would you ever do it again?” Li asked finally.

Jet thought about it and tried not to feel weird about the whole thing. “I don’t know. Maybe. It wasn’t awful.”

Li snorted. “But not what you like, huh?”

“Maybe.” Jet eyed him, catching a faint lick of self-depreciating in Li’s half smile. “Wait. Do you _want_ me to?”

Li went crimson. He hunched a bit, as if he could hide in his own clothing and hair somehow. Seconds ticked by and Li lifted a hand, sliding it under the loose fall of hair to cover his burned eye. He always did that when he felt insecure or worried.

“What would you say if I said yes?”

Jet didn’t have a damn clue. “So you do? You want me to kiss you again. But you punched me the first time!”

“Do you really _blame me?!_ Where the hell did that come from in the first place?!” Li snarled, flushed and embarrassed. “We had just been fighting, you idiot! You don’t kiss someone after you trip them into a _river._ ”

“I did not trip you! You fell over a rock, idiot!” Jet shot back. “And it isn’t a river! It’s a _stream!_ ”

“Oh don’t you argue semantics with me!” Li got up, glaring down at Jet with his fists clenched at his sides. “You’re _impossible!_ I can’t believe I ever liked you in the first place!”

The camp was dead silent. Li’s eyes went wide and his face darkened somehow ever more. Jet could only stare at him. Then he slowly got up to his feet.

“You like me,” Jet said quietly.

“We’re friends, idiot,” Li responded, trying to save face.

“But you _like_ me. More than friends.”

Li stayed stubbornly silent and glared into the fire. Normally, Jet would have teased him at this point, but he was kind of reeling. He stared down at the other boy, watching the flicker of light dance across his pale skin and dark hair.

“Hey, come on. It’s not like I don’t understand,” Jet said finally, grasping at straws. “I mean, I’m pretty handsome.”

“Shut up.”

“I guess even guys can’t help but be blinded by my amazingness.” Jet’s voice didn’t quite sound right. It was tight and flimsy and weirdly high pitched.

Li glared right at him. “You’re an idiot.”

“You _like_ me, though,” Jet pointed out, just this side of freaked but somehow managing to sound like this was all a big joke.

Li’s lips pursed and he got up. “Don’t you dare tease me for this. You have no idea what it’s like for me. You’re such a _moron_.”

Turning on his heel, Li marched out towards the training field without looking back, shoulders tight and body straight as a board. Jet swallowed thickly and sat back down. He was still staring at the fire when the others came back and Iroh calmly went to go tend to his prickly nephew.


	15. To Contemplate the Consequences of Action

They needed to do something constructive. Wandering around was grating on all their nerves, making their tempers short and sharp. But it still took a visit in town for supplies to decide what to do.

Longshot listened carefully to the gossip between merchants and none of it was good. The Fire Nation had overtaken Omashu, dealing a serious blow to the Earth Kingdom. More men were leaving the villages, leaving their wives and young children to tend farms and businesses. Whole towns were being abandoned for the safety of bigger cities, despite the poverty awaiting them. It made Longshot weary but maybe they had the right idea.

Ba Sing Se wasn’t that far away. They could get there in a few weeks if they really tried. He had heard stories of the great city as a child, before he lost his family. His father had visited once, going along with the archer he’d trained under in his youth. He talked about the sprawling wonders, the tiers of residential sectors, the beauty of even the perfectly packed or paved streets. It had been a hope deep in his mind that his father might one day take him there, maybe after his nephew was born. But that had never happened.

Longshot wondered if the city might have changed in these years. Surely it had, but maybe there would be a few things like his father’s stories. Maybe he could walk along the same streets his father once had and feel, for a little while, like he was still there.

When he relayed the information he’d gathered to the others, it didn’t take long to decide what to do. Mostly because neither Li nor Jet had anything to say. The two of them had been ignoring each other for days and even shorter with their anger when dealing with anyone else. Which was why Longshot had gone into town today instead of Li.

Iroh seemed happy enough to go, but there was a lingering sadness in his eyes when the Great City was mentioned. Longshot wondered but he knew enough about grief not to ask. Besides, the old man made him uncomfortable, despite how gentle and kind he acted. Iroh was a Firebender, and a good one at that. And despite the fact that Longshot wasn’t an emotionally stunted _fool_ like Li and Jet, he still had lingering doubts over trusting a firebender at all. Li was different; he hadn’t knowingly become a firebender. Iroh must have studied all his life. And Longshot had known Li for a year instead of a tiny handful of weeks.

Li was getting passably good at firebending. Enough that he could probably hold his own against the real thing. As soon as Iroh had fully recovered from his injury, their training sessions had stepped up into something a whole lot more violent. There wasn’t time to be gentle about it. Iroh pushed Li harder every day and then helped soothe scrapes and burns at night. Longshot never watched. Friendly fire was still fire and he just…

He couldn’t.

So he didn’t watch. Thankfully, Li never seemed to notice.

But, again, Li was occupied in whatever spat he and Jet were currently involved in. At least in so far as he was doing his damned best to ignore Jet even existed. He didn’t speak to him, didn’t even _look_ at him, and if Jet decided to disappear in the night, well that would be just _fine_.

Every time Li did look at him, he remembered the stinging humiliation of admitting his mixed feelings for the other boy and the way Jet had mocked him for it, and then how much he wanted to be kissed again... It wasn’t his fault he felt this way. He certainly hadn’t asked for it. It was all Jet’s fault. Jet, who could turn from deadly to charming confidence in less than a second. Who grinned nastily even when he was pleased, because he was never actually _happy_. Who had cobbled the pieces of himself together twice now and still had the courage, or maybe just the subbornness to go on…

Damn it. Li raked a hand back through his hair and glared at the woodpile he’d been adding to. It was just a stupid infatuation. It wasn’t like he was _in love_ or anything. Because that was _stupid_. He just…

He really needed a _goal_. But he had no idea where the damn princess was.

They started towards Ba Sing Se when it became clear no one could formulate a good objection to doing so. Jet set a grueling pace that was only met by how hard Iroh trained his nephew at night. Something was bothering the man deeply but Li didn’t know him well enough to ask and he was too preoccupied with his own problem.

It was two days from Ba Sing Se when Li wondered why he was staying with the other defunct Freedom Fighters. He sat in front of the fire, sore and barely sated from their tiny meal, and realized there was no reason to stay and endure this… whatever it was.

He could leave. He could just pack up his things and leave in the night and never have to deal with Jet again. He wouldn’t have to suffer the twisting in his gut every time he had to look at him or hear him speak or remember the mocking tone of his voice. He could just… go. Track the princess on his own and… maybe fight her. Or beat some information out of her since Iroh always changed the subject when Li asked about the particulars of his past. He could do that.

He wouldn’t have to look at Jet and fight the dual urges to kick and kiss him.

Li lifted his gaze and regarded Jet across the way, sitting between Smellerbee and Longshot. He would miss them, at least. Smellerbee didn’t have much in the way of patience but he appreciated her blunt nature. And Longshot had always been kind to him. They were friends and Li would miss them, but staying near them wasn’t worth dealing with Jet and his stupid face.

He was pretty sure Iroh would come with him if he left. Maybe that would be okay. Maybe.

Li hadn’t really made a choice, but when his watch came up for the night, he was gifted with a unique opportunity. His pack was on his back as soon as he heard all the rest of their breathing steady out into sleep. Li didn’t really choose to leave. But he still turned his back on them and started to walk away from the campsite.

The crunch of dirt under his feet seemed too loud in the quiet of night. Every step weighed heavier and heavier on his conscience. He could be leaving them to be attacked, murdered in their sleep, captured and tortured…

Li stopped walking. He took a breath and closed his eyes. No. These were some of the most deadly people he knew of. The Fire Nation wouldn’t get the drop on them. He was worrying for nothing.

He took another step. Just leave them behind. They were fine and he didn’t really belong there anyway.

Li opened his eyes. He wasn’t sure when he’d closed them, but not ten paces ahead of him stood Jet. The other boy regarded him with a strange array of emotions on his face. The darkness did strange things to Jet’s face, making it almost… vulnerable in a way. The same way Li felt.

“Where are you going?” Jet asked and his voice was hard, strained somehow. Brittle.

Li didn’t want to answer because “I don’t know” sounded weak and stupid. “Why do you care?”

“You think I wouldn’t mind you disappearing in the night?”

A firebender disappearing in the night. Li tried to ignore the way his chest clenched as he looked away.

“I’m going after her. The Princess-”

“Alone? Are you out of your mind?!” Jet shot back and Li could hear him getting closer.

“At least it’d get me away from _you!_ ”

The words came out before Li could stop them and Jet went dead still. Li didn’t want to look at him, but he did. He watched the shock roll over Jet’s face, tinged with hurt and something else.

“This is about that night,” Jet murmured quietly.

Li clenched his hands tightly. It seemed so petty, out in the open like this. “I can’t do this anymore.”

Jet looked away. His eyes tracked over this or that, changing every for moments, looking at everything except Li. And Li understood because he didn’t really want to look at Jet either. But he was, because if he was going to leave in the dead of the night and get caught at it, he was going to face this head on with his head held high.

“Jet,” he said softly, his voice not quite as strong as he wished it was, “It’s better this way.”

“How the hell is my best friend skipping out on me better than staying?” Jet shot back with a snarl.

Li swallowed thickly because the shot of… heat? Warmth? Tenderness was almost too much to handle, so he settled for getting mad. “Best friend? Best friends don’t try to lick each other’s tonsils!”

“That was just-”

Li didn’t have to interrupt; Jet stopped on his own. “Just _what_ , Jet? Because I’ve been thinking about _just what_ since and maybe _you_ don’t get tied up about someone kissing you, but I’m not like you! That was the first time _anyone_ kissed me!”

He hadn’t meant to say that, but once it was out and Jet’s shocked eyes stared back at him, he couldn’t stop. It had been building for long enough.

“I like you, Jet! Probably since you pulled me away from her body, you son of a _bitch!_ ” Li snarled at him. He threw down the pack with every intention of beating Jet’s stupid _stupid_ face. “And I don’t care that you’re not interested or that you really only care about beating the Fire Nation and I can even deal with the fact that you can’t stand even talking to me now that you know I’m a firebender-”

His hands ended up in the front of Jet’s tunic, curled tightly in the fabric. “But you don’t get to make fun of me for liking you when you’re the one who kissed me by the river. And you don’t get to be angry when I want to leave and you caused all this.”

Jet hadn’t said anything. He just stared, letting Li gush it all out and tell him off. Even when Li kept going and started to shaking him to make his point, Jet didn’t say anything. But he did finally move, even if he didn’t mean to.

Li’s hair was soft when Jet’s hands delved into it, but his lips were softer, especially as they opened up to him with surprise. Jet took the opportunity granted to him and tasted Li’s mouth before the other boy could stop him. Of course, then Li bit him but it was still worth it and that didn’t mean the kiss _stopped_. This time it lingered, raging between them as they bit more than kissed like some kind of bizarre punishment.

When it ended, their mouths were raw and sore and red. Jet’s eyes focused on Li’s lips and watched his tongue brush over the bottom one. He nearly went in for another taste but was caught on the look in Li’s eyes.

Haunted. Hurt. Hopeful.

“Don’t do this time to me again,” Li said softly in a hushed tone. Jet’s fingers tightened in his hair.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he murmured back. “I won’t let you go.”

Li stared at him for a long time. Then, slowly, he nodded and Jet led him back to camp with the pack over his own shoulder.


	16. And I Will Turn Off

They had two choices: tricking their way onto the ferry or attempting the Serpent’s Pass. None of them were all that interested in attempting the pass, so they headed for the Ferry station in Full Moon Bay.

More people than they’d realized had gathered there, attracted by the promise of safety behind the walls of Ba Sing Se. Troubled people, terrified out of their minds and holding their children close, their weary eyes following anyone who passed too closely. With the war taking most of their men, the kingdom had been ravaged by bandits and ne’er-do-wells taking advantage of a frightened people.

Li couldn’t look any of them in the eye because he had also stolen from villages. He tried not to think about it, to reason with himself that they had only taken what they _needed_ , had not put any undue hardship on anyone, but it didn’t change the fact that what he had done was _wrong_.

It would never change that.

Jet led them up to one of the lines. He was antsy himself, gaze shifting over anyone who got too close. No doubt, there were their type of people here, ones with hands too swift and light to feel, but honest faces no one would suspect. If he was going to go through the trouble of getting onto the ferry legitimately, he sure as hell wasn’t going to let some fool steal his ticket.

Then he realized something. Jet rounded on Li, startling the swordsman when he grabbed Li’s arm.

“Hey, you gonna be okay? On the ferry, I mean.”

Li’s lips pressed in a thin line. He was pale and his gaze was oddly glassy at the very thought of going out over the water, but he would do it. He had to face his fear someday.

“It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

Jet didn’t look convinced. He let go though. “If you stay in the cabin the whole time, I promise not to rib at you.”

Li snorted. “Yes, you will.”

“Yeah, I will.”

Jet grinned and Li managed a weak smile in return.

They didn’t have passports but Iroh was surprisingly good at wooing older women. It made Li twitch a bit to watch because, well, they were _old_. And Iroh was his uncle. Sort of. He guessed? He wasn’t really sure if he was ready to accept that just yet. Not when Iroh was so reluctant to tell him everything. The suspicious nature he had cultivated under Jet wouldn’t let that go.

Still, in the end, they were in possession of the tickets they needed and all that was left was boarding the ferry. They headed out, lining up with rare obedience along with the other refugees. The line moved slowly as they packed as many people on the ferry as it could hold. Comfort was at a premium, one no one could afford.

The ferry loomed ever closer, swaying on the water in a way that made Li’s stomach clench. His gaze darted over the bay and outward as his insides twisted up into knots and he found himself damp with sweat. He could do this. He could _do_ this. That ferry had been making trips round the clock for weeks now and it was still there, safe and sound.

Images of a raging storm, of icy waters bursting over the deck and snatching men up like a fantastical creature filled his mind. He swallowed thickly, closing his eyes, but that didn’t help. He could feel with cold blanket of water surrounding him, choking him…

“I’ll be back,” he said suddenly, and then left the line before the others could stop him. Li walked back to the station at a steady clip, stumbling over fear clumsy feet and clenching his hands to keep them from shaking. He felt choked with shame as surely as the water might have done. Reaching the station, he leaned against it and sunk down to the ground, pulling his knees to his chest as he tried to slow his racing heart. It was just a _boat ride_. He felt absolutely stupid for being so afraid of it and letting that fear affect him. The princess didn’t unnerve him as much as the ferry did!

He couldn’t do this, Li realized. He raked a hand back over his hair and closed his eyes, continuing to fight down his nausea. Maybe the others could go on and he’d meet up with them. The Serpent’s Pass was treacherous, but Li trusted his skills. He could make it on his own and he would.

Li got up and went back into the ferry station. He took out his ticket, giving it a narrow look, then looked towards the group of would be Avatars that hadn’t been able to secure their own passage. A tiny boy caught his eye and before he could think about it, Li was walking over and holding the ticket out. The boy stared at him, eyes wide. He stopped sucking his thumb and reached out, taking the ticket. His companion gave Li a surprised look, then lifted the boy up into his arms.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice quiet and almost reverent. Li gave a weak smile.

“You’ll have to find another one-”

“Here you go.”

An arm adorned with a familiar wrist guard slid past Li’s shoulder with a second ticket. Li didn’t move as Jet chatted amicably, explaining that the two of them had decided not to go after all and it was really a waste of a ticket so they should really be used. The two false Avatars headed off with an extra swing in their step, hurrying to board the ferry before it left. Then Jet rounded on Li with barely kept rage in his eyes.

“Running away again?” he hissed out, grabbing hold of Li’s wrist in a bruisingly tight grip. The dark thing was there, staring out with hurt and blinding anger that would break everything apart trying to keep it.

Li swallowed thickly. “I couldn’t do it, Jet. The ferry. I can’t. I’ll take the Pass instead.”

Jet searched his face and then softened. He sighed, shaking his head. “Li, I swear. You… I’m going to kill you for this crap some day.”

He stepped past, tugging Li’s hand as he headed for the door, and Li followed without another word. They thought they might have heard a commotion near the ticket counter, maybe even a familiar voice, but they didn’t look.

The pass itself was thin and weak. Jet and Li went through the rocky path as quickly as they could safely. A few portions of it seemed ready to fall at any moment. They kept themselves light and quick, and didn’t pause. A Fire Nation ship patrolled nearby and while it made them nervous, they did their best not to think about it.

And then they hit a snag. Part of the pass was submerged. Li stared at it, his heart beginning to race. He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself, then began towards the water. He had to face this. Had to…

“Li,” Jet murmured quietly, touching his shoulder. “You _can_ do this.”

Li wished he had Jet’s confidence. As the first splash of water hit his shoes, he almost lost his nerve. But there was no other way. They weren’t going back. He had to cross.

Jet went first, slipping into the water without hesitation, and Li couldn’t very well let him have something else to pick on him about. So he followed, swallowing back nausea and gut wrenching fear as the water soaked into his clothes. His feet left solid ground and for a moment, he began to panic. The he saw Jet looking back at him a few feet further.

“You can swim just fine,” Jet said firmly.

Li nodded and they began to cross. He swam hard, trying not to think about how far away the rock was on either side of him. Instead, he kept his attention on Jet, listening to the other’s movements through the water and lifting his head between strokes to sight him. It would be all right. It would be _fine_. He just had to keep swimming…

How long it took, neither of them was sure, but they didn’t pause until they’d reached the other side. Jet slumped down against the rocky path as he panted for breath and Li dropped beside him. They were both exhausted but there was plenty more of the Pass to get through.

“We’ll rest the night,” Jet decided. They didn’t have any supplies on them since their packs had already been stowed on the ferry, but they would make do. They had before. Jet sat up against a patch of rock with no jutting bits and Li slumped in beside him. Their shoulders touched, but neither of them had the will to get uppity about it.

“I thought you were gonna disappear,” Jet said suddenly, filling the silence. Li glanced at him but Jet was staring out over the water. “Like that night. I thought you were trying to leave.”

“…You said you wouldn’t let me,” Li responded softly.

Jet looked at him and there was a veiled vulnerability there. For a moment, Li wondered if Jet really believed he could hold Li to his side.

“Right,” Jet murmured finally as he looked away. “Right. You’re staying right here.”

“Well, in Ba Sing Se.”

“Smart ass.”

Li grinned and after a moment, Jet smiled back at him.

Sleep came easily, the darkness of night wrapping around their minds and soothing them into dreamless abandon. They might have stayed that way for days, letting their exhaustion from travel seep away, but their rest was broken abruptly a few hours into the morning.

It sounded like an explosion in the water. Jet and Li scrambled to their feet and stared as a great scaled beast rose from the surface, up and up and up impossibly high. For an instant, Li realized this thing could have easily come after them the day before. Then he spied a small patch of path separated from either side that hadn’t been there before and people standing on it – _the Avatar and his friends!_

“We have to help them,” Li realized. Even if it meant going out on the water again, they had to do _something!_

Jet pursed his lips. He watched as the trapped group began to fight and then looked over their side of the pass. There were no jump points, no ledges where he might get some air and get over the beast thrashing in the water. But Li was right.

“Okay,” he said quietly. “This is what we’re going to do…”


	17. And I Will Shut Down

Katara tried not to think about Aang in the air, distracting the deadly beast. She had another duty: keeping the rest of her group alive. The water froze under her touch, ice shooting out unevenly towards the other side of the path. The only way this would work was if Aang could keep that thing distracted long enough. She didn’t like the odds, nor the danger. As soon as the refugees, Suki, Sokka, and Toph were headed in the right direction, Katara broke off from them and sped towards the monster.

One arm cocked back, Katara steadied herself as the ice propelled her forward across the water and prepared for her first attack. The monster’s last bite was close enough to Aang to worry and while he wasn’t powerless, she couldn’t help the way her heart stopped at the snap of those jaws. It seemed to take forever to get close enough and then…

Footsteps behind her and then something heavy knocked into her shoulder before she could turn, toppling her over. Katara jerked her head up to see Jet had springboarded right off her towards the serpent, using his momentum to propel himself impossibly high into the air. He yelled out a war cry as he landed on the serpent and set off running immediately, anticipating the monster’s thrashing with seeming ease to stay on it’s body as he ran along it.

“Katara!” Li said, grabbing her arm to drag her back up. “Sorry, he’s a dick, can you throw me up there?”

Katara stared at him. What the heck were these two doing here?! But as the serpent gave another enraged scream, she just nodded sharply. “Don’t cry if you fall off!”

Li gave her a bewildered look before a column of ice jutted upwards as quickly as she could manage. He didn’t fall but when the ice stopped rising, he kept going, arching over the flailing beast’s head. Jet had reached the head then and struck one eye as hard as he could. The beast screamed, jaws wide with fury with Li in position to fall right into its mouth…

Katara’s eyes went wide as he twisted his falling body into a move she knew and fire spewed from his hands right into the serpent’s mouth. The beast jerked with such violence that Jet was knocked clear but Aang managed to grab him and slow the fall enough that when he slipped into the water, it was gentle. Li, on the other hand…

The beast thrashed with rage and pain. It’s mighty body tossed at random as Li continued to fall, the deadly tail jerking out of the water. It hit Li hard, propelling him across the bay. He crashed into the ice bridge right before Toph could finish crossing it, destabilizing enough of it to dunk both of them down into the water.

Gritting her teeth, Katara started to head back when she noticed Suki jumping in after the two. Katara trusted her to get them out but the beast was still there and Jet was a sitting duck out there. After only a split second of thought, Katara shot towards Jet and fished him out just as Aang decided it would be a fabulous idea to create a whirlpool. The pull of the water was strong but Katara had stubbornness on her side. She held onto Jet’s arm as they headed back to the path.

Ahead, Suki had managed to drag Toph from the water and get her to solid ground. She turned and went for the water again and was under by the time they got there. Katara got close enough for Jet to jump to the others before she dove into the water as well. Between she and Suki, they found Li and pulled his still body to the surface.

As soon as they broke through, Li jerked in their arms, snapping to consciousness and coughing up water. His eyes were wild with fear but they got him close enough for Jet to drag him the rest of the way.

“ _Hey!_ ” he snarled, slapping Li hard across the face. The panicking boy stilled, panting for breath. He stared at Jet a few moments before rationality seeped back into his gaze. Li glanced up, noting Suki and Katara standing over him, then looked away with embarrassment.

“What are you two doing here?” Sokka asked with bewilderment.

Before he could answer, a huge crash of body against rock drew their attention. Aang’s whirlpool had paid off and he’d knocked the serpent out, if not ended it. He flew back to them as Jet was helping Li up to his feet.

“Uh. Not that we don’t mind the help, but _what are you doing here?_ ” Sokka reiterated, throwing out his hands.

Jet rolled his eyes, one hand still on Li’s shoulder to steady him. “Hey, you’re not the only ones heading for safety.”

Li glanced over the group but his gaze paused on Aang. Aang didn’t quite look… well, like _Aang_. He seemed distant, closed off. Alien in a way. Despite that Li was still shivering from the feared shock his plunge had sent him into, he still moved from Jet’s side to approach the monk.

“Hey, are you all right in there?”

Behind him, he could hear someone (probably Sokka) say something about butting out, but Aang just looked at him, dark eyes veiled with something even darker. Aang didn’t answer him. After a few moments, he shifted his gaze over to the rest of the group.

“We should keep moving. The noise might have gotten that patrol ship’s attention.”

Li wanted to contest him, as did Katara, but they ended up heading on towards the end of the pass without doing so. There, Jet decided to leave them.

“Out friends took the ferry. We need to go meet up with them,” he said, hands crossed over his chest. “You guys seem to have it all covered here and we can move faster on our own.”

“Jet,” Li admonished at the slight to the Avatar’s friends, but he was ignored as usual.

“Wait.”

Katara stepped towards them, her expression solemn. “Li, I saw you firebend.”

The boy flinched even as Sokka let out a surprised exclamation. Katara continued closer until she was right in Li’s space, staring him down.

“I saw you firebend. Since when has that been going on?”

Li pursed his lips and then looked away. “I…”

“Remember that old man?” Jet chimed in, sounding as if he didn’t really care. “Turns out he’s Li’s uncle. Lost track of him three years ago. They were traveling from the Fire Nation for some reason, probably because why would anyone stay there… Anyway, he’s been teaching Li.”

Katara rounded on him in a second. “And what, you’re fine with this? What happened to doing anything to bring the Fire Nation down?”

“This is different.” Jet tightened his arms and gave her a narrow look. “Li’s on our side. Same with his uncle.”

Katara stared at him wearily, then without looking back said, “Toph.”

“He’s telling the truth,” the earthbender replied with a shrug. “Mostly. I think he wants to believe it.”

Li went pale. He shot a glance towards Jet but the other boy wasn’t looking at him.

“Wants to believe it?” he asked softly, his voice tight with sudden pain.

“We’ll talk _later_ ,” Jet growled out.

“You know, this might actually work for us.” Sokka rubbed his chin, one brow raised as he thought about it. “I mean, Aang has to learn firebending _sometime_ , right? And Li’s a pretty good guy. Um. Most of the time-”

Li looked even paler but Aang solved things.

“We don’t have time for this right now. We needed to get going.”

Jet nodded sharply to him. “Right. Same with us. We seem to be heading for the same place, so we’ll catch up then.”

There wasn’t much discussion. Jet and Li headed off towards the meet up point in silence. They moved most of the day, pausing only for water and not speaking.

Jet didn’t really trust him. Li had known that, somehow, but it still ached inside him. He had begun to believe that maybe Jet had forgiven him for what he was. But of course he hadn’t. Why would he?

Closing his eyes, Li tried to banish it all from his mind. He shouldn’t be hurt. It wasn’t like he needed Jet’s approval. He just… It was nice, thinking that maybe things would be okay. That maybe he had something solid to grasp to…

Jet stopped dead in the trail. He lifted his head, listening as Li did the same. Voices, faint but close by. Low enough to be suspicious and this close to Ba Sing Se, neither of them wanted to take chances with the safety of their friends. Jet lifted a hand and signaled before he started for the noise. Li did the same, but swung around wider to catch whatever it was from two sides. They didn’t have far to go.

What they found was… monstrous.

A massive iron contraption lay before them, some kind of drilling machine that had Fire Nation stamped all over it. Literally. It was the kind of thing that boggled the imagination, the kind of thing that could probably even burrow its way through the walls of Ba Sing Se.

Li swallowed thickly, counting the soldiers he could see standing outside and checking over the drill. Too many for he and Jet to take out alone. He swung around to meet Jet on the far side, glad at least that he hadn’t attacked without a plan.

This needed a plan.

Hell, it needed a miracle.

And just as they thought it couldn’t get worse, the fire nation princess strode out into the open with two other girls. Li felt the familiar sick hatred fill him all the way through and his mind went blank. A second later, he was running towards her with both swords drawn and Jet yelling his name.


	18. Burying the Voices of My Conscience

The screamed name that ripped from Jet’s throat felt as if it had taken most of his insides with it. A great terror swept through his body, bringing his hands to his hook swords and his senses to a screeching halt.

Something wouldn’t let him join Li in the charge. Some tiny piece of self-preservation stopped him, forced him to change cover, to wait, to watch. To leave Li alone in facing a few dozen fully trained firebenders and the deadly fire nation princess.

But it wasn’t the princess or the soldiers who took Li down. The curvier of her friends stepped in front of her and sped through a series of blindingly fast barehanded movements. The swords dropped from Li’s hands and then he fell to his knees as if his limbs were no longer under his control. The girl vaulted over him, using his shoulders as a springboard, and then secured his useless hands with one of her own. The other grabbed hold of his topknot and shoved him forwards.

The submissive positioning made bile rise in Jet’s throat. Princess Azula calmly stepped forward and circled her would be assassin with a look of amusement. She paused, then waved over one of the still on guard soldiers.

“Highness,” he said shakily, with a respectful bow of his head. “I will rid you of this annoyance-”

“Oh no,” Princess Azula purred, positively glowing with a feral sort of glee. “No, I’m afraid this is my quarry to play with. But you might want to scour the forest to make sure none of his little friends are around. They’re like rats, Captain. Always nosing around where they aren’t wanted and ruining things.”

“I’m alone!” Li snarled, giving a sudden struggle on the ground, but the girl held him fast.

“Of course you are,” Princess Azula crooned sweetly. She dismissed the man with a curt nod and he ordered his men out to search the area.

Jet cursed under his breath. He immediately took up to the trees, but he knew his cover wouldn’t last long. He needed to get away, regroup, come back prepared… But all he could do was watch as the princess ordered her posse to drag Li inside the monstrous drill.

Going after Li alone when the soldiers were on high alert was suicide. Jet thought about doing it anyway. He couldn’t help but think that leaving meant abandoning Li to death. But something about Princess Azula made him certain that she was the kind to play. Li would be alive for a few days at the least.

He hoped.

With a heavy heart, Jet escaped the searching firebenders and debated only a moment before turning for Ba Sing Se. The others would be there and the Avatar was sure to turn up within the day. Surely, they would all help rescue Li. The Avatar was into saving people, right?

Rescue was the last thing on Li’s mind. Enraged and shamed by how easily he’d been taken down, he stayed sullenly quiet as he was taken into the drill and to Princess Azula’s rooms. The soldiers dropped him onto cool iron floor where his body didn’t even _try_ to do anything but slump into a pile. He had little feeling in his limbs and even his chest felt constricted and numb. He heard the princess thank the soldiers and sent them away along with her two friends. The heavy door shut behind them.

“So good to see you again, Zuzu,” the princess purred out as she stalked towards him and looked down at the pathetic mess of him on the floor. “I thought you might have been eaten by a mooselion or something.”

“I will tear you apart,” Li promised, struggling to get his limbs to heed him. “The Fire Nation will fall by my hands!”

She tsked and then crouched down to get a better look at him. One hand shot out to grab him by the hair and wrench his head back, sharp nails biting into his scalp. “Tough talk for someone who can’t stand. But you’ve always taken on more than you could handle.”

“I can handle _you_ ,” he snarled back, but that just made her laugh.

And then she slammed his head against the floor. Li saw stars and the ringing in his ears almost deafened him. Then he was dragged up to his knees as the princess grinned at him.

“You could never handle me, Zuzu,” she purred out. “The day you can even lay a finger on me will be the day I give up firebending.”

Azula threw him back to the ground and then kicked him onto his back, planting her boot in the middle of his chest. Then she paused, almost thoughtful.

“ _You’ve_ certainly given it up, haven’t you, if I miss my guess with those swords.” She shook her head, tsking reproachfully. “What’s wrong, Zuzu? Afraid of fire after Daddy taught you a lesson _on your face?_ ”

Li glared at her murderously. “My name is _Li_ , you heartless _bitch_.”

The language seemed to have caught her off guard. Azula blinked a moment, tilting her head to one side.

“Oh my,” she murmured. “I didn’t realize your betrayal had gone so far. It’s one thing to become a traitor and work with insurgents, but if you’re going to give up your past in the process, we’ll have to have a little talk.”

She leaned forward, putting most of her weight on his chest. Li grit his teeth at the pressure hampering his breath. Azula peered at him for a few moments before she got off and dragged him up again, getting close and personal. Her breath brushed his ear and her hair pressed against his cheek. He’d never felt so nauseated by another person before.

“Did that fat, old coward teach you to deny your past, Zuko?” she whispered, voice velvety soft. “Did he teach you to betray your country and your father?”

Something went very cold in Li’s belly. His father? There were feelings attached to the idea of parents, ones powerful enough to overwhelm him. His resolve broke down. Iroh had refused to tell him about his father, just about his kind mother. But Azula…

“You know my father?” he asked without thinking, quiet and tight with emotion. Azula drew back and searched his face, brows furrowed with confusion.

“You’re kidding,” she said and then immediately let go and got up as she corrected herself, “but you never joke. You… Tell me, _Li_ , do you _really_ know who I am?”

“Princess Azula,” Li growled. He managed to stay on his knees this time, feeling weak but starting to get feeling back in his limbs. “Daughter of the Fire Lord. _Bitch_.”

She didn’t even twitch at the insult. Instead, Azula folded her arms over her chest and looked thoughtful. “Anything else?”

“You took over after Admiral Zhao,” he added. “After the Avatar killed him.”

“Mm, but that’s just my _career_. Come on, Zuzu, give me something personal.”

Li went quiet because he didn’t have any answers for that. For a while, Azula just watched him. Then she smirked. “Interesting…”

What she thought was interesting would have to remain a mystery. A knock at the door interrupted them. Azula’s face turned with displeasure, but she still went to answer it, speaking in low tones with the soldier behind it.

“Hm. This little chat will have to be postponed,” Azula murmured, obviously disappointed. “Lock him up and make sure he’s secure. Who knows what tricks he’s learned from those Earth Kingdom peasants.”

The guard nodded and grabbed Li up, dragging him to one of the smaller rooms of the drill. There was obviously a premium for space on such a contraption, so no room for a brig of any kind. The soldier made do, securing Li with iron chains in the makeshift jail cell. Then he left without another word or bothering to light the lamp.

Distantly, Li felt the drill begin to move, the rumbling passing through the walls and into his body. He didn’t want to think about where they were going, what he’d been useless to stop. If he’d just been _thinking…_

But he hadn’t at all. When he’d seen the princess, all his rage had swarmed him, leaving him powerless to stop his own body. His hate for her was so deeply rooted and strong…

Hours passed too slowly in the dark room. Li listened to the sounds of machinery and let the rhythmic thumps and pounding settle his spirit. Anger would only blind him. If he was ever going to get out of this alive, he needed to be calm, to think-

The door opened without warning, casting light across Li’s face. He winced, blinking to clear his eyes, and stared at the girl before him.

Her face was solemn, her clothing dark. She seemed to look at him without much behind her gaze. Guarded, he realized. But so was he, since she was one of Azula’s followers.

“What do you want?” he asked when it seemed she didn’t feel like breaking the silence.

The girl folded her arms over her chest and continued staring at him. But her brows furrowed after another moment or two and she blurted out, “Are you brain dead?”

“You’re the one following a psycho,” he shot back. The girl’s lips twisted.

“And you’re the one turning your back on your home.”

“It’s not my home.” Li looked away. Something about the girl made it hard to look at her when she was displeased. “What do you care, anyway? Just go follow the princess and keep _murdering a nation._ ”

“We’re saving them from their own stupidity,” the girl replied, but it sounded rehearsed. Like a lesson taught over and over. “The Earth Kingdom is behind the times. Someone else needs to rule it.”

Li snorted and gave her a baleful look. “Someone like that psycho princess?”

The girl quieted. Her expression grew brittle, but no less guarded than before. She looked at him as if she knew him, and she probably had.

“Is that was she’s become to you?” the girl asked softly. “You just erased everything _other_ than her title?”

“It’s all she means to me.”

“And what about me, Zuko?”

Li glanced over her, looking for something familiar, something that might tell him why she would care what he thought. But there was nothing.

“I don’t remember you,” he said finally. He didn’t think he’d get away with lying to her. “I don’t even remember the princess, but I know I hate her. And if I hadn’t before, I’ve got plenty reason to hate her now. I’m going to kill her with my bare hands and if you get in my way, no memory is going to save you because _they’re not there._ ”

The girl stiffened just enough to notice, even if her expression didn’t change. “Fratricide then. I didn’t think you were the type.”

“What?” That didn’t make sense. That would mean-

“Are you deaf? She’s your _sister._ ”


	19. Hitting Ground

Azula tended to enjoy ironic opportunities in life. There was a certain grace to being born lucky and she’d used that to her advantage ever since discovering it about herself. Luck had made her the Firelord’s daughter. Luck had given her a natural affinity to firebending and brought her teachers to further her skills. Luck had found Ty Lee and Mai to follow her word.

And now luck had dropped her missing older brother right into her hands. Azula smiled at the picture of damaged pride he had made, kneeling before her and captured by a girl who hadn’t even needed a weapon. Zuko was, of course, _pathetic_. He always had been, but now he’d reached a new low.

It made her dark heart sing.

Unlike most people, Azula knew full well that she was a monster. Her mother had told her that point blank and while she hadn’t wanted to hear it at the time, she accepted the reality of it now. And it didn’t really bother her much. Being a monster didn’t make her any less effective a leader or a worse firebender. In fact, it made her _better_. She was never plagued with the same doubts others were, faced the world in a manner befitting the next Firelord (after all, she was the only heir!)-

But Zuko was alive.

Azula knew that no one had seen Zuko’s healed face before he disappeared. The burns had been weeks old at best before the storm took his ship and still continually wrapped before he left. And with as much hair as he’d managed to gain the last few years, he was nigh unrecognizable. Certainly not as the Crown Prince. Even the soldiers with her, who had witnessed his capture, had no idea who he really was. None of them had been close enough to really hear. And if no one knew who he was, even _him_ … Well. That boded well for her eventual ascension to the throne.

If anything, Azula was truly her father’s daughter. It wasn’t as if her mother had ever tried to claim her.

Her musing came up short as a hesitant knock came to the door. Azula contemplated being annoyed and decided she would wait to find out what it was before she reacted. When Mai stepped inside, Azula relaxed a fraction and smiled.

“Am I bothering you?” Mai asked, even though both of them knew she didn’t really care if she was. She and Ty Lee were given certain latitude, as long as they were Azula’s favorites. It was the least she could do for their unfailing loyalty.

“Only from another evening of contemplating world domination,” she replied blithely and while Mai didn’t laugh, Azula knew she was probably amused. Probably.

But Mai didn’t even comment on it. And that threw her. Azula lifted a brow, waiting for her to speak her mind. It took Mai a few moments to collect her thoughts, and then the question she asked was simple.

“What are you going to do with him?”

Azula crossed her arms over her chest, outwardly unconcerned. “I haven’t decided yet.”

“He’s your _brother._ ”

That gave her pause. Azula glanced over Mai, eyes narrowing. She knew? Well, this was interesting. “Don’t tell me you’re still harboring feelings for that pathetic little traitor. He’s not even my brother anymore.”

Mai clamed up but there was mutiny in her gaze. A mutiny Azula could not allow to foster. So she smiled and gave a dismissive little wave.

“Oh, don’t be like that. I’m not going to do anything _untoward_ ,” she purred out. “I’m just going to send him _home_. He’s my brother, after all. He needs to be taken care of and at home he’ll have access to the best doctors.”

There was a moment of pause and then Mai relaxed just enough to notice. Azula grinned. Luck had helped her win that round. Mai was still hers.

But that did mean she needed to get rid of Zuko quickly. And preferably without revealing who he was. The rebel Li was far easier to kill off and get out of her way.

“Change of plan, boys,” Azula remarked as she got to the command room. “Stop the drill. Ba Sing Se gets a day of rest.”

Curious eyes lifted to her. Sometimes, she didn’t mind it when her soldiers’ curiosity outweighed their fear of her.

“Captain,” she called and the man snapped to attention with delicious speediness. “Assemble a contingent. I have a little field trip in mind.”

It didn’t take long to decide on the team that would go with her. They bound and gagged Li, leaving his legs free but a thick chain around his neck and torso to keep him close. Azula grinned at the picture it made. Oh, what she wouldn’t have given to see this years ago. Her proud, but utterly stupid brother, knocked off his moral pedestal… It warmed her in a way she couldn’t quite describe.

Azula gave the team strict instructions and then let them go. Li was going back to the fire nation, all right. But he wouldn’t be breathing when he got there.

It took a full day for the team to smuggle their prisoner out to a camp closer to the open ocean. They traded off, dutifully relaying Azula’s orders. The camp sent the doomed boy to port with their own team and continued the line. Azula’s men knew that if even one part of her plan went sour, all of them would be punished for it. And what did they care if she’d taken special interest in one single earth kingdom peasant? It was easier just to do as she said, to the letter. None of them wanted to be liars to a princess who always seemed to know whether or not she heard truth.

Once her initial team returned, Azula gleefully urged them on towards the great city. Ba Sing Se would be hers. Conquering the city her uncle could not would put her name down in history. And it would only be the first of her accomplishments before replacing her father on the throne. There would be no contest to her rising where no woman had before. Azula’s lips curled into a hard smile. Her beloved father would give her the throne willingly when it was time for him to pass, but it was up to her to make the advisers and people accept it. The only way she could make sure of her ascension was to show her great militaristic victories and leadership ability. She would make it impossible for any distant cousin to take her rightful place.

Or a missing brother.

There was the faint worry that Zuko might weasel his way out of dying, but Azula doubted it. Besides, her men knew she would burn each and every one of them to ashes if they failed her. There was a certain amount of security in that.

When the drill came within sight of Ba Sing Se, Azula was slightly disappointed to see no army waiting to stop her. It would have made her victory that much sweeter to plow through soldiers before breaking through the walls. But oh well. She gave the order and they continued on at full speed. There was no resistance, even as they grew closer and closer…

The drill jolted a moment. Finally! Azula grinned nastily as her men relayed sightings of earthbenders nearer to the wall. Shoots of earth tried to pin down the drill or at least slow it, but to no avail. The might of the Fire Nation was too great.

Idly, Azula sent out Ty Lee and Mai to handle the fools, but it didn’t take long. Ba Sing Se had never imagined it would be faced with an enemy like this! Such was the brilliance of the Fire Nation! And herself, of course. Azula allowed herself an amused chuckle. This triumph was going to outshine her foolish uncle’s attempts beautifully…

Outside, Ty Lee straightened as the last of the earth benders dropped under her careful strikes. She glanced over to Mai, who’d finished her own set. Neither of them were too worse for wear, only a few hairs out of place. Sometimes, she wondered if maybe the adults were just dumb, falling so easily to their hands. But then again, Ty Lee acknowledged that she, Mai, and Azula were of a higher quality than most. At least, their auras were far brighter.

“Come on, lets get back inside,” Mai muttered, brushing dust from her clothes. “I’m already going to have to take an immediate bath.”

“It is pretty dusty,” Ty Lee mused, but then paused as she spied movement near them. She thought it might be a relief team.. No. They didn’t move right. Soldiers but non-combatants. Or at least non-benders, which were almost the same thing if you didn’t have the superb training of the Fire Nation School for Girls behind you. She didn’t spy any obvious weapons… Ah! Here for their fallen, how lovely. She hated the idea of littering the place up with bodies.

And she kind of maybe sorta didn’t mind the idea of these poor guys getting medical treatment…

Without any more hesitation, Ty Lee and Mai boarded the drill once more to join their princess, leaving the limp earthbenders to be collected and dragged off. Just before the hatch closed, however, Ty Lee thought she heard something. A bird call, one she didn’t recognize. She glanced around but saw nothing in the sky. Huh. Maybe she was just hearing things… Letting it drop from her mind, Ty Lee secured the hatch behind her and went on.

Just because she ignored it didn’t mean everyone had. On the wall, carefully hiding on the roof of a guard station to keep from getting pulled away by well meaning soldiers, was Smellerbee. She heard the call clearly enough and pursed her lips. When Jet had gotten there and told them everything that happened, Smellerbee and Longshot knew what they had to do. Li was one man, but Ba Sing Se had thousands of citizens. It was clear who mattered more. A tight knot in her belly refused to disperse even with that determination. She just hoped Li would hold out until they could save him.

Iroh had gone so very quiet when Jet told them. While she could understand anyone being uncomfortable with the idea of their loved one being held by someone as cruel as the princess, she couldn’t help but know there was more to the story. Iroh knew things and kept secrets. Sometimes, she wondered if he really was a plant.

But she didn’t have time to wonder now. This was happening too soon. Longshot still wasn’t back from fetching Aang and his friends. They knew the gang had arrived a day or so after them, had found the refugees they’d been traveling with, but apparently the group had been whisked away soon after arrival. They were still in the city, of course, but not around the outer districts.

Smellerbee clenched one hand over a dagger hilt. She couldn’t wait any longer. Jet had given the call. She had minutes before he began infiltrating the drill. It was time for her part. Silently, Smellerbee got off the roof and ghosted past groups of soldiers panicking over impending doom. She’d gotten only halfway to her destination when the entire wall rocked hard, nearly throwing her off her feet. The drill had hit. She was running out of time!

With renewed determination, Smellerbee rounded the wall until she reached her destination. Down below was a tram line that dead-ended into the stone, a hidden gate. The only way in or out of the city was through the wall or over it, and she didn’t happen to be an airbender.

It wasn’t hard to find the single earthbender stationed at this gate. She snuck up behind him and caught him round the neck, setting her dagger against his delicate skin.

“Open the gate,” Smellerbee growled, her voice as low and dark as she could make it. As adult as she could. The man shivered and gave a token refusal that she dealt with swiftly.

When the gate lifted and locked into place, Smellerbee shoved him forward. The man turned his head just in time to catch a glimpse of his captor before she knocked him out. The look of surprise would have been priceless at any other time, but Smellerbee didn’t have time to enjoy it. She looked over the edge of the wall. Down below, she could see a figure already through the gate and making his way down to the ground. She heard dim shouting, stationed soldiers wondering what the hell was going on. Smellerbee grinned and then headed down to meet Iroh outside.


	20. The Chemicals are Restless

Li had been knocked unconscious while kneeling at Princess Azula’s feet far too many times for his liking. So, when he awoke from this again, he was noticeably cranky.   
  
He supposed he deserved the fist he got to his face when he mouthed off to the first soldier that came to check on him. That didn’t keep Li from kicking the guy in the shins, even if it did earn him a sharp knock to the ribs.   
  
“Earth nation  filth ,” the soldier grumbled as he stormed off and slammed the cell’s door shut again.   
  
Li glared after him, lip curled as he wheezed a bit.  Fire nation scum.  Shifting about, he got himself sitting up against the cool metal wall behind him. It took him a few moments to realize that everything was swaying. Li’s eyes widened as his stomach clenched. He knew what that swaying feeling was, recognized what his body was adjusting to.   
  
He was on a boat. On the  ocean .   
  
The only thing that kept his panic in check was the fact that he knew Jet would somehow save him. Jet said he wouldn’t let him go.   
  
Closing his eyes, Li took a few deep, slow breaths. Okay. He could handle this. Focus on solutions-   
  
- water surging into his mouth, heavy clothing dragging him deeper and deeper, too weak to swim-   
  
Li jerked, snapping his eyes opened again as the ship rocked hard, nearly knocked him down again. He could hear a voices echoing through the halls of the ship, badgering soldiers to various duties or fighting amongst themselves. He focused on those voices, picking out words as well as he could. Trying to forget the way the ship moved around him.   
  
He was on a fire nation ship. There were at least a dozen voices coming through the walls and pipes, but he expected there to be twice as many sailors. He could hear footsteps near by, sets of two as soldiers patrolled the halls. It was easy to track them when he had nothing else to pay attention to. He listened as the crew milled around and then began to group up on the deck.   
  
Li tested the shackles on his wrists. They’d secured him to nothing and the shackles were loose. Stupid. Obviously, the men Azula had under her weren’t nearly as sharp as she was. Gritting his teeth, Li tucked his thumbs against his palms and began to pull. It was slow going and painful, harsh metal digging into the heels of his hands and tearing across his flesh, but the first step in getting back was getting free. He couldn’t get back to Jet if he just waited for someone to save him.   
  
There was a faint burst of pain as one hand pulled free. Li took a few shaky breaths to work through it as the pain dulled down to a muted throb. The other hand went easier but he still cradled them against his chest for a few moments as he thought of what to do.   
  
He’d been unconscious long enough that he didn’t know how far out they might be (and quickly stopped thinking about it when his heart began pounding) or what their usual movements were, but somehow, the movements of the ship seemed familiar anyway. Li got up, easily adapting to the unstable motion under his feet. He knew how to do this. Li scowled a little. More of his past, he supposed. It figured that the Fire Nation him was used to boat travel. Bastard.   
  
But Li would use the skill nonetheless. He had to get out of here  some how.   
  
Edging to the door, Li tried the handle. He was very surprised when he found it unlocked. Sloppy. Stupid, almost. He frowned harder. Too stupid. Azula was  not this stupid and she would never have allowed her men to be. It just didn’t fit. Something was wrong. A year of living with Jet had made Li more observant to suspicious behavior, and this was terribly suspicious.   
  
Li puzzled over the door for a few minutes, ear pressed against it to hear better the hall beyond. No one. No guard making sure their prisoner stayed imprisoned. He felt even worse. What could possibly be the point…?   
  
Finally, he threw care to the wind and opened the door a few inches, looking out over the hall. Deserted, just as he thought. He stepped out cautiously and when nothing befell him, Li shot off to find some kind of weapon. Surely, there was a cache of them in the ship, and half fragmented memories of a ship of similar design flashed behind his eyes. He let the images lead his feet, eyes jolting this way and that for some kind of enemy, but there was no one here! It didn’t make any sense!   
  
Even when Li found the cache he’d known was there and taken up a set of matching short swords, he still didn’t feel any better. Li looked into the hall and then realized something about the noise from the deck was… weird. Not what he would expect. He heard no voices, but there was a faint vibration of hurried, varied steps…   
  
Li carefully made his way up, keeping noiseless as he found his way. The higher he got, the more distinct everything was, and the more he realized there was a battle going on up on the deck. Li grit his teeth. He didn’t care if these soldiers were picked off by a better enemy, but at the moment, the ship was his own route home.   
  
Before he got to the top deck, the battle spilled into the lower halls. Li kept out of sight, sizing up one man that managed to smash a soldier down with just his massive fists. Then he spun and came upon another, taking him down with just as much savage precision. Li swallowed thickly as his heart raced, but not with fear. He knew the look of that man, the way his eyes gleamed and he moved with no regard to his own body. The man was like Jet, and even more like the dark thing inside of Jet. This man fought with hatred burning deep and purpose stoking it.   
  
When he’d finished his quarry, the man lumbered back up to the top deck. Li checked the bodies but there was nothing to be done. The men were unquestionably dead. Li made his way up the stair and was greeted with a scene of utter chaos.   
  
It was easy to find the attackers. None of them wore the armor of a soldier. They were all in simple, battle hearty clothing, easy to move in and easier to shed if it got in the way. Pirates was Li’s first guess, but something about it seemed wrong. Not that it mattered. Anyone willing to attack a Fire Nation ship was fine in his book.   
  
Without any more delay, Li leapt into the fray. The swords took some getting used to, not quite long enough for his tastes, a little heavy anyway, but he adapted quickly enough. He knew how to handle them and he cut through the soldiers with fervor. He hadn’t felt so right since the Freedom Fighters disbanded. No enemy to focus on, just the struggles between them. It was so refreshing to having something so easy to focus on. He knew who his enemy was and what to do.

The attackers weaved around him, giving him the space to do what he needed, but he caught more than a few of them startle when they noticed him. He wondered what they were there for, but then blocked another fire blast as his current prey valiantly tried to defend himself. The huge man from before lumbered past Li, laughing as he smashed bodily into the soldier and knocked him across the deck into two more. He flashed Li a devil may care grin and then went on. Li made a note to thank him later, then went on.   
  
He didn’t know how long the battle lasted, but it seemed only as seconds. Violent seconds of instinct and reaction. Li didn’t think, just moved as he trusted his body to move. Knowing what to do. Where to move…   
  
But he didn’t notice another flailing body near by until the moment it was too late. Li gave out a cry as he was knocked from his feet. He stumbled blindly, hit something near his knees that threw him even more off balance, and then he was falling… falling…   
  
Icy cold water stole any scream Li might have uttered.   
  


\-----

Sneaking through Ba Sing Se was not exactly easy, but Longshot found he had a knack for it. The only hard parts were getting through various walls, but after that it was easy. Most people didn’t expect anyone to  try , much less succeed, so the citizens of each ring accepted his presence as if he had been there all along. Longshot used that easily.   
  
The hard part was actually tracking down where the Avatar had been stashed. He couldn’t ask anyone, instead relying on what gossip he could overhear. Aang’s team didn’t know the meaning of inconspicuous, after all, and it was hard to be that way when everyone in the city was clambering for them.   
  
Time grated on Longshot’s nerves. He knew the drill was coming, could already  be there, and hated the way every second whispered failure in his ears. He could almost see the mechanical beast tearing through his friends…   
  
Longshot took a breath and pushed it from his mind. Not now. He had to focus on the Avatar. So, he snuck into the last ring and found his quarry almost immediately. Toph sensed him before he saw them and while she and Katara were at first confused at his presence, they quickly realized his agitation.   
  
“What’s going on?” Katara asked, her body tensing up as if the worst was on her mind. “Where’re the rest of you?”   
  
Mutely, Longshot lifted a hand and pointed vaguely but Katara only said Toph’s name and the earth bender widened her stance, her head tilting as she did… whatever it was she did. Longshot didn’t really care what it was-   
  
“There’s something weird happening at the outer wall,” Toph reported, interrupting his thoughts. “Something  big . Huge.”   
  
“Come on, lets find Aang,” Katara murmured, pursing her lips. Longshot nodded sharply and followed as they rounded up the other two members of the gang. They had to pull Sokka out of some kind of haiku school and Aang had been flying around with his glider (Katara had rather good aim with balls of ice,) but once the four of them had been gathered, Longshot led them hurriedly to the outer wall.   
  
“Safe within the walls of Ba Sing Se my ass,” Toph muttered to herself grumpily as they neared their destination. Longshot wondered what she could sense and he almost asked her if she could feel Smellerbee, but didn’t. He almost didn’t want to know.   
  
“You guys find a way out, I’m going up,” murmured Aang, and then he was gone before any of them could say anything. Longshot followed his progress as Katara gave a huff at his side.   
  
“ Toph ,” she said and the earthbender rolled her eyes.   
  
“Someone’s bossy today.”   
  
But she stepped near to Katara and shifted into a bending move easily enough. The ground broke off under them and rose, creating a platform that began to rise up the wall at incredible speed. Longshot barely kept on his feet. Sokka didn’t, but Longshot grabbed the back of his tunic to keep him on.   
  
It wasn’t until they got to the top that Longshot wondered why no one had tried to stop them. And by then, he didn’t have to ask.   
  
The wall’s upper walkway was filled with soldiers and benders. Orders were thrown every which way as groups of them levered boulders over the edge of the wall. Aang was no where in sight, but Longshot wasn’t all that surprised. He quickly made it over to a small, open spot on the edge and stared over, searching out…   
  
There! Down below, mixed with earthbenders who weren’t making much headway, was Smellerbee. Longshot felt something uncoil from inside his chest to see her alive and fighting as well as ever. Near by, Iroh was putting down firebenders a third his age as if they were infants, and hadn’t even pulled from his firebending to do it. He didn’t see Jet, but he didn’t expect to.   
  
“Come on, Blabber Mouth,” Toph said, grabbing his wrist and startling him out of revery, “We’ve got work to do.”


	21. In My Head

Jet was a man on a mission. The confusion around the drill with firebenders and earthbenders throwing up massive clouds of dust made for perfect cover in sneaking aboard. The fight could wait, much as Jet’s blood screamed for it. He had a more important duty right now.

He had to find Li. Which meant he had to find the Princess.

Steam prickled his skin as he made his way through what had to be some engine hub. There were a few Fire Nation milling around in aprons, headless to the chaos outside as they barked orders to one another and fiddled with the machinery. Jet thought about sabotaging it, but that was someone else’s job. He didn’t have the time to do it right.

By the time Jet made it into the narrow hall, his clothes were sweaty and sticking to him. He did his best to ignore it and the relative cool of the hall helped. Each door along the hall had a tiny window in it for him to peer through. He had a vague idea of what he was looking for and none of these seemed it. If he’d gotten a feel for anything it was that the Princess had to be either in the thick of the action, or leading the big guns.

Since she wasn’t outside, she’d be in the control room.

Farther along the drill, the hall became populated. Jet cursed and ducked into the next room he came upon, and ended up face to face with a fully armored soldier. _Perfect._ Five minutes later, he stepped out in the man’s armor and blended into the crowd. No one gave him a second look, not with so much to do. He continued along the hall until he’d come upon his destination.

The control room swarmed with soldiers operating equipment, but Jet’s eyes went to the girl standing under the blood stained light of one lamp. Her hands were folded at the small of her back, legs in a wide, steady stance, and her lips were curved into a faint smile as she oversaw what she had wrought.

Jet might not have had Li’s overwhelming hatred towards her, but he would kill her all the same for everything she stood for.

But not here and not just yet. Jet couldn’t go after her here, in a room full of her allies-

The Princess suddenly turned on her heel and marched right for him. Jet had a moment to wonder if she’d already sniffed him out, then realized he was still at the door and quickly stepped out of the way, snapping into the best parody of attention that he could manage. She didn’t give him a second look, strolling on out. Jet waited a few precious seconds and then started after her. Soldiers almost leapt to get out of her way as the Princess made her way through the hall. Jet followed and everyone else seemed to assume that he was supposed to be, for they were careful to keep out of his way as well.

Through the drill, the Princess led him for a while before she opened a door and went through without closing it behind her. Jet took the chance, slipping in after her, and only then did he realize that all this had been far too convenient.

At the same time, a firm strike landed in the center of his back. Jet stumbled forward and then went with it, rolling his body and springing back to his feet. The heavy armor slowed him down too much and the Princess took full advantage of it, driving Jet back with swift, perfect strikes he had a begrudging respect for. Suddenly, she dropped to the floor and swept out his armor clumsy feet. Jet hit the ground and the Princess pinned him down with one knee, one fist already aflame and cocked back for the strike. The other jerked off his helmet fast enough that it rubbed his ears raw.

“Ah. It’s you,” she murmured, looking rather amused. “I wondered how long it would take one of you to come after me. For an assassin, you’re not very bright.”

“Where is Li?” Jet demanded, ignoring just how at her mercy he was. Which was less than she thought, actually, as he was already starting to covertly wiggle free of the armor.

The Princess laughed at his audacity at demanding anything from her in such a position. “It’s too bad you were born an Earth Kingdom peasant. I could use someone like you.”

She paused, smiled, and her glowing fist drew closer.

“But if wishes were ostrichhorses, then beggars would ride.”

Before the Princess could finish her strike, Jet got both arms free of the pinned bracers and grabbed her own. Then he jerked his knee upward and used her upset balance to flip her off of him. Jet rolled to his feet and jerked the chest armor over his head. The second he could see again, he was dodging around a kick and stumbling back as the armor dropped away and freed him up.

“Stupid move,” she hissed out as she drove him back again. But now that he was down to the shin guards and had his hook swords free again. He could give her the fight she deserved.

The Princess obviously trained with weapon users regularly. She knew how to weave through his swinging movements and avoid jabs. He grunted as one heated fist hit his shoulder, sending a wave of numbness through it before the heat sheared through his tunic. The smell of burned cloth distracted him only a moment and definitely not long enough for her to land the punch to his face.

She liked her fire, but she was good at close combat. Whoever trained her had done a well rounded job. If the entire Fire Nation army and navy had been trained this way, no one could stand up to them. Not even the Avatar. But they weren’t.

“Why would you fight so hard to save that little fool?” the Princess sneered out before flipping onto her hands over one of his strikes and retaliating with a kick to the head he can’t dodge. Jet stumbled but rebounded from it easily.

“What do you care?” he growled back. “He’s nothing to _you_. Someone like you would never understand!”

She laughed and then singed his tunic again with a fire ball he barely dodged past. “Oh, you poor, deluded thing. Not that it really matters. I was just curious.”

“Tell me where he is!”

Abruptly, Jet found himself pinned back against one cool metal wall, one arm trapped between their bodies and the other flat against the wall with her surprisingly firm grip on his wrist.

“By now,” she mused as he glared at her, “he’s either bleeding to death or already thrown overboard.”

For a moment, Jet could do nothing but stare at her. The Princess smiled, cold and cruel, and her fingernails dig into his wrist.

“You didn’t really think you could save anyone, did you?”

Then the shock disappeared and was replaced by a rage so heated, it could have burned both of them to cinders.

The next seconds were a blur of movement and fire. Jet didn’t pay attention to what he was doing, trusting his body to move the way it had to, to drive the Princess back, to make her _pay._ He didn’t care about getting out of this whole anymore. All he wanted was to watch the light go out from her eyes and to take Li’s retribution from her body.

He didn’t have the chance. Before he could get close to landing that death blow he so craved, a wave of soldiers rushed through the door and crowded the room. The Princess got away in the confusion. Jet fought until they got him immobilized on the ground. He was too angry to think of a way out, screaming obscenities and threats at the top of his lungs.

A new soldier almost ran past the doorway but paused long enough to bark out, “It’s over, let’s go!”

Half the soldiers moved immediately, but a few paused, wavering on whether to take Jet with them or kill him there. One gave a harsh sigh and began shifting through a firebending move to end him. He only got half through before something jumped on his back and a knife slit across his throat. The man dropped with a sick gurgle through his ruptured windpipe. Smellerbee didn’t spare Jet a glance as she leapt at the next man and Jet took the opening she’d given him to take down the third.

“Li?” she asked as he ripped the stolen shin guards off and threw them at the bodies with disgust.

“Dead.”

Smellerbee stood still for only a second. Then the wave of grief was pushed aside. She would have time for it later. “The charges have been set. We have a few minutes.”

Jet nodded mutely and they headed out. The fight outside was winding down as the firebenders fell under jutting rocks or simply ran for it. Explosions along the length of the drill only hastened their retreat. There was no sign of the Princess or her cohorts. Jet and Smellerbee met up with Aang’s group and helped clean up the remaining firebenders along with the earth kingdom soldiers.

When it was over, Jet found his way up the wall and stared down at the wreckage of the drill. It looked like some kind of monstrous snake splayed open with its mechanical guts spilled out over the dry ground. He wished seeing it made him feel better.

Aang came and stood at his side for long minutes of silence. Then he reached out and rested a hand on Jet’s shoulder guard.

“We can have a ceremony if you want. I was taught how to officiate,” Aang offered softly.

“No,” Jet replied, his voice nearly as quiet. “I don’t have time for that. I’m going to track her down and tear out her throat with my bare hands.”

Aang’s eyes widened a moment, but he seemed to understand even if the savagery startled him. He drew back his hand and held onto his glider with both.

“Appa is here somewhere,” he murmured. “I have to find him.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to come with us,” Jet replied. He wouldn’t have even if Aang wasn’t occupied.

“Be careful.” Aang lifted his gaze and suddenly looked all of the wise sage he was supposed to be. “Revenge won’t bring Li back.”

Jet knew that. But he was still going to have his if it was the last thing he did.

\----

  
Iroh had been silent for hours. He sat quietly, staring out a window of the empty place Jet had found to wait out the day and gear up for a journey. The news of his nephew’s death had broken something in him and Smellerbee wasn’t sure it could be fixed. It seemed like a deep wound had been reopened.

Smellerbee herself was faring better, but only because she had known too many deaths not to. It hurt, thinking of what had happened to Li, what that bitch had done, but she kept herself busy. Longshot and Jet were still with her. She would get through this as she always had. There was no other option. Smellerbee had just finished buckling down her pack when Toph came inside. She didn’t acknowledge Smellerbee, instead making a b-line for Iroh and sitting down beside him. After a few seconds, she set her hand on Iroh’s knee and he covered it with his own without looking at her.

Smellerbee let them be and went to meet Aang at the wall. He and Sokka were helping with the cleanup while Katara assisted in the infirmary. The wall had already been repaired but there was so much twisted metal from the drill to be cleared away. At least the bodies had already been taken care of.

She found Aang working with an earthbender to heave the huge metal pieces through a created tunnel in the wall that led into the city where it might get melted down and put to good use. As soon as they’d finished their current bit, Aang broke off to see her.

“Are you heading out?”

“Soon,” she admitted quietly. “I’m not sure Iroh’s coming with us. The way he is, he’ll just slow us down.”

Aang nodded, understanding. “She moves fast. Faster than we could, anyway… I… We’ll help him, if he stays. As much as we can.”

A weight came off Smellerbee’s shoulders. “If anything, maybe he’ll teach you firebending. You have to learn sometime, right?”

“Good point,” Aang replied with a small smile.

“Please tell me you’re clearing out of here,” Sokka said from behind them, nearly startling Aang out of his skin. “Seriously, Everytime I see Jet, I think he’s going to go psycho killer on me!”

It might have been funny if that wasn’t exactly how Smellerbee felt too.

“We’re heading out at sundown. Longshot and Jet are getting the last of the supplies we need,” she reported, adjusting her own pack. “Shouldn’t _you_ be doing something?”

Sokka scowled at her, but she was pretty sure it was mostly a joke. He still headed off anyway. Smellerbee turned to go herself but Aang caught her hand.

“…I’m really sorry about Li,” he said gently. Smellerbee allowed herself a moment to remember she was grieving, then turned away from it.

“We’ll make his death worth something.”

She could tell Aang wanted to say something about that, but didn’t wait to hear it. If they waited too long, the trail would go cold and there would be no chance of catching up.

She met Longshot and Jet soon after. Iroh wasn’t with them. They didn’t wait for him.


	22. 'Cause I Lie

_ He choked on water as thick as blood. The coppery taste made him spasm and he jerked his head round to try and find light. He couldn’t die like this! But everything was dark and the water threw him every which way with a force he was too weak to fight. His lungs burned as fiercely as the wounds littering his body. _

_ He was going to die and he hadn’t earned his honor back. A shameful end to his shameful existence. _

_ It became harder and harder for him to move at all. His limbs felt like lead and even just the simple tunic he’d worn under the armor they’d ripped off of him felt as if it were dragging him down, down, down into the dark. _

_ In the last moments, he thought about the questions they had asked him, the demanded information they wanted that he couldn’t provide. He saw the captain’s solemn face, watching mutely as they tried to beat it out of him anyway, and remembered how he had looked away with shame in his gaze. Betraying him without lifting a finger. _

_ He wondered, maybe, if dying now was better than a life of wandering for a hopeless cause. _

Li’s eyes snapped open. A second later, he was on his unsteady feet and grabbing the first thing he saw: a wooden ladle right out of a woman’s hand. It wasn’t much of a weapon, but Li would use it somehow.

Not that it seemed he needed to. He was in a ship cabin, simple and furnished only with the low pallet he’d been laying on. The woman knelt beside it with a bucket of water and a bowl of some kind of soup. She stared at him wearily, staying still with her hands in her lap.

“It’s all right,” she murmured, smiling weakly. “I won’t hurt you. You’re safe now.”

Li gave the room another sweeping gaze before he looked her over as well. Her clothing wasn’t meant for fighting, too clingy and a bit overly ornate. She was in her middling years, gray streaks through her dark, bound hair and a few wrinkles to her face. The posture of her body was straight and sure, noble breeding confirmed along with the style of her clothing. Slowly, Li’s heart began to slow from his panicked awakening.

“Who are you?” he asked, still brandishing the ladle as if it were something to be afraid of.

“My name is Ursa,” she replied gently and something about the name struck a cord with him but Li ignored that for now. “The Resistance received word of your capture from one of our agents within Azula’s cadre. We came as quickly as we were able.”

Li’s resolve wavered a little and finally sat back down. He felt weak and strung out. Ursa took up the soup bowl and offered it to him.

“Here. You’ll need your strength. I’m not an exceptional cook, but it’s edible, at the least.”

Li took it, but only because he was starving. She’d told the truth. It wasn’t good but it wasn’t worse than what the Freedom Fighters had faired with before.

“I’m Li,” he said finally. Ursa nodded.

“Yes, we know. Though, we’re not sure why Azula was so adamant about your death.” She hesitated, giving him a glance over. “I don’t mean to offend but it’s rare she takes a singular interest in one of her enemies and to our knowledge, you aren’t a member of the Avatar’s following.”

_ Maybe it’s because I’m her brother _ , Li thought to himself but he didn’t say it. He didn’t know what this so called Resistance might think of that, but the very idea made him feel cold and dirty inside. Because if he was related so closely to Princess Azula, that meant…

Don’t think about it. Not now. Not when he was so weak.

“I made a thorn of myself,” Li mumbled and Ursa nodded as if she understood. Finishing as much of the soup as he could, Li got down to business. “What are you going to do with me?”

“You’re still a free man,” Ursa assured him, reaching over to rest on hand on his knee. It felt oddly warm and comforting, even though he knew nothing about her. Maybe, in a way, she reminded him of a gentler Meimi, but he pushed that thought and the ache that came with it away. “If you like, we can arrange your passage back to the Earth Kingdom. We ferry refugees to the colonies often.”

He felt something twist in him and his voice hardened. “I’m not a refugee.”

Ursa looked surprised and then instantly chastised. “My apologies. With your coloring, I assumed…”

“I’m not,” he ground out.

She went quiet and he saw her eyes flicker to the messy fall of his hair over his bad eye. After a few tense moments, she bowed her head. “I apologize. I should not have assumed anything.”

Li didn’t feel any better. Actually, seeing her sincere remorse, he felt absolutely terrible. He couldn’t bear to look at her any longer. “…What do you fight for?”

“Nothing myself,” Ursa murmured quietly. “I only support those who would fight to end this foolish war. The others want to bring an end to Firelord Ozai’s reign and return the world to the balance it so desperately needs.”

It sounded good, better than Jet’s plan of kill-anything-fire-nation-related. Not that Li wanted to work with any fire nation people, even a resistance movement. He looked back at Ursa, searching her face. There was more to it.

“Why did you join up?”

Ursa smiled, but it was a quiet, painful thing that made Li’s chest tighten up to see. “I lost someone very precious to me because of Firelord Ozai. My son… died. A few years ago.”

Li almost reached out to her, but kept himself from it. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right,” she replied kindly, even though it wasn’t. “You look a little like him. Maybe what he would have looked like now. It… It’s a comfort to me.”

Li nodded and reached up to tuck a bit of loose hair behind his ear, suddenly embarrassed. He twitched when he saw movement from the corner of his eye and watched as Ursa lifted a hand. She reached for his face and then gently smoothed his hair away from his bad eye. Her gaze traced over every whirl of scarred flesh, every patch of discolored skin. Something in her gaze grew even more pained.

“I’m so very sorry for what you’ve had to endure at the hands of my people,” she murmured, barely above a whisper. “If I were stronger, perhaps you would not have had to.”

Though he didn’t know why, Li took her hand in his and held it, giving her as level a gaze as he could. His voice wasn’t trustworthy, but he spoke anyway. “You did not hurt me and you don’t have to apologize to me. The person that burned my eye is solely responsible. The ones that destroyed my village are the only ones that can be blamed. And the one that gives the orders is who I will seek retribution from.”

Ursa stared at him, her eyes a little wider. And then she smiled as her eyes grew wet.

“Thank you,” she murmured, closing her eyes and bowing her head. “You cannot possibly understand the gift you have just granted me.”

Li said nothing, caught between embarrassment and confusion. But making her happy let the tightness in his chest uncoil a little. Maybe he had known her once. Maybe her son, too. He hoped her son had died quickly and painlessly and that she knew it to be true. It was all he could offer her.

They didn’t speak after. Eventually, Ursa got up and led him to meet the rest of the crew. It was a motley bunch: a few farmers, ex-soldiers, craftsmen, even one odd merchant… In a way, they reminded Li of an older version of the Freedom Fighters, the same devil-may-care bravados and the same deep-seated pain and anger. But these were all Fire Nation citizens, even Ursa with her kind, sad smiles. Could he live with himself if he helped them, even to stop the same war he’d been fighting?

Could Jet forgive him for it?

Li closed his eyes and took a slow, calming breath. Then he asked, “When will we make port?”

“Depends on where we’re going,” the huge man that had helped him on the other ship. He folded his massive arms over his chest. “The colonies are three days away at full speed. Our port’s maybe six, seven hours.”

They were eyeing him, maybe wondering why Princess Azula hated him so much to personally order his death, maybe hoping he might join them. Maybe just wary of him. He felt the weight of it and realized quite abruptly that he knew what was right to do.

“How soon is your next mission?”


	23. Not Because I Want To

Azula’s chin rested on one hand, the other tapping out a steady, quick rhythm on the table. Her eyes were far away under the tight knit of her brows. A few stray hairs were out of place, wafting about from the breeze through the window near by. She’d not said anything in an hour, ignoring the dishes put before her. Her sharp nails were digging in at her jaw and her tapping had grown slowly louder as the minutes went on.

 

Mai was not frightened, but she and Ty Lee were being very careful not to make any sudden movements, lest they attract Azula’s attention. Lately, that had been a very, _very_ bad idea.

 

Of course, they had spent the last three months playing cat and mouse with some insane Earth Kingdom guy and his friends, who apparently thought it was great fun to ruin any and every plan Azula tried to concoct. The fights always ended in a stalemate through some outside force none of them could get around and left Azula more and more aggravated.

 

And now they were getting recalled. To say that Azula was angry would be more of an understatement than anything anyone else had attempted. Ever.

 

If that guy had shown up that day, Azula would surely have killed him once and for all.

 

“Lets go,” Azula said abruptly as she got up from the table. She turned on her heel sharply and started for the door. Mai glanced to Ty Lee, who hadn’t said much either, then got up to follow. There wasn’t much else they could do.

 

After failing to bust through the great wall of Ba Sing Se, they had tried organizing a roundabout method. If anything else, Azula was cleverer and more creative than anyone else Mai knew. But before they could ambush the group of Earth Kingdom warriors they were planning on impersonating, _that guy_ showed up. And had continued showing up and ruining their plans if he wasn’t trying to kill Azula out right. The vendetta was fervid, though Mai had no idea what it was about. Azula wouldn’t explain and there was never time during the fights to ferret out information from him or his friends.

 

Every defeat had frustrated Azula more and more. And now they were being recalled. She’d barely said a word since the order came through. It wasn’t directly from her father’s hand but Azula had taken the order like a slap in the face. Her constant defeats hadn’t been hinted at, instead some problem with uprising near the capital was the said reason, but Mai didn’t believe for a second that the two were unrelated.

 

Firelord Ozai was not happy with his daughter. And Mai wondered if he would be more harsh since he was also having to deal with the rehabilitation of his amnesiac son. Not that she’d heard anything about it, but she assumed Zuko was getting the best care he could be.

 

Even if some tiny part of her wondered if maybe Azula had lied to her. But she did her best to ignore it because then she might have to take steps she didn’t want to yet. If ever.

 

Somehow, Mai was surprised that they weren’t set upon by that Earth Kingdom thug before boarding the ship back to the Fire Nation. Or when they arrived, either. He had been such a constant that the lack of his homicidal snarl seemed odd instead of welcomed. But he wasn’t there. Instead, they had been met by a royal procession that had followed them the days it took to get to the capital. And now they were staying the night in an inn that had been cleared out for Azula’s use.

 

But Azula didn’t like wasting time and she didn’t stay at the inn after their aborted meal. Instead, the procession continued and they were at the palace by nightfall. Azula left them there to meet with her father alone and Mai found her way into the courtyard.

 

When she was younger, Mai’s faith in her leaders, especially Azula, had been unshakable. What her parents hadn’t already forced down her throat, the Academy for Girls had taught and mercilessly reinforced. Even now, the idea that there might be another, better way seemed blasphemous and bordering on treason.

 

But it was getting harder and harder to follow Azula, harder to rationalize it. She was growing chaotic with each failure and Mai wondered what would happen when chaotic became _broken_.

 

Not that Mai really cared. She didn’t.

 

Mai had made it to the pond when Azula came striding out into the sunlight. Her eyes were hard, strained, and her mouth was set into a tight line. Crushed in one hand was a flyer of some kind.

 

“Find Ty Lee. We have a new objective,” Azula barked out. There wasn’t an ounce of the cunning manipulator there. Whatever the Firelord had said to her hadn’t been pleasant. Azula shoved the flyer into Mai’s hands and stormed away. Mai watched her go before she unwrinkled the thick paper and her heart stopped.

 

Staring back at her from the wanted poster was Zuko.

 

\----

 

“Did Shuu finish getting those charges set?” Li asked without looking up from the map he was carefully checking over, adding new notes from the intel various Resistance agents had gathered. “We need to move out by sundown if we’re going to hit that detention center tonight.”

 

“He’s got the last one in his hands now,” Chen replied, leaning over the map from the other side. His huge hands covered a wide swath of each corner, but Li wasn’t putting anything down there.

 

“Did any of the refugees from last night side with us?”

 

“Four.”

 

“Military?”

 

“No. One’s a tailor, the other three are laborers.”

 

Li nodded and noted down a few more small, tidy characters. “See if the tailor knows how to hold a sword at all. If not, send him to Ursa. Get the laborers with Shuu’s group. He’ll know how to use them best. If any of them balk, bring them to me.”

 

Chen nodded sharply and headed off, understanding the dismissal for what it was. Li finished his notes and stepped back, taking in the map critically.

 

One month ago, their leader had died. And somehow, Li had known how to replace him. He tried not to think of why, of the grooming he must have endured in his other life, but he used it anyway. Li knew Fire Nation military strategy, knew how to command and lead people, and Jet had taught him about the power of charisma. Li wasn’t a charismatic person, but he tried to do well by his men and it seemed to be working. They followed him not without question but with a kind of faith Li was mystified by.

 

Ursa tried to tell him he had some natural gift for leadership, but he seriously doubted it.

 

Nodding to the map, Li took up the coded correspondences and poured through them, making sure he hadn’t misread or simply missed anything. He’d been thorough but he couldn’t afford a mistake, not with so many lives in his hands.

 

Li wondered maybe if it was the weight of responsibility that had created the dark thing in Jet, but he doubted it.

 

All around the War Room were maps, lists, anything that could possibly help him plan what to do. And there was much to do. He’d begun small, hitting weapons depots and detention centers, freeing caged dissenters and ferrying refugees to the safety of the colonies. They had three ships now and only one of them was at the ready at all times, the other two making trips between the two continents. The times tables for their voyages was secured up next to the specs of each ship, even though Li had memorized them as soon as they’d finished writing them down. He knew every scrap of information on those walls by heart. He had to.

 

Li knew one mistake could cost them everything. He wished, here and there, that one of the ex-soldiers had taken over instead of him, but all of them had been low infantry. No leadership knowledge or drive. And some of them had families.

 

The only one who’s face was known to the Fire Nation at large was Li. And he pledged to keep it that way. He made the others cover their faces and if someone was captured, he made sure that whatever family they had, remote as he knew it, was protected. Connections were dangerous in this world, but could be a precious strength if secured.

 

Li closed his eyes, drawing in a slow, steady breath. He rested his hands on the table, concentrating on his beating heart and breathing lungs. He focused on the air nurturing his body, feeling it and gently stroking the fire in his belly, waiting to rise up.

 

He wished for a moment that his uncle was there. But that thought was uncomfortable. If he was kin to Azula, so was Iroh. And there was only one famous Iroh in the Firelord’s family. The great General who nearly took the great Walled City, the Dragon of the West. It was hard to place such titles on his memory of Iroh. The man seemed so… Well. _Not_.

 

Li jumped as the door opened and Ursa hurried inside. They’d become rather close in the last months. Li figured it had something to do with the memory of her son, whom he so closely resembled. Maybe a little from the way she seemed to remind him of a mother long past…

 

“One of the palace servants just got word to us,” Ursa said almost immediately, worry evident in her voice. “Azula is back in the capital and she’s been given a new mission. She’s coming after you.”

 

With a soft sigh, Li nodded, lips pursed. “I wondered how long it would be before she realized I’m alive. It’s fine. I can handle her.”

 

Ursa took his arm. “Li, you can’t understand just how powerful she is. Azula has no mercy. She will take any possible avenue to end your life.”

 

“I know.” Li covered her hand with his own. “Don’t worry. I knew becoming the figurehead for the Resistance would attract her. She’s powerful, definitely, and she has some very strong friends, but so I do.”

 

“Li,” Ursa murmured softly, pained. “Promise me you won’t go against her alone. _Please_.”

 

“I can’t.” Li let go and drew back from her hold, straightening up as he turned to the war map on the table. “I can’t afford to avoid her. Not when there is so much to do. If I can keep her attention on me, then she won’t be involving herself with stopping our operations. We’ll start doing dual missions. One openly, to attract her, the other covered from her.”

 

“This is _insane_ , Li. I won’t have you using yourself as _bait-_ ”

 

“Ursa.” Li glanced to her but no amount of worry on her face would sway him. “One life is not more important than our goal. If I can distract her even for just one mission before she kills me, it’s worth it. Maybe I can take her out myself. Maybe I’ll get lucky. Right now, other than the Firelord himself, Azula is our most dangerous enemy. I have to do this.”

 

Ursa swallowed thickly and then slowly nodded. Her hands were fisted at her sides, shaking faintly, but her expression was set.

 

“If you’re set on doing the impossible,” she began, her words quiet but resolute, “then I can do nothing but support you. There is a man that can help us. I’ll send word to him. If I ask, he will most certainly come. Try not to get cornered by Azula until he’s arrived.”

 

“I make no promises,” Li responded, “but I will try.”

 

“That’s all I ask.”


	24. But I Seem To Need To

Aang didn’t like firebending. It wasn’t as alien to him as earthbending had been, but there was something scary about how easily it came to him once he really got each move Iroh showed him. Before, when he’d forced Jeong Jeong to teach him out of sequence, firebending had almost been a game. Until the game hurt someone.   
  
That memory was still fresh in Aang’s mind. He refused to practice if Katara was near by, not trusting his control even after Iroh commended him for it. He would  not burn her again. Ever.   
  
Aang grabbed a towel and wiped his face warily. Iroh set a grueling pace with his training, but it was paying off. Maybe Aang would master it in time now… His thoughts paused as he regarded Iroh. If he wasn’t teaching, Iroh spent much of his time in deep, quiet thought. His face always showed such deep grief…   
  
The training was good for him, too, Aang decided. When Iroh was teaching him, he seemed alive again. Aang knew there was no replacement for his lost nephew, little time as they’d spent together, but he was glad he could do  something for the man.   
  
Since Iroh was distracted, Aang headed back to their campsite to see what the others were up to. They’d been in the Fire Nation for nearly a month now, meandering their way towards the capital city but taking their time. They still  had time before the Comet arrived and Iroh had decided they would make use of it and make sure Aang was as competent a firebender as earthly possible. The Firelord awaited and now that Appa had been rescued, that was Aang’s primary focus again-   
  
A sound made him pause. He turned, body tensing, readying to defend himself. He was shirtless, his tattoos shown clearly. If this was a fire nation citizen or soldier, there would be no choice but to fight-   
  
And then Jet stepped out into the open and Aang almost dropped with relief.   
  
“Do you have to sneak up on people?” Aang complained, but the words died in his mouth.   
  
Because Jet didn’t smile. His expression was cold and closed off. And only then did Aang realize how weird Jet being there was. There was something very,  very wrong about Jet being in the Fire Nation.   
  
“I don’t have time for chatter,” Jet barked out, cutting off anything Aang might have said. “Do you have a map?”   
  
For a moment, Aang could say nothing. He felt a chill go down his spine, despite it being a very warm afternoon. The look in Jet’s eyes… He looked like before. Jet wasn’t bothering to hide any of the savagery Aang had only barely witnessed before. Jet looked…   
  
Aang hadn’t realized Li’s death would break Jet this badly.   
  
“Yeah,” he said finally, fighting down the sudden need to run Jet away from their camp and keep him from getting anywhere close to his friends. Jet wouldn’t hurt them… would he?   
  
Jet snatched the map from his hands as soon as it was visible. He unrolled it and looked critically over the landscape, gaze sharper than a knife as he traced his finger over main roads and villages. His lips moved over silent words until he’d finished, shoving the map back into Aang’s hands.   
  
“Why are you-” Aang began but Jet cut him off.   
  
“The Princess is here.”   
  
And Aang understood. The hate he had seen in Ba Sing Se was a living, breathing thing in Jet now, pulsing through his body so brightly that Aang didn’t even have to look at him to feel it. He’d been wrong. This wasn’t like before, with the Freedom Fighters. This was so much  worse .   
  
“Jet…”   
  
But Jet wasn’t listening. He heard nothing but the princess’s voice in his ears. Her cold, taunting voice.  Failed him, failed him, dead, dead, dead.   
  
Aang stopped trying. Jet left without even looking at him again. It had taken a week to smuggle himself and the others onto a ship to the Fire Nation. A week for the Princess to get ahead of him and prepare. But no amount of preparation would save her. Jet wouldn’t stop until he watched her heart beat for the last time. He didn’t care if he lived any longer than that and Aang knew it.   
  
He didn’t tell the others about Jet’s visit. It would only worry them, Jet finding them so easily despite their being careful, or maybe just his state. He was a bomb waiting to go off and it chilled Aang to the bone to think of what might happen. Azula was his enemy but he didn’t want her to die.   
  
Katara made some kind of soup that tasted a bit salty but was filling enough. The meal was quiet. They usually were if Iroh sat with them. The old man was doing his best, they knew, but his very presence made it feel as if the world had shattered into too many pieces to ever get back together.   
  
Half way through the meal, a bird cried out. The sound of it wasn’t very odd but Iroh got up almost immediately, excusing himself from the fire. He disappeared from the camp for several minutes while the gang glanced at one another, wondering what it could be about. When he returned, there was a piece of paper in his hands and a troubled look on his face.   
  
“I hate to impose upon you,” Iroh said immediately, “but I am needed two days east of here. Quickly.”   
  
Sokka frowned as he set down his bowl. “We’re going that way anyway, but what’s the hurry?”   
  
“Lately, a resistance movement has begun within the Fire Nation,” Iroh murmured gravely, sitting down once more. “It is gaining followers quickly, despite efforts to keep knowledge of it hidden. The Resistance wants to force the Firelord to end the war, or overthrow him and instate a cousin of sufficient birth in his place. There are a few favorites, but none of them will admit to backing the movement. I’ve been asked to come and assist their new leader with a personal matter.”   
  
“What’s that got to do with us?” Toph asked, leaning back on her hands. “Other than showing there’re some  sane people left in this country.”   
  
Katara shot her a dirty look which, of course, Toph missed entirely.   
  
“A Resistance means the country isn’t united for this war.” Sokka stroked his chin, looking thoughtful. “If we can get them on our side, then we can probably coordinate an offensive using both the Resistance  and the Earth Kingdom army. There’s no way the Firelord could handle that! All we need to do is get the Earth Kingdom troops here!”   
  
Iroh nodded. “For a very long time, I have avoided the movement. I had other responsibilities and past deeds to atone for. But the person that sent for me is someone I cannot refuse. The debt I owe to her is one I cannot ever repay. However, she has the ear of the Resistance leader. If I asked, she would no doubt arrange a meeting with him for you.”   
  
“Seems worth it to me,” Aang replied as he got up to wash out his bowl. “All right. We’ll move out once we’ve gotten everything packed up on Appa.”   
  
They broke camp quickly. If Iroh was in a rush, they all knew to do the same. As they lifted into the air, Aang took a moment to enjoy the rush of wind over his skin, reveling in the thick fur under his legs. When they’d bargained for Appa’s release, Aang swore to never take him for granted ever again. He had cherished Appa before, but now knowing the ache of losing him…Well.   
  
He wasn’t sure he’d ever go back to Ba Sing Se if he could help it.   
  
When Aang was young, his world view had been rather simple. Limited. Innocent. He understood things now that the temple had not prepared him for. Maybe if they had been able to wait until he was sixteen to announce him as Avatar… But he doubted it. The monks themselves, despite having a oneness with the world and sense for the balance it needed, had been isolationist enough that their world view could be… idealistic. Aang knew that now. The things he had seen… If there was a way to reestablish the Air Nomads when the war ended, a way to bring his people back, he wasn’t sure whether or not he would allow that world view to be taken up again.   
  
Gyatso hadn’t prepared him for the horror and loss he had faced since awakening from his one hundred year sleep. Not that there was much way  to be prepared, but Aang could have been told  some things…   
  
On Appa, they made it to the meet point half a day early. That gave them time to establish a simple camp, something they could pack up quickly at the first sign of danger. This was an area Iroh didn’t know well and they had been trusting him to get through safely.   
  
Aang went with Iroh to meet with his friend. He didn’t want the others to be there if something went sour. The secrecy of it all made him antsy. Iroh led him to a small village and Aang was careful to keep his hat on tightly and his collar popped up to hide his tattoos. The village people ignored them, well enough used to people passing through. It didn’t look like a hotbed for rebel activity, just…  poor . Not for the first time, Aang realized that the Fire Nation people themselves were also victims in this war.   
  
At the edge of the village was a flower shop that seemed to be doing well enough. Various ladies milled around, giggling over an arrangement here and there. A few glanced over Aang with knowing looks that made him blush and he wondered if maybe he should get something for Katara. If only for their cover. Iroh spoke briefly to the clerk, who then pushed them on to the back room.

A woman waited there. As the door pulled shut behind them, she drew off the wide scarf wrapped around her head and smiled faintly. She was tall and slim, wearing her age well. Her eyes, though sad, were very kind.   
  
“Ursa,” Iroh murmured, stepping over to take her hand. “It is dangerous for you to be in the open.”   
  
“I couldn’t trust this to anyone else. Not this.” She paused, looking back towards Aang. “And you are…”   
  
“I’m Aang,” he said, dragging off his hat. “The Avatar. Don’t worry, you’re safe with me!”   
  
Ursa blinked a moment. “So young…”   
  
“Wise beyond his years,” Iroh murmured and Aang flushed despite himself. But they had a reason to be there. Iroh turned back to Ursa, serious once more. “You called me to assist your new leader-”   
  
“To teach him.” Ursa drew back her hand from Iroh, folding both in front of her. “Our leader is young. Too young. But the progress he has made for us in the last three months is more than anyone else has managed since we started. His leadership skills are astounding, but he’s untried. He works too hard, takes too much upon himself. He needs an advisor of his level that can help him and teach him how to manage the movement without burning himself through.”   
  
Iroh frowned. “It has been a very long time since I lead men, even as advisor.”   
  
“But you were good at it,” Ursa murmured, reaching out to touch his shoulder. “And he can be as well.”   
  
Aang noticed something then, a closeness between the two of them that he’d not expected. These were not merely friends. At first, he thought maybe they had been involved once, but the feeling was off. Close, but not as lovers. Almost like family.   
  
“Very well,” Iroh said finally. “If I can be of assistance, you have it.”   
  
Ursa smiled softly, sadly at him. “Thank you. With your help, I know he can succeed.”   
  
“Lately, I have not been very successful in my mentoring,” Iroh admitted quietly. Aang felt the words like painful tugs at his heart.   
  
“You’re a  great mentor!” he cried, unable to stop himself even as both adults looked at him with surprise. “How else would I be this good at firebending now? You’re  awesome .”   
  
The corners of Iroh’s mouth quirked closer to a real smile than Aang had seen since Li died. He patted Aang’s shoulder and his eyes looked just a little glassy.   
  
“Thank you,” the old man murmured. “You are a fine pupil, Aang.”   
  
Aang grinned at him and then felt his face flush when Ursa regarded at him with a particularly endearing look. As if he had done something very praiseworthy that she couldn’t say, if only to spare Iroh’s feelings. Aang understood. He was rather sure he knew what she meant.


	25. All The Time

The resistance was busy. Li spent every waking moment organizing raids, training exercises, the food stores, funneling refugees to the Earth Kingdom… He barely had time to eat. Actually, he tended to eat _while_ doing the rest. Ursa made a point to bring him meals, knowing he would forget them. They were just about ready to launch the next big push, a coordinated, multi-faceted strike against the capitol itself, and there was so much to prepare. So much to _do_. Keeping it all straight was almost impossible, but he managed. He had to.

 

“Sir,” one of the ex-soldiers said as he entered the room. Unlike most of the others, Ran treated him like the commander he tried to be. Even when Li told him he didn’t have to. Ran had certain thoughts about command structure and he seemed to like having someone to report to, even if that person was less than a third his age.

 

Li nodded acknowledgement of him and waved Ran forward as he set down his brush. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing, per se,” Ran said, his voice rough from decades of pipe smoking. He stood straight as a rod and even without the old armor, he looked every bit a soldier. How someone his age and skill had remained infantry was beyond Li’s comprehension. Ran finally got around to continuing, fingers smoothing out his beard. “There’s another group out there making trouble. Been doing hit and runs anywhere Princess Azula shows up. Even blew up a good chunk of the Academy for Girls.”

 

For a moment, Li felt his chest tighten up. That sounded familiar. But there was no way Jet had come to the Fire Nation. Li had given up the hope that Jet would come for him a few weeks after he joined the Resistance. Either Jet knew what he was up to and didn’t worry, or… Or he’d broken his word and he didn’t care what Li was doing or where he was. The thought hurt, so Li stopped thinking about it.

 

“We’ll send a messenger that way. Actually, send a duo. Plus one from your group. If this is a trap, I want to give them back up. Maybe a messenger hawk, too,” Li decided warily. Ran nodded and when he relaxed, Li felt a little tension leave him. He was never sure how to handle the older ones, but he seemed to have won this round or passed this test, depending on what Ran’s mood had been.

 

The old soldier left after Li had decided who would go, satisfied. And while Li was glad his decision had been approved of, he still felt anxious and rushed about the rest. A lot was riding on this strike. There was so much that could go wrong… but no one would expect something like this from a guerilla group. Li had brought in everyone with even a day of military service to weigh in, plus a few that had just been well read. They were all nervous, but if this worked, it could be the pivotal turn. They might be able to take down the Fire Lord or at least cripple his power hold.

 

Near dawn, Li finally left what had been dubbed the war room and headed to his bed. He bunked separately from the others, hopefully to protect them if Azula found their hide out and came after him. He hoped she would take him out first and give the others time to escape…

 

Li went still at the doorway when he registered someone in his room, and then instantly sagged with relief. “You’re back.”

 

“With good news,” Ursa replied as she took his arm and tugged him towards the bed. “When did you sleep last? Have you eaten today?”

 

Sitting down, Li gave her a little half smile. “I’m fine. Tell me how it went. Will your friend come?”

 

“He’ll be along with his students later today,” she murmured, fussing over his pillow and drawing back the top blanket. “I could make you something.”

 

“Ursa, I’m _fine_ ,” he repeated firmly, but Li didn’t really mind her mothering. It was nice. And he knew it soothed her as much as himself. “I’m not hungry.”

 

“I’ll bring you something.”

 

Ursa had a habit of not listening to him when she thought he was being silly. Apparently, this was one of those times. He sighed a little, but felt pleased for some odd reason. As she strolled out of his room, Li shook his head and began stripping out of his tunic. Fire Nation fabric was a lot different than Earth Kingdom. It was thinner, more breathable, better for bodies with high temperatures. He almost hated how much more comfortable it was. He’d always wondered why even broken in clothing always seemed just a bit too stiff or thick or otherwise just annyoing.

 

The tunic he draped across the foot of the bed and his undershirt went with it. He set his boots on the floor and then folded his legs under himself and rested his hands on his knees. Closing his eyes, Li sat up straight and drew in deep, slow breaths. He could hear Iroh’s voice, counting out heartbeats for each one, telling him to slow down and really feel the air in his lungs, rejuvenating his body and stoking the powerful flames of his soul…

 

But a sound drew him out of the trance. He snapped awake, still for half a second listening, and then found his body lurching across the room before he’d processed why. That was the only reason he still _had_ a body. The bed erupted into flames but Li ignored it, instead, going right for the man at the door.

 

His mind supplied him with information as the man blocked his blow and countered: ex-soldier, twenty-one years old, joined up a month ago, two young sisters and an aging aunt living down near the bay, Baochin was his name, had before been in the service to one of the Firelord’s courtiers-

 

 _Damn_.

 

Fire burned past Li’s ear as he ducked under Baochin’s arm and planted a hard strike into his chest, knocking the man back through the doorway. The commotion was gaining attention and Li could hear swift steps nearby, but he had something more immediate to pay attention to. Baochin scrambled to his feet before Li could get back to him. The guy was good, Li gave him that. Not as good as Iroh and Li was faster. He wasn’t encumbered by the thicker body type or the slapdash armor Baochin had dragged on for this. For an assassination, this was a pathetic attempt.

 

Li caught a break and got one hand behind Baochin’s neck as he kicked out his feet. Baochin lurched forward and Li used the momentum to slam his head down onto the stone floor. The would be assassin sagged to stillness and Li rose just as reinforcements arrived.

 

“Check everyone!” Li ordered immediately, panting from the fight but all right. “Take a headcount and gather everything up. We move NOW!”

 

To their credit, the others didn’t question him. One helped get Baochin restrained. They’d leave him there for whatever masters he’d been working for, and whoever else decided to try to betray him. Then Li went to find Ursa. He had a terrible, blinding fear for her, as if somehow he knew she would be just as much a target as himself-

 

- _He didn’t know what Mother was talking about but the way she held him so tight seemed desperate. Had something happened? He was so tired. Of course he knew she loved him, she didn’t have to wake him up to tell him that and he just wanted to go back to sleep-_

 

The makeshift kitchen was in shambles and Li didn’t think before he had his dual swords to cut down the masked man he found there. The guy hadn’t even seen him before he dropped like a stone, dead before he hit the ground. Li didn’t care. He was on his knees, dragging Ursa into his arms and calling her name. There was blood on her face, streaming down the side from a gash above her eye, and he could smell burned flesh and cloth-

 

Her eyes rolled open, hazy from the injury, but _alive_. “Li…?”

 

“We have to go,” he said, his voice choked. Li gathered her against his chest and was relieved when she wrapped her arms around his neck. He swiftly left the kitchen and joined up with Ran minutes later. Ran took one look at the both of them and cursed more colorfully than Li had heard even Jet do. He reached out to take Ursa from him and Li stepped back, seized with the irrational need to not let her go. Ran gave him an odd look. Li swallowed the thick lump in his throat. Baochin had betrayed them. Why wouldn’t Ran? Ex-soldier, fifty-three years old, joined six weeks ago, wife dead, no children, elder brother living in the capitol with his wife, three nephews with children of their own, an unmarried niece…

 

“Li, it’s all right,” Ursa said softly, drawing Li out of his paranoid information relay. He looked at her and she smiled. “Ran worked for me once. Before.”

 

Li glanced to the man, who was stoically waiting, and then finally released Ursa to him. His eyes went hard. “One _hair-_ ”

 

“If it happens, you won’t have to revenge her. I’ll do it myself,” Ran replied and he was completely serious. Li nodded and the older man went off with Ursa to get her treated.

 

Though he hated not going with her, Li stayed to direct the others. Four of their number were dead, all of them defected nobles. All but one of the assassins had been caught or killed. The last was long gone. Li didn’t have time to worry about that one. Instead, he organized their pack up of the hideout. The Resistance was gone within an hour, leaving anything they hadn’t desperately needed.

 

\----

 

This was very strange, Smellerbee thought to herself as she crouched poised in the rafters, a knife in both hands and her muscles coiled for a leap. On the other side of the inn’s high, unfinished roof, Longshot had an arrow ready and seemed just as tense as she was. They had been since they got here. Enemy territory. Jet was below, sitting at the bar and waiting while he nursed on a cup of something Smellerbee really hoped was tea. These days, one never knew.

 

The strange part wasn’t Jet. The strange part was why they were there, waiting in the open with fire nation roaming around. And Jet was playing it cool. He looked relaxed as a sleeping mooselion.

 

Every time someone came in, Smellerbee zeroed in on them, ready to track and attack. Ready to kill. There had been a lot of killing lately. But not here and not most of these men. Until one of them suddenly got up from his table and went to sit next to Jet. The guy was massive, hands probably bigger than her head and then some, and he must have been twice, maybe three times her height. Bigger than Pipsqueak by a _lot_. She passed one knife to her mouth, clenching it between her teeth as she readied. But the man didn’t seem to be itching for a fight. Instead, he began to talk to Jet.

 

“You been traveling much?” the man asked, pleasant as can be. “Must have got those clothes from the bay, right? Imports?”

 

“Something like that,” Jet replied, sipping something that definitely _wasn’t_ tea, but had been watered down so much it might as well have been nothing.

 

“Hah, I love it down there. The smell of it. I was born there, you know.”

 

“Really.”

 

“Oh yeah, me and my six sisters. You never seen more comely girls, I tell you.”

 

“I’m sure.”

 

“They look _just_ like me.”

 

Jet paused and lifted his gaze to the man’s face. He couldn’t think how anyone would find a face like that comely at all, so he hoped the guy was deluded and his poor sisters looked nothing like him. The man grinned back at him. After a moment, Jet smirks back at him.

 

“I bet all of them got married quick.”

 

The man threw his head back and guffawed. Then he slammed his hand against Jet’s back so hard that it knocked the breath out of him.

 

“ _You!_ ” the man laughed out. “You are an interesting one!”

 

Jet gave another indulgent smirk and turned back to his drink. At least until the guy leaned down and lowered his voice so that only they could hear it.

 

“I bet you have very interesting tales to tell,” the man said and though he was grinning just as stupidly, Jet could sense that he was getting serious. “Maybe about why you’re following Princess Azula around like vengeance himself.”

 

Jet narrowed his eyes. He glanced at the man, one hand ready to grab a hooksword and defend himself if Smellerbee and Longshot didn’t get him first. But the man didn’t attack. He just grinned wider.

 

“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna to kill you. And if you say no, I’m gonna let you leave, too.”

 

“If I say no to _what?_ ” Jet asked warily.

 

“Let’s just say you’ve been noticed,” the man said. “You’re not the only one after Fire Nation royalty.”

 

Jet thought about that statement. He’d heard here and there that there was some kind of uprising around, but it hadn’t interested him. “Are you trying to recruit me?”

 

“Maybe. If you want some backup. Maybe just food.” The guy’s eyes flickered up a moment, zeroing in on Smellerbee, then back to Jet. “That kid you’re with is skin and bones, if you haven’t noticed. Tall guy isn’t much better. Neither are you.”

 

That rankled him. Jet closed his fingers over the hilt of one sword. It would be so easy to just take care of him _now_. The guy chuckled.

 

“Hey now, I don’t mean nothing by it.” He gave Jet’s back another hard swat, but not nearly as bad as the first. “You want the princess bad, right? Stick with us and you could be going right to the _source_.”

 

“What the hell does that mean?” Jet growled out.

 

“Why stop with the princess?” the man said, grinning widely as his eyes twinkled with something dark. “When you could get the _whole royal family?”_


	26. Yeah, I Lie

Toph kicked an old bucket that had been left behind. It tumbled a few feet and then lay still. The rebel base was empty. Only the things they couldn’t live without had been taken with them, leaving plenty behind. Toph didn’t even feel any animals invading the place yet.

 

“Well this was a huge waste of time,” Sokka complained grumpily. Aang tried not to feel let down. He glanced to Katara, who was examining some overturned boxes, and then on to Iroh. The old man gazed over the deserted base with faint worry etched on his features.

 

“There must be a reason they’ve left,” Iroh murmured quietly, then shook his head and went to search further.

 

Not meeting up with the rebels left a worried knot in Aang’s stomach. He remembered the look in Ursa’s eyes, half desperate and half pleading, and knew that the need must have been great for her to seek out Iroh…

 

“Sokka,” Katara called from the kitchen area. Sokka muttered to himself as he strode over to look at whatever she’d found. When he saw it, he grew as grim faced as she was.

 

“It’s not much,” Sokka said, his voice low. “Not a death blow. Just wounding.”

 

“That’s why they left. They were attacked. Maybe that woman that Iroh and Aang met with was followed.”

 

Sokka frowned harder and then came out to Aang. “It’s not safe here. We should leave before whoever came after the rebels finds _us_. There’s blood in the kitchen.”

 

“I’ll find Iroh,” Toph said and split before the others could stop her. She could just barely make out the walls around her, but it was plenty enough to avoid them. All she had to do was follow the shifting about of Iroh’s feet- Then he went very still and she lost him a moment before his heart began to pound so hard that she could feel it. Toph broke out into a run, skidding at the end of one hallway before swinging herself into what felt to be a smaller room, bedroom maybe. “Iroh?”

 

The old man didn’t speak at first and she followed his breathing until she caught hold of his arm. He was _shaking._

 

“I gave this to my nephew,” he said, and his voice was so unsteady. Toph felt down his arm until she came to his hands and the item within them. It was a knife and though she couldn’t get the full effect of the detailed work on the hilt and sheath, she could still tell its worth had to be great. But greater still was the meaning it had to Iroh. “I sent this to him from Ba Sing Se, years ago. Before he…”

 

Toph swallowed. The knife had to be one of a kind to make this much of an impact. Iroh knew it to be the exact same one. She couldn’t fathom how the rebels had come to have it, but that didn’t matter as much as the way Iroh’s fingers tightened around the sheath.

 

Iroh drew in a slow, noisy breath that was just this side of wet. He lifted a hand, likely to his face, and she let go of his arm.

 

“My apologies, young Toph,” he said and she could hear the forced smile in his voice. It hurt. “There’s little time to be overcome with memories.”

 

“You can talk about him,” Toph offered immediately. “If you want to. I’ll listen.”

 

Iroh patted her shoulder. “Thank you. I appreciate your kindness. Perhaps when we have a quiet moment, I will.”

 

Toph doubted he would but she let it go. If he didn’t need a rock to lean against, that was fine. But if he ever did, she’d be there.

 

The two of them rejoined the others and they all headed on. While the others hung back off the beaten trail with Appa, Sokka and Toph kept on point, tracking the rebels as best they could. He might not have been a master hunter back home, but Sokka could follow tracks when he put his mind to it. Not that these were all that easy to follow. They broke into groups several times, leading them on wild chases and circles. Still, between his eyes and Toph’s sense for the faint depressions in the earth, they gamely kept on.

 

It was nice. The two of them worked well together when they were focused. A few jokes passed here and there, but for the most part, their attention was set on the tracks before them. Finally, they reached a point where the group had broken three ways, straight and clear. The paths continued far enough that they couldn’t tell if they wound about like before.

 

“Must have been decided earlier,” Sokka murmured as he traced a foot print. “No sign that they milled around here. They just split off evenly.”

 

Toph stomped one foot and went still, reading what the vibration waves could give her. There was nothing she could sense that would make this spot special. Sokka seemed just as stumped as he got up. He signaled to the others, who showed up soon enough.

 

“Well, we can either pick one path to take, or split up,” Aang said, sounding rather weary of either. He didn’t like it, but if they’d been attacked, the rebels might need their help…

 

“Right.” Katara glanced around the open field, trying to decide which path was the right one, but she could barely see the paths, much less figure out where they might be headed. It could be a trap. “Iroh, what do you think?”

 

The old man studied the tracks and the paths Sokka pointed out to him. “The capitol lies in that direction. This one would round out to the bay, given enough time, and this leads deeper into the country side. Only a few smaller towns and working villages.”

 

Sokka rubbed his chin. “If we think like rebels, what would be the point of each path?”

 

“The capitol seems obvious,” Aang tried. “I mean, they could do a lot of damage there.”

 

“Only if they were not picked up for suspicious activity,” Iroh countered gently. “Those who could stand scrutiny as nobles would dare enter the city, but no others. And it is unlikely our group could do so. I, myself, am not welcome there… and my face is well known.”

 

“Yeah, about that,” Katara murmured, folding her arms over her chest. “Who _are_ you? I know we’ve been trying to give him time, guys, but how can we keep trusting him if we don’t know?”

 

Aang and Sokka traded glances, unsure themselves. They wanted to know, too. But Toph just moved and set herself between them and Iroh, hands on her hips and head cocked. Defiant.

 

“Does it really matter?” she threw out at them. “The old man’s our ally. If he doesn’t want to talk about his past, I say let him keep his secrets. If he was an enemy, he wouldn’t be helping Aang.”

 

“She’s got a point,” Aang murmured and then shrank a bit as Katara sent him a narrow look, but she soon turned her attention back to Toph again. Before a fight could break out, Iroh reached out and took Toph’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

 

“It’s all right,” he said gently. “Thank you for defending me, but perhaps it would be best if I revealed my full identity. There is little reason to hide it now.”

 

They made camp first, since it was getting late anyway. Once everything had been set up and a small fire going, the group settled around it and all eyes fell to Iroh. The old man took a calming breath, as if bracing himself, and then began.

 

“I come from a family of two brothers. My father favored me, both as his eldest and as a military strategist. I became a general at a young age, despite the death of my wife,” Iroh began softly. “My brother was far shrewder politically. The courtiers loved him and believed that he was better suited. Perhaps because he listened to them and I did not. Still, I was the inheriting heir. When it was decided that the Fire Nation would make a full push into the Earth Kingdom, I was sent to lead a faction after the city of Ba Sing Se. And with me… was my only son, Lu Ten.”

 

He paused there, blinking his eyes a little, and it took Aang a moment to realize that he was fighting tears. His hands tightened in his lap but he said nothing, willing Iroh to go on.

 

“The siege went on for far too long. I admired the strength of the city and how hard her warriors fought for her. But… Then my son died. And I lost my taste for war.” He closed his eyes a moment and Toph reached over, resting her hand on his knee. He gave her a grateful look. “I returned home, disgraced.

 

“Ursa visited me often. She made sure that I kept up my strength and did not fully fall to ruin. In return, she asked that I look after her children.” He frowned, eyes far away. “She believed that something awful was brewing, that I should be watchful. And then, mere days after my return, my father was dead and Ursa had disappeared. My brother forcibly took the inheritance and set his children as heirs, but I would have given it to him had he asked. Better that he and his living children be promised what had once been my son’s and mine.”

 

“Jerk,” Sokka said under his breath, but none of the others heeded him.

 

“I stayed nearby, watching the children as they grew. Zuko, Li… He was kind and gentle, traits his father saw only as weakness. I mentored him as well as I could, knowing he needed it, but my brother sabotaged me whenever possible. When he was thirteen, Zuko was labeled a disgrace and banished. His ship was lost in a storm. I turned to his younger sister, but she had no use for my words. Soon after my nephew’s disappearance, I, myself, was banished and fled to the Earth Kingdom. I took to wandering, making my way as I could, and years later heard that my niece had come. So, I sought her out and followed her at a distance, trying to look out for her as I had been asked. As her mother, Ursa, had asked.”

 

“Wait.” Aang lifted a hand. “Wait a second. Ursa, the same lady we met? That’s Li’s mom?”

 

Iroh inclined his head. “Yes. She was.”

 

“Wow.”

 

“Why did she leave?” Katara asked and her voice was soft enough that the others knew she was thinking of her own parents. A similar seriousness settled over Sokka.

 

“She left to save her son,” Iroh explained with a soft sigh. “She left because to save him, she had done something that would mean her death and did not want to subject her children to seeing it.”

 

“What did she do?” Aang asked even though he wondered if he wanted to know.

 

“She murdered my father,” Iroh replied gravely. “To punish my brother for words against me to the death of my son, my father ordered the death of _his_ , so that my brother would feel the same pain of loss as I did. But my brother was not fond of Zuko even then and would have murdered him easily.”

 

“Harsh,” Toph murmured, but she sounded strangely subdued and a little sick. The rest of them felt the same. Maybe it was a good thing that Li didn’t remember anything from his past.

 

“You’re being very careful not to name anyone,” Katara observed. She pinned a hard stare onto the old man. “And this sounds like some tragic play.”

 

“In a way, a play would be kinder.” He smiled softly, sadly. “And you’re right. I have named only those you already know, for I wish that you make judgments upon them by their deeds and not their names.”

 

“Ominous,” Sokka muttered, resting back on his hands. “Very ominous.”

 

Iroh hesitated, looking at each of them in turn. Studying their faces as if he could read their souls through their eyes. Finally, he got to his feet and stood tall.

 

“I am General Iroh, Dragon of the West, son of Firelord Azulon and brother to Firelord Ozai,” he said with a strength they had not realized he possessed. And the introduction took a few minutes to really settle in on them, as did the consequences.

 

Sokka looked like someone had punched him in the face. “Oh _jeez_. That means…”

 

“Azula killed her own _brother?!_ ” Katara shouted.

 

But Aang had centered on something else, something that made him sick inside. “Li was the Firelord’s son. Li’s family was alive and they threw him away.”

 

“Crappy family,” Toph murmured in a wounded tone. Her parents may have been controlling, but at least they loved her. She couldn’t imagine what it had been like for Li. And to put being royalty on top of that stress… Li didn’t really strike her as the type to take that easily.

 

“Li was heir to the throne.” Sokka still looked shocked. “That’s why Azula had him killed. So that she didn’t have any competition.”

 

“Indeed,” Iroh murmured as he watched their reactions. He seemed almost surprised that none of them had condemned him for keeping the information secret. “As it is, if the rebels are successful in disposing of Ozai, Azula will inherit the throne.”

 

“And nothing will change.” Aang got up, his face solemn and all eyes resting upon him. “Even if I defeat the Firelord, the war won’t end. Azula will keep it up.”

 

“We’ll have to take her out, too,” Toph said. And things went very quiet.


	27. And I Don’t Even Know It

Jet wasn’t exactly raring to join the Fire Nation Rebellion. He had his own ideas on how to do things, but he might be able to use them. If their leader was moldable. Jet wasn’t interested in anyone he couldn’t manipulate. Smellerbee and Longshot had fallen back into their old patterns, following him without question, trusting him to lead them through. He didn’t mind it in the least. It kept his mind focused and pure, concentrating on ending Princess Azula’s very existence. If there was a way to wipe her out of history itself, he’d do it.

 

But for now, he followed the big guy back towards their camp. Chen kept trying to joke with them the whole way, not even minding that only Jet ever responded and even he wasn’t wordy in the least. Jet kept a hand ready to grab his hook swords, should Chen turn on them.

 

Halfway there, Chen stopped suddenly, studying a marking in one of the trees. Jet might not have been able to read it, but he recognized the subtle code etched into the bark. A message from the rebels, maybe the kill order… but Chen just shrugged a shoulder and changed direction before getting back into his mindless babble.

 

It took almost two days to find the rebel camp. By then, Jet was wound tighter than a spring and ready to murder something. Or someone. Maybe Chen. He followed behind the man grimly as Chen greeted various people at the outskirts of the camp. They vetted his identity, gave long looks to Jet, Smellerbee, and Longshot, but eventually let them all pass.

 

The rebel camp was nothing like their own had been. These were all adults, ground dwellers, serious men and women who were busy training or keeping up the place. Some of them wore mismatched armor, but most of them didn’t. Peasants, farmers, laborers… Jet recognized the way they moved, how they held themselves. He picked out a soldier here and there but most of these people were like he had been before the war took his home. And he recognized the weary look to them. No one was starved, but nor did they have much past what they needed to survive.

 

Chen led them to the center of the camp. A large tent had been erected, a bit much really. The door flaps were tied back and inside various small tables had been covered in maps and scrolls. There was a cot in one corner that looked unused, weapons in various states of repair. It seemed this tent was being used for a variety of things. Hovering over one table was a group of men who all looked up when Chen announced them. All of them were older, grizzled men, half in armor and one with a full set of it. It was the last man who came around the table and gave them a look over.

 

“I’m Ran, leader of the Fire Nation Rebellion-”

 

“No you aren’t.” Jet knew that right off. This guy couldn’t be the one. He definitely knew how to wield authority, but there was a certain feel to him. This guy answered to someone else. Jet rested both hands on his hook swords, grimly ready. “Can we skip the song and dance? I don’t have time to make you trust me before you get the _real_ leader.”

 

Smellerbee hissed something behind him, probably a warning. The men glanced at one another, unsure, but then Ran’s lips quirked before Chen let out a bellowing laugh.

 

“He’s gonna like these ones,” Chen said, slapping his hand to Jet’s back and jolting him forward a step.

 

“Who’s going to like what now?”

 

The voice came from behind them. It was familiar in a way that made Jet’s chest tighten, made him almost hurt. He could hear Longshot and Smellerbee turn behind him, caught Smellerbee’s soft gasp of shock. There was no way. No way at all. He was _dead_.

 

Jet slowly turned his head. And then he said nothing.

 

Li stared back at him. He was surprised, even a little happy. The red and black of his clothing was oddly fitting. Brought out the gold in his eyes and warmed his pale skin. There was strain around those eyes, but nothing Jet hadn’t seen before.

 

“Jet,” Li said and he couldn’t quite control how pleased he sounded. “You came-”

 

Jet barely knew he’d moved until he realized Li had cut off. And then that he’d punched him as hard as he could. Immediately, hands seized Jet and dragged him back. He could sense others doing the same to Smellerbee and Longshot, but his eyes were locked on Li. He’d been thrown down by the strike but Ran was helping him up already. Then Jet’s vision was blocked as Chen stepped in front of him, cocking back one huge fist.

 

“No! No, it’s okay,” Jet heard Li saying through the pounding of blood in his ears. “It’s okay, let them go! I’ll vouch for them, just let them go-”

 

“You’re serious?” Ran asked, unsure, but the others had already let go of Smellerbee and Longshot. The last ones were giving Jet uneasy looks, but their grips were loosening. Chen moved as Li pushed him aside and then Li was glaring hotly at Jet.

 

“What the hell, Jet? You leave me alone here for months and then show up and _deck_ _me?_ ”

 

Jet didn’t quite know what to say. This wasn’t what he was expecting. Li threw up his hands and then grabbed Jet’s arm, dragging him back into the tent.

 

“Everyone clear out! Now! And don’t anyone run to Ursa, I’ve no time for her mothering!”

 

It was a little strange, how quickly the rebels moved off, but Jet knew they weren’t far. He had a sense for them lingering just outside the tent, close enough to overhear if they were loud. Maybe Li was being held prisoner, this was some kind of ruse-

 

But when Li let go and turned on him, there was no guile in his face. And Li had always been so terrible at lying. Blood had already trailed down his face from his split lip and bloody nose, which just made his anger that much more real.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to the Fire Nation?” Li began immediately once the flaps had been closed. “You wait until I send someone your way? If you were going to abandon me, you could have told me to my face that you didn’t want me around!”

 

Smellerbee slapped him. Li went quiet, staring at her with shock, but then she grabbed the front of his shirt and dragged him down. He tensed, thinking she was going to hit him again, but she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. Li blinked with confusion, frowning as he awkwardly patted her back.

 

Jet couldn’t speak. The words were tight in his throat and his chest was so clenched that he could barely draw breath. Li was alive, so very alive. He was the same awkward, vibrant, genuine guy he’d always been. But mostly _alive_.

 

Smellerbee hugged him tighter and then let go, backing off. Her eyes were wet but so fierce that none of them would have dared say anything. Li looked rather worried.

 

“What’s going on? Did… did someone die?” he asked, trying and failing to be gentle about it. “I.. Are you just mad I didn’t come back?”

 

Smellerbee let out a little, weak laugh and turned away. Li switched his gaze to Jet and Longshot, his face paling with dread at what they might tell him. But Longshot was silent and Jet couldn’t quite make himself say it yet.

 

“I’m sorry,” Li murmured more softly. “I just… I thought the best way I could help end the war was to join them, get closer and try to deal a blow to the Firelord. So if you’ve come to tell me something, do it. There’s so much going on right now. I can’t go back. So if you’re asking me to, I can’t.”

 

“Stupid,” Smellerbee whispered. “Li, you’re so _stupid-_ ”

 

“She said you were dead.”

 

Li jerked his head and stared at Longshot. “What?”

 

“The Princess. She told Jet that you were dead.”

 

“I…Certainly you didn’t believe her?” Li stammered out with shock. “Azula always lies, _always_ , and you’d have to have seen the wanted posters since you got here. I haven’t exactly been _discrete-_ ”

 

He stopped and looked at the three of them, white as a sheet. “Oh hell, you _didn’t_ see them. You didn’t know.”

 

Smellerbee called him stupid again and punched him in the arm hard. He rubbed the sore skin but didn’t grudge her for it. They’d thought he was dead and he hadn’t sent word, sure that they knew…

 

Longshot took Smellerbee’s hand and tugged her behind him as he left the tent. Leaving Jet alone with Li, who still looked pretty horrified. And Jet still couldn’t talk. He wanted to hit Li again, hit him until he was busted and broken. He couldn’t stand what Li was doing to him.

 

“Go head,” Li said finally, stepping closer and lifting his head. Offering it. “I should have contacted you. I’m sorry. I just thought you’d-”

 

“ _Shut up_ ,” Jet whispered through the vice in his throat. “Just shut up and _die_.”

 

Li flinched and then his eyes went wide with alarm as Jet reached for him, but he wasn’t nearly fast enough to evade him. Jet got both hands curled in Li’s shirt, dragged him in, and smashed their lips together. He heard a sound of alarm but ignored it as he licked into Li’s mouth. The taste of blood didn’t startle him at all. It meant Li was really there, alive and real and _his_.

 

Tentatively, Li held his shoulders and began returning the desperate kiss. He didn’t seem quite to understand what was going on. But Jet didn’t care. He just needed to feel this. To know.

 

 _Li was alive._

 

When he finally released Li’s mouth, Jet still hadn’t managed to wrangle himself in fully. He couldn’t let go, even though the silky feel of Li’s shirt felt so wrong in his hands.

 

“Jet?” Li whispered. His mouth was red and raw, blood smeared over his lips and chin. His cheeks were flushed, eyes unsure.

 

Jet felt something release inside of him. He kissed Li again, savoring the feel of his lips and the way Li shivered a little as their tongues brushed. _I should have saved you_ , Jet thought to himself, even though Li managed to save himself. But he heard Li’s voice in his mind, ‘ _If you were going to abandon me, you could have told me to my face that you didn’t want me around!_ ’ Jet should have come for him. Li had expected him to, had waited for him. He could tell just by the way Li was melting into his touch. Li had thought Jet would come and he hadn’t. Of course Li thought he’d been abandoned. And somehow, that was almost worse than Jet thinking he was dead.

 

“Don’t leave my side _ever_ again,” Jet hissed out. “I will track you down and beat you within an inch of your life, you hear me?”

 

“If you can catch me,” Li mumbles and Jet can’t help it. He laughs, but there’s a hysterical hint to it so he buries his face against Li’s shoulder and just breathes for a little while.

 

“I swear, Li, I’m going to kill you for this someday.”

 

“That would defeat the purpose of having me around, wouldn’t it?”

 

“Shut up, Li.”


	28. Maybe This Is All A Part

Ursa did not approve of Jet. She didn’t like the lazy way he spoke or how he treated her like some common floozy. She didn’t like the violence she could sense in his soul. Most of all, though, she didn’t like the way Li _almost_ deferred to him. Almost in that Li _would_ have done it if Jet hadn’t agreed with everything he said. That kind of power was dangerous. Ursa didn’t know Jet and the power he had over Li frightened her.

 

So, she made it a point to stay near Li’s side. Sometimes he could be so very naïve and bordering imbecilic with the amount of trust he placed in others. He hadn’t even rooted through the Resistance to see if there were any other would be betrayers left, trusting that those who had followed him out were true. Ursa was not so sure, but she kept those worries to herself. Li had enough on his shoulders, especially now that Jet and those two kids with him were here.

 

The kids hadn’t made much impact on her. The boy was silent and blended into the background so well that she almost forgot he was there. The girl was fierce but let Jet corral her. Subdued was not a good word for it but the only one Ursa could think of. Obvious to anyone, however, was their loyalty to Jet. And, in turn, to Li.

 

In the three months since he’d come to the Fire Nation, Li told her stories about the Freedom Fighters. Some of them were great fun. Others left her unsettled. Especially noteworthy were the conversations they had had about Jet. Ursa knew that Li held him especially dear. His best friend, maybe even blood brother. However, even Li had admitted to seeing a darkness in the boy that had bothered him. And now Ursa understood.

 

Jet, charismatic and devil-may-care. A strong leader with lofty ideals. Completely dedicated to his cause and willing to die for it.

 

And also willing to let others die for it as well.

 

That was the difference between Jet and Li. Jet didn’t care who got hurt as long as the mission was successful. Li valued the lives of everyone under him above the importance of their cause. Ursa knew there was little she could do right now, but if it ever looked like Jet might try to cow Li as he had the other two, she’d step in.

 

For now, she would wait for word on Iroh. A messenger had been sent out once they got their camp established. They wouldn’t stay long, but it seemed Li was trying to make this relative calm last as long as he could. By the looks he gave her, lingering on the bandages over her brow, Ursa knew why. It warmed her heart, knowing he held her in such regard. It reminded her of Zuko and the walks in the courtyard they used to take when either of them were feeling broody, his small hand snugly in her own. She missed him terribly when Li looked at her like that. And perhaps that was why she felt so very protective of the boy.

 

The third day after Jet’s arrival, Iroh appeared at the edge of the camp with a tired group of kids trailing after him. Ursa left the war meeting to meet him in Li’s place, since Li was neck deep in some difficult plans and wouldn’t have been roused.

 

“Ursa,” Iroh said with relief even after seeing her bandages. He embraced her warmly and she smiled gently to him.

 

“It’s good to see you. I feared our sudden departure may have left you lost.”

 

“Well, good thing this guy came across us,” the boy with the pony tail said, jerking his thumb to the sheepish messenger. “We were gonna pass right by on our way to the capital.”

 

“Thank you,” Ursa told him and the messenger nodded before quickly leaving their guests with her. Ursa looked over them, rather fascinated. A Earth Kingdom girl, two Water Tribe, and then the Avatar himself. The cloaks they wore did little to hide their colorful clothing. “Allow me to introduce myself. My name is-”

 

“We know,” the Water Tribe girl said softly. Her tone alone was enough to give Ursa pause and she searched the girl’s face. After a moment, she spoke again, stressing her words. “We _know_.”

 

Ursa looked at Iroh and his expression was grim. Oh. _Oh_. She felt a little lightheaded. Iroh took her hand.

 

“They deserved to know,” he said kindly and she supposed they did. But it was very strange having anyone other than Iroh know about her past. The Resistance had never asked. If anyone knew who she was, they didn’t bother saying anything.

 

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Aang suddenly blurted with sincerity. But Ursa didn’t quite know what he was talking about. She glanced to Iroh once more, bewildered.

 

“Your son,” Iroh replied tightly. And Ursa felt a new wash of pain. She glanced away, forcing her lips into as much of a smile as she could.

 

“It has been a long time,” she said finally. “But I thank you for your condolences.”

 

Ursa didn’t want to think about Zuko just yet. When she was alone and could take proper care of her emotions… but not now. So, she sent someone to retrieve their bison (a flying bison, she could hardly stand the childlike excitement at the prospect of seeing one,) and then set about making sure they had a place in the camp to sleep. The kids kept watching her, as if they knew something damaging. She tried not to notice those heavy stares.

 

“Ursa?” one of the men said as he came up to them. “He told me to tell you not to wait up. Looks like it’s going to be a doozy of a night.”

 

Without looking up from the tent she was carefully setting up, Ursa replied, “You can tell him that night hours are for sleeping and if he won’t go to bed on time willingly, I will drag him there myself.”

 

The guy chuckled and went off to convey the message.

 

“What was that about?” the Earth Kingdom girl asked.

 

“Sometimes, I have to remind our esteemed leader that he is, indeed, just a man and requires some amount of rest,” she replied flippantly.

 

Iroh chuckled. “I seem to remember you telling me the same thing.”

  
“It’s still true.” She finished setting up the tent. “The evening meal will be soon. You’re welcome to join the rest of us. I’ll go see myself if Li plans on heeding me for once.”

 

As she turned, Ursa noticed an odd quiet behind her. And then the Water Tribe girl was grabbing her arm.

 

“Li? Your leader’s name is Li?”

 

“Yes? It’s a common name here-” Ursa tried but the girl was growing even more upset.

 

“How old is he?” When Ursa just stared at her, the girl repeated, “ _How old is he?!_ ”

 

“I… He’s not sure. I think about sixteen? Maybe seventeen?”

 

The girl let go and ran deeper into the camp, towards the war tent. Ursa gave a bewildered look after her, then turned to the others. Iroh was so pale and the remaining kids took off after the girl.

 

“A scar,” Iroh said tightly, touching one of his eyes. “A scar _here_ -”

 

“Do you know him?” Ursa murmured as a deep knot of anxiety began to form in her chest. “He mentioned people he’d been traveling through the Earth Kingdom with some people before we took him in…”

 

Iroh grabbed her hand and took her with him as he went after the Avatar’s group. She followed behind with more unease, wondering just what it was that had rattled her once free spirited brother-in-law.

 

Katara easily got to the tent first. She pushed past two men near the entry flap and stumbled right into the middle of the meeting. And standing over the table was Li with Jet beside him.

 

“ _Li!_ ” Katara cried out and had him in her arms a second later. Li was still, bewildered, and then he suddenly sighed.

 

“Not you too?” he said, understanding as the others of the Avatar group filed in after. “How many people did Azula tell?!”

 

“Too many,” Sokka responded, patting his shoulder. “Nice to know she’s still just a dirty, rotten liar.”

 

As soon as Katara released him, Toph punched him as high up on his arm as she could reach and said something that might have been her being happy he wasn’t dead, but the wording left much to be desired. And then Aang just grinned at him, beyond pleased.

 

“Your uncle’s with us,” Aang said cheerily. “He’s gonna be so happy to see you.”

 

Li was startled when he felt a sudden pulse of nervousness at meeting up with Iroh again. Now  that he _knew_.. Well. He still hadn’t decided how he felt about that.

 

And then he realized they were still surrounded by his men, a few of which were giving lewd grins, and the Freedom Fighters. Li flushed darkly. “Uh, do you guys mind if we continue this later…?”

 

“Embarrassed to be seen with us?” Toph teased, but she understood. “Fine, we’ll let you keep playing with your friends but you better come see us when you’re done-”

 

Iroh finally got there. He paused in the doorway, staring at Li, who could only stare right back. Then he said quietly, “Everyone. Please leave us.”

 

For a moment, no one moved. The grave, almost pained tone to his voice had unsettled them. But Li gave the go ahead and the Resistance members filed out. The Avatar’s group hesitated but Iroh gave them a glance. Aang seemed to understand. He headed out and his friends went after him. Jet, on the other hand, wasn’t budging. He looked between Ursa and Iroh, searching, reading, almost understanding…

 

“Jet,” Iroh said very quietly. “ _Please_.”

 

It was the please, directed to him, that finally got Jet moving. He shrugged a shoulder, as if he didn’t care, and slipped past them. But his eyes still darted one last time towards Ursa. _She_ wasn’t getting shunned from this. _She_ wasn’t being sent away. And Ursa knew Jet didn’t like that. But right now, she was more worried about how Iroh knew Li and why he seemed so upset.

 

Only when the three of them were alone did Iroh let go of her hand. He looked over Li as the boy watched him mutely, unsure and hesitant.

 

“It’s… good to see you,” Li said awkwardly when Iroh didn’t make the first move. His fingers were twitching at his sides as if he didn’t quite know what to do with himself.

 

“You look well,” Iroh replied softly. “It warms my heart.”

 

Li looked down at his feet and then towards the table of maps, and then anywhere else that wasn’t Iroh. When his gaze flit to Ursa, it quickly left again. He almost seemed embarrassed.

 

“So. I guess you heard about-”

 

“I had been traveling with Jet at the time.”

 

“Oh.”

 

They were quiet a moment before Iroh gave a sigh. He muttered out, “Zuko, you foolish boy,” and had Li clasped to him tightly a moment later. Li was stiff and awkward but slowly unwound to hug him back.

 

“Uncle,” he murmured so softly with a nervous kind of fondness.

 

And suddenly, Ursa understood. She couldn’t speak, chest clenched so hard she thought it might burst. Lifting a hand to her mouth, she felt as if she’d seen a ghost. And, in a strange, heartbreaking way, she had.

 

 _Zuko_. She could see the child she’d left behind, her kind little boy who tried so very hard at everything he did. She could see him in Li. The same tenacity, same utter refusal to give in or give up…

 

Iroh finally released the boy and turned to regard her. His smile was warm and gentle, one hand still resting on Li’s shoulder. Li gave her a look of worry that turned her heart even harder.

 

“Li,” Iroh murmured, “I would like to introduce you to-”

 

“I know who Ursa is -”

 

“-your mother.”


	29. Of My Flawed Design

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, sorry about the wait, folks. It's been a busy couple months.

The tent was quiet enough that one could have heard the sigh of an insect. Li didn’t move, barely drew breath. His eyes were locked on Iroh, face shocked into blankness. He wasn’t quite sure how to process what he’d just heard. Finally, he turned to face Ursa. He’d thought he’d gotten to know her rather well but now it felt as if he’d never seen her before.

 

 _Your mother_. Li had not had a mother. Meimi had been more of an elderly aunt or grandmother…

 

He felt dizzy but he didn’t realize he’d begun swaying until Iroh’s grip on his shoulder tightened to steady him. Ursa kept looking at him as if he were some precious lost thing, as if the veil over her life had just been shattered into a million pieces and she could now again feel sunlight. Her wet eyes were wide and bright.

 

Li didn’t know what to feel. He wondered if maybe he was a terrible person because he wasn’t been flooded with happiness or relief. The ground seemed to have disappeared from under him. Ursa was his mother…? Somehow, he didn’t want to think it was true.

 

Meimi had often told him that if his family was out there, he’d find them easily. A face like his was hard to forget. She hadn’t been talking about his scar but Li had always spent the next few days wondering if he should stop hiding it. Ursa hadn’t recognized the scar but he had reminded her of her son… Of himself.

 

“You-” he choked out and then didn’t know what he had been meaning to say.

 

“It’s all right,” Iroh murmured, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “This is a lot to take in-”

 

“You’re his _wife?!”_

 

The words came out like a blow. Ursa jerked and Iroh let go of him, giving Li a look of shock and confusion.

 

“What-” he began and Li raked a hand through his hair as he fought of a hysterical laugh bubbling in his throat.

 

It felt as if he were being crushed. He couldn’t breath. And he couldn’t stay there. Li pushed past Ursa and stumbled out of the tent. Only a few yards out stood Jet, who looked a little surprised at his sudden appearance and then a faint knit of worry tangled his brows. But Li didn’t stay long enough to find out what that might mean. He had to get away _now._

 

Li barely noticed his escape from the camp. He didn’t stop until he was surrounded by trees and couldn’t hear anyone milling about. Then he leaned against one strong trunk and closed his eyes, trying to breath through his clenched lungs. He felt like he was drowning.

 

He wasn’t sure how long he choked and wheezed, but when he became aware again, he realized someone was rubbing his back and smoothing his hair out of his face. Glancing through a few loose strands, he met Aang’s sympathetic face. He let the younger boy ease down to sit against the tree, then Aang settled with him. They didn’t say anything for a long few minutes, just letting the warm air sooth them.

 

“That’s my mother,” Li said finally. He sounded stunned and quieted and really, really tired.

 

“Right,” Aang responded lamely, picking at the edge of his pants a bit. “So. Well, congratulations-”

 

“My mother is alive.”

 

“Uh.” Aang gave him a glance, but Li was staring wide eyed into nothing.

 

“She’s been there… this whole time… _alive_.”

 

Aang realized he wasn’t really all that important there. Li would probably have babbled to a _frog_ in this state. But he still sat dutifully with him as Li dropped his head and stared at his hands in his lap.

 

“This just… just… _urg_ , I did not need this now!”

 

“Wait. Isn’t this a good thing?” Aang asked with alarm. Maybe Li had remembered something terrible about his past involving his mom or something-

 

“No! I mean, _yes_. I mean- I don’t know what I mean! This… this is just…” Li made another quiet, inarticulate noise and curled his hands through his hair, mussing up his tidy topknot. It made it easier to see the scar he hid, which Aang had forgotten was so terrible in the months since he’d seen him last. “I-I don’t have _time_ to be thinking about this!”

 

“Hey, just take a couple deep breaths,” Aang murmured, reaching over to pat Li’s shoulder. “This is a good thing. You have a _family!_ That’s great!”

 

Li dropped his hands and lifted his head, giving Aang a look that was strange and strained and definitely not pleasant. “You don’t know the half of it.”

 

“Actually, yeah, I do.” Aang leaned back a bit, drawing up his strength. “Iroh told us who he was. Who _you_ are. And that lady, her too. We know you’re the Firelord’s son. But that doesn’t mean everything’s terrible! Iroh is a really neat guy and Ursa seems nice. So at least _part_ of your family isn’t… well...”

 

“You don’t have to sugar coat it. Azula is a murderous bitch and the Firelord puts babies on pikes.”

 

That made both of them pause. Aang covered his mouth and tried not to laugh because it was totally not appropriate and completely _wrong_ , but when he saw the corner of Li’s mouth quirk, he couldn’t help it.

 

“He does _not!_ ” Aang managed through his giggling. _Oh spirits, he was laughing about dead babies._

 

“Yes he does. He puts them in pointy hats and lines his house with them,” Li deadpanned. “And the nobles see him do it, so _they_ have to, and soon we’re not going to have any babies left in the kingdom because of the newest fad.”

 

Aang tried not to feel guilty about laughing. But it bubbled off soon enough as Li grew serious again. His gaze was far away and his brows furrowed with unease.

 

“Azula will come after me whether Iroh or Ursa are here or not,” Li said quietly. “Nothing has changed. I’m still a threat to her.”

 

“That… that’s rough, buddy,” Aang managed, for there was little he could say.

 

Li shook his head a little. “I’ll manage. I’ve managed this long. I just… Aang, what am I supposed to do now? About… my mother?”

 

“Maybe _not_ act like it’s the end of the world?” Aang suggested and then smiled when Li gave him an odd look. “Hey, I know all the outside stuff is big and hairy, but that lady seems nice. Whatever and whoever else she might be, she’s your mom. And you already like her. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so shocked.”

 

The older boy glanced off, thinking about that, and Aang counted it as a win for his super Avatar skills.

 

“Maybe,” Li said finally. Then he got up. “Go on back. I’m okay now. I just need to think a while.”

 

Aang nodded and got to his feet. “Hey, we’re here for you, okay? You may not know us as well as you know Jet and the others, but we’re still your friends. So you can lean on us sometimes.”

 

Li nodded, his gaze gentle. “Thanks.”

 

Aang gave him a last, long look, then headed back to the camp. Once he was gone, Li leaned back against the tree and looked up into the leaves. His heart still felt like it was beating too hard, his body ready for the fight. His thoughts circled around Ursa, Iroh, Azula, and the father he couldn’t remember. Li didn’t even know what the Firelord looked like-

 

_-No, Father! Please, don’t hurt me! I didn’t know! I didn’t – pain, burning hot and cruel and he was going to die. His father was going to kill him and it was all his fault. He hadn’t known- he hadn’t even imagined- he was so, so sorry-_

 

Li shuddered, panting as he blinked back into the present, one hand cupped over his burned eye. The memory left him sweaty and shaking. There had been a vague recollection before of how he got the scar, but this time he had seen his father’s unamused mouth, lips thinned with one more disappointment as his hand flared with flame. Li felt cold despite it.

 

Iroh and Ursa didn’t matter, he realized. Their relation to him was consequence, a happy one he supposed, but he had to keep focused. After the war – if he lived – he would have time to think about them. But right now, Li had a goal. He had to dethrown the Firelord and stop the war. He might have to kill his father and sister to do it. Neither felt like family, not after the snipits he remembered and how much he hated the two. It wouldn’t be easy to kill them but he would do it.

 

He had to do it.

 

Li returned to the camp much later. He didn’t feel calm, but he was at least controlled. Ran found him first and Li begged off planning for just one night. The older man understood, but Li wasn’t sure he’d been privy to everything.

 

“Go talk to your friends,” Ran said before he left him. “They’re around the fire. A man needs to know when silence will benefit him and when a good joke or two will serve him better.”

 

Li gave him a tired, embarrassed smile. He didn’t really want to talk to anyone, but… Maybe Ran was right. Maybe he could use a little company after all. So, Li found himself at the cook fire. The Avatar’s gang was situated lazily on one side and the Freedom Fighters on the other, enjoying the meal. They looked up when he approached, each with varying levels of worry or curiosity. Li settled himself on one side, roughly in the middle of both groups. He took an offered bowl of stew and wasn’t surprised when Aang scooted closer to one side and Jet the other.

 

They didn’t ask him about anything as the stories flowed out. Aang was entertaining a few of the more pleasant minded rebels with gradious stories of his adventure. Li noticed he never told any that involved Azula and he was grateful for it.

 

When it was finally too late to stay up any longer, the groups broke off to head to their beds. Jet lingered, watching Li a while. Maybe even offering… something. But then he went off without a word and Li turned to find his own bed.

 

Halfway there, he went stock still as he spotted Ursa, the same moment she did the same. Iroh was with her and both looked like they wanted to speak with him, but Li ducked his head and hurried on. He couldn’t do it tonight. But tomorrow… Tomorrow he would settle things.

 

Li settled into his bed and when his eyes finally closed, he did not dream.

 

He remembered.


	30. And Ever Since I Figured Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long!!! This was really hard to write

_Everything hurt. His face was a wash of pain that burned so hot, it felt cold under the bandages. He hadn’t stopped shivering since they’d headed from the bay and his muscles ached from the long, long days.  
  
Behind him, he could hear a few of the men bantering lightheartedly. They felt little reason to hurry. It wasn’t as if they were on any important mission. It wasn’t as if there was any hope of success.  
  
Zuko hated them. He hated every single one of them. They were his father’s men, hand picked for petty crimes and faults to accompany a dishonored prince on a useless task. He would lead them, but he was not holding out for their true loyalty. Even his second in command Jee hated Zuko as much as Zuko hated him. Zuko still hurt from the duel he’d stupidly demanded days before. The humiliation of his defeat, even if he was still healing, had nearly been too much.  
  
It just made Zuko realize how terrible he was at bending. He’d never had the talent for it that Azula did or the ease of his uncle. Even what little skill he had was the result of fierce training. Even if he had challenged his father’s general instead of the man himself, Zuko did not truly believe he could win. He just hadn’t been able to walk away.  
  
Zuko lifted a hand and covered his bandages as he stared out at the churning sea. He wanted to go home. Only a few weeks at sea and he wanted nothing more than to run back home into the hands of the servants. Even back to Azula’s side, if that’s what it took. He didn’t care.  
  
A hawk flew overhead. Zuko lifted his arm but the bird ignored him. Instead, it flew to one of the crewmen and he dutifully pulled off the attached message. Zuko felt a jolt of rage. Even the stupid birds wouldn’t show him respect?! Before the man could open the message, Zuko snatched it from his hands and did so himself.  
  
It wasn’t even addressed to him. It was addressed to Jee. Humiliation rocked through him. He didn’t even bother reading the rest as he called for the man and shoved the scroll at him. Jee took it with a grunt of disapproval and read through as Zuko stewed. His expression grew confused as he read and then tucked the scroll into his armor for safe keeping.  
  
“Captain Zhao will be meeting us in a few days time to meet with you,” the older man reported. “I will ready the ship for his arrival.”  
  
“Yes. Do that,” Zuko grumbled and watched a flash of annoyance flitter through Jee’s gaze before the man turned to manage his duties.  
  
A few days ended up being the next evening. They roped the two ships together and set up a gang plank so that the captain could come aboard. Zuko hated the man. He’d hated him since he met him and was sure he would hate him forever more. Zhao smirked at him as if he were the one of higher rank and Zuko was the upstart commoner. Anger rippled through Zuko even before the man spoke.  
  
“Prince Zuko,” Zhao greeted and somehow the title sounded like an insult.  
  
“Captain.” Zuko stressed the lower rank, teeth grit, but the man didn’t seem to care.  
  
“I have a message from your father. Shall we speak privately?”  
  
Father? Zuko stiffened and he almost touched his bandaged eye, but thought better of it. He nodded and led Zhao below deck to a room they could converse in. Father… Maybe he had changed his mind? Maybe Zuko could go **home** …  
  
But the moment he stepped into his personal room, the moment he put his back to Zhao, Zuko was on the ground and bigger hands clasped over his wrists, pinning them down as larger bodies pressed to his own. Zuko fought, fire flaring from his fingertips, but his arms were quickly secured against his back, pulled hard enough to leave him gasping with sudden pain. By the time Zuko had a moment to figure out just what was happening, his arms were secured tightly with rope and he’d been pulled to his knees by his hair.  
  
“That’s better,” Zhao murmured out with amusement as he grabbed Zuko by the chin and jerked his head up.  
  
“I’ll see you hanged for this!” Zuko screamed out but Zhao only laughed.  
  
“You’re a little far from home, princeling,” the captain purred as he let go. He gestured to the two men on either side of Zuko and they nodded before leaving the room, tugging the door closed behind him. Fear burst past his anger and Zuko felt the sudden cold realization that the crew wasn’t likely to come to his aid. They hated him…  
  
“If you hurt me-“ he started but he doubted his father would really care.  
  
“Come on, now,” Zhao crooned, “do you really think anyone would mourn?”  
  
Zuko’s voice caught in his throat. He wanted to say ‘yes, everyone would!’ but he knew there would be little mourning for him. Disgraced. Dishonored. Thrown away. Zhao’s smirk widened as he watched the realization on his position. Between Zhao and his two accomplices, they managed to wrestle Zuko onto a chair and secured him.  
  
“Your father really did send me,” Zhao purred out. “You see, he doesn’t really need a loose end wandering the seas.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“You participated in war meetings, Prince Zuko. How much do you know?”  
  
Zuko felt cold inside, his guts churning about at the implications. “I’m loyal to the Fire Nation-”  
  
“Right now,” Zhao amended, completely unimpressed. “But after a few months? Who knows.”  
  
“I’m not a traitor!” Zuko snarled out, fire flowing from his nostrils. Zhao’s hand jerked up over his mouth, shoving him back hard enough that Zuko’s chair nearly fell over. It only didn’t by Zhao’s own choice.  
  
“You are a snivelling little coward born from a traitorous wench with bad blood!” Zhao growled back to him, nails digging into Zuko’s cheek. “A talentless little worm infecting and tainting the Firelord’s House with your worthless presence! Even your father knows this and so he has made his decision.”  
  
It was the first time Zuko had ever been truly frightened of Zhao. He could see the murderous rage in Zhao’s eyes, feel the heat of flames collecting in his fingers. Zhao could kill him and none would be the wiser.  
  
“How much do you know, little prince?” Zhao sneered softly as he let go.   
  
It took everything Zuko had not to tremble. And then he began to spill what he knew, which admittedly wasn’t much. At least not enough for Zhao to be impressed.   
  
“I think there’s more,” Zhao murmured when Zuko fell silent. He signalled to one of his companions, who slipped out the door, and the other one came closer. Zhao drew a knife from his belt. “And believe me, Prince Zuko, I will be enjoying this.”  
  
For the next hours, Zuko tried vainly to hold his dignity, but it had been torn asunder after the first few slices of steel to his skin. He begged and cried and screamed, his voice reverberating through the halls of the ship. Time became nothing, just the passing heartbeats between one pain and the next. He told them everything, everything he knew, and by the end he’d started lying to try to make them happy. Anything to stop the pain. But even swearing up and down that he was an earth kingdom sympathizer on his way to give vital information to the earth king himself and begging to be killed wasn’t enough to satisfy Zhao or his little knife.   
  
Zhao dropped him to the floor where he lay in a shuddering, crying pile. He felt dazed, almost half asleep, because this couldn’t be real. It couldn’t. And his eyes lifted to the doorway. Jee stared back at him. He had been there for most of it, a silent reminder of the mutiny Zuko had never realized was possible. Jee met his eyes for a moment before a shadow fell over his face and he looked away.   
  
Zuko wondered, for a moment, if he should be surprised. And then if, maybe, Jee might have come to his aid if he had been kinder.   
  
Maybe.  
  
But those thoughts were gone when Zhao took up the knife again.  
  
How long it lasted, Zuko didn’t know. He lost consciousness often and was slapped awake by hands or violent pain. He wasn’t even sure if a time had existed before the pain, anymore. If his memories were real or simply illusion. Was anything real?  
  
Zhao dropped him again. Zuko didn’t even cry out anymore. He felt nothing, didn’t even fear anymore. He was... mostly gone, he supposed. Hands seized his body and dragged him through the ship. Zuko passed out for seconds at a time, only to come back to the nightmare of what was real. Then he was on the deck, thrown against cold, salt licked steel. He didn’t bother trying to move. Distantly, he heard Zhao ranting about something, his shouting voice sounding so far away. Zuko wondered how long it would take him to bleed out. Did he even have limbs anymore?  
  
Then hands jerked him up to his feet. His knees crumpled but they held him steady, one hand in his hair to keep his head up. There was blood in his eyes and the salty mist from the sea spray stung them.   
  
“This is what a traitor looks like!” Zhao snarled, pointing with his bloodied knife. “This is what cowardice breeds!”  
  
He stalked in close and then grabbed Zuko’s ponytail. With a vicious slice, the hair was cut clean, and what was left pulled free of the tie left behind. Zhao threw the tail to the deck with disgust.  
  
“The Fire Nation has no need for traitors.”  
  
Zuko’s head fell forward without support. He wondered maybe if he was being weak. If he should be fighting. Surely, one would expect the Firelord’s son to fight even half dead. But Zuko couldn’t make himself lift a hand. He just couldn’t do it anymore.   
  
He didn’t see the strike thrown but he felt the heat. It was enough to lift his head on his own, little strength as he had. The shot of fire hit him full in the chest. Hands let go of him and he fell with the sheer power of it right overboard. Down he plummeted into the cold, churning waters below. It swarmed him, thick and stinging every wound, rushing into his mouth, his lungs. Zuko finally fought, but it was too late and he succumed to the darkness.  
  
He knew he was dead and his soul was tortured with intermittent light and pain. Sometimes he drifted for years in the blackness, hearing far away voices he didn’t know. Words made no sense to him and didn’t matter anyway. Nothing did. Not the words, the voices, or even himself. He drifted and was no more.  
  
Light stung through his eyelids. He opened them, clenched them shut again, and heard a low moan. It took a few moments to realize it had been his own voice. A soft, cool cloth touched his face, dabbing away sweat so gently. When he was able to open his eyes, he saw an old woman staring back at him. She looked kindly and smiled when she noticed he was awake.  
  
“Gave us quite the scare, young man,” she said softly. Her smile was crooked and a little sad. “The other one didn’t make it. Pulled you from the water but he was mostly delirious when we found him. I’m sorry. We did what he could. The fever took him a day ago.”  
  
He tried to speak, but his throat was rasped dry and the attempt sent him coughing. The woman clicked her tongue and gave him water to drink once he could.  
  
“Careful now. Don’t get too excited. Try again? What’s your name, boy?”  
  
Still savoring the water, it took him a moment to realize he didn’t know. _


	31. I Could Control Other People

Li opened his eyes. There were tears streaking down his cheeks but he didn’t move to wipe them away. He was too entranced by the connecting dots of his memories. The sense they now made.  
  
He remembered how carefully Meimi had led his rehabilitation in her own home. She’d been kinder than she had to, even giving him a name and a place to call his own when she realized he had neither. She had given him an identity when he had none.   
  
And she had given him the idea that someone had cared for him enough to save him with little thought to their own life. Li had thought, in those quiet weeks, that maybe the man Meimi called Jee had been an uncle or older cousin. Maybe even his father. Despite losing him, it was still a balm that there had been someone to save him. Someone to drag him from destruction and hold him to their heart.  
  
Now he wondered what had moved Jee so much to save a boy he hated at the expense of his own life. He didn’t know if he’d have done the same, either as Zuko or as Li. There was no one to tell him what had driven his hand. No survivors, no Jee himself, not even Zhao remained. But Li knew now. He knew.  
  
Li remembered. Everything. It all swirled about and fell perfectly in place. He knew Zuko, but it was a distant thing, like reading a moving scroll of someone else’s life. Only Meimi and the Earth Kingdom and the Freedom Fighters felt really his, but he could appreciate the history before. He doubted he’d like Zuko, had they been contemporaries, but he would have respected that kind of tenacity and stubbornness. Li had them himself.   
  
Well. Now there was no reason not to kill the Firelord. Li wondered if he would have second thoughts about it when he met the man in battle, but he doubted it. Someone who could condemn their own child to torture and death was not someone who deserved to live in their world, much less rule it. Beyond that, flashes of memory he hadn’t understood before, hadn’t had the context for, suddenly settled into the tapestry that had created Zuko and it was not a kind thing. That selfish, prideful, angry little boy had been forged in place where he should have been even more cruel and brittle, but he wasn’t. He had held a kindness in his heart even when the protector of it had left him alone.  
  
His mother had left him alone. Li sat up in his bunk. He needed to speak with her. He needed to know  _ why _ . The question burned with sudden painful brightness in his chest. Dressing quickly, he went out to weave his way through the tents. A few of the men nodded greetings to him in the half light of dawn, but they didn’t stop him for conversation. They’d grown used to their leader’s moods in the last few months.   
  
What Li knew of Ursa from his own memories and from Zuko’s painted a picture of a perfect woman, a perfect mother. But she had abandoned Zuko. Why? Had she been displeased with him after all? Had he done something wrong?  
  
Li stopped and lifted a hand to his heart. It hurt, throbbed inside him, as if he had been the one hurt by her loss and not Zuko. But he was Zuko, in a distant way. Maybe.   
_  
What did I do wrong?_   
  
It likely had nothing to do with him. But that thought, that feeling, so very powerfully resonating in his recovered memories... He needed to know.  
  
Li found Ursa tending to the morning meal. The moment she saw him, she went pale and frail. He didn’t need to ask for her to come to him. She immediately found someone to take up her duties and signalled him to follow her back to her tent. They stepped inside and let the cloth cut them off from the camp inside.  
  
Ursa didn’t move to touch him, but he could tell she wanted to. Her eyes were rimmed red from crying or sleeplessness and he felt a great guilt for causing it that warred on equal terms with why he’d come in the first place.  
  
“Did you sleep well?” she asked, pulling at straws. He gave a nod even though no, he didn’t. How did he even explain what he had dreamed of? What did he even _ say_ . He thought about it for a few moments even as the questions curled and burned inside him, bubbling up until all he could do was force them out.  
  
“Why did you leave me alone?!” he exclaimed and her eyes widened with surprise. “Not me _,_ _ him_ . Zuko. Why did you... You made it bearable for me - him - Azula and Fa-  _Firelord Ozai _ \- they’re absolutely insane and you _ left me alone with them_ \- You abandoned _Zuko_ to them-”  
  
“You remember,” she whispered, fresh tears welling in her eyes as she lifted a hand to her mouth.  
  
“Yes- in a fashion- It’s not _ me_ , but I know him-” Li didn’t know why his words were so jumbled. He’d never been good at speaking, but his ribs seemed ten sizes too small, crushing his words into pieces in his chest. “What did I- what did he do? Why did you leave?”  
  
Until he was here, in Ursa’s tent, Zuko seemed so distant and separated. But now that he was talking, he couldn’t separate them. He couldn’t keep the feelings from tainting what he said and felt. They were Zuko’s feelings, not his, but Li was nearly shaking with rage and despair and confusion.  
  
Ursa watched it all and as tears rolled down her cheeks, she murmured, “I left to protect you.”  
  
“Protect me? You- _ What the hell did you think would happen?!_ ” The anger came hard and fast, blinding him. “Without you- There was no one on my side! _ No one! _Do you understand that?! How alone I was? You left me with a psychopath sister and abusive father and all you can say is that you were _ protecting me?_ From what?! Something approaching a normal childhood?!”  
  
“He was going to kill you!” Ursa shot back as she came forward, taking his face in her hands. “Zuko, he was going to kill you. I did what I had to do. I did it to save you, Zuko, my precious little boy. I love you so much. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”  
  
Li swallowed thickly, searching her eyes. He couldn’t speak. All he could hear was the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears and her voice. All he saw was her face.  
  
“I killed my father in law to save you,” she murmured so softly, petting over his cheeks with her pale hands. “He had ordered your father to murder you in retaliation for his thoughtlessness when your cousin died and left your uncle bereft. The only way to save you was to put your father on the throne. So I smothered Azulon in his sleep. Ozai couldn’t protect me from those who suspected, so he let me go. I wanted to take you with me, Zuko. But you wouldn’t have been safe. And I had bought your protection in blood.”  
  
He realized he was shaking. The tent felt ice cold and his body weak. Ursa urged him to her bedroll and sat them both down. She drew him to her, petting through his hair as he buried his face against her neck. He didn’t want to take comfort from her but he did. Just her scent was enough to soothe him.  
  
“I’m not him,” he said almost soundlessly. “Not really. This... He needed to know. He’s so vivid in my mind...But I’m not him. I’m not your son.”  
  
Ursa sighed softly, resting her cheek against his hair. “Whatever name you call yourself by, you will always be my son, my Zuko. It may take time to accept it, and you have changed since I knew you before, but you are still him and he is still you.”  
  
And somehow, it almost sounded true from her lips. He wasn’t sure he wanted it to be.  
  
Li didn’t stay with her long. There was too much to do. His problems aside, there was still a rebellion to lead and war to win. He splashed his face with water and hoped that would be enough to keep anyone from suspecting the emotional turmoil he’d been party to.  
  
Calling together his best trusted advisors, his uncle, the Avatar’s group, and the Freedom Fighters, Li gathered them all in his tent around the singed map of the Fire Nation and a smaller one of the royal city itself. He would deal with the memories later; his identity was less important than making sure this plan worked. If it did, they’d end the war and liberate the Fire Nation in one single day.   
  
Things only looked up when Sokka told him about the upcoming Day of Black Sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Well, that took longer than I thought it would. *dies a little* Time to go on with the actual plot and not just character development. Except there will be a bit more character driven stuff next chapter too, but overal plot stuff mostly and... by the way, we're nearing the end. Just so you know.


	32. I've Had Trouble Sleeping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I LIED. More character/relationship developement, jeez.

Jet knew something had happened, something monumental, but he didn’t know what. He watched Li closely as the other boy directed men three times his age will all the confidence of one who was born for it. A confidence Li hadn’t had before he’d come to the Fire Nation.  
  
To his birthplace.  
  
Even now, Jet didn’t really want to face that, but he couldn’t help noticing the way red suited Li so well and how these people, more than anyone in the Earth Kingdom, seemed to fit his mind and soul. Maybe even Li didn’t really notice, but Jet saw it. Li was home.  
  
Li would probably never go back to the Earth Kingdom. Which left Jet feeling... a little lost. It was almost like losing Li all over again except that he was right in front of him. Even though Li was including him in the strategy sessions, wanted to use him and his team to deal the final blow to their hated enemy, Jet felt as if they were miles apart. He didn’t like it at all.  
  
He especially didn’t like that while he was relegated to the outside, _that woman_ barely left Li’s side at all. Jet kind of hated her and he knew she felt the same. He’d never gotten on with that kind of person. She was too nice, too soft, and at the same time she held dangerous secrets and a knife in her boot, just waiting for her enemy to let down their guard. She made Jet nervous and her mere presence kept him on edge. He played it off as well as he could, dropping into the joking, flirtatious mask that had once served him very well, but he watched her because Li trusted her so much that she was now in his blind spot. He trusted her like Iroh and like Jet, and that meant she was in the perfect position to hurt him.   
  
Jet couldn’t let that happen. Not when he had Li back again.  
  
Things were busy, a whirlwind of activity. A team had been dispatched to the Earth Kingdom to talk them into sending an army. The Day of Black Sun was the best chance at taking out the Firelord. While it made the rebels nervous, only half of them were firebenders anyway, and most of those had weapons or non bending martial arts training. The army, however, was pretty much fully firebenders with a peppering of small weapons groups. They’d be almost completely vulnerable.   
  
It was hoped the Earth King would realize how advantageous this was, but they weren’t relying solely on them. Another team had been sent to find the Water Tribe warriors of the South, and a third to the Northern tribe. Other messages had been sent out to anyone they could think of that might give them an edge.   
  
Li had notions to overwhelm the odds through numbers. Even if the Black Sun didn’t render all firebenders powerless, they were assured victory through sheer strength if he played his cards correctly.  
  
They began retrofitting wagons to carry blasting jelly bombs, drilling those who would be manning them on how to deploy them through a rather genius makeshift slingshot Sokka designed that was nearly big enough for a man. Other wagons were stocked with filled quivers of expertly aligned arrows and simple replacement weapons. Li refused to leave anything to chance. Jet could appreciate that. He had never had these kinds of resources, but if he had, things might have been different back in his home forest. He wasn’t sure if it would have been better or worse.  
  
Li and Sokka worked like they’d been planning wars their entire lives. They poured over reports and maps, finishing each other’s sentences and bolstering each other’s ideas. Where one was weak, the other was strong, and they tag-teamed running the resistance to let each other get rest.  
  
Jet tried not to be jealous. He also had as little to do with Sokka, the Avatar, and his friends as he could. It wasn’t running away if he just didn’t come around. Instead, he ran errands and trained with the few resistance members who could keep up. When he wasn’t busy, he just wandered. Sometimes he talked to the other warriors, but most times he kept to his own thoughts.  
  
He usually ended up passing Li’s tent and sometimes he stood at the entrance and watched Li sleep.   
  
Jet’s feelings about Li were as jumbled and broken as the rest of him. Worse, he didn’t know for sure how Li felt. There was no time to explore or even talk about what was and wasn’t between them, and the months apart hadn’t made any of it clearer. Sometimes, when Li looked at him, Jet felt something hot and exciting inside him. Other times, there was only an uncomfortable knot of unease. It felt like the first time he’d seen Li firebend. Sorting out such a dissonance seemed impossible.   
  
“...What am I supposed to call you?”  
  
Jet paused his wandering and realized he was outside Li’s tent again. It was late, late enough that most everyone else was in bed and Jet knew Sokka was in the planning tent so Li should have been sleeping, the idiot-  
  
“What would you like to call me?” Ursa. Jet felt a sudden jolt of jealous hatred for her and stepped closer to the tent, glancing inside. Ursa sat beside Li’s bedroll, her hands resting on her knees. A candle flickered in front of her, catching the lighter highlights of her hair. Li had his back to her with his arms crossed and his fingers digging into his skin. The look on his face was familiar to Jet, a conflicted frustration Jet knew very well.   
  
“I don’t know.” Li sounded almost defeated. He started to turn the face her, then aborted the motion. “I just... I don’t know. When I use your name, you just look...”  
  
“Li,” Ursa murmured gently, like silk over the edge of a carefully controlled blade. “It’s all right. I know you aren’t ready to accept who you are, or even who I am. Take your time.”  
  
“Taking my time is making you miserable and I don’t want that,” Li shot back and glared at her with frustration. “I know who you are to me, even if it was a different me. It shouldn’t be so hard to just accept that. I may not be Zuko but he’s a part of me and so are you.”  
  
Jet felt a sudden cold realization flood over him. He didn’t have to wait for Li to try out the word “mother” to understand. That... that was why she was allowed so close. If there was anything Jet knew about Li, it was his unyielding want for family. It made so much sense. Jet still felt lingering jealousy but at least now he got it. Still didn’t trust Ursa as far as he could throw her.  
  
What doubly disturbed him was that Ursa was just one more link to the past Li desperately wanted and that Jet wished didn’t exist.   
  
Li was growing farther and farther away from him and Jet didn’t know how to stop it. And more worryingly, he wasn’t sure it was a bad thing. Jet didn’t want to let Li go, not ever, but Li was blossoming here. He was... better here. He had the kind of single minded purpose he craved that Jet couldn’t give him.   
  
Li was better off without Jet. But Jet wasn’t better off without Li.   
  
He could feel it, the claws of his soul deep hatred tearing chunks from his self control, the little whispers in his mind that told him to burn everything to the ground. They were Fire Nation and no Fire Nation citizen was without sin. Without Li, Jet was afraid those whispers would become words spilling from his lips and spurring on his hands. Smellerbee and Longshot had never been able to contain the monster inside him the way Li could.   
  
He’d changed once. It would be easy to change back.   
  
Jet tried to put it behind him in the coming days. They didn’t have long to prepare and soon, the groups would begin splintering off. The Earth King, or at least one of his generals, sent a reply and were on route. As long as the wind and their bodies held up, they’d be on Fire Nation shores in days. When Li got the letter, he went directly to Jet.  
  
“I want you to meet General Fong. He requested Aang but I need him on something else and I don’t really trust him not to get tangled up in something somehow. Will you do it?” he asked and Jet was pretty sure it should have been an honor to be trusted but all of the conflicted feelings, all of the things he’d been bottling up inside suddenly broke.  
  
“You’re sending me away?” he snarled out, not caring how Li’s face filled with surprise. “What, am I not convenient anymore? Afraid I might try and take over your little resistance movement?”  
  
“What?” Li murmured, his voice weak and horrified. “Jet-”  
  
“Its not like you even bother _talking_ to me anymore!” Jet continued, throwing his hands up. “What, now that you’re the big damn hero, the big head honcho, you don’t care about your friends anymore?!”  
  
Li’s face melted into a strange calm. He grabbed Jet’s arm and began dragging him through the camp. It was at that moment that Jet remembered they were out in the open and way too many people stared as they went by. He wanted to shut their eyes with his fists and just beat them until he felt better. Because he was miserable. He felt...   
  
Useless. Purposeless. Like back in that village except this was worse because the others were fine. Longshot, Smellerbee, Li, they were all just fine. He was the only one drowning.   
  
When they got to Li’s tent, Li tied up the door and then whipped around onto him. “Jet, what the hell was that?”  
  
Jet didn’t really know. He was just too frustrated at... at _everything_. “What am I to you? As in we, us, if there is one or if there ever was. What the hell do I mean to you? Am- am I just some kind of _relic?_ Or a nuisance you just let hang around because you feel _sorry for me?!_ Do you even _want_ me here anymore-”  
  
The words were cut off as Li’s hand clamped over his mouth and he leaned close, close enough that Jet could feel his breath against his face. He started to bite that hand but then Li looked at him and he found himself stalling.   
  
“I don’t think you’re a nuisance,” Li said softly. He looked tired, this close up. His eyes were darkly shadowed and he had thinned, his cheekbones standing out starkly. “Jet, you’re... I don’t know what you are. I just... There’s so much going on right now. The war could be over in _weeks_ as long as I don’t screw up.”  
  
Jet swallowed and Li stared at him as if he were willing with all of his being for Jet to understand.  
  
“I’m as lost as you are,” Li murmured so quietly that Jet nearly missed it. “I’m afraid. And I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know how I feel. There hasn’t been time to think about it. And I didn’t... I didn’t know if you...”  
  
Li trailed off and then sighed. He let go, stepping back but before he could get far, Jet jerked him into his arms. He held tight, too tight, fingers digging into Li’s back... but then Li clasped him just as hard.   
  
“You’re my teammate,” Jet said, voice muffled against Li’s bare shoulder. “I... like having you around. You have a stupid face.”  
  
Li snorted. “You’re so charming. Really. It just rolls right off your tongue.”  
  
“So you do think about my tongue.” _I remember kissing you and I liked it._  
  
Jet could almost sense the blush that came to Li’s face, even though he couldn’t see it. He liked making Li react. He liked _talking_ to Li. Messing with him. Doing.. stuff. Li was his, just like Smellerbee and Longshot, but if Jet decided to leave...   
  
“If I left here, if I went home, would you come back with me?”  
  
Li was quiet. As the seconds ticked by, Jet felt a hope he hadn’t known he’d had break apart. No, he should have known. Jet untangled himself from Li and stepped past him towards the door. He moodily pulled at the ties, tightening more than loosening any of them in his sudden frustration.   
  
“Jet-” Li murmured but Jet cut him off harshly.  
  
“Don’t want to hear it.”  
  
He got most of the ties undone and then Li grabbed his hands to stop him. “Wait. Wait, Jet, please. I just. I remember. I remember everything and-”  
  
“And what, the last couple years don’t matter anymore?” Jet tugged his hands but Li held fast. “The Earth Kingdom doesn’t matter anymore? _We’re_ your brothers in arms. _We’re_ the ones you can trust with your life. _We’re_ your family.”  
  
Li let go. His eyes were wide, pleading. “It’s not like that. You don’t understand.”  
  
“You’re right,” Jet snarled, ripping open the last of the ties. “I don’t. I don’t understand how you can choose them over us- _you even wear their colors._ ”  
  
Li’s hands curled into fists at his sides. “Just listen to me for once-”  
  
“Why?” Jet shot back. “Why bother? It’s not like it even matters. When the war’s over, I’m going home. You- you do whatever you want, Firebender. Me? I’m going to meet the General. Screw you.”  
  
He didn’t look to see the wounded expression he knew he’d caused. Instead, Jet walked back through camp to find Smellerbee and Longshot and get the hell out from underfoot so many goddamn Fire Nation, resistance or not.


	33. With Both Eyes Closed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, things are about to get very busy and a little more clipped. Lets get this going.

Now this was interesting.  
  
The town Azula found herself in was small and quaint. The villagers all knew each other and liked to gossip. Azula had never been very good at gossip, even during school when she had been surrounded by like minded girls. However, Ty Lee was a master. She’d gotten the village girls chatting as if they’d known each other for years. Neither Mai nor Azula really cared about the “juicy bits” but as soon as the girls began chattering about that “handsome resistance man”, they started paying attention.  
  
The resistance man had been young, serious, and had a scar on his eye. And half of the girls hand his wanted poster folded up and hidden in the folds of their clothing.  
  
Apparently, the girls had some sappy romantic notions about him, some child of a lord who rebelled to bring justice to the Fire Nation to avenge his long lost love. Utter rubbish, but it meant they were on the right track. Azula barely kept the grin from her face. They were narrowing in. Soon, she would have Zuko in her clutches and that would be a wonderful night.  
  
She may have been angry at herself for not killing him outright when she had the chance but at least the hunt was proving entertaining.  
  
By the time they left, they had a rough estimate of the size of the resistance, their location, and even tidbits about various ranking. Amazing how useful chatty girls could be. Amazing how stupid her enemy was.  
  
Azula called Ty Lee with a sharp word and the three of them headed out. They passed a pub near the edge of the village where several older men were gathered, serious faced and angry.  
  
“-Dare camp out on _my_ land,” one was snarling out hands fisted, “startling _my_ animals-”  
  
“Come on, Lou, there's no way that a bunch of Earth benders just randomly decided to squat on your land-”  
  
And that brought Azula short.  
  
“Don't you patronize me!” the old man yelled back, shaking his finger in the other's face. “I'm old, not _blind!_ Go on and look in my fields. It's a damned infestation! I've sent a letter to the Firelord, make no mistake of that! My son's in the army, you know. He'll make sure something is done!”  
  
The other man just sighed and patted the first's shoulder. He looked surprised when Azula made an abrupt about face and walked right to them, her lips drawn into a smile that was probably supposed to be disarming but didn't quite make it.  
  
“What were you saying about Earth benders?” she asked rather sweetly.  
  


\-----

  
Jet’s abrupt departure couldn’t delay the battle. Li knew that but it was still hard for him to get everything moving anyway. Ran was the first to his side but Li waved off the man’s gruff worry. Whatever kind of spat he had with Jet, Li didn’t want to dwell on it. He definitely didn’t want to talk about it. So, instead, he gathered Ran and the others and started putting things into motion.  
  
A war was much easier to think about than Jet and his twisted emotions.  
  
Sokka headed off with Ran to meet with various friends the Avatar had sent off for. During his travels, Aang’d ended up with quite a few favors to call and Li had asked for every single one of them. He was a little surprised to hear that they’d even gotten word to the Water Tribe warriors and that put an odd look on Katara’s face, but he was simply glad for them.  
  
Most of the resistance he put into Iroh’s hands. Li trusted him to keep everyone in line. He knew that his role was just as vitally important, knew why he couldn’t join them. Still, it was strange to see them march without him. He stayed behind in the camp with the smaller group left behind, but even they wouldn’t be staying long. Li watched as the last group readied their weapons and helped one another hide them deftly in their finer clothes. The only ones left behind were nobles and a few lower bred men to act as their servants. These were the only ones that would be able to walk right into the capital without causing alarm.  
  
Li sat down for the last evening meal with them but he couldn’t eat. His belly was tied in knots. He felt absolutely sick with dread. This plan was too big for him. How did he ever think he might be able to handle this? Too many ways it could fail…  
  
If it failed, the deaths of every person involved was on his head. Good thing he would probably be one of the many casualties if that happened.  
  
Li set aside his bowl and went to the edge of the camp. He tried to calm his heart but as he saw the noble group heading off, the panic only returned. He wished he could talk to Jet. He didn’t give a damn if Jet hated him right now, he just wanted to talk to him. This would be bearable if he could.  
  
Someone ended up at his side, but it wasn’t Jet and it wasn’t even Smellerbee, who he’d have taken as a good second.  
  
Li and Katara hadn’t really spoken much in the days they’d been there, caught up in their own duties, but her presence wasn’t exactly unwanted. For a long time, she didn’t say anything, letting him absorb her quiet support. Then she reached out and gave his shoulder a light squeeze.  
  
“It’s going to be okay,” she said gently. “We’ll be with you.”  
  
Having the Avatar and two of his cadre as his team should have comforted him, but it didn’t. Li didn’t tell her that.  
  
“Yeah.” He closed his eyes, taking in a deep, slow breath to try and calm himself. “Thanks, Katara. I’m lucky to have you guys on my side.”  
  
“We knew we’d have to do this eventually,” she murmured as she let go. “Just… didn’t really plan on so much backup.”  
  
Li snorted, shaking his head. “I know what you mean.”  
  
But it wasn’t the backup he wanted. His weak smile disappeared completely. He should have never told Jet to leave his side.  
  
“Li.”  
  
He looked up and Katara gave him a gentle, knowing look. “When this is over, go find him. Okay? Friends shouldn’t stay mad at each other. I may not like him but even I can tell he's important to you. ”  
  
“I…” Li’s lips twitched into a bitter smile. “I don’t think we’re friends anymore.”  
  
Katara looked over his face. She frowned, conflicted, then turned to gaze out into the night. For a while, he thought she might leave it at that. Katara turned and started back towards the main fire, but paused part way.  
  
“One fight shouldn’t end a friendship. If he's worth it, values you as much as you value him, he'll listen,” she said simply and then she was gone, leaving Li to think on her words.  
  
If they survived, Li thought he might go find Jet after all.  
  


\----

  
Smellerbee wasn’t talking to him. That in itself wasn’t strange – she didn’t talk a whole lot anyway – but she was also actively _ignoring_ him. She crouched in a rocky overlook as the Earth Kingdom army got themselves ready for the assault, staring at them and not giving him a bit of her attention when he walked up to her. Anyone else would think she just hadn’t noticed, but Jet knew better.  
  
Well fine. He didn’t want to talk to her either, damn it.  
  
Jet left Smellerbee to her lookout and walked around the camp to make sure everything was still going fine. The soldiers were a motley mix of old and new. There was little mid ground, age wise. They were made up of old men and boys just old enough to fit their uniforms. Jet wasn’t surprised. Most of these men were survivors from older battles or the sons of those that weren’t so lucky. There were women, too, but not many. Most of the ones there were unmarried daughters of dead men. Didn’t keep Jet from flirting and it was fun, he guessed, but none of them blustered up the way Li did so he lost interest quickly.  
  
He had only been with them a day and already hated being surrounded by so many guys older than him. The problem was that most of the soldiers though he was a scrappy youth that had no place being in a war. Certainly no place on the front line. There were soldiers younger than him but Jet tried to make nice and not call them on their bullshit. He was there for a reason. And maybe if he was patient, he’d be able to show these idiots just what that was.  
  
He certainly wasn’t there just to run away from Li. That would be stupid.  
  
The general finally signaled them to move out. Jet never knew how slow an army could be and he was instantly grateful his Freedom Fighters were never so encumbered. He went to fetch Smellerbee, but she’d already left her lookout and gone on with Longshot, who was not ignoring him but also wouldn’t stop giving him the disappointed look, either.  
  
Jet wanted to punch both of them in the face, but he didn’t. He had more control than that, somehow. Or, at least, he was able to convince himself he’d get nothing out of doing so.  
  
Longshot knew exactly what Jet was feeling, but he didn't comment. To be perfectly honest, he thought Jet deserved it. Correcting Jet was not his place, so he didn't. Instead, Longshot and Smellerbee parted ways ahead of the army and acted as scouts. The soldiers didn't really trust them to do more than that and the job needed doing anyway. He and Smellerbee were faster than them, unencumbered by heavy armor, and knew how to travel _quietly_.  
  
The Firelord would probably hear them coming miles away.  
  
A sound startled the bow into his hands. Longshot let his gaze flicker from one bit of movement to another as he slowly trying to pinpoint what had caught his attention. He notched an arrow, sidestepped a dry, brittle twig, and tracked another similar sound... A rabbit darted out of the underbrush. Longshot relaxed a little.  
  
Then he abruptly jerked around and let the arrow fly as his senses caused his body to react before his mind had figured out there was something there. A curvy girl in Fire Nation red twisted herself out of the arrow's path and under his bow arm. Her hand shot out to strike lightning fast but Longshot jerked himself around to miss it and snapped the end of the bow in her face. She cried out but he was already reaching for another arrow as he leapt clear of her range. He notched the arrow before his feet hit the ground, compensating for his movement, and let it fly. The girl side stepped him again as she raced at him but Longshot had gotten used to fighting her. Smellerbee was better at fighting with this one of Azula's cohorts-  
  
 _Bee_.  
  
Longshot's chest clenched. If this one was here, _where were the other two?_  
  
The girl edged him farther from the marching column as he worked to evade his hands. He knew exactly what those hands could do with even the slightest touches. Longshot tried to get around her, to move back towards the group, but she was careful not to give him the opportunity. She wasn't about to let him get to backup.  
  
Lifting a long arm, Longshot caught a lower branch and swung himself up over it. Ty Lee stumbled and cursed but by then, Longshot was back on his feet, steady on the branch and loaded. He shot off three arrows in rapid fire and she dodged two but the last one raked across one shoulder. She gave a noise of pain, hand clamping over the wound, but it was just the distraction he needed. An arrow caught one billowing sleeve and nailed it to the tree behind her and a second got her wrist guard. He didn't care whether or not her _wrist_ might have been nicked in the attempt.  
  
Longshot dropped back to the ground and notched a new arrow. He started towards her but didn't get too close, arrow aimed for her heart. Longshot didn't want to kill her but he would do anything for Smellerbee.  
  
Anything.  
  
“Stupid arrows,” Ty Lee grit out, giving him a pout that probably looked very cute but Longshot didn't care.  
  
“Where are the others?” he ground out.  
  
“You can _talk?!_ ” She looked utterly dumbfounded.  
  
Longshot shifted his aim to between her eyes. Ty Lee paled a little, gaze twitching from the arrow point to his face.  
  
“Now would be a good time, guys,” she babbled out, an edge of fear to her voice.  
  
He had exactly one second to figure out what she meant. And then he was twisting, swinging the bow around to find his new target. Already too late. Longshot fell with a well timed strike to the back of his head. Azula stood over the fallen boy, lips quirking into a smirk as Mai moved to help Ty Lee get free.  
  
“Well now,” the princess purred out. “Lets see what else we can make the little archer say.”


	34. And If I Asked Permission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I completely forgot but Somariel took a sketch lineart I did of Li's outfits and colored it awesomely. So the best. All the kudos are hers.
> 
> http://i590.photobucket.com/albums/ss341/Somariel/Avatar%20The%20Last%20Airbender%20graphics/Li_coloring.png
> 
> Enjoy.

Longshot woke with a splitting headache, but he woke fully alert. Before opening his eyes, he let the sounds around him trickle into his ears. Voices, two, female. He couldn’t quite make out the words – muffled behind a door. There was no wind and the air was cool and dry, smelled of dirt and food – root cellar. Very slowly, he splayed his fingers upon the surface under him. Wood, unfinished, flat, hard – table or counter. Thick rope bound him across the chest, waist, and knees. His hands had been wrapped before the rope slid under what ever surface he was on. He let a faint shiver run down his body and couldn’t feel any of his knives. Longshot wasn’t as good with a knife as Smellerbee, but he’d seen the sense to make sure he was armed if his bow was taken.  
  
Finally, he opened his eyes and realized he’d missed something because the quietest of Azula’s entourage was near the door, leaning against the wall with her arms folded over her chest. Her eyes flickered to meet Longshot’s, acknowledging, and then slid away again. She was deep in thought, enough so that even his wakefulness wasn’t important.  
  
Longshot glanced around, confirming his suspicions. The root cellar was rather large, fitted with shelves of baskets filled with potatoes, turnips, and the like. Garlic and dried peppers hung in bunches from the ceiling. The unfamiliar spices in the air bothered his nose.  
  
“If you tell us what we want to know, we’ll let you go,” the girl said suddenly. Longshot glanced at her but she still wasn’t looking at him. Her face was utterly blank, unreadable. “This doesn’t have to get ugly.”  
  
He doubted that. Anything involving the princess tended to get messy. Besides, she wasn’t one to leave loose ends. The girl looked at him and it was pretty obvious she knew that too. She just didn’t want to.  
  
The girl moved away from the wall and stepped up to him. She glanced dispassionately across his restraints and then to his face, but her gaze didn’t linger.  
  
“All we need to know is where Zuko is.” There, the very edge of her voice, he finally heard something more than just emotionless automation.  
  
It took him a moment to realize what name she’d used and then his body stiffened. This girl had known Li from before. Or at least of him. No, definitely knew him personally Longshot realized as she met his eyes again. Very personally.  
  
“We aren’t going to hurt him. Zuko is confused. He needs help,” she murmured but he could hear her doubt. Repeating words she’d been told that she didn’t believe. “If we find him, we can get him the best care money can buy.”  
  
Maybe she was telling the truth, at least as she was willing to know it. Maybe she really did think that’s all this was about. It was obvious she wanted that. And it was becoming obvious that whoever she followed, this girl really was thinking about Li’s best interests as far as she knew them.  
  
The voices outside the cellar door grew closer. The princess and the one with the braid were so loud when they didn’t care about being heard. Longshot glanced to the girl next to him, watching her tense and the faint emotion to her face disappear. She moved away from the table just as the door opened.  
  
Longshot had always believed that fire scared him the most, but when Princess Azula’s eyes turned onto him, burning with their perverse delight at his capture, fire was a pale comparison.  
  
“Nice to see our mute’s awake,” she murmured with a smirk, stalking around him like a hungry mooselion. “Are you feeling chatty? We have so much to talk about.”  
  
Longshot clenched his jaw as she flicked a bit of hair from his forehead. The hot touch of her fingers sent a shot of nausea into his belly.  
  
“I think you and I are going to get _very_ close,” the Princess purred and then her hard eyes flit up to her companions. The girls stiffened but read the order clearly and filed out. Longshot’s belly clenched as the door shut behind them. He didn’t want to look at her, but his gaze found Azula’s regardless.  
  
Her eyes were hard and burning and gleeful.  
  


\---

  
When Jet realized Longshot hadn’t returned from scouting, a cold fear gripped him. Jet didn’t do well with fear. It spiraled into rage within seconds. When they found Longshot’s bow and the markings of a fight, it became a firestorm of pure fury.  
  
The army didn’t have time to search for him. Their timetable was tight at best, unrelenting at worst. But the General didn’t stop Jet and Smellerbee from staying behind as they headed out.  
  
That had been hours ago. Jet’s rage had died down into a deep, seething bloodlust and for once, Smellerbee was just as angry as he was. The two of them didn’t speak, didn’t look up from tracking down the fools that had dared grab on of their number. They were going to get Longshot back and if anything had happened to him, they were going to make sure that who ever had taken him would not live to regret it.  
  
Jet had forgotten about the Fire Lord. He didn’t matter until they knew what happened to Longshot.  
  
The tracks hadn’t been very clear but Smellerbee was unmatched in tracking. Ahead of them was an old house falling in on itself, abandoned for years. A garden near by was overgrown with weeds and flowers. There had been a stone path at one point, but it had been overgrown like the rest.  
  
That just made it easier to track foot traffic over the whole area, but even that wasn’t needed because just as the two of them got near to little clearing, someone else emerged from an underground cellar.  
  
Knife girl. Mai, his mind returned a moment after he recognized her distinctive hair. If Mai was here, there was a definite bet- the other girl after her, Ty Lee he thought? No. If these two were here, the princess definitely was.  
  
The tracks they’d seen at the original sight suddenly made a lot more sense. Jet could almost see the fight now that he was taking in Ty Lee’s style. He curled his lips back into a sneer. They’d chosen their target carefully.  
  
The girls looked agitated. Jet didn’t care. He shot a glance to Smellerbee, who already had one of her longer knives drawn.  
  
“-isn’t right,” Ty Lee was muttering. Her voice was low but the two of them still caught it and stilled. “I don’t care how annoying they’ve been, this doesn’t… _feel_ right.”  
  
“Azula knows what she’s doing,” Mai replied but she was even more deadened than usual.  
  
“Does she?” Ty Lee rubbed her arm, glancing back towards the cellar door. “She hasn’t been right lately. I know you noticed. This is more than just a stupid capture mission.”  
  
Mai didn’t answer. Her hands were tightly clenched at her sides.  
  
“This isn’t right,” Ty Lee repeated more softly. “All this trouble over one guy? And she’s been after him like he killed her puppy. She hates him even more than that Earth Kingdom guy…He’s going to be so mad about this, too…”  
  
The braided girl didn’t see the shift in Mai’s expression but Jet did. He didn’t know what it meant but there was knowledge behind Mai’s eyes. Knowledge of who Li was? Jet felt a faint stab of jealousy through the firestorm of rage. Besides figuring out Ursa’s relationship to Li, he hadn’t been told anything else. Maybe he’d let the girl live long enough to tell him the rest.  
  
A big maybe.  
  
Before Jet could contemplate that further, there was a noise that caught both girls silent and shot right through him. Hoarse, dark, male. Pained. Muffled through the open pathway to the cellar.  
  
Smellerbee shot out before the echo of it left Jet’s ears. He saw the split second of recognition on Ty Lee’s face before Smellerbee was on her, catching those dangerous hands in an iron grip as she used her momentum to put Ty Lee down _hard_. Jet didn’t wait to see if she recovered.  
  
Mai drew from her shock far faster than Ty Lee had. She met Jet blow for blow with her sharp darts and knives. He didn’t know how many she had but he didn’t really care. He deflected the worst of the dart volley with his hook swords and ignored the few that got through his guard. He was too angry to feel them. Jet got a good foothold on a fallen, half rotted tree trunk and vaulted up over her only to plant his feet solidly on her back and kick. Mai jolted forward and twisted with the momentum to let another few darts fly but Jet was already up and personal again. One arm jerked up and his hook sword glanced off the armored holster under her sleeve.  
  
Jet leapt back to put some space between them but he didn’t have to. Smellerbee caught a hand in Mai’s hair, jerking her head back as the other hand brought up her knife. Mai went still as the blade nicked her skin, dark red beading up against her pale throat. Her eyes darted to find Ty Lee and Jet’s followed.  
  
Ty Lee was motionless, half buried in the overgrown garden. There was blood streaked along a visible hand. Jet didn’t bother to spare her any more attention.  
  
“On your knees, hands behind your back,” he snarled at Mai instead. She hesitated, mutinous, but then lowered slowly down. Smellerbee was careful to keep the knife in place until Jet could get over and secure Mai’s hands.  
  
“I’m not going to kill you,” Jet said as he straightened up. “Not yet anyway.”  
  
Then Smellerbee knocked her soundly with the hilt of her knife. Mai went down and Jet thought nothing more of her.  
  
With Smellerbee a few paces behind, Jet headed for the cellar, his hook swords at the ready. He didn’t even get one step down before the door below drew open and fire shot out towards him. Jet ducked to one side near the ground and when she came out, he caught her just barely across the cheek with the curved tip of one sword. Azula snarled out a curse but another fireball sent Jet scrambling.  
  
“You’re like _rats_ ,” the princess growled out as she got free of the cellar, her hands burning with blue fire. Jet fell back a few paces as Smellerbee shifted to hem Azula between them. The princess narrowed her eyes, lip quirking on one side. “What, no brazen declaration of-”  
  
Azula’s eyes caught on Mai’s still form. They widened, jerked to find Ty Lee, and then a disgusted snarl pulled her mouth.  
  
“Idiots,” she muttered and then flashed her attention back to Jet. “I’m going to make you _hurt_ for that. Not that I care what happens to them, but now I have to bother sending out someone to collect them later.”  
  
“Just shut the hell up already, windbag,” Jet growled as he darted towards her.  
  
Smellerbee left them to it. If anything, she’d be in Jet’s way, distracted as she was. Instead, she headed for the cellar and quickly made her way down the earthen stairs. The door had been left ajar and she heard nothing from inside. Her chest clenched and when she got to the doorway, she stopped breathing entirely.  
  
The cloying scent of blood drenched the whole place, soaking into every surface. Slow, steady drops dripped from slack fingers and had liberally soaked into thick cloth. Longshot’s pale skin was even paler. His expression was lax, his body so very still.  
  
Smellerbee couldn’t move forward. She lifted a hand to her mouth as a noise started to leave her and muffled it behind her fingers. Her eyes were wide and she couldn’t look away from him.  
  
Then, blessedly, Longshot’s chest rose as he drew in a slow, hitching breath. Smellerbee was at his side a moment later, hands over his body to find out just what had happened. When she reached his bow hand, she nearly cried. That _bitch_ had broken three of his fingers and mangled his wrist. His chest was tender under her fingers, ribs giving. No wonder his breathing sounded bad. Fresh blood covered the side of his face, newer than the rest. Azula must have knocked him out before she’d come up to investigate the fight.  
  
Smellerbee took her knife to the ropes, careful around his bruised and raw wrists. As she started to get Longshot off the table, he uttered a quiet grunt and tried weakly to fight her.  
  
“It’s okay,” Smellerbee whispered. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”  
  
Longshot relaxed almost instantly and Smellerbee got him carefully onto the floor. She knelt with him, gently setting his head down on the packed earth, and set to getting various wounds covered and wrapped.  
  
The worst of it was definitely his hand. The ribs were strained but not broken and it seemed most of the damage was superficial. The cuts had been light and even the head wound wasn’t much. Azula had gone easier on him than she could have.  
  
That wouldn’t stop Smellerbee from taking it out of her damned hide.  
  
She knew she should go up and give Jet backup, but Smellerbee couldn’t leave Longshot alone. Jet could be getting killed above ground and all she could think about was getting Longshot’s hand bound. Smellerbee took each finger and carefully straightened them despite the way Longshot stiffened. She drug off her ragged shirt and started ripping it to pieces, then carefully tied up his fingers to something approaching secure. It would have to be enough until they got back to camp. She'd just finished when Longshot's eyes snapped open. He looked a little dazed, a little panicked, but calmed when he saw her. Then he looked for Jet but Jet wasn't there.  
  
“It's okay,” Smellerbee said again. “He's coming-”  
  
Longshot stared towards the open door. There was enough noise to know the fight was still going on. The princess snarled out an insult and Longshot stiffened. Then he looked at Smellerbee. It had never stopped surprising her how expressive he could be without words. Jet seemed not to notice the difference between a spoken word and a roll of the eyes, but Smellerbee had always been acutely aware of Longshot's lack of words. It just made what he did say more poignant and the rest of him more expressive.  
  
Smellerbee opened her mouth to try to explain why she was here instead of giving Jet backup like she should be. The words wouldn't come. She couldn't explain it clearly.  
  
Longshot painfully levered himself up to sit, waving off Smellerbee's hands. The look had been enough. As Longshot struggled to his feet despite his aching body, Smellerbee rose with him. He wouldn't let her help. She wasn't supposed to be there. She was supposed to be backing up Jet the way Longshot would have if their positions were reversed.  
  
Smellerbee grit her teeth. “Just lay down, idiot! I'll be right back so don't get any stupid ideas about going up those stairs alone, okay?!”  
  
Longshot glanced at her and he looked so strange without his hat. Then he nodded, his eyes growing softer, and Smellerbee knew she was forgiven. Why she had to be was something she wasn't going to think about just yet. Instead, she took hold of her knife and went grimly to make sure Jet didn't get his fool self killed.


	35. If I Make Sure It's Okay

“Would you just shut the hell up already?” Jet snarled as he twisted past another fireball and darted in closer. That damned firebender wasn’t letting him get in the way he wanted to, just kept driving him back with volleys. But with how many times he and Azula had ended up pitted against each other in the last months, she knew it was her best option. If Jet got close, she was done for and she knew it.  
  
But they were both getting tired. Fire wasn’t limitless and neither was he. Jet jerked back, putting some distance between them and it was sign of just how tired the princess was that she didn’t take advantage of her longer range attacks.  
  
“What’s wrong?” she sneered out. “Can’t handle a little heat?”  
  
Jet glared at her. Her jibes were getting weak. And tired as he was, he realized had they been from the same place, she probably would have been his best friend. Spirits, he hated her. He wanted to wipe that smirk off her face permanently. If Longshot wasn’t breathing down there, he would.  
  
As Azula got her second – third? fourth? – wind and came after him, Jet noticed movement just beyond her, at the cellar. That was the only warning he had before Smellerbee sprinted out and leapt onto the princess’s back. One strong arm wrapped around Azula’s neck and locked with the other. Azula’s eyes went wide as her air suddenly cut off. She stumbled back with Smellerbee’s weight and they both toppled. Jet saw her fingers spark and darted in to grab both of her hands, pinning them down as Smellerbee kept hold. For a startling moment, Azula met his eyes and hers showed fear. Then they hazed and rolled up into her skull.  
  
Jet and Smellerbee didn’t move for long moments. Then Smellerbee let go and shoved the princess of her so she could get up. The moment was so oddly anticlimactic that he couldn’t quite let the tension go. Jet straightened and glanced over Smellerbee. His breathing caught.  
  
Smellerbee’s clothing and armor were smeared with flesh blood. Her hands were stained with it and the look on her face… Jet felt something go cold inside him, colder than ever. He put away the hook swords and instead drew a smaller knife, but she caught his wrist before he could finish the job.  
  
“He’s alive,” she said, her voice raw, and the cold shattered with enough force to leave him breathless. “He’s hurt. We need to get him to the camp. She broke his hand, Jet. He can’t shoot.”  
  
Jet looked towards the cellar. The one defining talent Longshot had was the bow. At least he was alive, but being unable to shoot… Jet didn’t know what that would do to him. His hate of Azula burned hotter.  
  
But they would handle that later. For now, they had to get Longshot to a doctor before his bones knit wrong and his hand became useless. Both Jet and Smellerbee knew how to set a bone – they’d had to learn on the fly – but neither of them wanted to permanently cripple Longshot by doing it wrong with such a delicate limb.  
  
Jet dropped his gaze to the unconscious princess and then let it slide to her accomplices. Between the two of them, they got her and the other two trussed up and then began figuring out how to get them and Longshot back to the camp.  
  
He was going to make sure they were out for the rest of the invasion. If only for Longshot’s sake, Jet wanted Azula to know the bitterness of defeat.  
  
\----  
  
Aang was probably more terrified than he was, Li realized. They crouched away from the road, watching citizens traverse the main entrance to the capitol. Li wanted to make sure of the guard schedule before they tried to break in that night. After all, if anyone was caught early everything would break down. And next to him, Aang had been very quiet most of the day. He felt a little sorry for the kid.  
  
Li thought about letting Aang know he had no intention of making him fight the Firelord, but he kept his tongue. The Avatar and his girls didn’t need to know that part of the plan. Li didn’t care about whatever destiny Aang was supposed to have – Firelord Ozai was _his_ prey.  
  
Even if the thought of fighting him scared Li just as badly.  
  
Li trusted his swords and he knew how to fight fire, but Firelord Ozai was a whole different level and Zuko’s memories were littered with that knowledge. No, Li would take him down himself and only if he failed would Aang have the chance. Li didn’t want to endanger anyone, least of all a twelve year old kid who didn’t deserve any of this, and everyone was insane for thinking Aang should handle it, Avatar or not. Li reached out and gave Aang’s shoulder a squeeze. The boy offered a weak smile that did little to brighten his pale face.  
  
It was a few hours more before they made their way into the city. They waited until the second change of the guards that night, creeping in as the guards’ attention wavered. Li winced as old memories flashed into the forefront of his mind, giving him jarring double vision from a much lower perspective. He shook his head to push them away and let fainter reminiscence guide him through wide, quiet streets. There were few out this late and the guard inside the city was light. The four of them made better time through the city than he’d thought they were and soon turned towards the palace.  
  
Things were going smoothly enough that Li’s nerves spun tighter. They should have had a hang up by now. _Something_. But the capitol was quiet and calm. Li glanced upward. The sky was still dark but the barest edges to the east were beginning to lighten. They had a few hours to get into the palace before the attack began and it would be shut tight as a tomb.  
  
Li winced at his own mental words.  
  
They made it to the palace grounds before true dawn began. Li let memories guide him once more into the inner walls of the palace. They used the courtyard to bypass more security and Li found himself pausing at the side of the duck pond. He could remember sitting with his mother, watching the turtleducks and complaining about Azula… Li shook himself free. That wasn’t him; that was Zuko and he was not about to get them confused. Especially not when he was heading to go kill Zuko’s father.  
  
Li edged along the outer wall of the palace, fishing through less vibrant memories to pull the information he needed. Zuko had been a wanderer as a child. Not really an explorer, but he’d known his way around well. Li paused under one window that should have gone to an unused dining room. He waved over Toph to check. The Earth bender shifted beside him and then flattened her hand hard against the wall. After a moment, she shook her head. No movement. Clear. Aang came up next and thankfully, the window wasn’t airtight. He got it unlocked and they carefully levered it open enough for the four of them to slip through. As soon as Katara was in, Li shut it behind them, leaving the lock undone. Hopefully, this would be their escape route.  
  
The palace was quiet even this close to dawn. Fire Benders tended to be early risers if only for their connection with the sun. So much quiet continued to spin Li tightly. The group made their way slowly deeper into the palace to the farther off rooms. The royal family’s suites were accessible through only one narrow hallway guarded by two thickly build men in armor. Li pursed his lips but Katara flashed him a smile as she and Toph took off. Between the two of them, the guards were too shocked to put up much of a fight. Li wasn’t sure how they managed to be taken down so quietly (Katara and Toph weren’t exactly the type for stealth,) but he counted it to their current luck. He and Aang dragged the men out from the open and they headed on down the hall to the royal chambers. Then they found somewhere to hole up until it was time. Everything had to go right and if they started early, they were absolutely doomed.  
  
\---  
  
Sokka’s eyes had barely left the sky in the last hour. He was nearly vibrating with energy. Everything he and Li had planned was coming together so well… It seemed jinxed. Sokka’s luck was never that good.  
  
So he was beyond worried.  
  
Iroh stepped up next to him and looked over their fleet. How they’d gotten so many different people together and working for one goal was quite amazing, and their accomplishments with the submarines made him so very proud to be part of the endeavor. The nations of the world, joining together to win their own peace… It was a magical time.  
  
“Are you ready?” he murmured and Sokka’s lips quirked into an uncomfortable smile.  
  
“No. But I can’t exactly change my mind now,” he responded.  
  
Iroh patted his shoulder. “It is good to remain unpolluted by cockiness. Remember the plan and trust in our cause. We will see it through.”  
  
Sokka nodded, even though he was still so very afraid. And then the attack began and he didn’t have time to be anymore.  
  
The submarines made good time through the harbor and soon enough, they were getting into the bombardment. Time did funny things after that. There were long, drawn out moments that seemed hours and then near hours that went by in seconds. The Fire Nation was taken so off guard that by the time the invaders got to dry land, it seemed like they’d plowed through pretty much every bit of resistance there was.  
  
Sokka spared half a moment to wonder if the other groups had begun yet. Then he sent his boomerang flying again because little resistance was still _some_ resistance and he didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of killing him.  
  
Well, maybe he just didn’t want to die. That was enough, right?  
  
Of course, he got his message when he heard someone scream for backup only to find out that half the walls around the city had suddenly come down for no reason. Sokka grinned and caught a renewed jolt of energy as he plunged back into the fray.


	36. I Promise I Won't Slip Up This Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, this is a bit of a short chapter. And, unfortunately, I won't have internet access for the next week, so no more updates until then. So, enjoy!

Despite cramped quarters filled with girls and a little boy, Li didn’t even think of leaving their hideaway until he heard someone come running down the corridor with the hurried panic of a shocked man. The timing was too good. Iroh and Sokka had started the attack. Li jerked out of the broom closet and caught the guy across his throat, knocking him to the ground. The boy hit hard, gasping for air, but Li knocked him out with a swift kick to the head. He and Aang dragged him into the closet and checked to make sure Li hadn’t killed him – he’d used the side, not the plated toe, didn’t need to brain some hapless servant– before Toph started changing into his uniform.  
  
A servant could get through the place a lot easier than anyone else. Katara carefully redid Toph’s hair into a Fire Nation styling and tucked the too long sleeves under to be less obvious. They wished they could use someone else but Aang’s arrow, Li’s scar, and Katara’s coloring were just too noticeable here. Toph wasn’t worried. She quickly headed out, letting the vibrations guide her towards other running feet. Other servants, spreading the word. She found one of them and grabbed his hand, letting panic settle on her own face.  
  
“What is it?! What’s going on?!” she whined out with more than obvious distress.  
  
The guy didn’t even notice he didn’t know her. “There’s been an attack in the harbor. Get to the guards! Everyone’s getting called to go help. Then you better evacuate, got it?”  
  
Toph kind of wanted to laugh. Apparently, something showed on her face because the guy grabbed her by the shoulders and misread her brilliantly.  
  
“It’s going to be okay. The Firelord would never let anything happen to his house staff.”  
  
She made sure to sniffle and bat her eyes before he let her go to do her duty. This was too easy. Toph made a b-line for every too-heavy foot step she could feel to spread the word and make sure most of the guards were moving to set up a defense perimeter around the palace. Only a bare few went on to fetch the Fire Lord for evacuation, but that was fine. Besides, all the running around was nice after being cooped up for hours. And it did allow her to witness the moment the Earth Kingdom Army got in on the action.  
  
The resulting scramble was the most entertaining dance she’d ever felt and it took everything she had not to snicker. This was serious but Toph was high with the luck they ran on and the chaos she’d helped wrought.  
  
Until someone suddenly grabbed her by the shoulder. “What are you doing here?! Get to the Firelord immediately! Why did you even leave his side, you coward?! A personal servant has privileges for a reason! I should take my hand to you, little brat!”  
  
Toph managed a startled apology before she headed off at a run back towards the royal chambers. Personal servant? Why hadn’t Li told her?! Toph called him plenty of nasty names on her way back. This uniform wasn’t going to be much use then because there was no way the Firelord wouldn’t notice a stranger in his personal attendants. Even her parents hadn’t ever been that lofty.  
  
When she got to the closet, however, there were two new bodies sleeping in stunned silence. Larger than the first, heavier… Soldiers? Great. Toph planted her foot hard and searched out… but there were too many people running about, soldiers and servants alike. She tried to find Aang’s lighter steps since there was no way to differentiate Katara and Li in armor and there was no way Aang would fit that kind of uniform. It took precious minutes she didn’t have but then there he was, oddly muffled. And surrounded by others. Toph set out for him grimly. The personal servant uniform would have to stay.  
  
Toph wasn’t five steps from the broom closet before someone caught her hand and was scolding her about not being where she was supposed to be and why didn’t anyone tell them when there was going to be an addition to the household and why did it have to be _today_ , anyway? There was no choice but to follow and Toph could only guess that this person was wearing the same uniform.  
  
Just her luck. Maybe the Firelord would be too busy to notice an unfamiliar face, or care. She’d be as careful as she could be.  
  
Aang was also trying to be careful but he was failing miserably. The courtiers he’d gotten himself mixed up with were all in such a panic that they’d forgotten to scoff at the turban he’d nicked. There was no way he could have jetted around in the blacks the resistance had given him, he couldn’t fit the guard armor, and the servant uniforms didn’t cover his head. The only thing they’d been able to think of was dressing him like a courtier. Thankfully everyone was terrified because Aang couldn’t remember a thing Li had told him about what he was pretending to be. He wasn’t even sure what courtiers _did_. Except panic like little girls, he supposed, which was about all you could do in their complicated robes.  
  
One woman grabbed Aang up in her arms, squeezing the life out of him. “You poor thing! Did you get separated from your parents? Don’t worry, Firelord Ozai will protect us!”  
  
Aang didn’t have the heart to correct her, not when holding onto him seemed to make her feel better. He patted her back awkwardly and really hoped things got moving soon so he could escape the crush. He felt pretty bad for lying to the poor woman.  
  
Li, on the other hand, felt absolutely no remorse for his and Katara’s ruse. The two of them had managed to slide into formation pretty easily as the guards readied to lead the Firelord to safe haven. They were short staffed, so many having gone to set up the perimeter around the palace, so no one gave the two of them a second look. The half dozen or so of them lined up outside the Firelord’s bedroom door, snapped to attention and the very picture of duty.  
  
Easier to think about his part than the fact that he was about to come face to face with the man he fully planned to kill. Li’s heart pounded in his chest so hard that it was a wonder no one heard. He knew the man’s face from Zuko’s memories, knew the cold disdain Ozai had for him, but this was so much more real. Li curled his hands into tight fists at his sides and willing himself to be strong. He couldn’t fly off the handle, couldn’t risk everything just because of rage. That would only get him killed. But he kept thinking about Meimi and the villagers and every sad story he had ever heard from the other Freedom Fighters. He thought about every word Ozai had ever spoken to him and the pure contempt he had for his untalented, unremarkable first born.  
  
 _You were not worth the trouble_ , those eyes had told him time and again. _I should have smothered you as you slept._  
  
Li jolted faintly as he felt a hand touch his own. He glanced over wildly and Katara met his gaze. Hers was steely with resolve, even though she was terrified. She knew what she had to do. Their portion was the most dangerous of all. If Li flipped, he’d be signing her death warrant.  
  
He’d never forgive himself.  
  
Swallowing the thick lump in his throat, he tried to calm his breathing and get himself back under control. And then the door opened and the Firelord stepped out surrounded by his attendants. Li’s world narrowed to nothing but the man’s face. Stern, cold, unapproachable. Ozai didn’t look at them, didn’t even notice him. He had more pressing matters on his mind. Li was so far beneath him that he might as well not have even been there.  
  
It was only when his chest burned that Li realized he’d been holding his breath. He let it out and all at once, everything returned to his attention. Katara shot him a concerned glance but Li was back, present, and realized that one of the attendants was a lot shorter than the rest. Toph- but where was Aang? They’d gotten separated along the way and Aang was supposed to make his way after them like the scared and confused courtier he was pretending to be. _Shit_ , if he didn’t hurry, he’d be stuck in the palace after they sealed up the escape route. There was nothing Li could do about that. If Aang didn’t make it, they’d have to figure out some other way to get at the Firelord. Aang was tiny but he had firepower they were going to miss. Suddenly, this plan wasn’t looking so good.  
  


\----

  
Sokka’s force hit the city like an exploding arrow. Or what he supposed one would be like, if that sort of thing was possible. And he supposed it could be possible if he put his mind to it. Not that he was much of a bowman, but he might be willing to learn if he could use trick arrows-  
  
Whoa, hard dodge to the right, under the burning fist-  
  
-because that would be beyond cool. Maybe Longshot would be interested in testing out some of his ideas because Sokka could so get ideas for this. Maybe dust bomb arrows or stink bomb arrows! The sky was the limit-  
  
Ow, too close to the fireball, that was going to smart later – oh thanks, Haru, good timing with that rock wall, time to get back to pummeling someone now-  
  
-or would be if the sky _had_ a limit. Was there a limit? Did the sky go on forever and the stars were just kind of stuck in there or was there an end to the sky before it hit headlong into some other thing the stars were in? He was going to have to think about that. And maybe about how scared the firebenders were looking when they realized they were hemmed in on three sides by the Earth Kingdom Army and a bunch of insane Water Tribe warriors.  
  
Oh man. The looks on their faces. Sokka was going to remember this for a long time. Well, as long as he survived and now that the firebenders were starting to get a second wind despite the overwhelming odds-  
  
Nope, wait, that was just more surprise! In the middle of the city, half the gathered nobles suddenly dropped off their expensive over robes to draw weapons. Sokka watched with glee as noble and firebender alike grew more panicked as they were attacked from the inside.  
  
His glee only lasted until someone was trying to kill him again but Sokka knew he’d savor the plan working out later.


	37. You Can Trust Me

It didn’t take as long to get back to the Resistance camp as Jet had feared, but Longshot had stubbornly born Ty Lee’s weight against his back and refused to let Smellerbee or Jet coddle him. The steely resolve was part stubbornness and part proving to them that he was okay.  
  
He wasn’t. Not really. But given a little rest, he would be. At least, that’s what Longshot told himself when every breath sent a cascade of pain through his battered frame or his fingers twitched and agony raced along his arm. Longshot was stronger than that. He was a Freedom Fighter.  
  
The three of them were mobbed as soon as they got close to camp. Their burdens were taken with a few surprised looks when the girls were recognized, but otherwise not commented on. Longshot wanted to go find somewhere to curl up and just be quiet and still for a while but Smellerbee and Jet steered him through the camp.  
  
At the cook fire was a lean, scholarly looking man that took one look at Longshot and hurried them into their tent. Shuu had become the make shift field medic when his home had been seized on rumor of being a resistance sympathizer. The truth was he hadn’t even known there was a resistance to begin with and, ironically, that had driven him right to them. Half his family was still incarcerated and the other half scattered in resistance strongholds or sent to the colonies.  
  
“Steady there,” Shuu muttered as he shoved up his glasses and examined Longshot’s hand. He carefully unwrapped Smellerbee’s binding and ran his fingers lightly along the mangled digits. Tutting to himself, Shuu sat back and glanced to Longshot’s face. “You’re going to be fine. They’ll ache when it’s cold, but I’ll make sure they’re usable.”  
  
Longshot nodded, feeling numb inside. He hadn’t really let himself think about what Azula had done to him. Concentrating on simply the sensation of pain helped keep the fears and disgust back. And there was plenty of pain to think about.  
  
Shuu’s eyes narrowed and he reached out, pressing a palm to Longshot’s forehead, then his cheek and neck. He pulled out something and slid part to his ears, the other he pressed over Longshot’s racing heart.  
  
“Jet, how long did it take you three to get here?” he asked, shooting them a hard look.  
  
“A few hours,” Jet admitted stiffly.  
  
Shuu didn’t look happy but all he did was make Longshot lay down as he started a more in depth examination. He sent Smellerbee to fetch water but didn’t bother trying to tell Jet what to do. The whole camp knew how useless that was. Closing his eyes, Longshot listened to Shuu mutter and grumble and tried not to wince much when his mending caused pain. He hadn’t realized Smellerbee was back until a cup of cool water was pressed to his hand and he drank slowly. It wasn’t until he’d nearly finished it that he realized there was something tangy in the flavor and by then, he was too relaxed to wonder. Longshot let himself slip into oblivion, knowing Smellerbee and Jet were there to keep him safe.  
  


\----

  
Every step Li took following the Firelord’s entourage down the narrow stone halls made him more and more sure that Aang wouldn’t get to them. He was going to face the man and his guards with only Katara and Toph at his side. This didn’t bode well.  
  
Li wasn’t scared, not really. His body thrummed with energy and hatred in equal measure. He wasn’t afraid but he didn’t know what would happen when the fighting started. He didn’t know how this would change him.  
  
Li had once been scared of the dark thing living inside Jet. Now he could see exactly how it had come to be because one was growing inside him, too. It didn’t care about Katara or Toph or even getting out of this alive. All it cared about was seeing the life in the Firelord’s eyes go out. He wondered, maybe, if the Firelord had a dark thing inside him as well.  
  
And then he decided it didn’t matter because Li was going to kill him anyway.  
  
The guards split up to either side of the corridor when they made it to the royals’ safe room. The Firelord went inside with his attendants, who ended up sitting themselves along the sides of the wide, relatively empty room. There was only a raised dais and a throne, and that was where the Firelord settled. He leaned back, his cold, impassive eyes settling over the guards. Then he flicked a hand, a wordless order, and the guards began to file out. All except Li and Katara. At the hesitation, the Firelord looked at them and his lips twisted.  
  
“Are you incompetent?” he snapped out. “Leave me immediately.”  
  
But they stayed rooted to the spot. Li reached up to his helmet. “Toph.”  
  
The girl rolled to her feet in a moment and slid easily into a move. A thick chunk of rock shot up to block the doorway behind them and two others blocked the rows of servants off from the main area, leaving the four of them alone. The Firelord jolted to his feet with a snarl.  
  
“You _dare_ -” he began and then Li dropped the helmet. The Firelord’s eyes widened a moment and then he captured control of himself again. “Well played, boy. You knew you couldn’t defeat me without outside help. More cunning than I would expect from some feckless rebel.”  
  
Li took down his top knot and then dragged all of his hair back into an artless tail so that his face was completely bared. He wanted the Firelord to see him. All of him.  
  
“You have to think like your enemy to defeat them,” Li replied softly as he dropped his hands to start on the straps of his armor and faced the Firelord. At first, there was nothing except a cold analysis of his face, the scar, and what it could mean for his fighting ability. Then Li watched as something more appeared behind those gold eyes. Something surprised and _knowing_.  
  
“You-” he began but Li cut him off.  
  
“The posters are close,” he murmured, and he let the heavy, constricting torso armor drop to the floor. The arm and shin guards were thin enough not to impede him. He started towards the man as Katara began pulling off armor behind him. “But it would be hard to really recognize me from them. At least as anything other than what I look like now. I’m not surprised you didn’t realize. Azula did. I’m amused she didn’t tell you when you sent her after me. Guess she didn’t want you to know she’d already failed to kill me once. Useless idea, by the way; she never found us.”  
  
“So you scraped yourself up from the bottom of the sea to face me, did you?” the Firelord murmured coldly but Li could see the way his body shifted just so under the voluminous robes, readying himself to begin the fight they knew was building. “You should have drowned as I intended.”  
  
Li heard Katara’s soft gasp but he ignored it along with his own rush of anger. Zuko was so close to the surface, so angry and hurt, but Li couldn’t listen to him. Li was not this man’s son. He was his enemy.  
  
“Monster,” Toph murmured with disgust.  
  
“Maybe you shouldn’t have burned out my eye if you didn’t want me to come back for your heart,” Li growled out and then he dodged as the Firelord began his attack.  
  
Azula fought like her father. Li remembered the patterns she’d fallen into, the moves she favored, and it turned out that the Firelord favored them as well. At least Li wasn’t fighting completely cold, even if he was outclassed.  
  
Drawing his swords, Li dispersed one fireball as he raced a wider ark around the Firelord. A slap of water distracted the man as he turned to rail on Katara but then Li was on him, driving the man back with blade alone.  
  
“What’s wrong, boy?” the Firelord taunted as the floor under him lifted and he leapt from it at Li, “Too scared of your own flame?”  
  
“I don’t need it for you,” Li growled back as he knocked the man’s hand with the back of the blade just as fire left his fingers, deflecting the blow and returning his own.  
  
He didn’t know who had the advantage like this, the two styles warring and clumsy against one another. The Firelord was good enough not to leave himself open for any killing blows but Li was hard pressed to find flaws at all in his form. Even with Toph redecorating every other minute and Katara splitting the Firelord’s attention between her and Li, the man was a force of sheer power.  
  
They were going to lose. If something didn’t change fast, he was going to wear them down faster than they could wear him. Or the guards he could just barely hear outside the walls would find a way through before they could beat him. It wasn’t looking good.  
  
Li had underestimated his enemy. He had condemned Katara and Toph to death because he hadn’t taken the Firelord as seriously as he should have.  
  
Dodging under another ball of flame, Li darted in close but then Katara was there and he narrowly kept from chopping off one of her hands. Pulling back put him off balance. The Firelord twisted, one hand opening right against his chest and then terrible heat shot him back across the room. Li hit the back wall with a pained grunt and barely kept on his feet when he dropped back to the floor. His clothing sizzled and smoked from the blow and his chest ached, but he couldn’t let the burn distract him. The blow had been weak, badly fueled, and hadn’t gone past the first layers of skin. The Firelord had most of his attention on Katara.  
  
Hand to hand, she was beautiful in motion, twisting as if her body was water itself. She hadn’t been able to smuggle much in, not the amount that would make her lethal, but the Firelord was having enough trouble trying to get hold of her. Toph was messing up his footwork as much as she could, throwing tremors through the stone floor and raising sections at utter random. She’d torn chunks out of the ceiling and surrounding walls, letting them fly when Katara wasn’t too close to be hit as well. Their teamwork reminded him of the Freedom Fighters and he felt a sudden deep, piercing need to return to them.  
  
If they survived, maybe he would.  
  
Taking a breath, Li pulled back from the wall and went back into the fray. He tag teamed with Katara, muscling the Firelord between them to put him onto the defensive. The faster they got control of this fight, the better.  
  
Li didn’t know what the Firelord’s bracers had been made of but he grit his teeth every time the man deflected a strike or caught it without leaving more than a faint mark. Even his long, billowing robes weren’t hampering him at all.  
  
Then Li felt something inside him suddenly go cold and lifeless. It struck out from his chest, racing through his body like cold water. He shuddered as the cold infected every inch of him and then he knew. The fire was gone.  
  
The eclipse had begun.


	38. But Never Take Advice From Someone

The Firelord’s flames died immediately. He narrowed his eyes, looking at his hands with faint surprise. Then Katara swept his legs out from under him and poised a sharpened flow of ice, ready to strike. Li almost let her. It would have been so easy to…  
  
“Very clever, finding the one time we would be weak,” the Firelord sneered out, prone on the ground. “Cowards usually are.”  
  
So very easy to just end this. Li’s hands tightened around his sword as his heart raced. He wasn’t a coward but this man deserved to die like the dog he was…  
  
The Firelord rolled his eyes to Li and even knowing he was powerless, there was something so very proud in that gaze. A knowledge that he had won, despite everything. Li couldn’t beat him on equal footing. Zuko was still inferior.  
  
“Stop.”  
  
Katara glanced at Li, confused, and watched as he stepped forward. “What are you doing?”  
  
“It’s not fair to beat him this way,” Li murmured and Katara cautiously drew away from the downed firebender as Li stood over him. “If we’re going to defeat him, we’ll do it fairly.”  
  
“You didn’t seem to mind this part of the plan before,” Toph pointed out with some petulance but she didn’t pull any more tricks out of the walls.  
  
“It’s fine out there. Most of us are non-benders,” Li replied curtly. “This is different.”  
  
“Just admit the truth,” the Firelord sneered out. “You’ve no stomach to face me in a true test. That’s why you waited until this moment, when I would be weak.”  
  
Li was quiet. He wondered that himself.  
  
“That’s why you came with _them_. You were too afraid to face me yourself, Zuko. My foolish, idiot son. I preferred you dead than this _disgrace_.”  
  
Anger rippled anew inside of him. And for once, it didn’t matter who he was and what name he had. He wanted to kill this man with his own two hands.  
  
“Get out,” he said softly.  
  
Katara stiffened. “He’s goading you, don’t be-”  
  
“ _Get out of here, Katara._ ” Li’s voice was deadly sharp as he shot her a glare. “You and Toph, take care of the guards out there while you have the chance and get those servants out of the walls. Find Aang. Make sure everything else is going to plan.”  
  
“Are you _crazy?!_ We were barely-”  
  
“Katara, you’ve had your moment to prove yourself to your people,” Li snarled at her. “This is my time, the only time I will ever have. If I don’t defeat him on my own terms, none of this will have mattered!”  
  
 _He_ would not have mattered.  
  
Both girls went silent. They stared at him as he turned his gaze back to the Firelord. The man was slowly rising to his feet, making no sudden movements. Not afraid so much as wondering how this would play out. Amused. Li would wipe that look off his face.  
  
“If he kills me, take care of him. Until then, you let me handle this. Got it?!”  
  
“Stupid,” Toph whispered. “Stupid _boys_.”  
  
But Katara let her water slide back into the waterskin. She didn’t like this, that was plain on her face, but she would let him do this because he wasn’t giving her another option. He wasn’t some twelve year old boy she could coddle and mother. And maybe she was banking on finding Aang and having him intervene instead.  
  
Toph sealed the door after them even as she leapt at the surprised guards outside, but Li’s attention was solely on the Firelord before him.  
  


\----

Jet stared stonily as Longshot slept. Shuu’s rough diagnosis railed off in his mind, listing out everything he’d been able to determine. As far as he knew, there was no internal bleeding but the princess had done a number on his chest and his ribs were bruised pretty badly. Shuu wasn’t really sure how he’d managed to haul Ty Lee all the way back. The hand he was optimistic about and that soothed Jet some past the words mild shock and psychological damage. Jet didn’t care what Shuu said. Longshot was strong enough to get past anything.  
  
He glanced at Smellerbee and then felt the overwhelming need for air. Jet ducked out of the tent and looked up to the sky. The eclipse had just begun. If he remembered the plan right, and of course he did, then everything was about to be over for better or worse. Powerless firebenders. Any other time, Jet would have been more than happy to lose himself in the slaughter, but not now. Not with Longshot out of commission. He trusted Smellerbee to protect him with her life, but Jet didn’t want to lose her either. They were steady and true. They were _his_.  
  
Li’s face flashed in his mind, the hurt and confusion so very real that for a moment, Jet thought he had appeared before him. And then it was gone and left him with a strange ache.  
  
Jet didn’t need Li. He didn’t care if Li immersed himself in the Fire Nation and never came back. He didn’t _care_.  
  
But what if Li didn’t survive today?  
  
 _Jet didn’t care._  
  
What if the Firelord killed him?  
  
He was not going to care. Li wasn’t like Longshot and Smellerbee. He wasn’t more loyal to Jet than anything else in the world. He wouldn’t follow Jet to whatever aims he had. Li was not _his_ and Jet didn’t want him. Not now, not _ever_. He was finished with Li. Completely and utterly finished.  
  
Didn’t stop him from glaring when Ursa headed his way with a tray of food. She glanced at him, her eyes flashing at the hostility on his face, and then she slipped past without a word to deliver her bounty into their tent. Jet sneered after her.  
  
Ursa could have Li. Jet didn’t care.  
  
He turned, glaring out over the camp, and then startled when Ursa touched his shoulder. Jet immediately jerked from her as if her touch burned.  
  
“What the hell do you want?” he growled out.  
  
Ursa narrowed her eyes. “I understand you’re upset about your friend’s injuries, but do not think for one moment I will let you continually treat me with this kind of disrespect.”  
  
Jet blinked, honestly surprised. The two of them had been careful not to have a confrontation but… Li wasn’t here. He wouldn’t know. And that seemed enough for Ursa to finally bare her teeth. Her eyes were hard and strong.  
  
“You’re important to my son,” she continued and she didn’t stress son but Jet heard the possessiveness anyway, “and that is the only reason I have not objected to you here. Zuko-”  
  
“His name is Li,” Jet growled, hands fisting at his sides.  
  
“He will have to accept who he is and sooner, rather than later,” Ursa countered coolly. “It would be easier if _you_ did.”  
  
Jet snorted. “Are you crazy? Why the hell would I let you people brainwash him into becoming one of _you?_ Li’s better than that. He’s better than you. I don’t care where he was born, Li is of the Earth Kingdom and when this is over, he’s coming back. You just _wait_.”  
  
Ursa searched his face. Abruptly, her anger vanished as she seemed to realize something. And then there was the strangest concern that filled her gaze.  
  
“You’re afraid,” she murmured softly and Jet heard it. He heard pity.  
  
“Shut your mouth,” he snarled, lip curling with disgust. Jet had not been pitied his entire life and he sure as hell wasn’t going to let some Fire Nation woman do it. “You shut your mouth right now. I’m not afraid of anything.”  
  
“Do you think it’s wrong to be afraid?” Ursa sighed softly. “It doesn’t make you strong to deny fear, Jet.”  
  
Jet hated her so very much. He wanted to just _throttle_ her. The stress of Longshot’s injuries, the war, _Li_ , it was all rising to the surface and shooting straight at his racing heart.  
  
“If I could take away your pain and fear and make you whole again,” the woman said so very softly, “for my son, I would.”  
  
“Don’t you patronize me!” Jet screamed at her and Ursa backed up as he came at her. He didn’t even grab his weapons, too angry to think. “Don’t think you know me, _Fire Nation_. Don’t think you can give me a few pretty words and I’ll forgive you- _I will never forgive you_ and before I die I will take down as many of you as I can. You hear me? I will rip you to _pieces_ -”  
  
Ursa slapped him hard and the pain shocked him silent for a moment, but when she threw her arms around him he went stock still. He felt raw and empty and so _tired_ of being _angry_. Her arms tightened around him, holding him to her body. And after long, awkward moments, Jet found himself collapsing against her. His chest was so tight and burned with pain. He wanted to kill her for doing this to him, but all he could do was curl his fingers in the back of her robes and hold on tighter.  
  
Li hugged like Ursa did and Jet didn’t know how to feel about recognizing that.  
  
“It’s all right,” she murmured and he felt soft fingers begin to pet through his hair.  
  
He hated her so much for the fact that he couldn’t let go. When his eyes suddenly burned, he shut them tight because no matter what, Jet did not cry. He didn’t even consider the possibility. There was something in his eye and he was not going to react to that at all. Not now, not ever.  
  
“I _hate_ you,” he whispered and barely recognized his own voice.  
  
“I know,” she said softly and he felt the strangest sense of being absolved but from what, he wasn’t quite willing to face.  
  
When she finally let go, Jet couldn’t quite look at her. He turned his gaze to his tent, as if he could see Longshot and Smellerbee inside.  
  
“He’s not going to need us after this,” Jet said finally. He understood. Didn’t want to, but he _did_ understand. As much as Jet wanted Li to need him, he hadn’t for a long time.  
  
“It’s not always about need,” Ursa replied kindly but he heard the knowledge in her voice. She was just as aware as he was that Li would stay here. She might even know everything about Li’s past. Jet hadn’t cared to ask. He knew that Li had family in Ursa and Iroh and that was enough for him. Li had been searching for his family. He wasn’t about to give them up now that he found them. Instead, he’d gotten leadership of a resistance movement so he could fight to keep them.  
  
There was only one thing Jet could do.  
  
“Watch over them,” he murmured. “And don’t tell them where I’ve gone.”  
  
Ursa nodded, understanding, and let him go after Li.


	39. Who Just Admitted to Being Devious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah, btdubs, if you're interested in my rants about writing and art and random sketches I might do, feel free to drop by my tumblr! :) You can even bother me with questions and insights if you wish XD
> 
> http://tgpretender.tumblr.com/

Katara knew her time was limited. If she didn’t end this quickly and find Aang, there would be nothing to save Li. Not the way he was now. Li wouldn’t let her save him.  
  
The fact of the matter was that Katara knew exactly what he meant. She wished she didn’t because she kept remembering the rage that had fueled her when she fought Master Pakku. She’d told the story at their campfire to show Li what pride could do to you, but she hadn’t expected it to sink in. And she certainly hadn’t expected him to flip things around on her.  
  
Katara hadn’t defeated Master Pakku. She doubted Li would defeat the Firelord, either, but denying him the chance when she had had her own… She couldn’t. So she had to get Aang because as soon as he noticed Li wasn’t with them, she knew he would go after him. She could let Aang save her from becoming a hypocrite.  
  
Even without their fire, the soldiers were nothing to snuff at. Katara and Toph beat them, but just barely. Fighting the Firelord had weakened them. As soon as the last man fell, Toph created an opening on either side of the chamber so that the servants could flee and then the duo went off running.  
  
They had to find Aang. That was the only way Li was going to survive this and the eclipse could be over any minute now.  
  


\---

  
“I wish I could say I was proud of your accomplishments,” the Firelord murmured as he stared Li down, head tipped up so he could look down his nose at him. “But you truly are a disappointment, Zuko.”  
  
Li didn’t let himself rise to the bait any more than he already had. He held his swords tight, trying to let his anger sink into his hands rather than his head. If he wasn’t careful, he’d be too angry to think at all.  
  
“You weren’t so hot at being a father, either,” he shot back and the Firelord’s lip curled. “What kind of monster burns out his own son’s eye? Are you mentally deficient?”  
  
“Watch your tongue, boy,” the Firelord snapped, his voice low and dangerous.  
  
“Watch yours,” Li grumbled even though it made him feel childish. He glanced at his swords. If he dawdled too long, the eclipse would be over and he’d be finished in seconds. This was the only way he would have an equal chance. And he had to make it equal.  
  
Lifting one hand, Li turned the sword and offered it hilt first. The Firelord looked from his face to his hand with suspicion.  
  
“Are you truly this stupid?” he asked, honestly wondering.  
  
Li scowled at him. “One of us has to have a shred of honor.”  
  
The Firelord ripped the sword from Li’s hand so quickly that Li nearly lost a few fingers. Li drew back and shifted his remaining sword to get a better grip. It was awkward using just one but he knew from the memories that the Firelord wasn’t very versed with blades.  
  
Equal footing.  
  
“When this is over, I will teach you what honor means, you simpering brat,” the Firelord snarled.  
  
“If you actually knew, I might listen,” Li retorted and then jerked the sword up to parry a blow he hadn’t even seen coming yet.  
  
Awkward or not, the Firelord had height and weight on Li that gave him a definite advantage. Not much, but it was there. Li was faster and better acquainted with swordsmanship but he found himself trying to block and parry with a second sword he didn’t have. His balance was odd but every time the Firelord tried to trip him, Li managed to right himself at the last second.  
  
He wondered, for a split moment, if that was what Jet felt like when he fought; always half falling even when he was standing still and in complete control. But Li didn’t have time to think about him.  
  
The Firelord ducked past Li’s strike and got in close. Li managed to catch his blade hand with the back of his wrist and knock the Firelord off target but he still felt the hot slice of metal across his side. Li twisted, jerking up his knee to slam into the Firelord’s chest and knocking him back to put space between them. He grabbed at his side and his fingers came back bloodied.  
  
“A coward’s blood against his own blade,” the Firelord crooned with a vicious smirk. “How fitting.”  
  
Red on his fingers but Li didn’t really feel the pain. He was only filled with _rage_.  
  
“I’m no coward,” Li whispered and then he sprang back at the Firelord with renewed vigor.  
  


\---

  
When Azula woke, she was acutely aware of the muffled sounds of people around her and the abrasive rope tied over her body. She’d been stripped of her armor, down only to her thinner under tunic. Azula opened her eyes and stared up at the top of the tent she found herself in. It was large, made for meetings on the field, and while she wasn’t familiar with tents in general, there was still a faint comfort to find it Fire Nation red instead of Earth Kingdom green.  
  
Her eyes flickered towards movement near by. A woman stood, noble by posture, fiddling with something. Her gray streaked hair fell loose down her back but an ornament pulled some of it back from her face, glinting with gold. Rich noble. Rich noble in a tent and – Azula strained her hearing – ruffians outside. Hostage? No, too comfortable. There was no tension in the woman’s body. One of them, then. There was only one group Azula knew of that a highborn wouldn’t feel threatened in.  
  
“Resistance scum,” she muttered and the woman startled up straight. “Were you hoping to use me as leverage against my father? Did that Earth Kingdom peasant deliver me on a silver platter to you? Revolting.”  
  
Slowly, the woman turned and stared at her. And Azula found her breathing caught. That… that was not possible. That could not be possible.  
  
The woman standing before her was her mother.  
  
Ursa’s face softened and she stepped over to sit down at Azula’s bedside. Completely against her will, Azula tried to get up, tried to get _away_ , but the ropes held her steady. So, instead, she settled for glaring.  
  
“It’s been a long time,” Ursa murmured softly, folding her hands against her lap.  
  
“Not long enough,” Azula shot back. She felt completely off, too blindsided to drag up the cold contempt she usually had for anyone. What was going on? She'd assumed her mother was dead or at least somewhere far away and never to come face to face with again. “What are you doing here? It wasn’t enough that you betrayed the family; you had to kill us all too?”  
  
Ursa’s gaze grew grieved. “That isn’t what this is about. This is for you, too.”  
  
Azula curled her fists and tried to summon some of the fire within her, but nothing came. Her eyes snapped wide. Nothing came. The fire was _gone_ , leaving her cold inside as if she’d never had it to begin with. Her heart began to pound. Her power was gone and her mother was sitting before her as if nothing was wrong and just what was going on here-  
  
“What did you do to me?”  
  
“It’s all right,” Ursa tried, lifting her hands in some stupid comfort gesture. “It’s all right, don’t panic-”  
  
“ _What did you do to me?!_ ” Azula began to fight the bonds in earnest, wondering wildly if the ropes themselves had somehow stolen her fire. Her movements were panicked and crazed and she didn’t even care how the rope ripped at her bared skin and clothing. She heard Ursa trying to calm her, but her voice didn’t reach. Azula was nothing without her fire bending. She was nothing. Less than nothing.  
  
 _Her father would never accept a less than perfect child._  
  
The ropes suddenly loosened as Ursa tried to give her some amount of comfort from captivity, but that only gave Azula the reach she needed. She jolted free as soon as the ropes gave, knocking Ursa to the ground as her hands went to the woman’s throat.  
  
“You ruin everything you ever touch!” Azula screamed at her. “It wasn’t enough to hate me and leave me alone?! You had to take away everything that made me special- _you had to ruin me!_ ”  
  
Ursa tried to rip Azula’s hands off her neck but Azula was beyond pain. A deep, overreaching rage had taken her. A rage she had denied for so long. Forgotten. Azula remembered well the contempt her own mother had had for her, the way she had preferred her foolish, warm hearted brother over her more intelligent and talented child. Good intentions only got a person so far but that was all Ursa had cared about.  
  
“Not anymore,” Azula hissed as she tightened her fingers, watching Ursa gasp for the faintest bit of breath, watching her eyes dimming. “Your memory can’t hurt me anymore.”  
  
But before the light went completely out in her gaze, an older man started into the tent, muttering something. He cut off a second later and then was on Azula, dragging her back. Azula fought him but he was bigger, stronger, and unhampered by rage. On the ground, Ursa coughed and gasped as air filled her lungs once more.  
  
The old man held Azula around the middle, pinning her hands down, but then one of them glanced against the hilt of a blade. She didn’t even think before grabbing hold of it as she kicked back hard against the man’s shin. He cursed and for a split second, his grip loosened. It was all Azula needed to rip free of him with a knife in hand. She backed up, one hand up to block and the other brandishing the knife. Azula knew small blades well, though she used them rarely. Sometimes a small blade could do more than a lightning bolt.  
  
“Azula,” Ursa coughed out as the man helped her up. “It’s all right-”  
  
“You’re more of a liar than I am. Must be where I picked it up,” Azula snapped back at her. Her eyes settled on the old man, taking him in. Military, or ex-military, all the same to her. Older, bulky, short. Favored his right leg. Clothing bulged over a few other hidden weapons. Difficult, but not impossible. If she had her fire, if Ursa hadn’t taken it from her, he’d be easy.  
  
Azula settled her mind, drawing for the cold Lo and Li had taught her, the cold she emulated from her father, and let it slide over her. Then she sprang at the old man.

 


	40. Who Just Confessed to Treason

It was an unfamiliar commotion that drew Longshot out of his drugged sleep. He heard voices and the clash of weaponry. Up for it or not, Longshot began to drag himself out of bed. His legs went out from under him as soon as he put weight on them and he toppled to the ground. Still, it made it easier to wake more fully. He blinked blearily up around the tent. Alone- there she was. He heard Smellerbee outside, yelling, but the sound of it was warped and strange.

 

Smellerbee and yelling and fighting…

 

Smellerbee and fighting…

 

Smellerbee.

 

Longshot dragged himself to his feel through pure power of will alone. He staggered towards the tent flap, stumbling over nothing with a body that wasn’t quite working. His head was full of sand and his body was moved on strings he didn’t have hold of. He didn’t know how long it took to get to the opening.

 

Outside, something was going on closer to the cook fire. Ursa’s tent was there, he knew, and he thought he might be able to hear her in the din. There were bodies all around, most still and holding their weapons in hand. A fight… Well of course Smellerbee would be in the middle of a fight. He could hear her a little more clearly now. Longshot reached for his bow and then realized he could barely feel his hand. He looked down. It was still attached but his fingers were bound together and taped still, as was his wrist immobilized. He could move his thumb a little, enough to do a rudimentary grip, but he wouldn’t be drawing with that hand. At least it didn’t hurt. He almost wished it did because numb as it was he felt like it had been cut off and that was a terrifying notion.

 

Longshot manhandled the quiver onto his back and grabbed his bow with his good hand. Broken hand or not, he wasn’t going to leave Smellerbee without backup.

 

His legs didn’t want to work but Longshot made his way to the crowd around the cook fire. There was no way he’d be getting through them, so he glanced around and found a stack of supply crates to climb up onto. It took more work than it should have with his busted hand and general wooziness, but he managed and soon enough, he caught view of the fight-

 

 _Princess Azula_.

 

Something inside him went cold and hollow. For a few moments, Longshot could only stare in muted horror to see her up and fighting- then he realized she wasn’t bending. He blinked owlishly, his sluggish mind trying to figure out _why_. He remembered the eclipse, the Black Sun, and his insides unwound from their knots. She was still dangerous, giving both Smellerbee and a few others a run for their money, but no fire. No fire.

 

Longshot narrowed his eyes as the princess knocked most of them from her and then caught Smellerbee along the side of her face with a well aimed kick, sending her back several feet. The princess twisted away from another man’s strike and darted past two more. Longshot didn’t follow what she was planning until he saw Ursa kneeling near the edge of the crowd. She was kneeling over an older man – Ran, if Longshot remembered right – who was either unconscious or dead, pressing a compress against his chest. She wasn’t paying attention to the fight. She didn’t realize the princess was coming right for her.

 

Longshot gripped his bow awkwardly in his broken hand and drew an arrow free with the other. He could hear his father’s soft voice in his ears. _Off hand, have to compensate for unsteady grip, correct for non-dominant eye_. A calm settled over him. He watched as the princess struck Ursa and then dragged the dazed woman to her feet. He watched the knife fit itself along Ursa’s throat as the princess yelled threats and demands. Longshot silently notched the arrow and carefully aimed.

 

The quality of the light above them changed. The few firebenders left at the camp shuddered and a ripple went through the princess’ body. Her eyes suddenly lit with renewed power and strength and he could almost see the spark of fire around her fingers.

 

Time began to slow to a crawl. He drew back the bow string, carefully noting the way the bow shivered in his injured hand. His finders shifted between the fletching of his arrow, refining the grip with his unusual hand as his father’s ghostly touch guided him. He aimed knowing he had one single shot at this and dominant eye or not, his gaze was piercing. _Take your time, Long Shi_ , his father told him. _Always make your shot count._

 

The princess’s lips curled into a mocking smile. Still holding the knife to Ursa’s throat, she lifted her other hand and let a small flame of blue alight upon it.

 

Between one breath and the next, Longshot released the arrow.

 

\----

 

Li twisted and watched the Firelord’s blade pass by his face, barely managing to not get sliced. He let his body continue the movement around to give his own better momentum but the Firelord deflected with his wrist guard and they continued.

 

How long they’d been fighting now, Li didn’t know. It felt like hours even though he knew it could have only been minutes since Katara and Toph left. His muscles burned with the exertion anyway. Both of them were sporting more cuts than they wanted, but all minor. No major blow had been landed but that was more miracle than skill. Li had managed to finally compensate for only one blade, but that hadn’t helped much. He hadn’t given thought that the Firelord might be as adaptive as his daughter.

 

Then again, Li hadn’t really expected to win this fight to begin with.

 

The Firelord’s sword slammed down against Li’s own brought up for the block and for long moments, they were pinned in place, close enough to feel each others’ breath on their faces. Li glared into the eyes of the Firelord, the eyes of Zuko’s father and tormentor. He stared into a well of hate and malice he could scarcely believe real. Zuko had never seen this, never realized it, but Li was not as blind as that adoring child.

 

“You are a monster,” Li whispered, hissed through his clenched teeth. “A sick impersonation of a person. Your daughter is just like you.”

 

“And you are a disappointing wretch I should have smothered as it slept,” the Firelord sneered back. “You have your mother’s _weakness._ Too soft for war, too kind to do what must be done. To think you are my blood is laughable.”

 

Li felt the part of him that was Zuko rile up with anguish but found that he, himself, didn’t. Because Li had never needed this man’s approval. To him, the Firelord had always been his enemy, someone to defeat, someone to kill. The Firelord had caused all of the pain and suffering in Li’s life, and Zuko’s as well. Zuko may have been able to forgive his father, but Li would never forgive the Firelord. The Firelord and his terror of a daughter could not remain in this world if he was in it.

 

“I will erase you from it,” Li muttered softly and then threw his weight against his blade, throwing the Firelord back a step. He drove the man back as purpose renewed his energy. He watched surprise fill the man’s eyes but barely let himself enjoy it. He would enjoy this later, once he’d finished this with his own power in his own time. He’d savor every step back he’d won.

 

And then something changed inside him. Something hot and wild and strong filled his chest and outward, warming limbs he had forgotten were chilled. It took only a moment to realize what had happened but that was all the time the Firelord needed to throw down the sword, rear back, and fire.

 

Li hit the ground and skidded back a few feet. He barely had time to note the burned cloth along his gut before the Firelord was after him. Li dodged and blocked as well as he could but he felt licks of fire catch his clothing and skin. He managed to get past the man, diving for his second sword, and rolled back to his feet fully armed just in time to deflect another blast of fire.

 

Before when he’d fought the Firelord, there had been Katara and Toph to distract him. Now he had the complete attention of a fully trained firebender and the difference was staggering.

 

Li lost all illusions that he might survive this as the Firelord bore down upon him. His world narrowed down to mere instinct and survival. He fought knowing he would die but that didn’t matter if he could take the Firelord down with him or at least wound him. He fought like a mad man with nothing to lose.

 

Darting in close, past another jet of fire, Li used one blade to knock the Firelord’s arm as the other twisted into a wider arc to slash across the man’s belly. The Firelord jerked and missed the worst of it, but the blade still caught flesh through layers of fine cloth. Li almost counted it as a victory. Then the palm of the Firelord’s hand pressed against Li’s good eye as his fingers curled tight in his hair.

 

Li could feel the heat even before the Firelord sneered out, “Let’s see if the lesson sinks in _this_ time.”

 

That single second stretched for what seemed like hours. Li couldn’t move, couldn’t even jerk his head back as heat coiled in the Firelord’s palm. He was going to blind him or kill him out right and there was nothing he could do. _Nothing_. It was over.

 

And just as the heat became an unbearable inferno that would take everything from him, water and air scythed between the Firelord’s hand and his face. Li was jerked free of the danger, losing a few strands of hair still tangled in the Firelord’s hand. Water was wrapped around the Firelord’s wrist, jerking it up and letting the fire blast crash harmlessly into a wall. Li was caught on a cushion of air that settled him gently on his feet again.

 

“Thanks for holding him for me,” Aang chirped as he dashed by to engage the Firelord with Katara. Li could only blink after him. Then Toph slipped in after and punched his arm none-too-gently.

 

“That’s for not being dead, stupid,” she grumbled but he could tell she was pleased.

 

Li looked over, watching as Aang, Katara, and Toph fought together. It had been so stupid, sending the girls away. He’d resolved nothing, finished nothing, proven nothing. But at least as idiotic as his actions had been, it seemed he hadn’t ruined their chance to end the war. If anyone could do it, Aang would.

 

With that in mind, Li took a breath to strengthen him and joined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one names their kid Longshot. So he did have a name before this. Long Shi, written with the traditional chinese characters “bright” and “arrow” - his pop was a fletcher and bowman in this world; I am totally allowed to do that. My headcanon is when Jet found Longshot, the kid was completely non-verbal and barely responsive, so Jet made some kind of mention of his survival being a long shot and it just kind of stuck after he began to flourish. Smellerbee had a name before as well, but she was far younger when Jet found her and half feral at that point. She probably wouldn’t remember it unless she heard it. As an avid Smellershot shipper, I can just imagine at their wedding when his real name is used and everyone is all confused… XD


	41. And I Would Also Never Ask a Question

An arrow ripped across the top of Ursa’s shoulder and thudded into the meat of Azula’s. Pain caused a spasm to ripple through her arm and into her hand, dropping the knife from her fingers. She jerked back as Ursa was drug away from her by one of the rebels and looked wildly for the archer, but a second arrow whistled past her ear too close for comfort before she found him. She cursed and tried to run but the rebels were crowding around.

 

“You think you can beat me? Don’t make me laugh!” she crowed out as she pulled for the reawakened fires. Screams met her ears as the fire burst all around her body, forcing them back to give her more space. She reached up and ripped the arrow free. Her shoulder ached with every movement but she could fight. She had to fight. Now that she could bend again, she was the perfect warrior her father had wanted. _She could not fail._

 

Azula jerked as she sighted movement along one side. She twisted out of the wait from the knife strike, grabbing the smaller wrist to wrench the girl off her balance. A split second brought the girl’s face back to her mind – one of those damned Earth Kingdom kids, the ones following that fool – then the girl launched herself and used that grip for leverage as she slammed her feet into Azula’s face. Azula staggered back a step as the girl rolled back to her feet and came at her again.

 

Rarely had Azula faced her, usually too caught up with that foolish boy. The girl was faster, struck true and then backed off to round for a better angle. She moved like an animal, one Azula had no qualms about destroying.

 

As the girl came at her, Azula readied a fire strike, but then the girl darted away from it and managed to get behind her. Azula deflected the knife with the back of her arm guard and caught the edge of her chest plate. She jerked the girl to one side as she rounded with her other hand into a pointed blast of fire right inside the gap between armor and tunic. The girl’s wide eyes flashed wide as she realized what was happening but by then it was too late. A single second of movement, of mistakes, and Azula had won. She let go as she fired and the girl jolted back into the wall of rebels around them.

 

Azula heard a yell, a man’s voice screaming a name she couldn’t quite understand, and she smiled.

 

Then an arrow sank deep into her chest. Azula grunted, blinking with a dulled sort of surprise. It hurt, but it felt oddly far away. She looked down at it, stumbling back a step, then reached up to try and pull it out, only to have a second hit near the first. Azula lurched back and her legs went out from under her. She ended up on her knees and lifted her head.

 

There he was. The mute little archer that could. She hadn’t been able to get anything out of him at all. Even as she stared at him, he notched another arrow. There was no hesitation as he let it fly and when it hit, Azula was no more.

 

Longshot was on the ground before Azula dropped. He ignored her, pushing his way through the crowd of rebels. Shuu was already kneeling over Smellerbee, her chest plate ripped free and the charred fabric over her belly open to the air. She wasn’t moving. Longshot dropped to her other side and reached out, his fingers notching themselves against her pulse.

 

The hearty beat he felt calmed him far more than Shuu’s insistence that she was _fine_ , you dumb boy, go lay down. Longshot didn’t leave, of course. Instead, he let his eyes trail down to the burned patch. The fabric was charred and singed and spots of it burned away completely, but the fire hadn’t made it past the protective leather harness Smellerbee wore under her tunic, fitted with more knives. Actually, there wasn’t much damage to the harness either. Longshot frowned at her unconscious face and gave Shuu a look. The medic rolled his eyes and jerked his head towards one of the other rebels. When Longshot looked to _him,_ his face went cherry red.

 

“Look, when someone gets thrown at you, you don’t think about where your elbows are!” he sputtered out, folding his arms as light glinted off the armored guards along them.

 

Longshot let out a slow breath as tension drained from him. He nearly fell as his body relaxed head to toe, but someone steadied him. The haze he’d felt upon waking settled back into him full force as his adrenaline began to wane. He could hear Shuu cursing about something but ignored it as his eyes trailed from Smellerbee back across the circle. There he saw the princess’ body, so still and unassuming. Kneeling beside her was Ursa. He wasn’t sure what he saw in her face, some mix of grief and acceptance, but when Ursa looked back at him, her gaze burned. The expression was as telling as any of his own.

 

Ursa understood what he had done, even why he had done it, but she would never forgive him for it. He didn’t know why, but he would not mourn what could have possibly been a friendship. They wouldn’t be staying, after all. As soon as Jet-

 

Jet. Longshot blinked, looking around. There was no way Jet would have missed this if he were in the camp. So he wasn’t there. Longshot wondered where he might be as the rebels helped him up and led him back to his bed. Then he realized and it had to be the drug and excitement that dulled his mind so badly if he didn’t know who Jet had gone after. Maybe even more than Longshot and Smellerbee, Jet would do just about anything for Li.

 

At least that pacified him a little. Longshot let himself be moved to bed and then slept once he saw Smellerbee levered into her own.

 

\---

 

“Surround the palace!” Iroh ordered, his voice bellowing over the roar of battle. They’d taken the city before the eclipse ended and the only resistance remaining was around the palace, the few guards left. He knew that his brother must have escaped down into the hideaways but maybe the young Avatar had managed to follow. Iroh wasn’t sure whether he wanted that or not, but he knew even in his great, generous heart that Ozai could no longer be allowed to rule. Only his son would be able to heal the great wound Ozai had ripped in the world.

 

At least he hoped so. Otherwise… Iroh had never set out to destroy his own family, but he could not allow another hundred years of war to destroy their world.

 

The troops were in high spirits despite being tired from the rush. The ground they had captured, the soldiers they had vanquished, were a mark of their great power and conviction. Iroh spied the Earth Kingdom general across the wide expanse of the outer wall, yelling encouragement to the legion of earthbenders, and at the other side was Sokka doing much the same for his group of water tribe and oddities.

 

The sheer amount of cooperation between the nations that had come together today was staggering to Iroh. He had always hoped he would see this day. Maybe this would work. Maybe…

 

“General Iroh, sir!”

 

Iroh turned with surprise, looking down at one of his men who had threaded his way through the line to him. One of the few scouts he’d ordered posted at their rear to make sure no nasty surprises caught them off guard. A young man, had been one of his own recruits years ago. And when Iroh had called upon him to help in this push, he’d agreed immediately despite what could happen if they failed.

 

“Has something happened?” he asked, feeling his heart constrict at the thought. He would not put it past his brother to set up something in case…

 

“A boy broke through the line,” the scout said, looking quite panicked and trying hard to hide it. “I couldn’t stop him. He just went right into everyone. I don’t know if he’s ours or _what_. He might be an assassin after you, sir.”

 

Iroh frowned darkly. An assassin? He wondered. The timing was strange. Even Ozai wouldn’t have guessed he’d be involved in this. “Did you see him clearly?”

 

“Yes. He’s young, dark headed, modpodge armor,” the scout reported brusquely. “Armed with two hooked swords-”

 

“That is not an assassin,” Iroh interrupted with a relieved smile. “Do not worry. That young man is on our side.”

 

“Are you sure about that?” the scout wondered, looking unconvinced. “Because I swear, I thought he was going to kill me on his way in.”

 

“I’m sure.” Iroh patted his shoulder. “Thank you for reporting to me. Return to your post. This will be all over soon.”

 

The scout gave a sharp nod, though he seemed rather relieved himself as he headed back to his place. Iroh returned to overlooking the palace as he settled in his mind what he was about to do and what he might find there. Then he threw up the signal and the combined forces began their push right into the palace grounds.

 

The few guards left were master firebenders and desperate, far more dangerous than the men in the city. They had nothing to lose. If they were defeated, they expected to die. Iroh admired the strength that knowledge took, even as he ordered them taken down with whatever force was necessary.

 

They gained ground steadily, feet at a time as they drove the guards back. The courtyard was swiftly overtaken as one and then another guard fell. Iroh had them captured and restrained. Bending of that caliber would be a terrible thing to lose if these men could, perhaps, be made to see the prince as rightful Firelord. He spared little more thought for them as he attacked on guard himself. The man was formidable. In time, he would be unbeatable, but Iroh was old and well learned. Sometimes that made the difference.

 

When they breached the palace herself, Iroh led the men through, ordering several teams to make their way through the rooms and make sure no surprises would come after them. General Fong met up with him inside and the two grimly headed for the escape route Iroh knew to be there.

 

“You must know, much as I respect you,” Fong began quietly, “I will kill you if you try to save the Firelord.”

 

Iroh nodded. “It would be unfortunate if you did not. My brother must answer to the crimes he has committed. Even I understand this. Ozai is not the boy I once knew. He is crazy and he must be taken down.”

 

Fong gave him a sideways glance, wondering if he could trust him, but said nothing more. The two generals continued through the winding halls of the palace. Their quarry would be far below in the protective stone walls under the palace. Only the royal family knew the entrance and the combination of the detailed lock holding it.

 

When they got there, the entrance was blown open. Iroh lifted a brow and thought, perhaps, that the damage looked quite wind driven. A little of his unease loosened. If the Avatar had come through, maybe his nephew was still alive.

 

He tried not to think of any other eventuality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is the one I've been most terrified about posting. Just so you know. But my beta says it's okay so... :( Still nervous.


	42. That I Cannot Ask Myself

Four, it seemed, was the sacred number. Four elements, four benders, four enemies. Bouncing between earth, wind, water, and the blades of his own son, Ozai found himself on the losing end despite his high prowess with fire. They were wearing him down, _had_ been wearing him down. If he didn’t somehow finish this quickly, he would be defeated without landing a serious blow.

 

His pride could not handle that.

 

Ozai maneuvered between the four _children_ , doing his best not to let them at his back, but they were used to fighting as a gang, it seemed. Used to fighting when the odds were in their favor. Their teamwork, even his worthless son’s, was devastatingly effective. Ozai might have begrudgingly approved if they had not been peasants and lesser beings.

 

The weak link was his son, he knew. He could tell in the way they fought that Zuko was unused to this group’s tactics, though not unaccustomed to them in general. If he could break the boy, take him down as he’d tried before, he could begin on the others.

 

Gritting his teeth, Ozai, ducked around a blast of air only to return with fire to get some distance between him and that annoying avatar child. He felt rather than saw the boulder coming his way and let it corral him towards Zuko’s whirling blades. Just where he wanted to be. Ozai caught one of Zuko’s wrists as he dodged past the other blade and brought in a hand close to Zuko’s chest, sparking with build energy. He’d been playing before, hadn’t put in much force, but this time the boy would not get up again. Ozai let go of the charge and lightning lit the room with blue light as it sank into Zuko’s body.

 

His son convulsed as he hit the ground, body seizing with energy, and then he lay still as his burned tunic smoked. Ozai didn’t wait to see if he still breathed. Not allowing the other three the time to be properly horrified, he turned onto the waterbender. Residual charge in his fingertips, Ozai caught hold of her shoulder. Lightning struck along her arm and chest, weaker but enough to pain her as he threw the girl bodily at the earthbender, knocking both of them away. The lightning technique was a drain on his energy. He’d never put the kind of work into it as his daughter had, but it was certainly enough to take down these children.

 

Ozai went after the Avatar next, but when he raised a hand to strike the boy, it was grabbed as if he’d no force behind it at all. The Avatar turned his head and his eyes were full of light. And then Ozai found himself paralyzed by the energy exuded from the boy. He had never been as afraid as he was in that single moment.

 

He thought he might have heard one of the girls saying the Avatar’s name but had no attention to spare for her as the Avatar began his attack in truth.

 

Before this, Ozai had thought he’d known what power really was. He’d been wrong. The Avatar defied every notion of power he’d ever known. Even after hearing about the debacle at the Northern Water Tribe, he had assumed the reports exaggerated. They had not been. In fact, they had been lacking.

 

What he saw was not a boy. It was spirit personified, a vastness of which Ozai could not fully comprehend. There was no question to his defeat. There was only the wondering of how long and whether or not he would survive it.

 

When the Avatar was finished with him, Ozai could barely move. His body was beaten more deeply than simply the physical. He fell to his knees before the boy, unable to rise. Those soulless eyes bore into him as if they could read everything within his soul, and they found him wanting. He had never been so defeated and humiliated in his life.

 

The Avatar lifted his hand to finish things but the waterbender reached out to him. She was shaking, stress showing clearly on her face, but her hands gripped his with strength.

 

“Aang,” she whispered. “It’s over.”

 

The boy drew in a slow breath and closed his eyes as the light began to fade back from his markings. When he opened them again, they were the warm brown of humanity. The Avatar looked down at Ozai as a sudden exhaustion settled over him. The waterbender steadied him but he didn’t let her lead him away.

 

“You will be tried for your crimes against the nations of this world,” he murmured, barely able to keep his eyes open from the sheer exertion channeling the Avatar power had put on him through. “I’ll let them pass judgment on you.”

 

He turned then, letting Ozai drop completely from his notice as the waterbender helped him hobble away, most of his weight resting against her. Ozai could only stare forward. He barely understood what had just happened. Battered, broken, _defeated_. He had never imagined ever feeling this way before. A Firelord did not accept defeat, would not consider it. A Firelord was strong, chosen by the spirits to rule. And yet here he was, on his knees, beaten by a child.

 

He heard his son, sounding weak and wane, listened to the others but none of the words came through. Ozai could not fathom how this had happened.

 

It should not have happened.

 

It could not be allowed.

 

_He would not allow this._

 

It took every last ounce of strength he had to twist his body around and summon the lightning to his fingers once more. He threw everything into one last precise strike. As the room flashed with blue light, the Avatar turned his head to set wide eyes onto Ozai. For a moment, the surprise and fear made Ozai think that now, perhaps, he had won.

 

Before the lightning could leave his hand, someone jolted through the half crumbled entrance and a hooked sword knocked his arm off course. The lighting slammed uselessly into one of the walls but Ozai didn’t have time to curse. The second sword slammed against the side of his head enough force to nearly knock him unconscious. Ozai ended up splayed on the ground. Then a booted foot came down on his throat. He tried to rip at it, staring up the boy’s boy to find his face. Murderous dark eyes stared back at him from a face he didn’t recognize. In response to his scrambling for air, the boy only pressed down harder. Any more and his throat would be crushed.

 

The Avatar called the boy’s name but he gave them no heed. He only had eyes for Ozai. And for a moment, Ozai thought he could almost see into the boy through his hate. It was a feeling he knew well. Hate, rage, bloodlust, and need swirled in those eyes so completely that there was no room for anything else. His hate for Ozai was perfect, primed and precise.

 

It was over in a single moment as Jet crushed the Firelord’s throat under his boot. Katara let out a sound of anguish, covering her mouth with both hands. Aang stared on, half crouched from getting up to stop it. Even Toph looked completely stunned.

 

Li felt none of their horror. His eyes darted from the Firelord’s body up to Jet and what he saw spurred him into motion, struggling to his feet. His body still felt strange, spasms running through his muscles here and there, and his chest burned from the lightning burn, but he managed to get to his feet.

 

“Jet?” Li called quietly but the other boy didn’t move. Jet’s gaze was fixed on the dead man at his feet. His swords were held loosely at his sides, forgotten. Li pushed away from the wall and stumbled a little as his legs tried to go out from under him, but he couldn’t let himself fall. He reached out, taking Jet’s arm, and then his strength failed and he ended up leaning against his side. “Jet. It’s over. Let go.”

 

A shudder ran though Jet’s body. He blinked rapidly, lifting his head but not looking at anything. His face was white.

 

“I thought I’d feel better,” he murmured to no one but Li understood what he meant.

 

He thought he would too, but when Li looked down at the Firelord, he didn’t feel good or even vindicated. He felt… empty. It was over.

 

“What do I do now?” Jet asked. Li didn’t know. He didn’t know what he should do either.

 

Behind them, Aang rose fully, staring at them with the look of one who wasn’t quite understanding what he was seeing. But there was pain there as well. He had never intended to kill the Firelord. Bring him to justice, maybe teach him to be good, but this…? Never. When Katara reached for his hand, he gripped it tightly. Her eyes were dry but it looked as if she wanted to cry anyway. Whatever she had felt about the man, whatever he had done that hurt her, hurt _everyone_ , she hadn’t prepared herself for the sight of his death.

 

Toph stood in silence for a long while. She had been still as soon as the Firelord’s heartbeat stopped reverberating through the stone. This wasn’t the first time she had felt someone’s last breath, nor would it be the last. Toph stepped forward, slowly following the faint tremor of bodies. She let her steps give her a glimpse of their forms and then reached out to find Jet’s free arm. Her fingers slid down over his wrist, then carefully pulled the hook sword from his hand, replacing it with her own. Jet tightened his grip reflexively.

 

“Jet,” Katara murmured behind them, her voice small and full of horror, but she didn’t really know what she wanted to say.

 

“It’s over,” Aang declared finally, slumping back against the wall.

 

They remained like that as voices filled the halls of the escape passage. Iroh led the group inside. He went still when he noticed his brother, but then only a grave sort of acceptance lit his features. He ushered Aang and Katara away, letting one of the earthbenders lead them on, and then turned to the remaining three.

 

“Toph,” he called softly as he touched her arm. She turned her head towards him, her expression oddly numbed looking. “It’s all right now. Your friends need you.”

 

For a moment, it seemed she would ignore him. Then she let go of Jet and went silently after the other two. Iroh reached out to grab both Li and Jet’s shoulders, forcing their attention to him as he fit himself between them and the body. Neither boy was too young for death - most armies would take boys their age and put them on the front - but to Iroh’s eyes, they looked very young indeed. Both of them had been damaged by this day.

 

Iroh said nothing to them. He waved General Fong and one of his own men to his side and instructed them on what to do with the body. Then he led the boys out of the underground tunnel, supporting Li against his own shoulder and to somewhere they could be alone. Soon enough, the two boys were shut in his own suite. He promised to be back as soon as he could, but with the Firelord dead, someone had to take care of things. He found a medic and sent them to tend to Li's wounds.

 

Li sat afterward at the edge of one of the wide, plush couches surrounding a small table and stared at his hands. It was over. Just what was he supposed to do now? Everything he’d worked for had come to pass. He looked over to Jet standing in front of a window. Jet’s eyes were far away and his face blank.

 

“I…” Jet began and then nothing else came. He didn’t know what to say. Li felt the exact same. As the seconds went by, Jet dropped his head, his hands balling into fists. He let out a soft curse and then slammed his fist against the edge of the window frame, rattling the glass. “Why do I… Why aren’t I _happy?!_ This was supposed to fix everything. Make it _right._ But I don’t.. I’m not… _Damnit!_ ”

 

Li looked back at his hands. He’d thought he’d been ready for this, but he wasn’t. Not at all.

 

He heard Jet curse again and then force the window open.

 

“I can’t stay here,” Jet muttered. “Not here.”

 

Li didn’t watch as Jet left. He leaned back on the couch, stared at the ceiling, and waiting for Iroh to come back.

 

Maybe he could make sense of all this. Maybe he could make it mean something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I have brought writing emo to a high art form.


	43. For It Might Dirty Up Your Conscience

It was late that evening before Iroh returned. He looked tired and grieved, but wasn’t surprised to find Li alone. Li looked up as he closed the door.  
  
“In the morning,” Iroh began softly, “we will settle your inheritance and the country. Tonight, we will settle _you_.”  
  
Li didn’t know what he meant. He felt numb in and out. He watched Iroh as the man settled down across the table from him. Looking at Iroh, he seemed so very _old_. Why had he assumed Iroh could make this better? Could fix it somehow.  
  
“My nephew, you have faced a terrible misfortune this day, one you should never had had to experience,” Iroh said softly, his gaze full of compassion. “The strength you showed is exemplary.”  
  
“What I did was stupid and nearly cost us the war,” Li shot back as his nerves rattled under the undeserved praise. “I almost jeopardized everything for my own _pride_.”  
  
“That does not discount your victory today,” his uncle murmured kindly and when Li said nothing more, he rested his hands on his knees and leaned in a little. “Tell me what happened.”  
  
Li didn’t know how to tell him. He started, changed his mind, started somewhere else, caught himself short to start again, and then he went silent. He glared at his hands in frustration. Just how did he explain to someone like Iroh?  
  
Reaching across the table, Iroh took his hands in his. His gaze was understanding, accepting. After a moment, Li slowly began to speak.  
  
It took a long time to get the story out in starts and stops as Li tried to comfort himself that Iroh wouldn’t think differently of him. He couldn’t look at his uncle for part of it, as he tried to explain why he’d felt the need to face the Firelord alone. Iroh stayed quiet the entire time as he spoke, showing no judgment for what he heard.  
  
When Li finished, they stay in the quiet for a long time. Every second, Li’s chest was spun tighter with accusation and anger and the knowledge that he didn’t actually feel guilty for his own father’s death. He didn’t know what kind of monster that made him.  
  
Abruptly, Iroh let go and got up. It felt like a punch. Li stared ahead, stunned, as Iroh silently stepped away. He hadn’t expected- he hadn’t thought Iroh would drop him for this- but maybe he had? Maybe he had and Li just…  
  
He jolted as Iroh appeared at his side and grabbed him up against his chest. Li grabbed on without thinking and by the time he'd managed to get through the panic that had overtaken him so quickly, all he could do was bury his face against Iroh's throat.  
  
“I am sorry, my nephew,” Iroh murmured with mourning clear in his voice. “I have failed to protect you as I should have. This was never your duty. It was mine. I should have ended this war the moment I realized it was wrong.”  
  
“Uncle,” Li managed through the tightness of his throat. “Uncle, I don't know what to feel... I just... I keep seeing his _face_... I hate that face so much...”  
  
A soft, pained noise left Iroh as the man held on tighter and began to pet through Li's hair. “You have only killed men you did not know the names of. It is different. It lingers. A faceless man is only a faceless man, but a _named_ one... You know his legacy and what has been taken. But know this, nephew. The legacy you have ended today can be replaced with one of _your_ choosing. You alone have the power to set our world back into balance. Your legacy has the power to change everything.”  
  
Li shuddered. The words were like a weight on his shoulders. He felt a sudden choking claustrophobia within the responsibility Iroh now lay at his feet. Zuko had been raised knowing he would become Firelord, even if his father thought he was weak. Li hadn't. Li didn't even know the first thing about leading, rebels aside, and he certainly didn't know what it really meant to run an entire country. His insides knotted and tumbled.  
  
And then he realized what Iroh had really told him.  
  
The legacy of Firelord Ozai would be replaced by a legacy of _Li's choosing._  
  
It hit him with a clarity that was staggering. He felt himself relax all at once, leaning into Iroh for strength that had left him. He knew what to do, how to repair the damage Zuko's father had wrought. And with that knowledge, he found peace.

\----

  
Jet didn't know what he would find waiting for him at the rebel camp. Most of the Resistance had already gone, going to the city to find loved comrades or family in those that had fought that day. A few remained here and there but the tents were being packed up and the camp was dissolving. There was no need for a Resistance now that the war was over.  
  
Near the edge of the camp he found Ursa. She stood quiet and still over a fresh grave dug under a tall, flowering tree full of blue blossoms. When he spoke to her, she only gave him a soft, grieving smile. So, Jet left her be and went to find his freedom fighters.  
  
Smellerbee greeted him with a swift once over and bitter mutter that he'd left her behind. She didn't need to ask if they'd been successful. Beside her, a travel pack for each of them was already packed.  
  
“When do we leave?” she asked, her gaze going back to Longshot as he slept still and quiet on his cot.  
  
“Now.” Jet shouldered both two of the packs.  
  
“Now? Jet, you look exhausted,” Smellerbee murmured even as she picked up the last bag. “We could go after you get some rest-”  
  
“I don't want to be in this place one more second. We're going home. _Now_.”  
  
Smellerbee hesitated a moment. She stared at Jet, her gaze piercing and questioning, but now as always, she obeyed. A touch to his face woke Longshot and though he was still groggy with medicine, he dutifully followed them out of the camp.  
  
Jet would leave this accursed place behind him and think of it never again.

\----

  
The morning began early. It had been decided to rush a coronation. In the wake of the sudden power play Li had commanded and urging from the Earth Kingdom to begin peace talks, a Firelord had to be crowned.  
  
Attendants saw to readying Li for the ceremony. They scrubbed him down until his skin was pink, styled his hair into a meticulously perfected top knot, and piled layer after layer of ceremonial costume onto him. The cloth was stiff and heavy. He hated how unsuited it was to fighting but... This ceremony was not about war. It was about attaining peace.  
  
Li closed his eyes and though all he wanted to do was bat away the servants' hands, he kept himself still and cooperative. Everything for a purpose. He just had to wait a little longer.  
  
He went over the speech that had been hastily written for him. It was full of pretty language and metaphors and reassurances. He didn't believe any of it but he had to make _them_ believe it...  
  
Breakfast would have been a light one if he'd eaten, but his stomach rejected any notion of being filled. Iroh came to offer last minute comforts and then the two of them walked silently side by side through the palace. The wide, ceremony balcony overlooking the royal plaza had been swiftly redressed for the occasion and by the time they came out onto it, people had stuffed themselves below as far as could be seen. Li felt his nervousness double and did his best not to show it.  
  
Iroh settled in his place farther back and gave a soft smile when he noticed Ursa nearby. He'd sent a messenger for her but hadn't been sure if she would be there in time, or if she would at all. News of Azula's demise had reached him and though he knew what his niece had become, he still grieved for her.  
  
A hush fell over the gathering as Li stepped into place. He knelt, allowing the trappings of Firelord to be placed upon him. As his full title was announced, Li stared out over the cheering crowd. He could see groups of Resistance and Earth Kingdom army and Water Tribe mixed in with the citizens of his land. He saw familiar faces and strangers. He saw what could be, what he could do, and swallowed his doubts as he readied to speak.  
  
“I am Zuko,” he declared, “son of Ursa and Firelord Ozai, grandson to Firelord Azulon and nephew to the great Dragon of the West, General Iroh.”  
  
A renewed cheer rose louder than before and for a moment, he let it fill him up from head to toe. If he wanted, he could let himself be swept up in their fervor. He could let himself let go and just do what it was everyone wanted him to. He could _lie_.  
  
“It is the greatest honor to be crowned your Firelord. Today, the war is finally over. I promised my uncle that I would restore honor to the Fire Nation and I will. The road ahead of us is challenging. One hundred years of fighting has left this world scarred and divided. But with patience and the Avatar’s help, we can get it back on the right path and begin a new era of love and peace.”  
  
The fire sages raised their voices into a hail to him and the crowds joined in. Li looked across the gathered peoples, searching out strength from their faith in him despite everything they should have feared. He wished he could feel something towards them. Something other than...  
  
“Although it is not custom to lay out decrees upon the day of coronation, there are things I must set right,” he continued and then let the crowds quiet down. “Ursa, wife to Firelord Ozai, is to be pardoned of all crimes assumed of her. I declare her free to regain her nobility and all that is due to her for it!”  
  
The Resistance roared in appreciation and several of the regular citizens joined in.  
  
“My second decree is never again will the Fire Nation be allowed to begin a conflict.” He stepped closer to the edge of the dais, spreading his hands. “Any Fire Nation citizen that seeks to begin a new war is to be arrested and punished in the full extent of our laws. That includes even your Firelord. I decree that every citizen is responsible for upholding our peace. Never again will we turn aside and ignore wrongdoing upon our own borders.”  
  
As the citizens continued their applause and the fervor raised with every word that left Li’s mouth. The speech was careful and precise despite how quickly it had been written. Even Li had to appreciate it.  
  
“The Fire Nation will become the shield our world needs. We will shelter peace within our hands and be the first to defend it. We will be the first to respond, the first to contend with. The nations of the world already know of our great power. Now it is time to use that power for the good of all.”  
  
As Li finished speaking, the noise around him had grown to such a pitch that he could barely hear himself think. He didn’t look back to see if Iroh was pleased for he knew this reaction was sign enough. The people would accept him.  
  
Li closed his eyes. He took a breath. When the crowds finally began to quiet again, wondering what else was to come, Li turned and gave his uncle a glance. The older man nodded to him, acknowledging, and then motioned Li to follow him out but Li didn’t move. He stood stock still, strong with purpose. Terrified as he might be of what he was about to do, he knew it was right.  
  
Reaching up, Li took hold of the royal diadem and removed it from his top knot. A hush came over the crowd. Li carefully undid the servants work with his hair and let it fall loose and messy over his shoulders and back.  
  
“The Fire Nation deserves a leader that will teach peace and love. I am not that man. I do not love the Fire Nation and there is nothing that can change that.”  
  
He heard a name called behind him but Li didn’t answer. It wasn’t his name. He wasn’t Zuko.  
  
“Over three years ago, my father banished me from this country and named me a disgrace. Soon after, he sent sent one of his officers to board my ship and make sure I was no threat to the Fire Nation.” The words felt cold but Li forced himself to continue. “That man beat me nearly to death and threw me to the sea. He razed my ship and murdered my crew. My father, Firelord Ozai, had ordered everything.”  
  
There was absolutely no sound. The entire assembly was fixed on every word he spoke.  
  
“A single officer of my company dragged me to shore before he succumbed to his injuries. I was taken in by the kindness of an Earth Kingdom woman. Her endless kindness cannot be overstated. This woman brought me back to health and then raised me as her own. My near death had taken my memories. At that moment, I ceased being Zuko, ceased being a citizen of the Fire Nation.”  
  
Iroh would never forgive him for this. Neither would Ursa. But Li knew what he was doing. The legacy of Firelord Ozai would be replaced with a legacy of his choosing.  
  
“I spent three years hating the Fire Nation for what it had done to my home. I hated every single Fire Nation citizen for the loss of my family and my memories. Every firebender was responsible for the damage to my face. I found others that thought like me, that wanted to change things, and from that moment on I dedicated myself to defeating the Fire Nation and freeing my home.”  
  
Li looked at the diadem in his hands.  
  
“I cannot love this nation and am unworthy of your allegiance. This is my final decree as your Firelord. I renounce the throne and name my mother, Ursa, as my successor and grant her full rights to name whomever she feels will continue the peace as her heir apparent.”  
  
Then Li bowed as low as he could manage. He held it through the silence that followed and then straightened and waved one of the fire sages to him. Handing the diadem back to the bewildered, scandalized man, Li turned to leave. Iroh stood mere steps from him, his eyes wide and surprised, but when Li returned his gaze without flinching, a strange sort of understanding bloomed on his face. Iroh folded his hands respectfully and bowed his head. Li passed him in silence and turned to his mother.  
  
Ursa had not moved from her place. She met Li’s stare and he read the mix of admiration, sadness, and acceptance within them. It took everything he had not to break down but now more than ever, he could not afford it. Li took her hand and led her to be crowned. Then he let go and turned away without regret.  
  
Li left the plaza and closed this chapter of his life for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know. The beginning of Li's speech was taken verbatum from Zuko's actual speech.
> 
> The story isn't quite over. I wrapped up every loose end except one...


	44. And How Can You Say Those Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double posting because I feel like the last two chapters go together.

It took a while to get back home. Li’s progress was slow, hampered by his healing wounds. The burns over his chest were extensive but he couldn’t help thinking they just made the original scar Zhao had gifted him with more impressive. If he’d been inclined to it, he could have definitely impressed some girls.  
  
Jet had ruined him that way but Li couldn’t make himself mind.  
  
Traveling across the Earth Kingdom, Li followed what few vague rumors he heard about marauders and young travelers. He worked passage with various caravans and walked between villages. He checked wanted posters and listened to gossips. Finally, when he was weary of the search, he traveled along the reverse of his trek from the home forest to Ba Sing Se so many months before.  
  
The tree fortress and all its little rooms and sprawling walkways were still there. It had been surprisingly well built for the endeavor of children. Li stood under the center and let the familiar sight wash over him. He had missed this, much as the height terrified him.  
  
Li had things far more frightening than high places to scare him now.  
  
It took a little more work than he liked to get up to his old room. The healing flesh over his chest pulled and burned with pain and by the time he collapsed onto the wood floor, he barely had any will to get up. The palace medics had done their best and Iroh had mentioned asking Katara to help, but Li hadn’t had the courage to face her. He wasn’t sure he ever would. Katara would never understand what had really happened in the escape hall. He doubted Aang would either. Maybe Toph. But that was a big maybe. If she ever settled back home again, Li thought he might visit her but he doubted he’d ever be anything but awkward with the other two. And Sokka… Well. Li actually felt a little bad about not telling him goodbye. He and Sokka had clicked on an intellectual level Li hadn’t known he’d really had. The guy was annoying though. And if Li visited him, he’d have to see Katara, too. He didn’t think he’d ever be ready for that.  
  
When he was able to drag himself off the dusty floor, Li set down his pack and explored the old room. His spare bedroll was still rested against a corner and various knickknacks he’d not brought with him filled the rather nice shelves Pipsqueak had built him when he joined. The guy had had a great eye for carpentry. Li let his finger slid across the edge of one shelf, displacing a small plume of dust. The natural movement of the trees had knocked over a few things but Li righted them easily. He glanced through his window, gazing down over the little rooms littering the tree tops.  
  
After so long, it still felt like home.  
  
Li spent the night there, then levered himself to the ground to find food. His supplies had dwindled to near nothing on the way here. Li spent most of the day scavenging from the forest and searching through the old stores for anything still usable. There wasn’t much, but he would manage for a little while. That evening, he cleaned his room and then began exploring the other rooms. Most were empty, but he swept out dust and leaves anyway. It just seemed depressing to leave them dirty. This kind of place needed to be lived in. There were good, happy memories here, even if intermixed with that of less savory acts.  
  
Li felt so different from back then. He wasn’t lost, wasn’t searching. He didn’t feel empty. For the first time in his life, either life, he felt almost whole. He would always be scarred, inside and out, but he thought maybe he might be able to be content now. His answers had been laid out neatly and even if most of them had done nothing good for him, he still felt better knowing and remembering.  
  
Self actualization or not, though, he really didn’t want to think about the war or the end or any of that. So he didn’t. Instead, Li spent his time surviving the familiar forest. He worked with his swords, tried his hand at building a few odds and ends (which failed miserably of course,) and generally tried to waste time. There was something very liberating about it.  
  
At night, however, he often stared up at his ceiling and felt terribly, achingly alone.  
  
After the first week, a boy popped up out of no where at the base of the main tree. Li watched him from his room as the boy marveled over the structure above him. He ran off soon enough but returned later with an entire gaggle of children. Li frowned a little. This wasn’t exactly the safest place for a bunch of kids. It hadn’t mattered before, when they were toughened up orphans and teenagers, but these kids were small, clean, and well fed. They had families.  
  
Li got down to ground level away from the kids and rounded behind them. They were examining one of the trees, searching for some way up to the rooms above, and had come close a few times to finding a hidden ladder or rope. Rolling his eyes, Li tromped out into the open.  
  
“Scram already,” he grumbled at them, startling several of them. One of the larger boys gave him a look over and puffed up. There was a badly made wooden sword stuck in his waist sash. He couldn’t have been more than ten years old but it was clear he was more than willing to try Li if he were willing.  
  
“Who’re you?” the boy barked out as one of his friends peeked over his shoulder.  
  
“I’m the spirit of this forest and you’re standing on hallowed ground, mortal.”  
  
Predictably, the boy laughed, as did half the others. Li only raised his brows as the toe of his boot hit one of the hidden trap mechanisms under the leaf cover. Abruptly, traps went off all around the main tree and across several of the others, sending leaves flying in a sudden torrent. Luck caught most of them in the breeze, which just twirled them around the kids as if something really was controlling it. The boy lost his nerve almost immediate and bailed at top speed. Half the rest were right at his heels and the last couple trailed seconds after. Li watched them and permitted himself a little smirk. Then he went through the arduous task of resetting the stupid distraction traps. It took too long to reset them but he still found himself hoping the kids might come back, even if he would just scare them all over again. It had been a nice distraction.  
  
Not that Li needed one. He was fine.  
  
The kids didn’t come back, but near sundown, an old man did. He was dressed nicely for a peasant with robes unsuited to most usual work, too flowing and intricately embroidered. His hair was white as snow and his beard hung past his belt. He looked ridiculous. Li pegged him for a priest or some kind of spiritualist. He tracked the guy as he wandered quiet and careful around the camp without actually setting foot within the defenses. It looked like he was trying to feel the place out. Li watched him for nearly an hour before he got tired of it and stepped out from behind one of the trees. The man saw him immediately and blinked a little.  
  
“I see,” the man said, smiling. “So you’ve graced me with your presence, Forest Spirit!”  
  
Li felt himself flush. It was all well and good to scare a few kids but doing the same to some graybeard just seemed childish. “Look, I just didn’t want the brats getting hurt trying to climb all over the place, okay?”  
  
The man chuckled a little. “I understand. Children often find such interesting ways to destroy themselves.”  
  
“Almost tripped some of more dangerous traps,” Li muttered as he shrugged a shoulder.  
  
For a few moments, the man peered at him, as if he were trying to gauge just who and what Li was. Then he smiled again. “I’ll be sure to warn them away and assure their parents there isn’t some angry spirit inhabiting the woods.”  
  
Li blushed all over again. “Sorry. I mean. That was a stupid thing to do these days.”  
  
“Not at all! It seemed a brilliant enough solution to me.”  
  
Silence stretched after, awkward and long. The man looked up over the tree houses with an admiring eye or gave Li more of that piercing gaze. Li didn’t know what to make of him. Soon enough, however, the man gave him a cheery farewell and left. Li went back up to his room and thought nothing more of it.  
  
The next day, the old man was back, this time with a satchel of lunch that he offered too nicely for Li to reject. They sat in the roots of one tree and ate in the calm of the afternoon, watching the light shine down through the leaves.  
  
“Not that this isn’t quite a nice set up you have here,” the old man murmured finally, “but what is a young man like yourself doing alone out here?”  
  
Li swallowed down a mouthful of bread and thought about that himself. “I didn’t really have anywhere else to go back to.”  
  
“Surely a family? Friends? A home village?”  
  
“Not really.” Li smiled ruefully as he watched a rabbit nose around at the base of the roots. “I mean, I’ve got some family, sort of… But I don’t really fit in there. My friends… well. If there are any left, I don’t know where they are.”  
  
The man nodded sagely. “I wasn’t much older than you went I left home to start my journey. Modeled myself after the Avatar, I did. Well, what we thought we knew of him, anyway. Things certainly have changed for men like me since he came back.”  
  
Li could only nod. He was sure they had. The revelation that the great and feared Avatar was a twelve year old child? It couldn’t have been easy to handle.  
  
“You can’t spend your life running from where you’ve been,” the man murmured, growing more serious. “You’re young. You’ve got a long life ahead of you, especially since the war ended. You should do something with it.”  
  
“The only skill I’ve got is swordsmanship,” Li murmured, shaking his head a little. “Not much in the way of prospects.”  
  
The man chuckled. “Maybe you just haven’t tried enough to know yet. Come to the village just south of the old dam tomorrow. There’s plenty we could use a strong lad like you for.”  
  
Li tried to let the old man down, but by the time he left, Li had been suckered into coming after all. He spent the night trying to think of some reason not to go. Each new idea sounded more stupid than the next. At morning light, Li got up and went on down.  
  
Half way there, he realized just what village he was going to. It caught him short, bombarding him with memories that weren’t as old as they felt. The entire world had changed since then. Everything he had known and come to rely on was gone. It was just him and the wide world and a handful of trees that welcomed him. The lost feeling returned full force.  
  
What was he supposed to do with himself now? He could survive alone, of course; let the forest feed and the fortress shelter him. Maybe that’s what he deserved for throwing away a chance to lead the Fire Nation. But even now, he knew that had been the right decision.  
  
Li was no leader of peace. He could barely even understand the concept. Ursa, though… She had the compassion and understanding the Fire Nation needed. If anyone could teach the people to love peace as much as they had once adored war, it would be her. And with Iroh at her side…? Li didn’t doubt they could bring about a great age of peace and prosperity.  
  
He, on the other hand… Li sighed, raked a hand through his hair, and then finally found his way to the village.  
  
The old man looked thrilled to see him and soon had him chopping and hauling logs. The work pulled his scars painfully but he wasn’t about to start complaining. At midday, he got a good meal from one of the local women and then switched over to helping get a roof thatched. At least that work was familiar, if only filled with more memories. The next day, Li patched an old stone fence around one of the pastures and the day after that he helped hand grind grain since the windmill was being repaired.  
  
The village children had recognized him the first day and were still convinced he was some kind of spirit here to trick them again. Their mothers, on the other hand, had apparently gotten the truth out of the old man and snuck him sweet rolls most days. Li found it was comfortable, working around the village. He always went back to the fortress in the night, dragging his sore, aching body up to his room to rest. He’d gotten a salve from the village healer to help sooth his burns and spread it liberally on the scarred flesh each night. It helped, soothed the uncomfortable heat and painful pull, and let him sleep soundly.  
  
Li wasn’t sure how long things went on this way. He let his life revolve around working in the village, doing whatever odd jobs someone needed done. Most of the men had gone off to war over the years and only a handful had ever returned. Their wives and daughters and young sons had done all the work since and even one extra pair of hands had been appreciated.  
  
The villagers hadn’t asked about where he came from and for that, he was so very grateful.  
  
One evening, as Li made his quiet way back to the fortress, something caught his attention. He went still and quiet, listening to the forest around him and trying to pick out just what had set him on guard. After a few moments, he noticed movement not far ahead and slowly made his way towards it. There was someone near his home- several someones. At least three. He reached back to grab for his dual swords but caught short when one of them turned and her face was so achingly familiar.  
  
“Smellerbee?”  
  
She snapped her head up and her lips quirked when she recognized him. Li hurried towards her. Longshot was just past, his hand oddly wrapped but face serene enough. And beyond him…  
  
Jet stared up at the fortress as if he barely even recognized it anymore. The look made Li pause, apprehension slitting through his body. Slowly, Jet lowered his eyes and set them upon Li. His gaze was awash with so many feelings, Li couldn’t hope to decode them. He wasn’t sure he was meant to.  
  
For a long while, they only stared at each other. Then Li stepped over to unhook one of the hidden zip lines and offered it over. Jet took the line, giving him a gauging look. Li didn’t dare look away.  
  
“Welcome home.”  
  
Jet snorted, broke their gaze, and then headed up.  
  
The fortress felt better with others living there. Smellerbee, Longshot, and Jet all took over their rooms again and Li was glad he’d kept them clean. He hadn’t really thought anyone would come back, but he’d hoped, deep inside. The first day they didn’t talk much. Li went to the village as usual and worked until near dusk. Longshot and Smellerbee were out, foraging or just exploring. Li didn’t see Jet but there was a light in his room.  
  
Taking one of the lines, Li muscled his way up to the rope walk between the trees. He started for his own room but paused half way across when he realized he felt eyes boring into him. He looked up and wasn’t surprised to see Jet standing in the doorway of his own room. Jet held the stare for a moment, then turned and disappeared inside. Li hesitated. Then he took the chance and made his way over.  
  
He wasn’t met with a punch to the face so Li figured he must have been welcome. Jet had slumped down along the far wall with his knees up and arms resting on them with some semblance of informality. Li didn’t feel any less tense but he did end up sitting down near him.  
  
“I didn’t think you’d come back,” Jet muttered, breaking the crushing silence between them.  
  
“I didn’t belong there.” Li picked at a loose thread in his sash. “And I wouldn’t have made a very good Firelord.”  
  
Jet snorted. “Yeah, about that. Next time you find out you’re descended from royalty, you should tell me.”  
  
Li flushed bright pink. Then again, at the time, there hadn’t been much talking between them. He’s a little surprised someone else didn’t let Jet in on that, but… Well. Jet hadn’t let down his guard at all around the Resistance, even if they were technically on his side.  
  
Reaching over, Jet lightly punched his shoulder. A flood of relief sheared through him. Li managed a little smile, awkward but hopeful.  
  
Talking about their feelings had always gone badly between them, so Li managed to find a way around it by babbling about the village and his work there. Jet was quiet, listening or just ignoring him he wasn’t sure, but he seemed content anyway. Even after Li ran out of things to say, they sat comfortably in the quiet, listening to the wind through the trees and the return of their friends.  
  
Li glanced over, studying Jet’s profile. So much had changed between them. He wondered… His gaze flickered to the other boy’s mouth and then Li looked away. That seemed like a stupid thing to spend time on when so much else was going on. He had to find something to do with himself other than working odd jobs in a village and living in the trees. His uncle had certainly thought he was meant for bigger things-  
  
“Do you miss it?” Jet asked suddenly. “The Fire Nation.”  
  
“Well. The clothes fit better.” Li curled his hands on his knees. “But I don’t… That’s not where I belong. I wasn’t supposed to be there.”  
  
“Your mom’s there. And your uncle. You could go back.”  
  
Li felt something go tight and cold inside him. For a few moments, he couldn’t manage a word. It was like someone reached into him and crushed his lungs in their fingers. “Are you trying to tell me to leave?”  
  
Jet didn’t answer at first. Then he sighed. “I thought a lot about things the last few weeks. The Fire Nation, the Firelord, you. It’s… There’s not much in my life that I can count on. Smellerbee, Longshot...and you. You’re steady even when you don’t think you are… I… No. I don’t want you to go.”  
  
The vice loosened. Li took in a full breath.  
  
“I want you to stay here.” Jet looked at him, strong and resolved. “With me.”  
  
It’s more than Li expected because Jet wasn’t saying this to one of his Freedom Fighters. He was saying it to Li, singularly and specifically, and the full meaning of it laid in his eyes. Li could read it easily. He didn’t really know why that kind of focus made his insides churn like there was something fluttering inside. Swallowing a lump in his throat, Li nodded.  
  
“Okay,” he murmured softly and when Jet shifted onto one knee and leaned in, Li tilted his head to meet the other’s mouth.


	45. Why Can't You Just Believe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you missed it, there were two chapters posted today.

The war had ended a six months ago. It seemed like so long ago. Then again, the world had been busy rebuilding and changing.  
  
Li didn’t know what he expected when he stepped into the home of the Bei Fong family. To be honest, he was leery of the invitation he’d received. How Toph had managed to find him, he wasn’t really sure, but it would be nice to see her. The invitation, marked with her personal seal, had come by way of a very harried messenger who’d gone into tears when Li confirmed himself as the recipient. Apparently, he’d been told to just run around at random and hope for the best. He’d been on the road for two months and had been getting more and more frantic with every day that passed. The fear of Toph had been put into him thoroughly.  
  
Which brought him here, a month later. Li had cleaned himself up in town as best he could, not sure quite what Toph wanted. The invitation had been bare bones, listing a date and rough directions to her home village. This place, though… Toph’s family had to be extremely well off. He glanced at his clothes and sighed a little. There was no way he was presentable, but he didn’t really have another choice.  
  
At the door, the two guards looked over him suspiciously as one examined his invitation. They grumbled, hemmed and hawed, and finally opened the door. A servant led him through the impressive gardens that just made him feel more and more _poor_. Which was stupid. Li had everything he’d ever needed and he didn’t mind having to work hard for it. Then again, sometimes even the palace of his youth had made him feel that way. As they rounded to the central courtyard, Li heard a familiar peal of laughter and froze.  
  
That had been Aang. There was no mistaking the guileless sound. All at once, Li wished Jet and the others had come with him instead of staying in town to explore and entertain themselves. Li had done so well in forgetting about the Avatar.  
  
The servant gave him a dirty look for tarrying. Li swallowed thickly and forced himself to follow. He was led to a building just along the courtyard. It wasn’t the main house, but looked to be some kind of gathering building. Inside was a wide room with a delicate wealthiest to it was filled with various people that looked like they’d had brooms stuck up their asses. They were all well dressed, well manicured, and well bred. Li stayed near the door where the servant left him and felt very, very out of place.  
  
Just as he was about to just skip out on finding Toph, a small hand grabbed his wrist as the girl herself edged along the wall. She smirked at him, humor in her sightless eyes. Even Toph was dressed up for this and looked so very strange in her well tailored dress.  
  
“You’re late,” she said and then began tugging him through the crowd.  
  
“I am not. You just started early,” Li grumbled back at her. He didn’t even bother trying to fight her grasp, even when the sound of Aang’s laughter became closer. They broke through a gaggle of nobles and there Aang was. Between his hands he had a few small stones that he was gleefully twirling around for a young girl. Apparently, all the children had ended up clustered around him as he did tricks. A few indulgent adults were here and there, shaking their heads at the childish display of their Avatar.  
  
Just past Aang were Katara and Sokka. They chatted with an older man that seemed quite enamoured with Sokka, or at least his brain from the various technical terms and theories Li could hear. Katara seemed rueful but then her eyes caught his and widened with a little surprise. They stared for a few moments before Katara smiled. It surprised Li more than he wanted to admit. He glanced off, embarrassed, and then gave Toph a dirty look when the younger girl, snickering, asked why his heart had sped. He had to admit… Katara was growing up to be a very nice looking girl, but Li wasn’t about to go there. He had enough on his plate with Jet. Besides, the history there… Well.  
  
Li chatted with Toph a while. Apparently, she was working on a new kind of earth bending and while she was very excited, she was also cagy with the details. The details about everyone else, however, were free game. Aang had been traveling all over the place soothing hot spots and restless spirits when he wasn’t actively involved in various peace talks. Katara and Sokka were mending the way between the two Water Tribes and reestablishing stronger ties as well as working with various groups to get better trade relations between the nations of the world. Hearing about them, Li felt almost as if he were just wasting his time. Before he could feel too lazy, a servant came up and whispered into Toph’s ear. Her grin widened.  
  
“Come on, pretty boy,” Toph crooned as she started out, “I’ve got a present for you.”  
  
He rolled his eyes at the moniker but dutifully followed behind her. Whatever this present was, he doubted it was dangerous. At least they got out of the crowded meeting room and into fresh air. Li had never been all that comfortable in crowds. Toph tromped across the courtyard and Li thought she might be trying to cull up some dirt along the edges of her long shirt. Across the way was another, smaller building and the two of them ducked inside.  
  
Li froze in the doorway.  
  
Ran stood near the door, looking as stodgy as ever but he seemed to be in good spirits and permitted a very faint smirk of greeting. Farther on was Chen, who certainly looked cheerful and was picking his nails with a small knife. Li wasn’t sure what to think of their presences, but his eyes trailed past to a table under a set of wide windows.  
  
There stood his mother. Ursa looked good in the trappings of a traveling royal. She smiled softly at the sight of him, her expression bright. Beside her sat Iroh and his gaze was just as gentle.  
  
“Hello, nephew,” Iroh greeted, nodding to him. Li heard Toph, Ran, and Chen quietly leave to give some privacy but he couldn’t quite make himself move.  
  
“Uncle,” he returned softly and then let his eyes flicker back to Ursa. “Mother.”  
  
Ursa’s smile widened. “It’s good to see you, Zuko. You look well.”  
  
It’s been half a year since anyone called him that. It feels strange, like a coat that’s too small. He doesn’t like it.  
  
“I..” Li frowned, wondering if he should bother at this point… but he needed to. He had decided not to lie to anyone about who he was. “It’s Li. My name is Li.”  
  
Ursa’s gaze darkened a little but she only nodded, accepting. Maybe to her it meant a lot more than he thought. Or maybe it meant as much as it did to him. Breaking the sudden tension, Iroh waved Li over to sit with them and poured a third cup of tea. Li didn’t really want to but he sat down all the same as Ursa did as well.  
  
They chatted about the Fire Nation and the recovery effort. Iroh had been acting council to Ursa through the last few months as they worked on undoing all the damage the last three generations. From what Li heard through the grapevine, they were doing some spectacular things. Li was glad he’d left the country in good hands. He certainly wouldn’t have manages nearly as well. Apparently, they were over for a meeting with the Earth King but had veered off along the way at Toph’s invitation. She and Iroh had kept in contact and had cultivated a deep friendship.  
  
Li glanced out the window and noticed the position of the sun. He started up. “It’s late. The others must be wondering what happened to me by now.”  
  
“Still traveling with Jet?” Iroh asked, genuinely interested. “How are your friends?”  
  
“Good, I guess. We manage. Jet’s been talking big dreams as usual. I’ve been tempering him a bit, when he bothers listening to me. Smellerbee’s going to be heading up to the colonies for some kind of freedom rally soon and Longshot might be testing for the Yu Yan Archers. I don’t think he really wants to join; he might just be showing off.”  
  
Li paused when he noticed an odd look on Ursa’s face. Before he could figure it out, she’d smiled again.  
  
“Are you happy?” she asked instead.  
  
Li blinked. He hadn’t really thought about it that way. He frowned a bit, shrugging a shoulder. “I’m not _unhappy_. It’s… kind of hard to quantify. I guess so.”  
  
“You’re always welcome home,” Ursa murmured, smiling sadly as she rose back to her feet. “Even just to visit.”  
  
He didn’t know if he’d be able to do that. Even now, there was still so much hate for that place. But maybe someday he could go back. He nodded mutely, accepting the invitation, and when she moved to embrace him, he let her. It felt good, being wrapped up in her arms. Like quiet afternoons watching the turtleducks or reassurance after a bad dream. When she released him, Iroh came next and Li found he wished they would linger. It might be nice to get to know them better as himself, now that there was time… He gave a promise to write them and then escaped.  
  
Chen teased him on the way out but Ran offered a respectful bow that had Li blushing at having to accept it. He thought about going to find Toph but really, all he wanted to do was get back to his forest where things made a little more sense. Li hurriedly left the Bei Fong holdings and found his way back into town.  
  
It didn’t take too long to find Jet. The ex-rebel was leaning against the edge of one building, arms folded over his chest as he looked on around the corner. Li lifted a brow and glanced past. It was just Smellerbee and Longshot, chatting beside some merchant’s cart. Li wondered why Jet wasn’t just joining them but before he could say anything, Jet lifted a hand and signaled silence. Li was too used to following the signs immediately to speak. So, wondering just what was going on, Li glanced back to the other two.  
  
Smellerbee and Longshot looked happy enough, but they were best friends after all. He wasn’t really surprised. Still, there was something a little different about today. He narrowed his eyes, trying to read them. It was Longshot. His body language was just slightly off the norm and he kept playing with the edge of his sash like there was something under it. He seemed almost _nervous,_ despite the fact that nothing Smellerbee was saying seemed all that important _._ Li shot Jet a glance but the other boy just watched steadily, worrying a bit of straw between his teeth.  
  
As Smellerbee turned to look at some stupid girly doodad – which she called as such because who would want something that trailed that far in their hair, anyway – Longshot finally dipped his fingers into his sash and drew a sheathed knife from it. He frowned at the blade, then drew in a breath. Li saw his lips move but it was too low to hear. Smellerbee turned quickly with surprise because Longshot only spoke if it was exceedingly important to hear. She looked at the knife, then back up to his face. After a few moment and intent staring that Li couldn’t quite fathom from this distance, Smellerbee jumped and threw her arms around Longshot’s neck. His hat went flying as she-  
  
Li went red to his ears and quickly turned away as Jet chuckled out something that sounded like ‘ _finally_.’ He hadn’t even thought- Well, the two of them were always close but Li had always thought of Smellerbee as a kid brother more than a girl and she’d certainly beaten any other view of her out of him and the rest. It was weird thinking about them that way but he supposed he’d need to get used to it.  
  
Jet bumped his elbow and the two of them went off to find something to do until Smellerbee and Longshot decided they were bored of each other.  
  
It took over a week to get home. The tree rooms were dirty and half the traps had been sprung, either by the village kids or animals. Li resolved to check to make sure it hadn’t been the former, but tomorrow. For now, he and the others dragged themselves up to their respective rooms. Li undid his bedroll and collapsed onto it with a soft groan. His body ached and his scars were stretched painfully, even after healing so long. He thought about just going to sleep right there in his clothes, but knew he’d wake up hot and uncomfortable later. Li stripped off his over robe and boots, then draped his under tunic on over them. Finally, Li sank into his bedroll and hoped to sleep until forever.  
  
It was the middle of the night when something woke him. He reached immediately for one of his swords as he twisted around to meet the threat still half asleep. Only practice kept him from actually striking before he recognized who it was. And then he just glared at Jet in just his pants and not even a blade on him.  
  
“Jet, what are you doing in here? I just got to sleep,” he grumbled as he set the blade away. Jet just smirked at him and settled down to sit at his feet.  
  
“Sorry. Longshot’s room is next to mine. I can hear well.”  
  
Li was too tired to know what that could even mean. He ran a hand down his face with a groan. “Erg. Fine. Just-“  
  
And it hit. Li was suddenly very awake. He stared at Jet, who was gazing out the doorway. “ _Already?!_ ”  
  
Jet snorted. “No. Are you kidding? It took them years to get together. They’re just… talking. It’s distracting, I guess. Just… feels like I’m intruding.”  
  
The fact that Jet cared spoke volumes. Still, Jet could have just plopped down in any one of the empty rooms. He didn’t have to wake Li up. Except, the way Jet looked was… almost vulnerable. The moonlight was pretty bright tonight and it cast odd fragility into Jet’s face. Li couldn’t throw him out.  
  
“Did you at least bring something to sleep on?” Li said finally as he raked hair out of his face. Jet glanced at him finally and didn’t answer but Li had eyes and sometimes actually used them. No luck. Sighing a little, Li budged over on his. There wasn’t much room but they weren’t too big themselves. Jet hesitated only a moment before climbing in with him. It was snug and there was no way not to be skin to skin. Not that they hadn’t tried touching here and there but Li and Jet didn’t sleep well around one another. It was a little too… Well. Li didn’t really know how to describe it.  
  
This time, Jet pressed against Li’s back immediately, wrapping an arm over his waist. It felt… strange. Weird. The weight of Jet’s fingers on his belly made the muscle flutter. Li said nothing, even as Jet rested his face against his shoulder. His fingers slid up and then set upon the scarred flesh of Li’s chest.  
  
“Are you really okay not going back?” Jet asked softly, his voice hushed in the darkness.  
  
Li frowned, wondering what had brought this on again. “Jet, I don’t-”  
  
“Your mom seemed happy to see you.”  
  
What- Jet had followed him? Had watched Li’s visit. He wanted to rail against the invasion of privacy, but right then, sheltered in Jet’s embrace in the quiet of night, he couldn’t quite muster up any indignation. Instead, Li shifted, turning onto his back so he could look Jet in the face.  
  
“You’re kind of a creep,” he muttered, reaching up to flick some of Jet’s hair. Then he let his fingers slid into the thick, coarse lot of it and draw Jet closer until they were nose to nose. “Let me make this clear to you and everyone else in the entire world because it doesn’t seem like anyone’s getting it.  
  
“I’m not going anywhere. I like the Earth Kingdom. It’s my home. I’m not giving it up, not even for a family I can barely connect to anyway. I may not know what I want to do with myself, but I at least know _where_. I’m not leaving here.” Li waited for this to settle before he added, “And I’m not leaving _you_.”  
  
“Of course not. You like my face,” Jet replied immediately and there was an audible relief in his voice.  
  
“It’s a stupid face,” Li muttered back with satisfaction. “Far be it for me to inflict it on anyone else.”  
  
“That must be the reason.”  
  
Li had a sluggish retort brewing in the back of his mind but he didn't get the chance. And maybe he didn't really mind as Jet began to trace Li’s teeth with his tongue. He hoped absently that they didn’t interrupt whatever Smellerbee and Longshot were up to that gave Jet the excuse to come over.  
  
There was plenty enough they would have to figure out some day, but Li soothed himself knowing that they would get through it.  
  
They always had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gods. It's actually done. I... I have to say, when I started this story? I didn't have an actual ending in mind. I didn't decide on the invasion of the Fire Nation until right before I did it and then I had to figure out the aftermath and... Whooo. I can safely say most of this was done on the fly.
> 
> But it seems like it's worked. So that's good. :D I'm happy with my work. Thanks to everyone who kept with me through this whole thing.


End file.
